Totem

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used here just the devious little mind making them dance.

//blah, blah, blah// - denotes thoughts
// ‘blah blah’ // Snape’s thought in Harry’s mind

Pairing: Snape X Harry, Harry X Snape

Summary: Harry retreats to Hogwarts after his latest battle seeking safety, comfort and something else…

***

Totem


Chapter 7


Harry stayed at the mirror for along time. He felt odd. Like something bad was happening somewhere. A cold chill ran down his spine. // I wanted to protect him, but how can I? What good is it to be bound and not be able to protect him?// “Wasn’t that the purpose? Isn’t that why I let you in, so I could protect him?” Harry glared deep into the mirror. He felt an uneasy shift inside him. “If he dies so help me…’” Harry knew the threat was vain and empty. What could he do to a 2000 year old spell? Especially when he had invited it into his body himself. He remembered the night in the tub when Snape had told him everything would be all right. //I said I would believe him. So do I?// He looked into the mirror again, solemn and austere. “Please help me.”

He left the mirror. Harry lay awake in Snape’s bed, the soft sheets gently gracing his flesh. He let the din of ever constant facts and details about Snape’s whereabouts come forward in his mind. Listening to it all the time drove him crazy so he had quickly learned to tune it out. Now maybe it could lull him to sleep. //I doubt I’ll be able to sleep until he returns. How could I have become so utterly dependant? Is this your doing? Or am I just hopelessly in love with him?// Shrieking shack. //What?!// Shrieking shack, 4540 ft descending…4539 4538 4520…//Holy shit…// Harry was up pulling on a pair of pants and rushing to the passage. As he ran the changing statistics rolled through his mind. “Shut up, shut up, shut up! I know where he is! Lumos!” Harry ran through the passage by the light of his wand. He was nearly at the shack and still no sight of Snape though he new he was converging on him. He saw a dark lump at the bottom of the stairs, which led up to the opening. “Severus!”

Snape’s eyes fluttered open. Someone was calling him. They had such a nice voice. He liked the sound his name made with that nice voice. An arm reached for him. “Arghhh!” // No, Don’t move me, it hurts!// Snape recoiled and moaned. He wanted to stay on the ground, just stay still until it was over, till all the pain was over.

Snape did not look good. There was blood caked os chs check and down the front of his cloak. The garment was in shreds and there was nothing else under it. “Come on Severus, let’s get you back to the dungeon.” He tried to lift the man but he shrieked in pain and sank lower.

Snape cowered on the ground. “No more. Please, no more!”

“It’s all right. It’s Harry, Severus? Severus, look at me?” Harry knelt next to his broken lover and rest a reassuring arm around him. He cupped Snape’s face in his hand and gently stoked him into looking at him. “Professor? Professor Snape!”

The hand touching his face was familiar and oh so pleasant. He liked the way that hand touched him. The other hands were mean, hard, terrible hands that ripped and clawed at him. He didn’t like those one bit. He moved toward the softly embracing body hoping whoever it was would touch him more and make the bad pain go away.

One of Snape’s eyes was about swollen shut and purple bruising was beginning to appear in the puffy flesh. The eye that could open was vacant and glazed over. It focused on Harry for a single moment of clarity before Snape fell unconscious in Harry’s arms. Harry flicked his wand, “Sonarus, MADAM POMPFREY! PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE! COME DOWN THE SHREIKING SHACK PASSAGE! SEVERUS IS HURT!

***

Harry straightened the bed sheets around Snape’s still body. After seeing some of Snape’s more specific wounds, Poppy had not fought with Harry when he insisted they put him in his own bed instead of the infirmary. He was sleeping now. Harry took the wet cloth from the side of Snape’s face and refreshed it with cold water. He lightly held it to the swelling flesh. It was going down already thanks to the potions they had administered. He inspected the darkening flesh and the gash where a lot of the blood had come from. He and Poppy had put salve on all the wounds. As she had moved to Snape’s legs she warned Harry of what she was doing
‘
‘There’s no polite way of saying or doing this Harry. It simply must be done.” She asked Harry to hold Snape’s legs in place while she looked for internal wounds to tend to. Harry wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted more than ever to kill that bastard because he had done this. Poppy was very focused and quick as she tended to him. “It’s not bad,” she reported, trying to easy Harry’s concern while quickly moving to the next task.

“Harry?”

Harry was jolted out of his memory by Dumbledore’s appearance. The aged wizard motioned for him to follow. He begrudgingly left the bedroom for the study. They sat together as Dumbledore produced two glasses of thick heavy liquor for them.

‘Thanks” Harry said as they sat in silence sipping their drinks. “It’s happened before, hasn’t it?”

The headmaster hung his head low. “Yes.”

Harry’s hand went to his head and smoother over his hair. ‘Fuck’ was all he could say. He felt a firm hand on his arm.

“We cannot change what has happened or explain it away, but….you should know there are things in his past that he will not speak of, things for which he feels he owes a great debt. He chooses to repay his debt in this manner. This is not the first time he has returned in such a state or even worse. Every time he comes back from a meeting such as this I pray it be his last.”

At the crack in the headmaster’s voice Harry turned to face him. It was difficult to see the wizard he most revered shake and tremble. He had never seen Albus Dumbledore cry nor had he ever heard his voice so weak and choked with pain.

“He…is one of my dearest friends…I would not see him hurt like this for any reason…. but it is his decision.” The elder wizard took a deep breath to steady himself. “My only joy is that he at lasts has someone who loves him and makes him very happy.” He looked Harry at with a tearful smile and gave his a t a tight squeeze.

Harry clamped his arms around the headmaster and held on tight. //I do love him. I love him with every once of my being.//

Dumbledore released Harry and stood up. “Should you need anything Poppy and I will be around for you. Just yell.” The old man’s eyes gave a small spark.

Harry felt relief at Dumbledore’s quizzical smile. He saw the man out and then went to check on Snape. He fussed over the blankets again and refreshed the towel. The swelling was indeed gone now but he replaced the cloth all the same. As he gently touched Snape the man’s eyes slowly opened.

“Harry?” His voice was whisper quiet.

“I’m right here. You’re ok. You’re safe. I’m right here.” //I’ll always be right here.// “How do you feel?” Harry was already reaching for the pain elixir on the nightstand.

“Bad, ” Snape groaned.

“Then drink this.” Harry reached behind Snape and lifted him up so he could drink.

Snape made a sour face as he finished the potion. Harry let him gently back down. He looked longingly at Harry. “Lay beside me?”

Harry smiled and brushed the hair back from Snape’s face. He went to the other side of the bed and crawled in carefully. He eased his body in close to Snape’s.

Snape’s eyes drooped and reopened slowly. “Don’t leave,” he requested as he took the other man’s hand and held it weakly on top of his chest.

“I won’t,” promised Harry as he gently kissed Snape’s shoulder. “I will never leave you.” He nuzzled into Snape’s ear to whisper, “I love you.”

***

Harry was drifting peacefully listening to the sound of Snape’s steady breathing. The hypnotic rhythm slipped him deeper and deeper into less of a sleep and more of a trance.

His body slipped away and he suddenly felt like he was made of light and energy. He could see bursts of color all around him. Nebulous shapes drifted and darted past him. Some were golden colored like he was other’s were silver or bronze, all brilliant and blinding. If he looked deeply into the shapes he could see faces and the blurry outline of bodies. One that had more form than most approached him. It appeared to be a woman with a serpent wrapped around the of of her head like some Egyptian picture he vaguely remembered. Her aura was a constantly moving swirl of silver gold and bronze.

“Shhaaa heee raaathh hiiiiissssaaaaahhh….angry with me?” she spoke to him in confusing broken languages.

“Excuse me?” Harry was unable to follow.

“heees rahhhhh ssssssiiiithhhhissss you spoke in the mirror ….seepasssss … were angry.”

“Are you the spell?”

“yesss I am the spell ….chaaaaahhh sssssssdrathaaaa…. dwells within you, that cast itself over you and the totem.” Her speech became clear. “I mean no harm. I aim only to serve not to rule. Please do not be angry with me.”

“I’m not…I was just…afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“What you are doing to me, to him… Is this all you?”

“Me?”

“Are you controlling us? What we do…how we feel?”

“I see…” The quivering form floated just slightly away from Harry. “I have not made any of this. I have done nothing but bind you to the totem. That is my purpose. All other things already existed within you, even the identity of the totem.”

“Can you help me protect him? I … I need to protect him.”

“Like all of your kind he is strong and fragile at the same time. It is a peculiar and beautiful mystery. He is the totem. Part of him lives inside you. You will protect him as he protects you.”

“How? Tell me what do to keep these horrible things from happening to him.”

“I’m sorry, but I do not know the proper answer to your question. I have done all that I can do. The rest remains up to you and the totem.” The Aura around the girl swirled and began to fade. “He is waking. You should go.”


Harry could feel Snape shifting in his arms before he fully came to his senses. He opened his eyes and looked around. The memory of his earlier meeting was quickly fading into the real of nothing more than a strange dream. Snape’s eyes were opening. Harry lifted the damp cloth from the side of Snape’s face. There was still a long colorful bruise running from his left temple, down his check ending just at the corner of his mouth. “Better now?” he asked.

Snape nodded and pressed closer to Harry. The pain was down to a dull ache in a couple of places. He had no memory of leaving the ruined mansion or finding hiy bay back to Hogwarts, but none of that mattered to him now.

“What happened?” Harry asked as he looked cautiously at Snape.

“I made him angry. I don’t know what I did but he was very angry.”

“Do you think he knows you’re working for the Order of the Phoenix?”

“No he would have killed me if he knew that.” Snape looked into Harry’s fearful eyes. “I’m ok, Harry.” He reassured his lover with a soft kiss to his cheek.

“You don’t look Ok.” Harry was feeling a knot gather in his stomach. //What about your other wounds? Are you going to tell me about those?//

Snape tried a smile but it looked more like a grimace. “These are all minor injuries. Nearly gone now, really.”

“All of them?” Harry pushed.

Snape understood Harry’s unspoken concern. He’d been used by the Dark Lord and others numerous times in the past. He didn’t want to make light of it but like many unpleasant things in his life it was just something he had to suffer through. “It comes with the job, but really I am fine.” Snape brought Harry down for a real kiss. Oh how wonderful those lips tasted. Harry’s touch was the best potion, the purest draught. He could el ael all ills and pains with a single kiss. Snape strengthened his kiss pulling Harry on top of him searching every surface inside Harry’s mouth with his eager tongue.

Harry lost his breath. He was excited by his lover’s urgent contact. //Does he want to? Is it really ok? Cause he feels so good beneath me. How could he want this, after all that’s happened?// Harry’s mind fought while his body succumbed to desire. His hands stroked any flesh they could find, Snape’s neck, his chest, they stole down between his legs, and then surged up up into the man’s long black hair.

Snape moaned into Harry’s mouth. “Oh please, please touch me. I need to know you again,” he implored. His arms and legs felt as if they were made of lead; he was so week. He lay still as he felt Harry seeking him out, loving every careful touch.

Harry made his way down Snape’s chest to his newly stiffened nipples. He sucked and teased one with his mouth as he grazed his fingers over the other. The sharpness of the breathing underneath him signaled his partner’s enjoyment. Harry raised himself up on his arms and grazed his hardness against Snape’s. He looked down into the eyes of his love. The bruised reminded him there were other wounds on this body. // I can’t. How can I take him after he’s been hurt like that?// Harry continued to rub himself against his erect partner pleasuring himself with the fleeting jolts of heaven.

// He’s so wonderful, so good.// Snape spread wide his legs and pullis kis knees up past Harry’s undulating waist. He rubbed suggestively against the younger man, his body pleading to be taken. He looked into Harry’s eyes with meaningful intent.

Harry was torn. He wanted to be inside his lover but how could he? He averted his eyes from Snape’s and fell against his neck. “Severus…I don’t think I can…how can you ask me to….after what he’s done to you?”

Snape’s hands ran up Harry’s arms and gripped his shoulders to add a little leverto hto his thrusts. “Please, I want to feel your love coursing through me.” He pushed himself up against Harry causing the man to groan. “Your body will make me whole again.” He wrapped himself around Harry and whispered into his ear. “If you don’t…he wins, he destroys me…you’re the only one who can heal me.”

Harry kissed Snape’s neck all the way up t o his lips. He softly took them letting the tears that flowed from his eyes fall across the battered face. Snape’s arms weakly held him. He could deny him nothing. Maybe Snape was right. They could not let Voldemort stop them form being together. He renewed the wantonness of his touches. He kissed and grasped every part of the beautiful man before him. The moans and gasps that came to his ears gave heed to his desire and demanded more. A small pool of come dripping from the end of his cock was gathering on Snape’s stomach. He took the pre-cum from his lover and spread it on his fingers. He looked down at him, delving deep into those dark orbs, as his fingers slid inside slow and gentle.

“Yes…” Snape hissed as he was stretched over Harry’s wonderful fingers. The kindness in Harry’s exquisite touch, the depths of those emerald eyes took him away from the pain and sadness that haunted him his whole life. It was as if he had waited for this very moment to come to life. //I could never tell him how much this means to me. There aren’t enough words or enough time to tell him what I feel.// He closed his eyes and arched up against Harry as the pleasure did indeed course through him.

There was a painfully wonderful ache spreading through Harry as his fingers slid in and out of the potions master. He was half and wanted to be whole. To be complete he would need to be inside this man, to feel him from within. Harry reached for the jar on the side table. He covered himself with the hot liquid inside and pressed up against hoverover’s entrance. “Are you ready?”

Snape gave Harry a warm soft smile that Harry returned. Snape felt himself being filled. His breath came in slow heavy waves as every part of his body moaned in sweet, glorious wonder of this feeling. “I love you,” he moaned as he felt Harry completely sheath himself.

It was slow and intimate, so much more nse nse than some hard voracious fuck. This wasn’t about pleasure and carnal desire but about union and love. This meant the world to Harry. He moved his body in and out of Snape’s loving him with every slow deep plunge hoping this would never end. He whispered the only words he could think of, “I love you, too, Severus.”

Snape gave himself over to the incredible pleasure. But it was more than that. Harry flowed all through Snape’s body consuming him. The words of love filled his ears and mind. // He loves me. God, how can that be? What have I done to worthy of this kind of love? // He cried out as his body climaxed leaving him drifting on that high delirious plane of exultation. He was free and he was healed. //Harry….Harry….//

Harry felt Snape shudder and spill beneath him. They had not fallen into the fast furious strive for climax that sex usually came to. Instead, this had been a slow meaningful progression to wholeness. Harry felt it rolling up from his hips. It was spreading though his body until finally he was there life exploding inside of him and flowing out into the man he was taking. This was Snape, the man he loved bringing him to complete bliss. Snape had said this would heal him, likewise, Harry found that he had never felt more whole or complete in his life. Everything that was missing was right here. He encircled Snape and pulled them over on their sides. He curled himself up around Snape without withdrawing from his body.

The two men, each having spent their lives broken and alone, now cradled each other in a mass of grasping limbs and weeping hearts quietly professing soft, sweet words of love and devotion for one anr.
r.

~TBC~