The Black Unicorn

Esmeralda had made up her mind. She was standing in front of
Dumbledore’s main entrances, wondering how to contact him.

Dumbledore came to the door. This did not surprise her in the least.

“Ah. Esmeralda. Please…do come in. I was just having some tea; would
you care to join me?” Dumbledore swept forward and over to an old Japanese
cherrywood table. “Please, have a seat. Unless you prefer to stand? Is this
about Severus?”

Esmeralda sat carefully down in another matching Japanese chair. “Yes.
Yes, I suppose it is.” She leaned forward over her knees, one hand kneading the
other palm. She bowed her head forward, thinking hard on exactly how to
expose herself politely and yet be detailed enough to explain what happened.
Dumbledore hummed and bustled domestically over the teacups.

“Um…..” she started, then Albus walked over and handed her the delicate
porcelain cup before she could begin. “Ah….thank you so much.”

“You were saying, before I interrupted by my tea visitation.” Albus’
eyebrows crinkled up warmly. My god, the man positively radiated peace, joy,
and happiness. Esmeralda re-focused, taking the cup and saucer from Albus.

He leaned back into the chair, crossing his legs politely under the mass of
robes. He waited patiently.

“Well, I…” she paused briefly. “I…would not have come to you, Albus, if I
didn’t think it was important. I just wanted you to know that. You’ve already
done so much, you know. Please don’t think I’m trying to waste your time, all
right?” Dumbledore waved his hand politely but dismissively.

“Please go on, Esmeralda. I do not doubt the sincerity of your concern.”

She ran her finger around the edge of the saucer. “I had….what one
would call…..an intimate dream.”

“Yes.” Albus just waited, as if they were discussing varietals of dahlia
bulbs for the instructors’ cutting garden.

“Well. And in this particular dream, the person with whom I was…..being
intimate, shifted suddenly into Voldemort. And the creature said these words to
me: “Stay away from my black unicorn.” Dumbledore, who had been listening
quite calmly, became subtly rigid in his chair. He set his teacup down slowly and
carefully.

“When was this, Esmeralda? What night?” Dumbledore’s eyes were
intent on her face.

“It was…..third night after Severus endured the 2nd cruciatus. I
had….been on watch, and left his room around 6:30 am.”

“Ah.” He looked down towards his teacup, frowning, his gloriously thick
eyebrows clustering together in thought. She sipped her tea to hide her worry
and her nerves. It wasn’t a good sign when he thought hard like this.
Confirming her fears, Dumbledore gave her the look that said, “this isn’t going to
be easy,” and he got up from his chair and paced a bit. “Esmeralda; have you
told Severus about this.”

“No. No, I learned my lesson yesterday. I had no idea how ill he was.”

“Mmmmm.” He nodded. “When one is….concerned about another’s
welfare, it can be difficult to be patient. Esmeralda.” He turned towards her, his
face down, leaning over the back of his chair. “Snape became involved – well,
lured really – 6 months ago, and in part because of me, into a ritual that
subjugated him most vilely.” He looked at her expectantly, and paused, as if she
was supposed to extract vital information from this statement.

“Could you be more direct with me? It’s most unpleasant to not know
what is going on.” Her head, which had been threatening a dull headache all day
behind the temples, began that drum-like throb that warned of too much stress
and not enough sleep.

“Esmeralda.” He looked suddenly ancient and resigned.

“NO – I can’t wait for Severus to explain it all to me in his own time!
Albus! I am starting to understand that he is in very real danger! What
happened? Please. Albus.”

She fought the maddening impulse to leap up out of her chair to make her
point. She felt awful – he had already done so much – but the two men were
dancing around the issue as if they were in some complicated, personal ballet.

“Very well.” He drew himself up to full Dumbledore height. “But I have a
question for you, Esmeralda! How much do you care for Severus Snape?”

She felt like she had been slapped. “That’s none of your business.” She
didn’t even have time to stop the words.

“It is my business,” he rumbled, “because you risk your life becoming
involved with him. I need to know what kinds of risks you are willing to take. If I
tell you what happened, you most assuredly will begin to understand the grave
peril that the both of you will be in. Do you accept that responsibility? Do you
care for Severus enough to endure what he has endured? To fight for him, if
necessary?”

“Yes.” She did not hesitate. She had stood up. There was too much
challenge in his voice.

“Then your feeling must be deep, for he is still in questionable
circumstances. And I know both of us, quite frankly Esmeralda, could use your
help. I am heartened that you are willing to join us.” Dumbledore’s voice rang
strongly within the office. He continued.

“Esmeralda. Severus partook in a ritual that began his magical bondage
with Voldemort without knowing quite what it meant. This happened when he
was a young man. He had been attempting to join the Slytherin crowd. But he
did not realize the extent of his encroachment into the Death Eaters’ midst.
Time passed, Voldemort was distracted by his quest for power and then the
Potter boy stopped Voldemort suddenly, and there was some peace for a time.
Then I enlisted Severus’ help with performing necessary but odious tasks of
spying within Voldemort’s ranks. Voldemort went for him viciously, singled him
out, and finished the ritual. Snape was becoming more aware of the ritual’s
power, but…oh. This is very difficult to discuss.”

Dumble gat gathered himself. “He was raped repeatedly. In the most vile ways
a man can be taken without consent. Voldemort…..Esmeralda, this is the
difficult part…..Voldemort developed a penchant for him and drugged him,
sometimes for weeks on end; he referred to Severus as his “black unicorn”.
Severus hid the abuse, hid the signs of the drugging, hid everything. This went
on for a little more than 6 months. When he finally came to me that night, he was
ready to die. In fact….he…begged me to release him. That I simply could not
do. The only way to break the link, according to ancient texts, was……to create
a stronger bond between a sponsor and the victim. I became Severus’ sponsor.
His….partner….for the ritual. Do you understand what I am implying,
Esmeralda? I dare not speak of the particulars. But, in order to sever the
bonds I first had to assume them. The ritual was personal, very complicated. It
involved sexual magic. Do you see why he doesn’t want to discuss this with
you? Do you understand his position?”

Esmeralda stood still, slightly swaying, but one hand on the chair steadied
her balance. “Why didn’t you send for me sooner? I could have helped him. I
could have helped you. Why did you wait so long?” Her head was pounding, a
blunt, painful thud in her skull punctuated by the beat of her heart. Albus shook
his head slowly.

“No. No. Severus always took responsibility completely for his actions,
no matter what the consequences were for himself. He blamed himself for
several innocent lives lost, and spent a good deal of time suffering for his actions.
He knew he could not forgive himself, and therefore, understood personally that
no one else should be able to forgive him. lifelife at some point, was forfeit, and
that is why he so willingly and silently endured his abuse under Voldemort’s
hands. I stupidly thought he was just a simple spy, if I had had the first clue as
to what was going on, I would have stopped it immediately. Please understand
that, Esmeralda.” And for the first time, looking at Albus, she understood Albus’
pain and guilt over his role in Severus’ domination. The man looked haunted
and sad.

She squeezed her temples with both hands, trying to massage the
headache away. “My god. To keep such a secret….to endure such torture….it
just seems incomprehensible! Surely he must have known there were others
who would help him?”

“No. As I said, Severus took sole responsibility for his own actions. And I
would have thought….” He continued slowly, his eyebrows rising, “that you, of all
people, Esmeralda, would understand a secret. Would you not?” His eyes had
become dark, and the light in the room shifted ever so slightly to a more muted
tone. Her skin prickled. He walked in front of the chair, facing her. “I daresay
even you might have a secret, something you are so ashamed of or worried
about that you struggle daily to keep it out of the light. Something within yourself
that could very well help you understand why Severus could not ask for help until
he was ready to die.”

Her fingers, like talons, dug into the back of the chair. She felt like an
abyss had opened up beneath her, and she was struggling not to plummet down
into the rocky maw. “How would you know of these things?” She tried to
maintain an even tone to her voice. This couldn’t be happening. Nobody knew.
Nobody could know….not even Dumbledore…..

Albus sighed. He paced slowly in front of the immense library, dark and
quiet now in the early evening. “I can see them, you know. Above you. They
are quite beautiful. It’s too bad that you have to hide.”

Her face and her body were frozen. “How….how can this be? How long
have you known?”

“Since you were a student. My powers weren’t as developed then, but I
could still see the faint outline of those amazing black wings. And I could smell
you, you know.” Albus smiled kindly. “There are not many of you, are there,
Esmeralda? Your people are so rare. So incredibly breath-taking.” His voice
was kind, full of tenderness. She sat down heavily into the chair.

“I thought…if you knew….I wouldn’t be able to come and teach. And after
so long living with my kind, I was beginning to…change over. Permanently.”
She sat down slowly, her back straight. She was in shock. No one knew.
Only her family.

“Esmeralda, I would never expose you. I know what you are. I know who
you are; do not ever fear rejection from me, or from Hogwarts. Do you
understand that?”

“No.” She said adamantly. “No, I don’t believe it. You might protect me,
but there are factions within the wizarding community that would have me in
Azkaban in 12 hours if they knew what I was.” she said wearily. She was
exhausted and overwhelmed. “I’m sorry Albus. It’s just that….what I’ve been
through and seen….people are not kind to dragon changelings; we’re so rare,
and because of that, we’re an unknown element. We’re feared and hated.
We’re rumored to bear ill-will and spread disease and poison.” She looked up at
the ceiling in despair. “It was stupid of me to come. Who I am will put Severus
in even more danger. And then! When he finds out what I am…….” She shook
her head sadly.

“I thought you wanted to help him.” Albus said gently. “But, did you only
want to help him not as yourself? Hiding your own secrets while you prised his
most personal and painful secrets out of him? Is that fair, Esmeralda?”

“No. No….” she said slowly. “It isn’t fair at all. I’ve just….hidden all my
life. *All* my life, Albus. Can you understand that? What it must feel like to
have your cloak ripped from you?”

“But you expect Severus to reveal himself to you.”

“It’s….different! He made choices! I was born this way! I had NO
choice in the matter! I have hardly any choice in how people are socialized to
react to me! Besides….he’s human. We’re all human. We all make horrible,
mortifying mistakes. He can be forgiven. I…could lose my employment….
could be exposed and renounced; even murdered. I could take down loved
ones with me. I could suffer for years in Azkaban. Don’t you think I’ve thought
about this? Don’t you know what a huge risk it was for me to walk into this?”

“What are you so afraid of, Esmeralda?” Albus’ voice was barely a
whisper.

What could she say? That she was terrified of rejection? That she
wanted so badly to be accepted as human that it froze the very blood in her veins
to know that Dumbledore had casually seen right through her strongest
defenses? That it sent such tremors through her being that not even her
strongest feelings for another human could prevent the traitorous scream that
tore through her mind and up her backbone and made her want to leap out of the
window and fly to freedom and the black safety of the Enchanted Forest? She
had to compose herself. She had to think through this properly.

“I don’t know quite where to begin. When I was…younger….I totally
embraced my dragon nature; I had a strong affinity with the Norwegian
Ridgebacks, and for years I was blissfully happy. I spent great amounts of time
as a dragon, you know? I loved it. One day, something….horrible happened.
One of my best friends, a young Ridgeback named Dunsire – that was not his
real name; his dragon name is difficult to pronounce with this human mouth - we
were flying over a mountain ridge, playing really, being quite lazy, and he was
shot. Out of the sky. One minute he was there, the next he was plummeting to
earth. I tried to slow his fall and I succeeded to a point; whenlandlanded, there
were men, men with enormous weapons tracking us. It was a terrifying time.
Since I was an enchantress, I was able to transform and protect Dunsire, but the
cruelty of those men and their fear and loathing of our kind stayed with me.
Dunsire never flew again. He had been crippled mentally and physically by their
hatred. So when you ask me to blithely accept your offer of protection, I have to
think very hard about it. After that happened, and after I lost Fafnaulda, and
frankly I don’t know if those two events precipitated this in me, or whether it was
just cyclically time, I began to find it…more and more difficult to remain human
around my dragon friends, and I wanted that, you know? I wanted to be human,
to *live* as a human, to be with other humans. To find a human mate. I have
had dragon lovers, but….it was almost as if I was being called back here.” She
did not tell Albus of the cry that night in the cave. “And if there’s one thing I’ve at
last learned, it’s to trust my intuition.” She couldn’t think about Fafnaulda right
now. She had to block out that awful night.

Albus was quiet. Fafnaulda’s death had dealt a massive blow to the
wizarding world.

“Look. Albus. I’m not leaving you or Snape. I am staying right here. I
will help you, I will fight, I will do anything I can to protect both of you. But just
please understand; I don’t have a bright and shiny outlook about who I am or
what I am. I know what I am, and I am proud of myself. But the reality is that
others don’t see me the same way. All I can ask is that you do your best to
keep my secret.” She ran her hand nervously through her hair. “It doesn’t
matter if Severus accepts me or not. I’ll do everything I can to help.” She was,
and had always been, a foolishly loyal and brave Gryfffindor.

Albus nodded silently. “I will protect you. And there is probably only one
other wizard strong enough to see through your defenses, Esmeralda, and that
wizard is Voldemort.” He walked over to her, and put a gentle hand on her
shoulder. “May I ask how it happened? Or is that simply too personal?”

“No, no.” Albus’ hand felt warm and strong. She relaxed a bit. He sat
down again across from her, obviously absorbed. “My mother was from a small
village in Norway; her mother had told her tales of changeling blood being in the
family, something about mating with dragons when the world was young, you
know, silly myths and superstitions. And it’s a recessive gene, a completely latent
gene. Very rare, as you’ve already pointed out. My father was English, an
enchanter; he had an absolutely amazing voice. Used to sing opera in the
community halls. But when my mother had me, I was shifting, back and forth, as
a baby. Always I would transfigure into….a black dragon….when I was upset.
My mother went to her people, and they revealed to her the changelings on her
family’s side. My father was fascinated, but my mother was worried all of the
time. They gave me potions and taught me how to contain my dragon essence.
It was my father really, who loved both parts of me equally and would just delight
in my wings and in my ability to fly when I was changed. Being around him….I
swam happily in his wonder of this dual side of me. He told me how special I
was. My mother was far more practical, and taught me all of the charms and
spells that would strengthen my ability to maintain my human form,
because….there are really only two things that can make me transfigure out of
my control.” She fingered the now very cold cup of tea.

“What are they, if you don’t mind my asking?” Albus was clearly
enthralled. She guessed he had never known a changeling before.

“Well. It’s rather personal, really, Albus. But….anyway. Physical
threats. Extreme physical threats to my personage, or to those around me at the
time of the threat. And…sexual arousal.” Now she was highly embarrassed.
She had to clear the silence. “You’ve not known any changelings, have you?”

“No. No, I have not. I’ve read about them, of course, but never met one
before. I knew about you when you were a child, but it would have hardly been
polite to ask you about it. I kept your secret then. I have no need to reveal it
now. Try not to worry, Esmeralda.” He was so kind. Suddenly she was
remorseful about her outburst, of not trusting him.

“I am sorry, Albus. I’m just overwrought.” He nodded. He did not need to
add that he was, as well.