Albus, I\'ve Knocked Up a Weasley

Hello! Update time! It’s been a couple of weeks, but that sure beat a couple of months, I assume :-). Anyhow, I got a couple of requests, one through a review and another through email, for notification when I update. Well, after some thought, I decided to create an updates list. It felt kinda egotistical to do so, but at the same time, I realize that it will be easier on me and other people.

I would like to make the warning, though, that I usually read, and occasionally write, slash (which may explain why I’m torturing poor Harry) and I do have plans for another story which will include much more of that kind of stuff. I would also like to say, though, that I don’t like writing graphic sex scenes (I’ll read them, though! LOL) and it will include, as a major character, Straight! Severus. I love snarky, heterosexual Snape!

Ok, here’s the list address. I expect all of two people to be interested (that wasn’t self deprecation, that was reality LOL):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RunnyInk_Updates/

Chapter 7 – Let the Fits Begin!

“He can’t possibly be serious!” Severus yelled as he paced Albus’ office. “He has a chance to have a life, to GROW UP, and he’s throwing it away! Not to mention what he’s doing to the child. The choice between it being raised by two experienced parents or by a single parent? That’s no choice at all! No child of mine will be raised in a one-parent household! I insist that the child be given to the boy’s parents! D I h I have any say in this? Doesn’t any one care what I, an adult with more than twenty years of experience over that teenage father, have to say about this? Don’t any of you understand that I know better than him? He’s a child!”

“Be that as it may,” Dumbledore said, finally getting a word in edge wise, “the child he is carrying is his and I’m sure that by now he has grown attached. You do have a say. If Ron had decided to give the baby to his parents and you decided that you would rather raise him or her yourself, you would have had the right. But he’s decided to keep the child. Because he is the one impregnated, and the two of you never had a relationship, the Ministry views him as the custodial parent.”

“This is absolutely ridiculous. I refuse….”

“You refuse what, Severus? For the child to be raised by a single parent? You could always offer for the two of you to live together and raise the child, but I am done teasing you my boy. I know as well as everyone else does that that would not go over well, not at all. You and Ron would more than likely hex each other in less than a week. Would that be good for the child?”

“No, of course not. What would be good for the child is if it was raised believing Arthur and Molly were its parents.”

“What would be good for the child, Severus,” Dumbledore coued,ued, sounding stern, “is if the child was told the truth, raised with the truth, tha or or she has two parents, both of them men, neither of them ever involved with each other, but who care for him or her very much. And who will be there if needed. Do you really want to have no influence over how your child is raised?”

Severus threw himself, with the utmost grace, into a chair and scowled at the headmaster. He didn’t argue, but he let his death glare speak for him.

***

“But I don’t want a baby shower.”

“Sure you do, Ron,” Hermione assured, smiling sweetly at her friend. “And as your best friend present, I’m going to throw it for you! Of course, Molly is going to help, but it’s a bit unseemly for the relatives to throw one.”

“But I don’t.”

“Just think of all the lovely gifts you’ll get for the baby! We’ll go to Magical Offspring in Diagon Alley and create a baby registry for you so you’ll get the stuff you want.”

“Mum’s been to a lot of baby showers. A few were held here. I watched one.”

“I’ll even let you pick the decorations and food,” Hermione continued, ignoring the rising horror on Ron’s face. “Should it be a luncheon, or would you rather an evening event? Either way, I think finger foods would be the best. What do you think?”

“I saw them, you know. Sitting around, laughing, playing these awful games and telling stories about how horrible giving birth is. All the while, the mother sat in their mists, growing pale, letting them tie toilet paper around her middle and wearing a hat made of the bows from the presents.”

“Ron,” Hermione whispered, putting her arm around his shoulders. “You don’t think I’d let you go through that, do you? First of all, it’s going to be a party more than a traditional baby shower. Secondly, there will be men there. I haven’t forgotten that you’re not a woman. And third, Molly and I plan to make Snape wear the bow hat.”

“You wouldn’t,” Ron protested, trying not to laugh.

“The git scared away every woman I tried to set him up with and when I made the comment that maybe I should be trying to find him a nice wizard, I had to duck the hex he threw at me! You better believe I would.”

Ron didn’t try to stop the laughter.

***

It was a bright summer day in June when the invitations to a Weasley baby shower arrived at Hogwarts. Many were invited and almost all were excited.

“So, Severus, what are you going to bring for the baby?” Minerva asked as the two teachers sat together in the lounge, working on the next term’s house schedules.

“Who says I’m going?” he replied calmly, not looking up.

“Of course you are,” she dismissed, sounding a bit alarmed at the prospect of him not going. “It’s the birth of your child we’re celebrating. You should be there.”

“Well, if that’s the case, why do I have to bring a present to my own party?”

“You’re being impossible.”

“I know.”

***

“Hey, Harry, you got some mail. Looks like an invitation.”

Harry, still barefoot and shirtless and intending to stay that way since it was his day off, padded into the kitchen and took the envelope from his visiting friend.

“Hermione’s throwing a baby shower for Ron. I told you about them.”

“Constantly,” the other man laughed good-naturedly. “You going to go?”

“I don’t know.”

“Didn’t you say he’s been your best friend since you were eleven?”

“Yeah, but stuff happened, and, well…”

“Yeah, yeah, I get the Daily Prophet. They and the jerk who leaked the story can go blow a hippogriff. You should go.”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it. Well, I’ll at least send a present.”

***

The house was packed. That actually eased Ron’s mind. It was the emptiness of it that he hadn’t been used to. Having his brothers home, at least some of them, was a bit of a relief. Bill and Charlie hadn’t been able to go, but they had sent along presents, as did a few other relatives that weren’t able to show.

“This is a fantastic turn out,” Hermione gloated as she set out the food.

“It’s good,” Ron shrugged. “We’ve had more before.”

Hermione glared and handed him a tray of finger sandwiches.

“You could be a little more interested.”

“I told you I didn’t want a baby shower.”

“Another guest has arrived!” Molly announced happily as she practically bounced into the room. “And you’ll never guess who it is!”

Ron did a mental tally of who had come and who had sent gifts ahead. He could only think of two people who it might be and only one he wanted it to be. He seriously doubted it was him, though. He was ready to walk into the living room and face the glower of the potions master; he only hoped that no one had tried to tie a paper plate onto his head as Hermione had been threatening to do. Ron headed towards the living room with the tray of sandwiches, but found his way blocked.

“Harry!” he exclaimed, just managing to put the tray down before he dropped it.

“Ron! Hermione wasn’t joking, you’ve gotten a lot bigger.”

Ron couldn’t believe it. He had missed his best friend so much, not even realizing how much until that moment. Tears welling up in his eyes, which he firmly blamed on the hormones, he flung his arms around Harry’s neck. Harry didn’t even hesitate. He brought his own arms up around his friend, holding him as tightly as the stomach between them would allow.

“I’m sorry I hadn’t come to visit,” Harry said quietly. “I wasn’t sure you’d want me to after that article.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Ron chastised, letting him go. “It was a shock, but I got over it. You’re still my best mate. Not going to pinch my bum are you?”

“Of course not!”

“Didn’t think so. So you see? No harm, no foul. Let’s have a party.”

They walked into the living room together and Ron nearly passed out. Snape had indeed arrived and he was currently holding Albus Dumbledore at bay with his wand. Seemed the old headmaster wanted him to put a paper plate on his head. Everyone was having trouble holding back their laughter; some weren’t even trying.

***

“This is nice, thank you,” Ron smiled as he plopped yet another bow onto the paper plate hat that Hermione had been practically black mailed into wearing. Ron knew he’d make her pay for the whole humiliating event and he was enjoying her dark muttering about never being stupid enough to get knocked up herself.

“Last one,” Molly announced, handing over a heavy, rectangular package to Ron. “And it’s from Severus.”

Everyone looked pleased by the announcement. Ron wasn’t surprised. The man may be rude but he did have some decorum. He wouldn’t arrive to a party empty handed.

Ron ripped the paper off the package to find a large, black leather book with an unknown, but he could make a wild guess and probably be right, family crest in silver on the cover. With a bit of trepidation, he opened the cover to find that it was a picture album filled with photos of unfamiliar, stern faced people. The ones at the front looked very old. The one at the back looked very familiar, a rather attractive faculty photo of Severus Snape. All the pictures had been carefully labeled in the professor’s handwriting.

“I don’t understand,” Ron said, looking up at the gift giver in confusion.

“I thought,” Snape began, taking a breath and wondering briefly if doing this in such a public setting had been a good idea. “I thought the child should have a sense of family history. Of both of its families.”

The other guests broke out into wide smiles and started talking excitedly amongst themselves, obviously happy about the turn of events. Ron was in shock.

“You what!?”

***

Severus realized something at that moment, while he was standing in the middle of the Weasley kitchen, facing off with a very angry pregnant man: he should have told him in private.

“When exactly did you decide you wanted to play house?” Ron asked him angrily.

“I do not want to ‘play house,’” Severus sneered, getting angry himself. “I simply decided it would be best if the child knew both of its parents.”

“You didn’t feel that way before, and we both agreed it was for the best. Remember? We decided that the less we had to do with each other, the better. *We* decided! Not you, not me, but we! Now, suddenly, you’re changing the rules by deciding this on your own? That’s not fair!”

“Fair?” Severus’ voice had dipped to the dangerous level and he loomed over the other man. “No part of this is even remotely fair. But it is still a fact. And speaking of things *we* decided, I clearly remember that *we* decided that your parents would be raising the child. *You* took it upon yourself to change your mind and raise that baby on your own when you could have made certain it would have two parents! That is why I changed my mind. That child will have two parents if it kills me, and it just might!”

“On my own? Are you mad? Have you met my family? I wouldn’t be on my own! I’m going to live here with the baby. I already have an entry level post at the Ministry thanks to my dad and Percy that will be there for me after my maternity break is over. Mum’s already decided to baby sit while I’m at work. It’s going to be fine. Just because the baby will happen to know I’m his or her father doesn’t change anything. Not really.”

“And how does the child knowing I’m the other parent change things?” Severus asked coldly. For some reason he couldn’t identify, his stomach churned as he anticipated the answer.

“I don’t know,” Ron sighed. “I suppose it might actually make things easier when the questions start. I just wish you would stop acting like me raising a child is so horrible, like I’m some hormonal teenager who went out and got pregnant because I forgot my contraceptive, not that that would have happened, considering.”

Severus stopped the retort that was at the tip of his tongue and rolled his eyes. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that they would have to change their relationship if any of it was going to work. He thought about the times they were on the run together from Harry and The Book, and decided that they at least had a base to build upon. Steeling himself, he placed a hand on the other’s shoulder.

“I never blamed you for this. It was an accident. A prank that you and I both were the unwitting victims of. The only ones to blame are… the… ones…. Hmmm, I don’t remember if I let Crabbe and Goyle out of the dungeon. Oh, yes, they were at the graduation. Weren’t they? Perhaps I should check.”

“They were at the graduation,” Ron laughed. “You just don’t remember because they did a good job of avoiding you, but Harry and Hermione did an even better job of spiking their punch and turning them purple.”

“Oh, yes, I had heard of that. Very good. I hate cleaning corpses out of the dungeon, not to mention the letters I invariably have to write to the parents and the Ministry. So, are we going to be joint parents? Raise that brat together, but separately, of course, to be the next generation of Hogwart’s terror?”

“Well, sure, but only if you’re joking about the corpses in the dungeon.”

Severus raised an eyebrow and allowed the side of his mouth to quirk up as he held out his hand.

“Ok, then. For my own sanity, I’ll take that as a ‘yes, I’m joking, there are no corpses in the dungeons.’”

They shook hands briefly and then Ron turned back towards the living room.

“Suppose we should get back to the party. They might want to know that we haven’t killed each other or that I haven’t gone into labor, or anything.”

“I agree, so long as Harry didn’t bring The Book with him.”

“Well, if he did, I know a few good hiding places around here!”

They rejoined the party, Ron laughing loudly and Severus maintaining his cool, but obviously humored, demeanor.

TBC

A/N Ooo, I have an announcement! I decided to shorten the story somewhat since it was taking so long to get the parts out, so Ron will be giving birth in the next chapter! Then, there will be an epilog, and it will be done! Also, on the update list I announced at the top of this chapter, I put up a poll to let people choose the gender of the baby. Join, vote, then un-sub if you like LOL