In the Lurking Darkness

Just as he touched the cold, clammy skin, Harry felt a shift in the environment. He blinked, and suddenly found himself sitting on his bed in the dorm, wide awake. He looked at his clock and saw that it was only just after midnight. He knew he’d never get back to sleep, so he got out of bed and dressed quietly, wrapping his invisibility cloak around his shoulders. He slipped past the Fat Lady and made his way out of the school. He had to go somewhere to think.

~*~

Harry stepped out into the crisp night air and headed towards the lake. He made his way quietly through the bushes, not wanting to disturb the wild life and stopped short of the rock he was headed for. Sitting on top, once again, was Severus Snape. Harry’s breath caught in his throat as the image from the dream returned. He stepped back into the bushes, hoping his presence wouldn’t be noticed.

Snape was sitting with his knees tucked against his chest and his arms around his legs tightly. His head was bent so his forehead rested on his knees. He looked so small and alone to Harry, like a lost child. After a few minutes, Harry noticed the drooped shoulders start to shake. The man was weeping silently. Harry wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him, but couldn’t make his legs cooperate. Snape was such a hard man to understand and he didn’t know how the man would react to him.

Harry turned to leave, to give Snape privacy to deal with his demons. He took a few steps and stopped. He looked back at the huddled form of his teacher on the cold, solid rock.

“I can’t leave him like that,” he thought. He made his way through the low bushes, being sure to make enough noise to announce his presence. He climbed onto the rock and crawled to sit near the edge, shoulder to shoulder with Snape. He was glad to see the man had stopped crying and was just sitting quietly.

He heard Snape sniffle a couple of times, then cleared his throat. Harry had to strain to hear the muffled words, as the man’s head was still cradled in his arms and facing down.

“You’re not going to knock me in again, are you?”

Harry choked down a laugh at the unexpected comment. “No, sir. Not tonight.” He glanced at his companion, still smiling. He was happy to see Snape lift his head a little and look at him. His eyes were still shiny and red, and he still sniffled occasionally.

“Good,” he whispered as though his voice weren’t strong enough to speak any louder. He rested his head sideways on his arms facing Harry, but not really seeing him.

“Do you want to talk?” Harry asked softly, cautiously.

“No.” Snape’s reply was less than a whisper, but Harry understood it well enough.

“Okay. We’ll just sit then.” Harry leaned back on his arms and stared out over the lake. He saw movement in the middle of the otherwise still water and wondered aloud, “Is that the squid?”

Snape slowly lifted his head and turned to follow Harry’s gaze. “No. Merfolk.”

“Oh!” Harry exclaimed in surprise.

“Looks like Shalla and Siphon,” Snape explained before returning his head to is previous position facing Harry.

“You know them by name?” Harry asked incredulously, looking down at Snape.

“A few,” Snape said cryptically.

Harry shook his head slowly, surprised by the man next to him. He couldn’t help being curious as to how he could possibly know any of the Merfolk by name. They were very shy people. Most wizards tended to agree with the muggles that mermaids were fictional, simply because they’d never seen one.

Harry was lost in his thoughts for quite some time as he watched the Merfolk play in the water. He was brought out of his reveries by the light sounds of breathing. He turned to look at Snape and found him to be fast asleep, his head still resting on his arms.

Without thinking, Harry reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Snape’s ear, uncovering his serene face. The man certainly wasn’t handsome, even in sleep, but he did look peaceful at the moment. The lines of worry and age all but vanished under the glow of the moon. He ran the back of his hand lightly down the cool cheek, wondering how, after all these years, he could fall apart now, what was going on to break such a strong soul as Severus Snape’s.

He pulled his hand back sharply as Snape sighed, his eyes fluttering open. He looked at Harry, his eyes blank without recognition for a moment. Then Harry’s breath caught as his stoic potions professor almost smiled at him.

“I think it’s time to go back inside, Professor,” Harry whispered gently. Snape nodded and sat up, stretching his back several ways and making it crack loud enough for Harry to hear.

They made their way back to the castle and down to Snape’s rooms the same way as before. This time, however, Snape didn’t seem to panic in the low lighting of the halls. Harry stopped at Snape’s door and wished him goodnight.

“Goodnight, Harry,” Snape said, surprising Harry again. Before he could say anything more, Snape was gone, his door closed softly behind him.

Harry was more confused than ever as he continued to wander the halls, stopping in front of the gargoyle guarding the entrance to the headmaster’s office. He hadn’t given the dream any thought, and Snape’s behavior was almost alarming. There was nothing there tonight of the man Harry thought he knew. A flash of silver in his mind’s eye brought back the image of Snape handing up the sword to Voldemort and it suddenly became all too clear.

Snape was giving up. He had no will left with which to fight. He was ready, and possibly quite willing, to die. Thinking about the heaving shoulders and silent sobs, Harry was more determined than ever to help Snape. No matter how awful the man had been to him, he was always there when Harry needed him. Now it was Harry’s turn to reciprocate.

~*~

Harry was still sitting on the gargoyles feet when he heard footsteps coming from the direction of the Slytherin dungeons half an hour later. He was shocked to see Snape trudging along, head bent to his chest, not looking around him at all. He was dragging a long black robe, Harry could see a white mask clutched tightly in the same hand, and a large bag, which nearly touched the floor as well.

Harry knew immediately where Snape was going and was just about to call out to him, when Dobby suddenly appeared in front of him shaking his head sadly. Harry looked from Dobby back to Snape. His shouldered dropped in helplessness. There was nothing he could do. If Snape was being called to Voldemort, than he had to go, any interference or delay would only cause trouble for Snape.

After Snape exited the main doors, Dobby looked up at Harry with sad eyes, his big ears drooping. “Dobby must go now and prepare for Master Sevvie’s return,” he said quietly.

“Prepare?” Harry asked, deeply curious as to why the elf was even there, let alone having to prepare something for Snape’s return. The use of the nickname was strange, as well. He didn’t think Snape would allow such a thing.

“Oh, yes. Dobby must have everything ready for Master Sevvie.”

“What exactly do you have to have prepared?”

“Master Sevvie will need healing herbs and lotions and tenderness.”

“How often do you heal him?” Harry’s curiosity was peaked. Harry had no idea the little house-elf was taking care of Snape.

“After nearly every meeting… and after evil one leaves.” Dobby’s eyes flashed with a hatred Harry had never seen in him before. “Dobby cleans him and makes him sleep until pain is gone. Dobby is also making sure lights is always on and room is warm. His poor feets get cold on stone floors, so Dobby makes them warm. Dobby warms the sheets and cleans them after nightmares, and brings meals, but Master Sevvie doesn’t eat much.”

Harry could see Dobby’s rising excitement as he talked about all the things he does for the closed off man. Dobby obviously enjoyed taking care of him.

“Dobby is also staying when Master Sevvie sleeps. Tries to quiet dreams, but Dobby can not help.” His big eyes turned sad again. As the words sank in, Harry began to realize just how bad things were for Snape.

“What do you mean you heal him… ‘after evil one leaves’?” Harry asked uncertainly. Harry had at first thought Dobby was referring to Voldemort, but then realized Dobby had said he heals Snape after ‘evil one leaves’. Voldemort couldn’t leave because he couldn’t enter the castle in the first place.

It was a moment before Dobby answered him, his eyes flashing darkly again. “Evil one hurts him much. Causes much blood and pain.”

“Dobby, who’s the evil one?”

“Lucius Malfoy,” he said with an growl.

Harry’s eyes opened wide with understanding. “Does he hurt him often?”

“Yes.”

“Dobby,” Harry said, anger rising like a fever, “the next time Malfoy shows up, I want you to come and get me!”

“No!” Dobby shouted. “Sir must not interfere! Evil one will only hurt Master Sevvie more if he is interrupted! You can not save Master Sevvie that way!”

“I can’t just let him continue to hurt him like that!” Fury pushed Harry to pacing in front of the gargoyle.

“But you must, or Master Sevvie will be lost forever,” the little creature told him softly, his eyes misting over. “Dobby should not have told sir about this. Dobby has failed to watch over Master Sevvie.”

“No, Dobby, you haven’t failed.” Harry shoulders slumped. He knew Dobby was right. If he interfered with Malfoy, it would only make things worse for Snape.

He sighed heavily. He was more confused and concerned about Snape than ever. He wanted to help, he was strangely desperate to help, but didn’t have a clue as to how. He thanked Dobby and promised not to interfere with Malfoy, before sending the small elf to prepare for Snape’s return. He returned to his dorm and laid back on the bed and covered his face with his arms. He was suddenly feeling exhausted. He closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

~*~