The First Enochian Key
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
5,205
Reviews:
47
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
5,205
Reviews:
47
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Tarnished Child
A/N:- Please forgive me if this chapter sux...had to beat the living shit out of my muse to get it and I am currently being carted off by the men in white coats (again) for psych evaluations (again) under the pretence of being a danger to myself as a result...*goddamn does my head hurt!*
*************************************************************************
“Jungitur in vati vatesx inx inclyte rhabdou
Hermes tu venias, verbs nefanda fexens.”
(Magician is joined with magician;
Hermes the King of the Rod appear, bringing the unspeakable word)
-Taken from “The Magical world of Aleister Crowley” by Francis King.
~*~
Severus fell to the ground as his trembling knees and his tear blurred vision caused him to stumble again and again over the uneven ground. Willing hlf tlf to his feet, but ing.ing. Dragging himself across the dew dampened grass, the fresh blood on his robes staining the pure grounds bathed with his ancient lover the moonlight. His long time confidant betraying him too now as he crawled along his way in the futile attempt to escape his mind, reaching as a man dying, for a haven that never existed. Instead finding himself where he always did in his moment of need. At his anti-haven in his secret world. Making little evolution anymore. Just defacing everything he impressed with his evil.
Dirty.
Dirty.
Evil.
His tears exhausting the last of his energies, ultimately diminishing in a heap, he wailed into the night.
It hadn’t happened.
No.
It couldn’t be possible.
Under his Oak tree, beneath the moonlight, surrounded by the haunting memories of all of his life’s most defining moments, Severus found himself once again in his anti-haven of loss and defeat, mentally carving another of the critical reminiscences of his pitiful existence into the strong flesh of his Oak.
Not again.
He was a child again. Trembling from his father’s abuse, and wanting so badly to curl up in his mothers embrace. I love you Mother. Wanting Lucius to come and rescue him from himself again. To tell him that everything was okay. That he had not failed again. That he still loved him, as much as his parents loved him. As much as Severus loved his beautiful Lily.
But even this thought process sanctioned his guilt.
Not even the comforting embrace of the one who had followed him, now cradling Severus in his arms as if he was his son, could ease his hysteria. The old man rocked him. It wasn’t his fault. He had tried. In the end he had done what was right and good, and it wasn’t his fault. If only a different world. If only a little more time was given. If only.
But it wasn’t his fault. Never his fault. Still his tears fell. And still he cursed the world.
Lily.
Mudb tra trash
Fuck you
I love you Lily
~*~
Severus didn’t know how he had managed to apparate to the boundaries of Hogwarts without splinching himself. Witnessing the horror that had unfolded before his eyes, being part of a heinous transgression that voided him of his soul as he stood and had done nothing.
Except let it happen.
Watching frozen in time as she begged him to rescue her. To remember what it had been like. That they had been friends once and she loved him. And that she knew that he loved her. To save her and her son from their fate. Her eyes red from her tears. Claw marks of her desperation bleeding his face. Her begging him.
All the years he had begged her.
He wanted so much to ease her pain. To show her the comfort that he could have given her life. That he would and did love her, but she had left him to wither and die without her. All from one afternoon eleven years ago. All because of his name. *Severuspe*.pe*. Because she had never been strong enough for them. And he had been forever enveloped in damnation because of her.
Mudblood trash
Below your status, Severus
I love you Lucius
He had shaken his head to rid his mind of his fathers voice and his mothers training just for this one moment. But they wouldn’t leave, their lessons echoing through his mind, viciously raping his conscience once again. She would die and really be gone to him and he would let it happen…all because he understood now.
Fuck you
Severus prayed for the strength to fight them. Once. Just once. At this moment of his life Severus wanted to live it for himself. And for his beautiful Lily. And in that moment, just for that moment, he felt himself released.
Severus wrapped his arms around her. He breathed her in, selfishly wanting to remember her scent gardenia and early spring dew, and her innocence. Her love and betrayal.
His betrayal. His love. His innocence.
And he kissed her. He ravaged her sweet, sweet lips, the rapist and the attentive lover amalgamating in her final moments. If only. And she kissed him just as passionately, asking for his forgiveness of her mistakes so long ago. Running their desperate hands over the other in search of the redemption that they both knew would never be found.
And then it was over. The fleeting moment gone forever and it didn’t matter anymore. It had never mattered. For at that moment the Devil entered the room, smirking at his devoted and his apparent enthusiasm to claim the beautiful before him as his plaything for the night.
But not this one, not tonight.
And Severus’ insides had burned in the face of the nauseating reality that struck him then brutally as his Master congratulated him on protecting and holding captive what would be his last victims for eleven years. Commending Severus for having her waiting for him in anguish, ready for him to come and finish mother and child whilst she cowered and begged. Arousing at that sight of the not so fearless anymore recoiling in his presence. He had waited so long for the prophecy to fulfill itself.
And once it was done, Severus would reign in the position immediate to his throne.
But she had continued to beg him.
Mudblood trash
And the Dark Lord had dismissed him.
I love you Lily
And he had left the room. Unable to watch her eyes fill with the tears of his final betrayal, but not escaping the vicinity in time to deafen him to her screams as she fell. His tears now flowing as freely as hers only moments ago.
And then he realized. He understood.
He had only been used. If he were truly loved by his family and his Master, his Beautiful would not have been taken away from him. And in that moment he realized that he had to make it right this time. For her. He would not fail this time because he understood. He could not afford to fail her again.
I love you Lily
He pulled from his much loved robes of death the instrument that my yet save her, the screams of his beautiful forsaken still ringing inside his conscience, as he ran like the third year coward he had reverted to. Using the device, wanting to change only an hour of the future. Only an hour.
But he had failed. And he had been exposed. He had not left enough time for the warning. His time-turner taken from him after he had made his confession. He could not try again.
He had run to Dumbledore after his travel and his apparation and confessed his sins and the need for urgency to save her.
Mudblood trash
That he hadn’t meant it when he had made her hate him. Because he loved her. Still, after everything. *Just like Mother*. That the unspeakable was about to happen. He had been betrayed by his family and that he loved her. And Dumbledore had hurried. And Severus had paced his office in worry, until the old man returned.
In the end, it had been too late. He had failed once more.
Severus had betrayed Lily and she had left. The Dark Lord had betrayed Severus and left. And Severus hated Lucius for giving birth to the idea in the first place.
His first love betraying his first love.
And that is where Severus found himself. Alone in the world once more. So he ran. And he stumbled. And he found himself at his Anti-haven.
And Severus cried. He cried as Dumbledore found him and pulled him close and rocked him like a lost child. The lost child forever tarnished
~*~
As the morning broke around the two wizards, both with unparalleled power at the opposite ends of the same spectrum, the good offered the evil and dirty, the tarnished child, a chance at a new life.
Severus looked up at Dumbledore in skepticism. He did not deserve this salvation. He had betrayed her, because he had understood his parents. Through his love and worship of Lucius he had destroyed her. Following his Master blindly had killed her.
And in that moment her beautiful face flashed in his mind.
And in the next, his fathers voice and his mother’s attentions.
And Severus looked towards his new haven, tangible in its greatness, its hallowed walls, its timeless forgiveness, and the man who ruled it all now cradling him in his arms.
He was broken.
He was defeated.
He was exposed and he was tarnished. Forever the child engulfed in damnation.
I love you Lily
Severus nodded his thanks to them all and accepted.
**********************************************************************
This was originally supposed to be only about 2 paragraphs worth of explora, bu, but as you can see my muse (goddamn it to hell and back) refused this notion with a vengeance...
Acknowledgements...
Tigress:- *MWAH* Big birthday kisses for you...I honestly hope that you had a bash...At my 21st I had a 2 1/2 yr old who refused to leave my presence due to the fact they had put their teeth through their lip earlier that day and was traumatized from having me restrain her while the Dr. sutured her wound without anesthetic...and a 4 mth old with a violent cof cof colic...needless to say I did not have much of a chance to celebrate...Look forward to your update...no pressure of course...and thank you for your continuing support...
Rilla:- Please refer to my review of the latest chapter of \"In the House of Fallen Angels\" for my response to your review....*pokes tongue out childishly and then proceeds to down entire jug of Screwdriver beverage in front of you*...Thank you...I suppose...*pouts*..Really hope youn\'tn\'t have any nightmares...would be a shame and all.....*waves*
Daya:-ummm....my precious...you know how I feel about you...and I do thank you again for your unwavering encouragement and loyalty...Catch you next time...Same msn name...same hemispheric time zone difference...
Nescaffe:- I have come to anticipate with much enthusiasm you analysis of my work...I find your musings insightful and flattering...thank you...more than I can express, I thank you
Talene:- The only benefit of allowing yourself to be dragged kicking and screaming to those funny farms is the delicious prospect of being pumped full of even funnier drugs...They never listen though...so torment them in return and you will come out victorious I am sure...Thank you again for your encouragement and support....
*************************************************************************
“Jungitur in vati vatesx inx inclyte rhabdou
Hermes tu venias, verbs nefanda fexens.”
(Magician is joined with magician;
Hermes the King of the Rod appear, bringing the unspeakable word)
-Taken from “The Magical world of Aleister Crowley” by Francis King.
~*~
Severus fell to the ground as his trembling knees and his tear blurred vision caused him to stumble again and again over the uneven ground. Willing hlf tlf to his feet, but ing.ing. Dragging himself across the dew dampened grass, the fresh blood on his robes staining the pure grounds bathed with his ancient lover the moonlight. His long time confidant betraying him too now as he crawled along his way in the futile attempt to escape his mind, reaching as a man dying, for a haven that never existed. Instead finding himself where he always did in his moment of need. At his anti-haven in his secret world. Making little evolution anymore. Just defacing everything he impressed with his evil.
Dirty.
Dirty.
Evil.
His tears exhausting the last of his energies, ultimately diminishing in a heap, he wailed into the night.
It hadn’t happened.
No.
It couldn’t be possible.
Under his Oak tree, beneath the moonlight, surrounded by the haunting memories of all of his life’s most defining moments, Severus found himself once again in his anti-haven of loss and defeat, mentally carving another of the critical reminiscences of his pitiful existence into the strong flesh of his Oak.
Not again.
He was a child again. Trembling from his father’s abuse, and wanting so badly to curl up in his mothers embrace. I love you Mother. Wanting Lucius to come and rescue him from himself again. To tell him that everything was okay. That he had not failed again. That he still loved him, as much as his parents loved him. As much as Severus loved his beautiful Lily.
But even this thought process sanctioned his guilt.
Not even the comforting embrace of the one who had followed him, now cradling Severus in his arms as if he was his son, could ease his hysteria. The old man rocked him. It wasn’t his fault. He had tried. In the end he had done what was right and good, and it wasn’t his fault. If only a different world. If only a little more time was given. If only.
But it wasn’t his fault. Never his fault. Still his tears fell. And still he cursed the world.
Lily.
Mudb tra trash
Fuck you
I love you Lily
~*~
Severus didn’t know how he had managed to apparate to the boundaries of Hogwarts without splinching himself. Witnessing the horror that had unfolded before his eyes, being part of a heinous transgression that voided him of his soul as he stood and had done nothing.
Except let it happen.
Watching frozen in time as she begged him to rescue her. To remember what it had been like. That they had been friends once and she loved him. And that she knew that he loved her. To save her and her son from their fate. Her eyes red from her tears. Claw marks of her desperation bleeding his face. Her begging him.
All the years he had begged her.
He wanted so much to ease her pain. To show her the comfort that he could have given her life. That he would and did love her, but she had left him to wither and die without her. All from one afternoon eleven years ago. All because of his name. *Severuspe*.pe*. Because she had never been strong enough for them. And he had been forever enveloped in damnation because of her.
Mudblood trash
Below your status, Severus
I love you Lucius
He had shaken his head to rid his mind of his fathers voice and his mothers training just for this one moment. But they wouldn’t leave, their lessons echoing through his mind, viciously raping his conscience once again. She would die and really be gone to him and he would let it happen…all because he understood now.
Fuck you
Severus prayed for the strength to fight them. Once. Just once. At this moment of his life Severus wanted to live it for himself. And for his beautiful Lily. And in that moment, just for that moment, he felt himself released.
Severus wrapped his arms around her. He breathed her in, selfishly wanting to remember her scent gardenia and early spring dew, and her innocence. Her love and betrayal.
His betrayal. His love. His innocence.
And he kissed her. He ravaged her sweet, sweet lips, the rapist and the attentive lover amalgamating in her final moments. If only. And she kissed him just as passionately, asking for his forgiveness of her mistakes so long ago. Running their desperate hands over the other in search of the redemption that they both knew would never be found.
And then it was over. The fleeting moment gone forever and it didn’t matter anymore. It had never mattered. For at that moment the Devil entered the room, smirking at his devoted and his apparent enthusiasm to claim the beautiful before him as his plaything for the night.
But not this one, not tonight.
And Severus’ insides had burned in the face of the nauseating reality that struck him then brutally as his Master congratulated him on protecting and holding captive what would be his last victims for eleven years. Commending Severus for having her waiting for him in anguish, ready for him to come and finish mother and child whilst she cowered and begged. Arousing at that sight of the not so fearless anymore recoiling in his presence. He had waited so long for the prophecy to fulfill itself.
And once it was done, Severus would reign in the position immediate to his throne.
But she had continued to beg him.
Mudblood trash
And the Dark Lord had dismissed him.
I love you Lily
And he had left the room. Unable to watch her eyes fill with the tears of his final betrayal, but not escaping the vicinity in time to deafen him to her screams as she fell. His tears now flowing as freely as hers only moments ago.
And then he realized. He understood.
He had only been used. If he were truly loved by his family and his Master, his Beautiful would not have been taken away from him. And in that moment he realized that he had to make it right this time. For her. He would not fail this time because he understood. He could not afford to fail her again.
I love you Lily
He pulled from his much loved robes of death the instrument that my yet save her, the screams of his beautiful forsaken still ringing inside his conscience, as he ran like the third year coward he had reverted to. Using the device, wanting to change only an hour of the future. Only an hour.
But he had failed. And he had been exposed. He had not left enough time for the warning. His time-turner taken from him after he had made his confession. He could not try again.
He had run to Dumbledore after his travel and his apparation and confessed his sins and the need for urgency to save her.
Mudblood trash
That he hadn’t meant it when he had made her hate him. Because he loved her. Still, after everything. *Just like Mother*. That the unspeakable was about to happen. He had been betrayed by his family and that he loved her. And Dumbledore had hurried. And Severus had paced his office in worry, until the old man returned.
In the end, it had been too late. He had failed once more.
Severus had betrayed Lily and she had left. The Dark Lord had betrayed Severus and left. And Severus hated Lucius for giving birth to the idea in the first place.
His first love betraying his first love.
And that is where Severus found himself. Alone in the world once more. So he ran. And he stumbled. And he found himself at his Anti-haven.
And Severus cried. He cried as Dumbledore found him and pulled him close and rocked him like a lost child. The lost child forever tarnished
~*~
As the morning broke around the two wizards, both with unparalleled power at the opposite ends of the same spectrum, the good offered the evil and dirty, the tarnished child, a chance at a new life.
Severus looked up at Dumbledore in skepticism. He did not deserve this salvation. He had betrayed her, because he had understood his parents. Through his love and worship of Lucius he had destroyed her. Following his Master blindly had killed her.
And in that moment her beautiful face flashed in his mind.
And in the next, his fathers voice and his mother’s attentions.
And Severus looked towards his new haven, tangible in its greatness, its hallowed walls, its timeless forgiveness, and the man who ruled it all now cradling him in his arms.
He was broken.
He was defeated.
He was exposed and he was tarnished. Forever the child engulfed in damnation.
I love you Lily
Severus nodded his thanks to them all and accepted.
**********************************************************************
This was originally supposed to be only about 2 paragraphs worth of explora, bu, but as you can see my muse (goddamn it to hell and back) refused this notion with a vengeance...
Acknowledgements...
Tigress:- *MWAH* Big birthday kisses for you...I honestly hope that you had a bash...At my 21st I had a 2 1/2 yr old who refused to leave my presence due to the fact they had put their teeth through their lip earlier that day and was traumatized from having me restrain her while the Dr. sutured her wound without anesthetic...and a 4 mth old with a violent cof cof colic...needless to say I did not have much of a chance to celebrate...Look forward to your update...no pressure of course...and thank you for your continuing support...
Rilla:- Please refer to my review of the latest chapter of \"In the House of Fallen Angels\" for my response to your review....*pokes tongue out childishly and then proceeds to down entire jug of Screwdriver beverage in front of you*...Thank you...I suppose...*pouts*..Really hope youn\'tn\'t have any nightmares...would be a shame and all.....*waves*
Daya:-ummm....my precious...you know how I feel about you...and I do thank you again for your unwavering encouragement and loyalty...Catch you next time...Same msn name...same hemispheric time zone difference...
Nescaffe:- I have come to anticipate with much enthusiasm you analysis of my work...I find your musings insightful and flattering...thank you...more than I can express, I thank you
Talene:- The only benefit of allowing yourself to be dragged kicking and screaming to those funny farms is the delicious prospect of being pumped full of even funnier drugs...They never listen though...so torment them in return and you will come out victorious I am sure...Thank you again for your encouragement and support....