Revenge of a Hermione Scorned.

Am going to flick between POVs here occasional, but hopefully have made it obvious enough. Warning, scenes of extreme bratty childlike behaviour ahead. Maybe. Maybe next chapter.



*



Still don’t think this is a good idea.



Flick of the wrist.



Splutter.



Crack.



Shit.



I probably shouldn’t have done that.



Is this my cue to run?



Stand firm.



Open my mouth… and scream….



*



Miss Granger has just flung open the doors to the Great Hall and is walking towards the head table in a manner than can only be described as stomping. Her head is down, as if she is walking through a gale force wind, her face is thunder.



Have come to the immediate conclusion that this is not a good thing, hands instinctively twitch with the desire to protectively cover my groin, despite the seated position.



Glance to left and right, while there is still time to escape, seeking the emergency exits. Damn Flitwick for leaning back in his chair to discuss something with Lupin. Damn Lupin for smirking at me.



Why is Lupin smirking at me? Recognise that look from our schooldays. It means general mayhem. Shit. Have no way of escape.



I glance down the hall where the students have turned to gawk at this harpy that is rapidly approaching.



For some reason my mother’s voice pipes up at the back of my head.



Severus Snape, thy doom has come…



*



I’m still needing convincing that this is a good idea. Ginny and Chloe do their best to persuade me, repeating the jibes he made at my expense, and also the fact that he claimed to shag me. Have to admit this tends to have the desired effect, which is usually an immediate emotional attachment to the nearest item of soft furnishing and the consumption of vast amounts of Honeyduke’s white chocolate. While plotting revenge.



Am astounded by change in Chloe. The girl is a blessed godsend, doing research for me, spying, offering general support. Also discover she has wicked sense of humour, and a dubiously gained knowledge of various sexual techniques. She’s also more than willing to share these with me, which is fine with me, as long as she doesn’t mention Ron’s name in connection with any of it. Ginny and her have been wonderful, all the time listening as I rant on about the bastard that lurks in the dungeons.



We are plotting our revenge. We have decided that there is a risk of death from this revenge, and as I take the steps into active combat, Ginny and Chloe will be right behind me.



If I manage not to drown Snape in a cauldron of his own potions.



For three weeks I have suffered his jibes, his sneers, his comments… I stand patiently, knowing that my revenge will soon come. It doesn’t matter how much Snape implies we shagged like bunny rabbits all night (bash little voice that mutters ‘you wish’ to death with a mental cricket bat) he doesn’t know that I know that he’s lying through his sodding teeth. And soon he will know that I know that he knows that I know….



Mind trails off on random thought involving Professor Snape and a tub of quality vanilla ice cream… Bugger… mind has mind of its own at the moment. Revenge Hermione, Revenge! No matter how much I hate him, can’t resist thought of stripping him n, an, and straddling him on his desk. So you thought you could break me, Professor Snape, let me show you what true revenge is,...



‘HERMIONE GRANGER IF YOU ARE DREAMING ABOUT SHAGGING SNAPE I WILL TELL THE WORLD THAT YOU SNOGGED DRACO MALFOY BEHIND THE BROOM SHED’



‘I thought Draco was gay, and happy with Harry?’ Confusion is clear in Chloe’s voice.



‘Yes, but I bet ‘Mione five galleons she wouldn’t dare snog Malfoy. This was before his prancing out of the closet.’



Smugness is clear in Ginny’s voice. Knowing full well she’s about to mention the (extremely) short list of my conquests at Hogwarts, I jump in.



‘I can’t do this.’



‘For the last time, you can. Think about it, what’s the one thing Snapey Boy hates?’



‘Neville Longbottom? Guinea pigs? Being unable to find the perfect biting comment at precisely the right moment? Me?’



Ginny rolls her eyes. ‘His private life being discussed in public. This will slay him.’



Gods, Ginny can be evil.



‘What if he flips? And pulls his wand out or something?’



‘He’ll be done for indecent exposure?’



Throw cushion at Ginny’s head. Hate her. ‘His magical wand.’



‘He won’t dare do anything to you in such a public place.’



‘Oh that’s a relief, he’ll kill me when he gets me alone then…’



‘’Mione, have you always been such a drama queen? Or is it just Severus Snape that brings it out in you?’



‘Sod off.’



Ignore Ginny and wonder if I could manipulate a cauldron explosion of Neville Longbottom proportion in dungeons, and make Snape’s death look like an accident. Heard Azkaban is nice this time of year…



‘It’s nearly time, we’ve left it long enough to give a believable time scale.’ Ginny frowns, counting on her fingers.



Indeed, its now the second week of February. I’ve only had to suffer Snape for an entire six weeks. Apparently it’s necessary though. Suddenly see escape route.



‘I can’t act.’ I whine as pitifully as I can make it. Ginny sees straight through me as usual.



‘Bollocks. I saw you that time with Umbridge,’ Ginny puts on squeaky voice that I presume is supposed to be me. ‘Please Professor Umbridge, I know where it is, I know what’s going on…’



‘Is there anyway at all I can get out of this?’



‘No.’



*



Ginny is practically throwing me towards the doors of the Great Hall. Its breakfast time, and most of the student and teaching population will be there.



Perhaps have overreacted about this. I mean, before I sorted out appearance, I was a bit of a mess… and I did set out to seduce him…



‘Don’t you dare have second thoughts,’ Ginny hisses at me.



‘I’m not. They’re actually seventh or eighth thoughts. I actually lost count some time ago.’



She pushes me forward again. They’re going to kick me off my degree for this. I know they are. Perhaps should start considering brothel option once more. Could start as receptionist and work way up, with a bit of bondage and mild domination on the side.



Remember. Bush like head. Shapeless robes. You attempting to kiss him. Waking in his bed. His laughter. Making you believe you slept with him. Ever little ‘darling, m’dear, sweetheart’ he’s deliberately called you in the last six weeks. You can do this. You can!



Inner bitch appears to be kicking in. Can feel the call of revenge upon me. Forget accidentally tipping a bottle of invisible ink over his favourite book, (and other little incidents that I have been forced to make do with until ultimate revenge can be exacted) small fry compared to this.



Surprise Ginny with sudden action, push open Great Hall doors and barge in. I am woman, hear me roar. Or rather, I am Hermione Granger, hear me get seriously pissed off….



*



I’m not going to get out of this am I?



Perhaps I did rather lay it on heavily with the ‘darlings’.



What on earth is she doing?



Blargh. Splutter.



*



Reach table feeling like I am more than just Hermione Granger, am a goddess, a bringer of revenge, I shall smite those who fail to worship at my feet.



Or I will throw a goblet of pumpkin juice in their face.



We stare at each other, the goblet is frozen in my hand. Watch as Severus slowly wipes the pumpkin juice from his face. Am strangely fascinated by bit of pulp that is currently residing in his left eyebrow.



Feel some kind of gesture is needed.



Oh fuck. Don’t think I meant to do that.



Hermione, meet the Line. Lin Line, meet Miss Granger. Hermione, do not cross the Line…



Yes, slapping Snape hard across the face is definitely crossing aforementioned line.



Thankfully he’s so stunned, he can’t seem to form words for some time.



Ah, no he’s recovering. Debate whether I should run or not. Body is experiencing flight or fight reaction. Wish flight was indeed an option, but with Ginny and Chloe behind me, I do not think I have this choice.



‘Miss Granger! What is the meaning of this?!’ Snape splutters, rising to his feet.



Am amazed he has managed to keep tight grasp of his composure. Even when covered in pumpkin goo and a bright red hand print rapidly appearing on his left cheek.



Fight, Hermione, fight. Do not let the fucker intimidate you. Remember…. Bush like….



Open mouth, and this is what comes out.



‘I’M PREGNANT!’



Never thought I would see the day when Severus Snape looked like he was about to faint. Really want to grin right now, but have feeling it would rather spoil effect. Disguise hysterical laughter by pretending to dissolve into tears. Shoulder shaking rather adds to the effect I think. Perhaps am fab actress after all.



Entire student body is sitting in stunned silence. Snape gapes like goldfish for several moments. Can see Remus stuffing napkin into his mouth out of corner of eye.



Finally Snape manages to get some sense of control. ‘I hardly think that concerns me, Miss Granger,’ he drawls in his most bored tone.



Can feel Ginny gearing up next to me… she thrusts me (hysterically giggling but still managing to emit odd sniff just to keep up appearances) into Chloe’s waiting arms.



‘Are you suggesting Hermione is some kind of harlot?’ she snaps.



Wail with laughter into Chloe’s shoulder at use of word ‘harlot’. Chloe pats me comfortingly on my shoulder. Risk quick glance up and note Remus sliding under table in hysterics.



‘Who Miss Granger chooses to sleep with is her choice.’ Can actually hear smirk in Snape’s voice. Glare up at him, wiping tears that are streaming down face. Am not quite to Felicia Levinson’s standards yet, but at least didn’t put mascara on.



‘But I haven’t been with anyone but you!’ I howl. d ond only you, Severus. You HAVE to be the father.’



‘I am no child’s father,’ he hisses.



Cross arms. ‘Well if you’re not, who is then? I’ve been faithful to you, Severus.’



Student body are now watching volley of words like spectators at tennis match. Synchronicity of heads is actually rather nice to watch, as they snap backwards and forwards. Flitwick is staring at us with mouth open, failing to notice the spoonfuls of scalding hot idgeidge that is falling into his lap. He’s going to regret that later. Probably next time he’s chasing some poor female round the charms classroom.



Stare defiantly at Snape. Can see his anger building. Holding breath. Brace yourself…



‘IT CAN’T BE MY CHILD BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER EVER HAVE HAD SEX WITH YOU, YOU STUPID GIRL! SO I CAN’T BE THE SODDING FATHER! AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?’



As crystal, Professor Snape, sir…..



Severus Snape is throwing full blown tantrum in front of entire school. Oh this is better than planned. Resist urge to do happy bunny dance, and simply compose my features into smirk to rival him on his best smirk day.



‘Thank you for clearing that little matter up, Severus.’



Mentally do little bunny dance. Game, set and match to Miss Granger.



*



What the fuck just happened?



Oh the bitch. Oh the scheming little bitch.



Apparently have just met my match.



GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.



*



Can see realisation dawn on Snape’s face. Now might be the time to run….



Watch as his face turns several different shades of red. First scarlet, then crimson, ooh, that’s a lovely shade of magenta…



He knows he’s failed. He knows he’s lost. And I’ve won.



Bite tongue before I stick it out at him. With a sweep of his cape he storms off platform, and with cloak billowing behind him, he stomps through hall heading for doors, taking points away from various students for breathing as he goes.



Still doing happy dance.



What……



Sudden chill descends on room, and doors slam shut in front of a surprised Snape. shi shit…



Albus is getting to his feet, eyes no longer twinkling, although they are shining with something of a manic glare…



Appear to be in trouble. This is definitely going to take away some of the shine of winning…



‘WOULD SOMEONE CARE TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT IS GOING ON?’ he roars.



Ginny, Chloe and I subconsciously huddle closer together…



‘Professor Snape, Misses Granger, Weasley and Reynolds, my office….NOW!’



Ah, bollocks….