What Is and What Should Never Be

What Is and What Should Never Be

What Is and What Should Never Be

Chapter 6: In the Evening

Author: Prongs

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things 'Harry Potter.'  Led Zeppelin owns the song, "In the Evening."  It's on their album, 'In Through the Out Door,' released in 1979.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or commented on this story so far!


~*~


Sirius looked down at the blanket with tears in his eyes.  "How can you say that, James?"

"It's very easy to say because I really and truly mean it," James replied.  He gently put his hand under Sirius' chin and forced Sirius to look into his hazel eyes.  "I am in love with you, Sirius.  That doesn't just mean I want sex!  It means I love you-I love being with you; I love holding you; I love talking with you; I love looking at you…the list goes on for a long time.  You mean the world to me."

"But, James…" Sirius stopped and studied James' bruised face.  "Look at what I did to you!" Sirius exclaimed.  "I hurt you just last night, remember?  How can you say all of those great things about me when I just beat you to a bloody pulp?"

James sighed.  "You didn't think I was me, Sirius.  I understand what happened, and I'm not upset about it."

"You were at the time.  You didn't even want to be with me."

"I feel like we're talking in circles," James replied.  "Look, Siri, I was upset at the time.  I didn't really pause to think t wht why you acted the way you did.  Once I found out, I still needed to digest the information and make some sense of it."

"You're only here now because you pity me," Sirius said quietly, trying not to cry.

James took Sirius' hand in his own and rubbed it tenderly.  "That's not true at all.  Siri, I want to be with you.  Remember when you came and found me outside after the fight last night?  I said then that I still loved you.  I also said that I forgive you completely.  When I went back to my room, I remembered that something had been bothering you, and I couldn't concentrate on anything else until I knew what it was.  See?  That's how much you mean to me!  You mean everything to me, Siri."

"I should never have hurt you," Sirius replied.  "I'm so sorry, James."

"Siri, I'm the one who should be apologizing.  You at least thought I was Snape.  I knew you were really you, and I still hurt you so much!  After everything that has happened to you…I can't believe I made it all worse!"

"You had every right to do what you did," Sirius said.  "I was beating you, James.  You had to attack me back.  I don't blame you at all."

James opened his mouth to speak and then closed it.  "Sirius, we really are talking in circles.  We just keep dwelling on the same topics over and over again."

"Then we can change the subject.  Will you do me a favor?" Sirius d, ad, almost timidly.

James shuddered.  Sirius was supposed to sound confident, not almost scared!  "I'll do anything for you."

"I don't deserve you," Sirius said with a small smile.  "I couldn't sleep very well last night.  Will you stay with me if I try to sleep right now?"

James blinked back the tears in his eyes and moved as close to his best friend as he possibly could.  "Of course," he replied as he pullhe bhe blanket up over both Sirius and himself.  He then wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius' body and gently kissed Sirius' forehead.

"Thank you," Sirius murmured.  He buried his head into James' shoulder and snuggled even further against his best friend.  "I love you, James," Sirius mumbled tiredly.  "I feel safe with you here…"

"I love you, too, Sirius," James replied as he started to play with Sirius' long locks.  "Sleep well, love.  I won't leave you at all."

Seconds later, Sirius was sound asleep.  He peacefully and dreamlessly took a long nap that lasted practically until dinner.  James dozed off every now and then, but for the most part, he stayed awake studying Sirius and thinking hard about his best friend's terrifying life.

~*~

Sirius opened his eyes and blinked them several times before focusing in on his surroundings.  He felt unusually warm, comfortable, and safe.  He snuggled into James' grasp and smiled.  

"Hello, sleepy-head," James murmured as he brushed some of Sirius' hair away from his face.  "How did you sleep?"

"Perfectly," Sirius replied.  "Thank you, James."

"For what?  Staying with you?  Holding you?"

"Something like that," Sirius answered as he sat up slightly.  

"I'll always be here for you, Siri," James said warmly.  "You know that."

Sirius gulped and gently brushed one finger over James' bruised cheekbone and swollen eye.  "You need to get that healed.  I still can't believe I did that to you."

"Doesn't matter," James replied.  "Are you hungry at all?

"Kind of," Sirius admitted.  "What time is it?"

"I don't know for sure," James replied.  "I think it's about time for dinner."

"How do you know?"

"Look outside," James said, motioning to the window.

"Damn," Sirius muttered.  "I really did sleep the entire day!"

"And yoedededed it," James said softly.  "So, should we go to dinner?"

"Looking like this?" Sirius asked, skeptically.  

"Point taken.  Let's raid the kitchens."

Sirius nodded his head and looked thoughtful.  "James, people have already seen us looking like this.  What are they going to think?"

"A prank that went wrong?" James asked weakly.  "Fight with the Slytherins?"

"Hmph," Sirius grunted.  "Can we take your cloak to the kitchens and discuss it there?"

"Anything for you," James murmured.  He pressed a gentle kiss on Sirius' forehead and got up from the bed.  

Sirius sat there dazed and watched his best friend.  Just the feeling of James' lips on him felt fabulous…amazing…completely wonderful.  He was still consumed with worry, fear, anger, and rage, thanks to his dreadful father.  But…maybe…just maybe James could eventually take the pain away.  Or at least push it to the back of Sirius' cluttered mind.  There was something so special about James Potter.  Something that Sirius couldn't seem to put into words, but was determined to try to do.  He smirked slightly.

Meanwhile, James was watching Sirius with an amused expression on his face.  "Siri, what exactly are you thinking about?"

"You, of course," Sirius replied, getting up from the bed.  "I need to change my clothes."

James tossed his invisibility cloak onto Sirius' bed and opened the door to his new boyfriend's closet.  

"Merlin, what the hell!" James exclaimed when he opened the door.  "Have you ever heard of hanging clothes up?  Or putting shoes away somewhere besides the middle of the floor?"

Sirius joined James over at his closet.  "They aren't in the middle of the floor.  They're in the middle of the closet," Sirius pointed out calmly.  Inside, he was already feeling so much better.  Bantering back and forth with his best friend always helped ease his pain.  James was the most wonderful person in the world in Sirius' eyes.  The unruly-haired man could do no wrong.  Sirius still couldn't believe thames mes loved him…even after the fight last night and everything that James read in Sirius' journal.

"Earth to Sirius!" James exclaimed, grinning.  "Wear these jeans."

Sirius grabbed the dark blue jeans in James' hand and threw them down on his bed.  

"And this shirt," James continued, handing Sirius a red Aerosmith shirt.

"Good choice," Sirius replied, taking the shirt from James' hands.

James snorted.  "I was planning on giving you a Zeppelin shirt, but I can't seem to find any at the moment."

"I think I have at least four," Sirius replied.

"Thought so," James said, smirking.  "Wonder where they all went?" he questioned, motioning to Sirius' messy closet.

Sirius laughed wad walked back over to his bed to get dressed.

"I'll put away your shoes while you're getting dressed," James said as he started collecting Sirius' many pairs of black boots.

Sirius bit his lip and thought for a moment.  James had seen him undress before.  They had shared a room for the longest time.  Sirius supposed James was acting this way after having learned about Sirius' father…

Shaking his head, he sighed and quickly changed into his jeans and long-sleeved t-shirt.  Sirius grabbed his brush and hastily swept it though his hair several times before pulling his raven locks back with a black band.

"Need some shoes," Sirius commented, coming up behind his best friend.

James jumped up and turned around.  "Merlin!  You scared me half to death, Siri!"

"Sorry," Sirius murmured apologetically.  He looked around his closet.  "Where are all of my shoes, James?  Why did you hide them all?"

James playfully rolled his eyes and pointed to the edge of the closet.  "They are all lined up against the wall.  The pairs actually match, too."

Sirius chuckled and grabbed a pair of boots.  After he had pulled them on, he and James left the room.  They hurried down the stairs and into the common room.  It was empty since most everyone was at dinner.

They climbed through the portrait and into the hallway.  With a smirk, James quickly put the invisibility cloak over himself and Sirius.  James protectively put his arm around Sirius' waist, and the two made their way to the kitchens, talking quietly since they figured nobody was around.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black…please remove that annoying cloak this instant."

Sirius and James groaned and pulled the cloak off.

"What do you think you're-" Professor McGonagall stopped when she saw their faces.  "What on earth has happened to bothyou?you?"

"Nothing really," James lied.  "You see, we were trying to pull this prank, and what happened was, we-"

"Stop right there, Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall interrupted.  "Both of you follow me to my office right now."

"But professor, we're absolutely starving," Sirius said, smiling.  "We were on our way to dinner just now.  You wouldn't want us to grow weak just because you wouldn't let us eat, would you?"

"Mr. Black, I-"

"Sorry to talk while you're talking, Professor," Sirius grinned.  "But, we…" he paused and look at his teacher for a second.  

McGonagall sighed and folded her arms across her chest.  James also smirked at her while Sirius continued speaking.

"You see, if we don't get to eat, we could get very ill and-"

"Weak," James added.

Sirius nodded.  "Very weak, which means that we might not be able to play in the next-"

"Quidditch game," James finished.  "The rest of the team is definitely skilled and extremely talented, but I do think they need us in order to win."

"And if I remember correctly, if we win this next game, we have a fabulous shot at winning the quidditch cup," Sirius put in.  "You wouldn't want to risk all of that just because we didn't get to eat, would you?"

"Imagine if Slytherin won!" James exclaimed.  "Think of all of the-"

McGonagall rolled her eyes and started walking towards her office. p;"Tp;"That was all very intriguing, boys.  As always, you did manage to make me smile.  However, come along.  You're still going to my office."

James and Sirius moaned softly and started following their head of house.  

"Did she say we made her smile?" Sirius asked quietly.

James snorted.  "I didn't see it."

"Less talking and faster walking, please," McGonagall said without turning around.

"Mn," n," Sirius muttered.

James raised anbrowbrow and started walking faster.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked.

"The sooner we get there, the sooner we get this whole thing over with," James replied quietly.

Sirius nodded and quickened his pace.  James grabbed his best friend's hand and smiled at Sirius.  

Eventually, they came to McGonagall's office.  

"Go ahead in," the professor instructed.  "And have a seat in front of my desk."

Sirius and James sat down and wad asd as their professor closed her office door and then took a seat behind her desk.  She studied her two favorite students for a moment before speaking.  She couldn't help but love Sirius and James dearly.  Although they frequently received detentions and were constantly in trouble, she adored them, and when they were at Hogwarts, she almost thought of them as her own two sons.  True, they probably had no idea she felt this way, thanks to her stern exterior.  

"What happened to both of you?" she finally asked.  "Who did this to you?" she said as she motioned to their bruised faces.

Sirius and James stared at each other worriedly.

"It was really just a prank that went wrong," Sirius said slowly.  

"It's not a big deal," James explained.

"And why didn't you visit Madam Pomfrey?" McGonagall asked skeptically.

"We didn't think to," James answered.

"Aren't you in pain?" their professor questioned.

"Not really," Sirius lied.  "We actually just took a nap, and we feel great."

"Of course, we really should get something to eat, though.  Considering we're all bruised, you know," James said.

"Wouldn't want to get all weak because-"

"Spare me," McGonagall interrupted, holding up her hands.  "I don't believe your story for a moment.  You two did not end up this way because of some prank."

"It was Snape," James said.  "That bast-, I m he he beat us up because of some stupid prank where we tried to change the color of his hair."

Sirius nodded his head enthusiastically.

McGonagall leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest.  "If that had been the case, I imagine I would have heard a complaint from Mr. Snape or his head of house.  And, naturally, you two would have told me the true story the first time."

"We didn't want to get into trouble," James said weakly.  "So we thought we'd just tell you that other story…"

"Didn't want to get into trouble?" McGonagall asked.  "Mr. Black and Mr. Potter, you two hold the record for the most detentions anyone in the history of this school has ever held."

"We realize that," James grinned slightly.

"You're head boy," McGonagall said.  "I wouldn't be smirking about having a dentition record if I were you."     

"I was just smiling at how charming you are," James said.

Sirius snorted and held his hand over his mouth in an attempt to cover it up.

McGonagall shook her head.  "The point is, you're both proud of having that many detentions.  You enjoy getting into trouble, don't you?"

Sirius and James just stared at each other.

"Therefore, your story involving not wanting to get into trouble is hogwash.  What really happened?"

Sirius bit his lip,abitabit that would soon result in a split lip no doubt.  "It's my fault," Sirius finally admitted.  "Last night, James-"

"Sirius, be quiet," James hissed worriedly.  He knew damn well that Sirius didn't want McGonagall to know the truth.

"James, we have to-"

"No, we don't!"

McGonagall watched the two students carefully for nearly a minute before speaking again.  "I suppose I cannot get the truth out of either one of you.  Despite that, I do want both of you to visit Madam Pomfrey.  I will be checking witr lar later this evening to make sure that both of you did indeed see her about your bruises.  If you do not follow my instructions, I will pull both of you off of the quidditch team."

Sirius stared at his professor in shock, and James looked like he was about to faint.

"Mr. Black, I would like you to go ahead and see Madam Pomfrey.  Mr. Potter will soon join you.  I need to discuss several head boy matters with him since I have him in here already."

Sirius sighed and slostoostood up.  He gave James one last look before departing from McGonagall's office.

"James?" McGonagall said slowly.

James looked rather surprised at being addressed by his first name.  "Yes?" he asked softly.  He was pretty sure he knew what she was going to ask, and he had no idea how to reply.

"What is going on?  Give me the truth this time."

~*~

TBC

A/N: Do you think that James should tell McGonagall the truth or try lying again?  Do you want to read more of Sirius' diary?  (Well, do you want James to read more of it?)  Do you want this story to become fluffy with some angst or do you want it to get darker?  

Thanks for reading!