Dirty deeds

early 2 January

Party went on for bloody ages. Finally managed to prise whole group (apart from Ron - reasons for which became clear later) free, and we apparated back to Malfoy Manor. We all headed off to our respective beds, at least temporarily anyway. Severus cast me a hopeful look and I gave a quick nod in reply.

It was like St Pancras station outside my room for at least fifteen minutes, doors slamming, people running in and out of each other's rooms, lots of giggling. Finally quiet descended on the house. I waited another fifteen minutes to be safe and then headed off to find Severus. Half an hour early admittedly, but somehow I didn't think he would mind.

That's when I realised I had no idea where his room was.

Bugger.

Small moment of panic. Then remembered I was a witch, and cast a finding spell. A small spark of light appeared before me, before darting off down the corridor. Just had hand on handle about to go in when a voice came from behind me. You appear to be lost Hermione. Lucius.

Double bugger.

Wonder if sneering lessons part of curriculum of whatever prep-school Slytherins get sent to. Can imagine curriculum - sneering, smirking, sarcasm, irony, snotty put downs, and probably something about subtle, understated threats. Iron hand in velvet glove sort of thing. Reading list: Macchiavelli, The Art of War, Castiglione, and probably some secret text on the etiquette of being a Deatheater. When and when not to use doilies when entertaining the Dark Lord. Hem kissing - do's and don'ts.

Oh and the unilateral eyebrow raising. Bet they practice that in front of a mirror for ages.

Sure enough, when I turned round he had an eyebrow lifted superciliously and was smirking.

Obvious what I was up to. Obvious that he expected me to be flustered.

Just smirked back, opened door and slipped quietly in.

Room dimly lit and could just make out shape in bed. Called his name but no answer. Called again. Still no reply. Began to get worried was was in the wrong room, and had lots of explaining to do when startling noise came from the bed.

Sounded like a herd of elephants farting in a tin shack, like someone sawing through aluminium, like thunder, like someone with a very big nose snoring. He was asleep.

Triple bugger.

I couldn't wake him. Tried shaking him, tried poking him - really quite hard as was slightly miffed at this point - and wondered what had happened to insomnia, and reflexes of cat etc, man who never slept because he was so paranoid. He hadn't had a lot of sleep the night before, and he had had a lot of exercise one way or another, and bending down I could smell the Firewhiskey on his breath. Seemed he had been celebrating too.

For some odd reason didn't feel like putting pillow over his face, unlike Ron. Would have placed tender kiss on forehead but breath bit much. Decided to slope back to own room for some well earned sleep.

Unfortunately when I got to the door I could hear voices. Couldn't tell whose they were, and didn't feel like announcing to whole world that been shagging Severus. They went on and on and on and on and on. In the end I got fed up and decided to sleep with Severus after all. Removed and carefully folded clothes on arm chair and slid into bed.

Triple bugger on a stick.

The snoring was appalling. After a while you notice a pattern to it. It started like a motorbike that had had its silencer removed, first it was off in the distance and then it got closer and closer. Then the owner would start revving the engine like he was sitting at traffic lights, waiting for them to change. And then silence. Absolute blessed silence. The first time it happened I was worried that he was dead. The second time he ran through the whole performance I hoped he was dead. By the third time I cast a silencing charm and settled down for the night.

That was going to be a problem. Was trying to think of charms to deal with snoring when finally fell asleep.