100 Ways to Kill a Weasley

Ron gave Hermione a pleading look. He had been sitting on her sofa for the last half hour, doing his best to get her to see things his way. "You really do need to take a holiday, \'Mione. Get out of the nasty, dark dungeons and have a little fun! You could use some sun, really... Get any more pale and you\'ll start looking like the greasy git himself! Besides... I don\'t like the way he looks at you. Gives you far too much attention if you ask me."



"Ronald, I\'ve told you before, he\'s a good man when you get to know him. He doesn\'t deserve the insults... Besides, I\'m not sure I can spare the time for a holiday. I\'ve been so busy with my apprenticeship that I practically sleep in the dungeons. I\'m not sure I could get away. There\'s just so much to be done," Hermione said, not looking up from one of her papers.



"That\'s my point! You haven\'t done anything else for months! I barely get to see you anymore, \'Mione. You\'re always with him... Sides, I\'ve already asked Snape to give you some time away. You\'ve definitely earned it. Hey, it took me a while, but I convinced him! We\'ve got eight days starting on Monday!"



This caused her to look up from her reading. She could hardly believe that Ron had actually asked Professor Snape to give her time off to go on holiday. Honestly, she couldn\'t say how she felt about it. He had asked her, on several occasions, to take some time off to be together. Each time she had turned him down, citing important work, and of course, being the first person ever to take an apprenticeship with Professor Snape, she had no want to make him regret taking her on.



Ron was still enjoying his celebrity as sidekick to the \'Boy Who Conquered\' and was still quite happy to have no particular path in life. Honestly, it had felt as though they were growing distant as a couple as of late. Then again, perhaps this little holiday would be what the needed to get things \'back on track\', as it were.



Sighing, Hermione gave him an indulgent little smile. "Alright Ron, where are we going?"



As soon as she had said \'alright\', Ron light up lit like the sun. "It\'s great, \'Mione. I\'ve got it all planned out. I know you said one time that you\'d like to go, so we\'re going to French Polynesia, in the South Sea! I know you kept going on about how you\'d like to go just to find some of the plants and stuff... Anyway, I booked us a little room at this resort in the magical community of the Pitcairn Islands."



Hermione could say that she was honestly astonished, and it warmed her heart a little. It was one of the very few times that Ron had ever done something seemingly just for her.



"You need to go pack, \'Mione! It\'s already Saturday afternoon! We\'re due off on Monday morning!"



No wonder he was so bent on getting her to say yes! He\'d already arranged everything. It really was a bold move, all things considered, but that\'s just Ron\'s way... He rarely thinks things all the way through.



----- ----- ----- -----



Hermione had to admit, the holiday had been a wonderful idea when they arrived on the island... It was amazing! The deep blue waters, the clear and sunny weather, and the exotic plant life. It was just as she had imagined it might be.



She and Ron spent the first three days exploring the island and generally being tourists. She had even been fortunate enough to stumble across a few rare plants, carefully taking some small samples to bring back with her. Hermione couldn\'t help thinking that Severus would be more than pleased when she presented him with the small phials filled with plant matter. They were worth more than their weight in galleons...



Ron had grumbled as he watched Hermione put the phials into her bag with the utmost care. She was probably already thinking about going back to work with the greasy git... When he decided to bring her here he didn\'t think she\'d want to spend so much time running around and looking for plants.



Sure, he figured some of it was to be expected, but he was hoping that they\'d spend a lot more time in their hotel room, becoming better acquainted in a physical sense.



It was early morning on the fourth day of their stay when they found themselves walking along the southern tip of the island, just wandering in silence until Hermione spotted a little shop metres away.



"Ron, look over there! We could rent a kayak and see the rest of the island that way. I\'m sure it would make for some wonderful pictures, and we could explore some of the beach we haven\'t seen?"



"A ki-yak?"



"It\'s a muggle thing. It\'s a little like a canoe, you sit in it and paddle to where you want to go. It\'s supposed to be a wonderfully good time. We could wrap our lunch and take it along. I think we\'d really enjoy it!"



After a few moments of frowning and grumbling Ron gave in, admitting that it probably would be a good time. So, after heading back to their room and collecting a pack with essentials like fresh water, a compass, and lunch, they were off.



Hermione had rented a lovely red sit-on kayak that the shopkeeper had said was by far the best model for beginners. She also had made sure to pick up a map of the area, out of common sense. Though Ron had thought it silly to get a map when "they knew where they were going."



Soon they had set off, paddling slowly around the edge of the island. On occasion Hermione would lift her camera from her neck and snap a picture here or there, even turning around to take one of Ron as he splashed his oar in the sea.



They had been in the water for perhaps a half an hour before Ron had tapped Hermione on the shoulder.



"Hey, \'Mione, check the map... What\'s that island over there?" he said, pointing east of where they were currently floating.



Pulling out the map, Hermione couldn\'t help but smirk. "I thought you said we wouldn\'t need a map. After all, we know where we are."



"I know where I am, but I want to know what that is!" Ron huffed, pointing harder to the east.



Looking carefully over the map of Pitcairn and the few surrounding islands. She glanced over at the land Ron was pointing animatedly at, and then back at the map. After a few more moments of looking from land to map and back she was baffled.



"It\'s not listed on the map. The map doesn\'t show any island there. There\'s nothing around Pitcairn for miles, at least according to this."



"What do you mean it\'s not on the map?" Ron said, leaning to look over her shoulder.



"Just what I said, Ronald. Not. On. The. Map."



"Then let\'s go check it out! We could be the first to discover it! Besides, it\'s not that far to go. The island looks to be less than 100 meters away. It\'s not that far!"



"I don\'t know, Ron. Maybe we should just stick with the original plan. Who knows what\'s over there! Besides, with it being so very close to this island I doubt it\'s gone undiscovered! It\'s most likely a printing error of some sort."



"Come on, \'Mione. Don\'t be such a stick in the mud!" Ron said as he sunk his oar into the water, already attempting to navigate their kayak in that direction.



All Hermione could do was sigh in resignation as they began to paddle their way to the unmarked island.



It didn\'t take them very long at all to reach it. Carefully they pulled their little red kayak up onto the sand of the beach. It was a lush, fertile island, full of large and exotic plants as far as the eye could see. And that mountain! Up ahead a short distance was a great peak, reaching up towards the sky. This was a place of beauty if ever there was one... Hermione supposed that it might have been an old volcano. The magma or ash that it once held could possibly be what made the island so hospitable to the lush greenery that grew there.



From what Hermione could tell, they had ended up on the southern end of this unmarked place, not all too far from Pitcairn Island. Using her wand, she carefully marked the map where she believed the island to be.



When Hermione looked up again, she noticed Ron walking north, in the direction of the great peak.



"Ron! Where are you going! We don\'t know where we are! You can\'t just go wandering about!" she practically shrieked.



"I\'ll be fine! I\'ve got my wand! I\'m just going to go and take a look around the mountain. I won\'t go too far... I\'m not an idiot, after all."



"I never said you were an idiot, Ron. I just worry, that\'s all. Who knows what could be lurking around here. It\'s better safe than sorry, you know."



He gave her a nod and a smile before blowing a kiss her way and heading to the foot of the mountain that towered in front of them.



Hermione couldn\'t help but wring her hands nervously and bite at her lip a bit. For as beautiful as this place was she had no desire to go exploring deeply. There was something that made her wary of the great peak in front of her. She didn\'t want to call it a feeling of impending dread, but there was really not much else she could think to call it.



Taking a steadying breath Hermione began to investigate the plant life very near to where they had pulled up their kayak, not wishing to go much further. She busied herself taking pictures and samples of the plants while still keeping an ear open for Ron.



Hermione nearly dropped a phial when she heard a shout from a distance away.



"Hi \'Mione! Hiiiii!"



Looking around for a second she couldn\'t see Ron anywhere. However, after a moment she spotted him. There on the side of the great peak in front of her, was what looked to be a tiny little person with flame red hair. Lifting her camera from where it hung around her neck she zoomed in, thankful she had chosen a good muggle camera. There he was, waving to her from the side of the mountain, quite a height from the ground.



Quickly she snapped a picture, before shouting, "Ronald! Get down from there. You could be killed! Come back!"



"I\'ll be fine, just a bit longer!"



Hermione bit her lip nervously, once again wringing her hands as she watched the little redheaded figure slowly inch it\'s way upward.



She hadn\'t been watching for more than a minute when she noticed what looked to be a great black bird rise from what looked to be the very peak of the mountain. Picking up her camera again she tried her best to zoom in on the figure that was leisurely flapping it\'s way down the mountainside. She snapped a few pictures quickly before realizing that this... bird, or whatever it was, was making it\'s way toward Ron.



"Ron, Come back. Come back, please!" Hermione shouted desperately.



No sooner had the words echoed through the sky had the great thing landed where Ron was. She stood stalk still, watching and hoping Ron had the common sense to have drawn his wand.



It was silent a moment before Hermione heard what she would swear was Ron... Laughing? A great peal of laughter echoed back to her and then suddenly the black bird had lifted again into the air, this time clutching something close against it\'s being.



Hermione watched in stunned horror as the great black bird made it\'s way back up the mountain. Just before it disappeared at the peak, she caught sight of that shock of red hair, clutched tightly under the black thing\'s body.



It was then that Hermione let out a piercing scream, quickly swinging her pack over her shoulders and running towards the base of the mountain ahead of her. She had nearly made it to the base when a petite old woman with rich caramel coloured skin apparated in front of her.



"You must not go!" the native woman said in halting English as she grabbed Hermione\'s shoulders tightly, before pulling her in the direction of the beach.



"Please, I need to save my friend! Please!"



"You must not go! The beast has taken-"



"What was that thing? Please help me! I must go get him!" Hermione pleaded.



"It was an evil of which I will not speak. The beast has taken him to the Vale! Another will do the same to you if you follow."



"The Vale? You mean the afterlife?" she asked in horror, thinking back to the Department of Mysteries.



"The Vale of Pnath. There he will meet the afterlife... Eventually."



"Please, is there no way to save him?" Hermione asked desperately.



The woman gave a sad smile as she grabbed Hermione and the kayak before apparating the whole lot back to the little beach on Pitcairn Island.



"Where are you from, girl?" The woman asked kindly as she looked at the girl before her who suddenly looked so very lost.



"E-England. I work at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Hermione said softly, her eyes beginning to brim with tears as she began to wrap her mind around the situation she had just encountered.



The petite old woman pulled her wand from her hair and picked up a shell from the beach. She muttered quietly as she waved her wand over the shell in complex patterns.



"I will report this whole mess to local ministry. You needn\'t worry \'bout that. You should be headin\' home though... This isn\'t entirely legal, but..." The old woman stopped speaking and tossed the shell to Hermione.



As soon as she had caught it, she felt the familiar, and nauseating pull behind her navel. How she hated portkeys... Though not nearly as much as she hated flying.



----- ----- ----- ------



When the world stood still again, Hermione opened her eyes. She was standing just in front of the gates at Hogwarts. The old woman must have been one powerful witch to be able to create a portkey that would take her so very far in one go.



Slowly Hermione walked her way to the building she had for so long called home. Once inside she had barely made it halfway to the lab before the classes let out for the day. Glancing at her watch she noted it was only an hour until dinner here. Damn time change. She did her best to ignore the students milling about, inquiring about her being back early from holiday.



"Hermione! Hermione! You\'re back early! But that\'s alright. Just pass me your film and I\'ll see to it!" Dennis Creevey yelled as he caught up to her. He had promised he would develop her film as soon as she had returned.



Hermione sighed as she removed the camera from her neck and handed it to him wordlessly as she continued her way to the dungeons, seeking the silence and security of the labs. If there was anywhere she could escape, it was there.



She continued on, working her way past the students as she descended the stairs to the dungeons. Hermione couldn\'t help the sigh of relief she let out as she walked into the labs and closed the door behind her. Dropping her pack, she leaned against the door, breathing deeply as she slowly slid down into a sitting position. Pulling her knees up to her chest she let out the heart wrenching sob she had been holding in since she watched that thing carry her boyfriend away.



All Hermione could do was cry and think as she sat there, her head resting on her knees. She didn\'t want to think, but her mind kept rehashing the morning\'s events, over and over again. In her grief she was oblivious to the sound of someone entering through the door on the opposite side of the room.



"Hermione! Good Gods! What\'s the matter woman? What are you doing back?"



She looked up through her tears to see Severus Snape striding across the room towards her. Quietly he sat down beside her, pulling her onto his lap. Hermione buried her face against his chest and clutched tightly to the front of his black frock coat. If ever she had felt a moment where she needed to be held close, this was it...



Snape rested his chin on her head as she continued to cry, gasping little sobs that shook her body. A slight smile crept across his lips.



"It can\'t be that bad... What did Weasley do now that\'s gotten you to cut your holiday short?" He had suspected things would end in disaster when he had given the boy his permission for Hermione to take time off in the first place. Having her come back from holiday fed-up with Ron Weasley had been just what he had been hoping for. She would come back ready to look for a serious relationship with a real man. And if he had anything to say, he would be that man... He would finally let the witch know of his feelings for her.



"Come, love... What did he do that\'s gotten you so upset?" he whispered gently as he held her.



Taking a heaving breath, Hermione looked up and whispered back, "He died." Again she tucked herself close against Severus\' chest, making a valiant effort to stop her tears.



"Well," Severus thought. "This was certainly unforeseen, but then again, not exactly unwelcome either..."



----- ------ ------ ------



It had been three weeks since Ron\'s memorial service. And as much as Molly Weasley would have liked to have had someone to blame, she knew that Hermione wasn\'t at fault. Ron\'s curiosity, and as much as she hated it, his stupidity, had led him to his demise, not the girl whom she hoped would be her future daughter-in-law. Ron had told her he was going to propose on the trip, but she thought better of telling Hermione. She knew it would only serve to make her feel worse about the situation...



Hermione had gone back to work, taking up her apprenticeship with Professor Snape again. They had become much closer as well, and it had felt right to get on with her work, and her life. The routine would help her heal, she was certain. And it seemed she was right. It was getting to the point where she no longer felt the great stab of pain when she thought of her former boyfriend. Now she only felt a slight twinge of loss knowing she had lost a good friend.



Hermione had finally begun to empty the contents of her pack from the trip onto the lab table. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Severus laid his hand on her shoulder.



"A house elf brought this for you. It said Dennis Creevey sent him," he said, setting her camera on the table beside her, as well as a small bundle wrapped in parchment.



"Oh... Thank you... And these are for you," Hermione said softly as she refocused her attention back to the contents of her pack, picking up the phials of plant samples she held them out to him.



Silently he looked over the plants encased in the phials. One of them caught his eye. Severus had never actually seen the plant up close, and he knew of only one place where it could be gathered...



"Hermione... Where did you obtain this particular sample?" There was no way she had gone there...



"I don\'t know... I don\'t know where we were... The island wasn\'t on the map. See?" Hermione unrolled the map she had used earlier, pointing to where she had added the island to it.



Severus looked at the map, and then at Hermione with wide eyes. "This is a muggle map!" he nearly shouted before leaving the lab quickly.



He had only been gone a moment before returning with a large piece of parchment. Unrolling it on the table, Hermione could see that it was a larger version of the map she had used earlier, but with many more islands marked on it.



"That\'s the island we were on," Hermione said as she pointed to the large island east of Pitcairn, the one with the large mountain noted in the south. "Oriab Island?" She looked up at Severus, who looked like he could have been ill. "Severus... What\'s wrong?"



"You\'re lucky to have come home alive... The horrors on that island are many..."



"You know about that place?" Hermione asked as she tore open the package Dennis Creevey had sent. Her holiday photos. Shuffling through them she pulled out the photo she had taken of the island\'s landscape, the mountain dominating the center of the photo. "This is where we were."



Severus stared for a moment at the photo. "Mount Ngranek... Dear Gods. You are lucky you didn\'t climb the monstrosity."



"I didn\'t care for the island. Even in it\'s beauty it put me off, it made me feel like I shouldn\'t have been there..." Hermione said as she flipped past some photos of varying plant life before pulling out a picture of Ron waving on the mountainside, and set it before Severus.



"I didn\'t climb the mountain. He did," she said quietly before setting the photos of what she had earlier believed to be a bird in front of him. She looked closer at the photo. It was no bird. It looked more like a skeletal man, but with horns, wings, big clawed paw-like hands, and a long spiked tail. It had no face and no ears that she could see, and the being was black as night.



"A Nightgaunt... I don\'t think one has ever been captured on film. I have only ever seen drawings, sketches from decades ago when some poor unfortunate had happened upon the Isle..."



"A Nightgaunt? What is a Nightgaunt, Severus?"



"It is a dark creature that lives on the Isle of Oriab. They are tasked with carrying invaders to the Vale of Pnath. It tickles it\'s intended victim with it\'s claws and tail until they submit. Then they carry it away to the Vale... You are lucky to have left the island."



Suddenly Severus felt the strongest compulsion... He wrapped his arms around Hermione, pulling her close to him. "I don\'t know what I would have done had I lost you," he whispered, more to himself than her.



Sighing, Hermione embraced him in return. "You\'ll never lose me, Severus. Never."

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A/N: This is my little homage to the great H.P Lovecraft. The Isle of Oriab, The Vale of Pnath, Nightgaunts, and Mount Ngranek are all loving borrowed from his novella The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath.