Death Eater Takes a Holiday

Chapter 65 Pain and Remembrance
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Severus sat at his desk revising his potions schedule. He needed to accommodate Professor Flitwick and himself at the same time. He checked class times and potion options until he was sure it all worked out to his advantage. He would know for sure if his planning paid off about halfway through his third class.


While the Potions Master suffered through his second class of inane students, his mind drifted off to his recent visit to Kieran. Not only had he been surprised to find his friend dining with Healer Frances, but also that they had been meeting regularly for months.


The Scot had offered to allow Severus to read the progress journal he kept about Harry\'s treatments. In the book, every detail was listed. Everything from spells used, wounds re-injured and then healed, to detailed accounts of Harry\'s reaction to each treatment. There was a master list of all previous injuries, each marked with how it was treated and the initial results. Treatment plans were listed beside all of those not yet addressed.


Severus remembered Harry once telling him that Kieran seemed to pick areas to fix randomly and that he liked that Kieran wasn\'t as clinical as he would expect someone like a doctor to be. It was now clear to Severus that while Kieran may appear to choose the day\'s treatments randomly, he in fact had a well thought out rationale, each step of the treatment plan was deliberate. Severus had wanted to jump down his friend\'s throat for not thinking it through enough to know what kind of effect all of the treatments would have on Harry.


As it was, the biggest fault Severus could find was in Harry for not revealing everything to them, while unwisely trying to \'tough it out\', so to speak. He could at least blame Kieran for taking a teen like Harry at his word when it was clear Harry had done nothing but his best throughout training. He would act no differently toward Kieran as a Healer than he would have as his trainer.


~`~`~`~`~

At Kieran\'s...


\"During training, what is your usual response when Harry shows little or no reaction to pain?\" asked Severus. He wasn\'t surprised to see his friend\'s eyes light up.


\"Have you ever seen any other kid ignore pain and stay so focused?\" Kieran enthusiastically answered with a question. \"Frances, you should see him in training, he\'s incredible.\"


\"Then by the same token, do you expect Harry to reveal just any negative reactions to his treatments?\" Severus wouldn\'t mention the scatterings of white feathers on Harry\'s bed that indicated Hedwig\'s desperate attempts to wake Harry from recent nightmares. In all her years with Harry, she was used to his bad dreams. \'What would invoke her to help him now?\' he wondered.

Severus hadn\'t gotten the chance to rant and rave at his friend\'s recklessness. The Frances woman had a way of calming people down from an agitated state. It annoyed him to no end. He wanted to be mad at Kieran. He felt he owed it to Harry. It didn\'t help at all to find out Kieran had recently passed up several opportunities to make some righteous Galleons because he didn\'t want to chance draining himself before a treatment day with Harry.


Severus missed the benefits of training sessions, where he could at least pummel Kieran in the name of Harry\'s education. The whole thing frustrated the Hell out of him. Kieran was his best friend and was obviously making a great effort to help, but Harry was hurting. Severus\' mind was hastily brought back to the here and now in his second period class when a student dropped a glass tube. It was spelled not to break, but that didn\'t stop it from making a racket as it clinked along the floor before coming to a rest after several bounces. Needing to clear his head of the matter, Severus stalked through the rows of student tables, checking potions.

While the Potions Master glared at his students, Harry was home showering and getting ready for the day ahead; one to which he was not particularly looking forward. It wasn\'t so much the treatments to come, but that he needed to be honest with Kieran and Albus regarding his recent reactions to the past treatments.


Harry groaned when he entered Hogwarts just as the students were heading to their next class. The corridors were filled with students. He did his usual best to ignore the stares of the youngest students getting a glimpse at his famous scar.


\"Hi,\" came a little voice. Harry hadn\'t noticed the greeting was directed at him until he felt a slight poke at his arm. He recognized the little Gryffindor with whom he had once had breakfast.


\"Hi, ah...Jessica,\" relieved he\'d remembered her name. \"What class are you heading for?\"


She beamed at him, and then frowned. \"History of Magic,\" she answered miserably. \"How did you ever survive so many years of this stuff?\" she meant it, but he still laughed.


\"This class was very beneficial to me during my time here,\" he deadpanned and then laughed again at her incredulous look; her mouth hung open. \"Actually, I caught up on a lot of much needed sleep in that class,\" he admitted with a wink. \"But one of my best friends, she forced me to do a lot of studying to make up for it,\" he added, getting a smile in return.


\"As a responsible adult,\" he looked toward the ceiling at that, \"it\'s my duty to tell you to work hard and get good grades,\" Harry grimaced at himself, thinking he sounded a lot like Percy Weasley. \"All else fails, sit behind a big kid so the professor doesn\'t see you fall asleep.\" Before he left, Harry lifted his finger under her chin, closing her still open mouth, causing her to blush. He could sense someone now standing directly behind him, even if Jessica\'s wide eyes hadn\'t been a giveaway.


\"Mr. Potter, perhaps you should refrain from giving advice to students.\" The stern voice could only be his former Head of House.


\"Professor McGonagall, so good to see you again,\" he said cheerfully with a smile to rival Gilderoy Lockhart. He could see her thin tight lips twitch slightly as she managed not to smile at him.


\"Off to class with you,\" Professor McGonagall said to the young Gryffindor, then turned back to Harry. \"And you,\" she began walking, Harry following in step. \"Things being what they were, no one was going to begrudge you what little undisturbed sleep you could get.\" She surprised him with her words, though he knew it to be true. That didn\'t explain why several other students managed to get away with it too, but he wasn\'t going to mention that detail to his esteemed Head of House, former or otherwise.


\"It was good to see you again,\" he said when they reached the gargoyle at the entrance to Albus\' office. She nodded, allowing a smile now.


\"Take care of yourself, Harry. I believe the Headmaster is expecting you,\" she said kindly. Minerva didn\'t know exactly what he was there for, but she knew it involved a Healer. As Deputy Headmistress, she was privy to many things, since she was in charge during the times Albus was unavailable.


All too soon, Harry was at the top of the stairs, where Kieran and Albus were already discussing the treatments thus far. After the preliminary hellos and offering of tea, Kieran explained what he\'d done so far and what he hoped to get accomplished during this and the next few meetings. Harry told them about a few of the nightmares he\'d been having. Kieran had a theory, and asked Harry to tell them the details of the dreams. He turned out to be correct. Harry\'s dreams correlated with the recent healings, which would explain the nightmare about Vernon breaking his arm.


\"I believe you have repressed memories regarding the incidents where you healed yourself. Frances said it isn\'t uncommon for patients to suddenly remember something long since buried in the recesses of the mind. I\'m surprised this whole experience hasn\'t affected you more then it has,\" Kieran\'s last statement seemed less like a comment and more like an invitation to challenge him.


Harry had already agreed with Severus that he would come clean and tell them what had been going on. It seemed to Harry that Kieran had cottoned on, or had been \'helped along\' by a certain Slytherin.


\"There may have been a few instances I should have mentioned, even if I wasn\'t sure if they were related to the treatments or not,\" Harry admitted in a round about way. Albus gave him a pointed look, and he stopped hedging and told them about what happened with Hermione, along with various dreams and such.


\"Was that the only flashback you\'ve had since the treatments began?\" asked Kieran. Harry rolled his head from side to side as if he were trying to decide.


\"I\'m not sure, actually,\" he wasn\'t deliberately evasive, but then the more he thought about it, he knew he was kidding himself. \"Probably not,\" Harry said, and helped himself to a few lemon drops from the dish on Albus\' desk.


\"Do you remember others?\" Kieran jotted down notes while Harry was getting his thoughts together.


Harry shrugged as if he wasn\'t positive. \"A few weeks ago I fell asleep on the sofa with the telly on,\" Harry paused, and crunched the last of his lemon drop. \"I woke up hours later on the floor.\"


\"Could it be that you simply fell out of bed, so to speak?\" \"Has that happened before?\" asked Kieran and Albus respectively.


\"I\'ve fallen off the sofa once before, but at that time, Voldemort was doling out Unforgivables faster than you can offer up lemon drops,\" Harry gave Albus a wry smile. \"That night I woke up right away with a splitting headache and bruised back from landing on the coffee table. Even if I were to roll off, I would have woken up, and been next to the sofa, not up against the wall a meter away.\"


~*~


Some time earlier...


Severus was watching the clock, pacing between rows of workstations, checking on potions. Fifteen minutes into brewing, there was a spectacular sight from the first row. A purple mushroom cloud formed over a cauldron. With a few select words spoken in a tone that brooked no disobedience, the entire class exited the classroom to escape the unpleasant fumes, and did so quickly yet in a calm, orderly fashion, knowing they were under their professor\'s scrutiny. Severus activated an emergency ventilation system and left the room sealed up tight, as the incident warranted.


As he strolled to his rooms for a change of robes, Severus considered with a smirk what could have possibly gone wrong. Was it due to the volatile nature of the complex potion, or the fact that the jumpiest student was directed to sit up front, making him unlikely to get guidance from helpful classmates?


\"Severus, what a surprise to see you out of the dungeons this time of day,\" commented Minerva McGonagall.


\"It would seem there was a small incident requiring the students and I to evacuate. It should be safe to return in a few hours, I\'m sure,\" he was uncharacteristically pleasant.


\"I see,\" she said with a sardonic smile. \"Whatever will you do with all that extra time?\"


Severus shrugged, his hands turned up. \"Read a book, catch up on correspondence?\" he offered as suggestions he may or may not be considering. Minerva nodded slowly, checking her nails as if they commonly had leisurely chitchat in the corridors.


\"I believe Harry arrived a few moments ago to meet with Albus and the Healer fellow,\" she mentioned conversationally, as if that wasn\'t the reason Severus was out of his dungeon at this time of day.


\"Was that today?\" he asked, feigning mild interest.


Minerva rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, commenting, \'some of us have a class to teach\', and walked in the opposite direction, as if she didn\'t notice him speaking the password to the gargoyle guarding the Headmaster\'s office. Severus paused before knocking, having recognized Kieran\'s voice. He was explaining the treatment plan for the day, reviewing spells with Albus.


\"Harry, you mentioned wanting to take a calming draught before we begin.\"


\"Yes, Severus suggested a few things that should help. I thought...\" he trailed off. He didn\'t want to say he had expected Severus to give him one, knowing today was his appointment. Certainly, he could manage to get his own potion from Poppy. \"I\'ll have Dobby get one for me,\" Harry finished.


Now that Severus had suggested all he could help with, Harry was sure he could convince Kieran to move the next treatments to a time when Severus was available. He had brought his invisibility cloak with him, so he could sit in on one of Sev\'s classes later, if only to be close to him, and maybe pester him a bit. It could be fun, he thought to himself.


Albus smiled, knowing Harry well enough to know what wasn\'t said. It made it all the more enjoyable, knowing Severus (always the spy), was waiting just outside the door, listening in before alerting anyone to his presence.


With a \'crack\', Dobby arrived. Albus made a small request and sent the elf on his way without asking for Harry\'s potion. Knowing his cue, Severus knocked on the office door.


Setting his eyes on Harry, Severus saw his lover\'s face light up with happiness and relief to see him. Also, he didn\'t miss the hesitation in Harry\'s stance. He looked like he was restraining himself from leaping into his arms in front of Albus and Kieran.


Entering the room, Severus stood so close to Harry, their hips were touching. More like Sev\'s hips to Harry\'s side with the height difference. As his hand rested on Harry\'s lower back, he enjoyed surprising his green-eyed lover with a chaste kiss. While he usually avoided such displays, Severus was there for Harry\'s emotional support, and he could hardly consider a kiss in front of Albus and his oldest friend a public show.


\"It seems I was available after all,\" Severus said simply. He knew the Headmaster was informed whenever an emergency measure like venting the potions lab was activated. It was no surprise to Albus when Severus arrived. Taking out a familiar pouch, Severus handed Harry a glass vial. \"Calming drought.\"


Harry downed the vial in one, making a face that seemed more curious then objection to taste. Severus smiled. He knew Harry wasn\'t too fascinated by potions, but he\'d obviously recognized the potion as being something new. There was a very subtle difference in taste from the usual calming drought brewed for the school.


\"I may have tweaked the recipe,\" Severus said in answer to Harry\'s questioning look. \'Tweaked\' being an understatement, considering he modified the potion for Harry\'s age and weight; it would increase the effectiveness without making him sleepy immediately afterwards. Severus scanned over Albus\' desk, counting teacups, calculating how much \'calm\' Albus may have served up.


Harry watched Severus survey the area. \"I had two cups,\" he said, knowing the potion and tea had the same effects in varying strengths.


Albus found it very entertaining to watch his two favorite wizards have an entire conversation while saying only a dozen words between them.


The \'clear\' room Harry had portkeyed into on several occasions was set up for the day\'s treatment. A table, similar to a tall, narrow bed, stood in the center of the room, covered with a white sheet. The walls, much like at the Wellingfield Institute, were also covered with light fabric. Kieran held out a white silken gown. Severus was standing between Harry and Kieran at that moment, and took the garment from his friend. He held up the light, flowing robe to see the light shine right through the silky fabric.


\"You didn\'t say I\'d get to see you in a dress again,\" Severus teased Harry, handing over the light robe.


\"No?\" grinned Harry, slowly turning his head to Kieran.


\"He\'s needed it for few of the treatments so far, but today is more involved and there are two other wizards here with a considerable amount of magic between you.\" Kieran explained the special fabric on the walls acted as a barrier between them and the magic that was inherent to the castle itself. \"Today\'s treatment is more involved, which is why Albus is assisting. My magic must flow freely through the room, just like at the Institute.\" Kieran handed Albus a white robe also.


\"This is for you,\" Harry said with a huge grin, handing the robe back to Severus.


Albus took the robe and showed Kieran where he could change, leaving Harry alone with Severus. The door separating the office and the small corridor leading to the loo and bedrooms had hardly closed when Severus found himself tightly embraced by a warm Harry.


\"Thank you,\" Harry said without lifting his head from Sev\'s chest.

\"You do realize there are very few people in the world I would wear a dress for,\" Severus said dryly.


\"Don\'t think for a minute I don\'t appreciate it,\" Harry said, raising his brows suggestively, and began opening the long row of buttons on the teaching robes. \"Come on Sev, I know it\'s a fantasy of yours to get naked in Albus\' office,\" laughed Harry.


\"Did I say you were one of the few people? Tell me one good reason why I should agree to wearing this,\" he held up the white robe, eyeing it distastefully.


\"You will wear it,\" Harry said confidently. \"You have to if you want to stay and see me not wearing a dress,\" Harry waiting the half-second it took Severus to catch his drift.


\"There are easier ways to get you out of your pants,\" Severus smirked and helped Harry off with his shirt. The lighthearted teasing had helped ease the tension, but each article of clothing removed meant they were that much closer to beginning the day\'s treatment. Harry shook his head to clear it.


\"It\'s weird,\" Harry began, \"having you here seems to make everything different. Usually I\'m gearing up, getting mentally ready. Today, instead of feeling like I want to flex muscles, I just want to climb into your lap and wait for it to be over.\"


\"Is it that you\'ve realized you don\'t need to be strong for everyone, and are ready to admit that you\'re human after all?\" Severus was sure he heard \'git\' muttered somewhere.


\"You\'re strong enough for both of us,\" Harry said, placing a kiss on his nose and sliding his hands down Sev\'s silk covered sides before climbing onto the cushioned table, pulling the top sheet up to his chin. \"Comfy, isn\'t it?\" Harry said, referring to the white robe. The sarcastic reply was cut off by Albus and Kieran\'s entrance.


It never ceased to amaze Harry how much of a transformation Kieran made when in \'Healer\' mode, compared to the \'kicking his arse during training\' mode. The Scot still had a beard that looked a few days old, but his hair was clean and neat. He\'d also never seen Severus so far from his wand. It clearly made him uncomfortable, but there couldn\'t be a safer place for him to be without it. It then occurred to Harry that whatever it was Albus had learned to do for them today would be done without a wand. Of course, he seldom saw the older wizard use a wand.


\"Remember, Albus is here and he will make sure you feel no pain. I\'m sure you know, lack of pain doesn\'t mean you won\'t feel something. This could also bring up memories you may not wish to revisit, like the dreams you had recently,\" explained Kieran. When he was ready to begin, Kieran nodded, and Albus removed the sheet just as Kieran had done for Frances the first time. Harry wondered if Kieran had instructed Albus in advance or if Albus himself had need of a Healer in the past. It wasn\'t unlikely, considering his age and previous history. Kieran once again reminded Harry that Albus would make certain he was in no pain.


Severus remembered Harry had mentioned how comforting it was to have Kieran massage his head when he was distressed during part of Frances\' initial exam. It was a relief to see Harry smile up at him in response to a small touch to his shoulder. He would be there for Harry and ignore the uneasy feeling stirred up by having the others seeing Harry so exposed. There\'d only been a few occasions he\'d seen Harry wide-awake, naked and flaccid all at the same time.


The magic in the air was palpable when Albus cast his spell. Harry could feel the odd sensation when Kieran pinched his hand, but he felt no pain. The Healer repeated the spell he had first used on Harry to sense where he\'d been injured in the past, confirming the area they were to treat.


Telling himself he was not getting old, that anyone would feel the same, Severus was grateful for the chair by Harry\'s head, so he could sit and be close to his love without bending over and straining his back. Severus watched on in interest, while idly tracing patterns over Harry\'s shoulders.


Harry\'s eyes darted from person to person, tensing when Kieran raised his hands again. The Healer had finished his preliminary look around. The hum of magic radiating from Albus magnified as if the elder wizard had intensified the spell. Harry could feel Kieran\'s magic. He could feel pressure and some other sensation he deemed would better be ignored with meditation than acknowledged enough to name.


Severus watched Harry\'s eyes moving at a frantic pace. From the tension he felt in Harry\'s shoulders, he knew Harry, too, had felt Albus\' spell getting stronger. His long fingers massaged Harry\'s scalp at what he hoped was a soothing pace. He continued gently when his lover closed his eyes in meditation as they had practiced a few times in preparation for the treatment. It was an odd sensation, to see the two other men standing above, to feel the magical flux as they used tremendous amounts of magic, though with seemingly little effect that anyone could see on the surface.


Harry abruptly opened his eyes, but didn\'t appear to focus on anything or anyone. His breathing quickened, and his body tensed. Severus softly called his name, trying to keep Harry consciously aware of his presence. As he settled down, Harry\'s breathing matched Severus\', helping to stay at ease. Severus took another deep calming breath, followed by Harry. Whatever Albus was doing to keep the pain sensations away had also kept the nausea under control.


Harry concentrated on the voice whispering comforting words in his ear. At first he concentrated on what Severus said, keeping his mind off Kieran\'s Healing. Severus spoke so softly, no one but Harry could hear his words. For that matter, the Voice had worked so well that Harry had unconsciously stopped hearing the words and simply let the comforting silkiness flow over him. Harry was no longer listening to Severus\' words, but he was sensing their intent by the feel of warm puffs of air, soft lips brushing past his ear with each word.


Severus could see that his friend Kieran was exerting himself tremendously during the treatments. The Healer had always sent Harry home first after treatments to make sure he could Apparate out safely. For that reason, Harry never knew Kieran was typically so drained that he didn\'t leave for an hour or so later, until he had regained the strength to do so. Severus had once found the Scot sleeping in a pile of hay with a transfigured pillow. He\'d wanted to be there for one of the treatments but was held up. Instead of seeing a treatment, he found Harry asleep at home, and then Kieran in the hay at the training building.


Albus\' arms held in the air were not as steady as they\'d been when they started, but he showed no other signs of fatigue. Severus never stopped speaking to Harry while he scrutinized the others. He suddenly realized how well he was distracting Harry, when he saw his lover\'s cock twitch with interest. He wasn\'t even semi-erect, but just beginning to stir. For a moment, Severus was conflicted between ignoring it and allowing Harry to be completely distracted. He tried to decide what would matter to Harry more, the discomfort of the treatment or the embarrassment he might feel for having an erection in front of Albus and Kieran.


Severus\' brief conflicting thoughts were forgotten when Harry\'s eyes popped open wide and he gasped. The young wizard focused on one spot as if he was now seeing something clearly in front of him, something that to him, was real. Severus followed his line of sight, but there was nothing perceptible where Harry was staring.


\"No!\" yelled Harry, reacting to the hallucination that was his reality. Severus forced eye contact with him. \"Sev,\" Harry said, as if confirming where he was, but then his eyes again lost focus on Sev\'s face when a memory returned to the forefront of his consciousness.


\"Harry, you\'re safe,\" Severus said, getting his attention once again. \"A few more minutes and you\'ll be done for today,\" he said, checking the time, hoping he\'d accurately done the math.


\"Why?\" Harry asked sorrowfully, his voice cracking. \"Severus why? How could he?\" he searched deep in his lover\'s eyes for an answer he would not soon receive, if ever. He barely noticed Albus cover his naked body with the white sheet. An aged, wrinkled hand brushed Harry\'s hair from his sweaty face.


\"Would you like another calming drought?\" asked Albus soothingly. Severus was already breaking open the seal on the potion. Harry was nodding his head, holding his hand out for the vial.


\"Albus, why? I was being really good,\" Harry\'s voice sounded pitiable, and so very young, a child still looking for answers.


\"Other then plain hate, we don\'t know why they did those things. Vernon was a sick man; he\'ll never hurt you again,\" Albus dabbed Harry\'s chin where the potion had dripped.


\"He\'s gone,\" Harry confirmed, more to himself than anyone else. \"Death is but the next great adventure...\" Harry trailed off, but then laughed manically. \"It\'ll be quite an adventure when I send Voldemort to meet him in Hell.\"


Severus smirked at the comment, but couldn\'t help but be concerned when Harry seemed so close to the edge. Kieran asked if Harry had had a flashback, not having witnessed one personally. Severus shook his head \'no\'.


\"It was a memory, but it was so real. I couldn\'t feel what you were doing with Albus casting that spell, but when you were doing,\" he gestured to his abdomen. \"I could remember it all happening.\"


\"Do you want to tell us about it?\" asked Albus tenderly.


\"He wasn\'t even mad at me,\" Harry\'s mind drifted to the incident. \"I was planting extra flowers, and I always did the other chores before planting, so I must have been caught up, but I\'m not even sure what year that was.\"


\"What set him off?\" Severus wondered if the snake had yet been set loose.


\"Piers hit me, he blacked my eye,\" Harry said, making them wonder who Piers was. \"Vernon was mad I had a bruise that would show. Maybe it was the end of summer...but if I was planting, it could have been earlier. Maybe I was going to see Mrs. Figg soon,\" he said the last part more to himself than to the others, and continued. \"Vernon figured if he hurt me bad enough, I would do my \'freak healing thing\' and no one would see the black eye,\" Harry laughed again, making Severus frown with worry. \"It didn\'t work!\" Harry cackled. \"He...\" Harry snorted, \"he broke his hand on me, but it didn\'t work. Three days later I woke up, still sporting a slightly faded black eye, yet Vernon\'s handiwork was healed. I had no memory of it, no idea how Vernon hurt his hand or why he wasn\'t punishing me for getting marked right before they were leaving on holiday.\"


\"I think a little rest is in order, Fawkes,\" Kieran said, nodding to Severus when he motioned to help Harry up. Harry sat up, pulling the sheet around him. \"You may be a little dizzy,\" Kieran told him.


\"I\'m good,\" Harry turned his head to Kieran too quickly. The Healer\'s face blurred for a second until Harry saw two Kierans. Severus had Harry lie back down before his eyes could roll back.


\"Sure, you\'re good,\" Severus remarked sarcastically.


The dizziness passed quickly, but Harry remained lying there a few minutes to appease the three wizards standing around him. He looked from one wizard to the next, all in their white silken robes. \"Albus,\" Harry said softly.


\"Yes, Harry?\"


\"Is this the next great adventure? I\'m surrounded by angels in white,\" laughed Harry, teasing them about the \'dresses\'.


\"Fallen angels,\" murmured Kieran.


\"Speak for yourself, heathen,\" countered Severus. Albus just smiled. The ever-present twinkle flashed merrily when Harry accused them of making him lie there for so long because they wanted to keep him naked.


Harry stood up, wrapping the sheet around him like a toga. He was only too happy for Severus to guide him to his room. Harry nuzzled in close, enjoying strong arms around him. Kieran\'s voice could be heard from Albus\' office.


\"You don\'t get to keep the dress, Snape!\" The Healer winked at Albus as he taunted his friend from the other room. His grin quickly turned to surprise when a white robe appeared in his arms, followed by the sheet. \"Show off!\"


~\\*'


Harry sighed with contentment when Severus climbed into bed, leaned up against the wall and pulled him close, wrapping an arm around his middle and placing a chaste kiss on his shoulder. It was an odd sensation to be naked against Severus while Albus and Kieran could still be heard speaking in the office.


\"Feeling alright?\"


Harry knew what he was asking, but all he could think about was feeling the skin-to-skin full body contact with Severus. \"Mm-hmm,\" he hummed happily.


\"Are you sure?\" asked Severus, not pushing, but surprised Harry wasn\'t more upset.


\"It used to bother, me not knowing why Vernon wanted me to hurt. I couldn\'t believe his dislike of magic alone could make a person act the way he did. I suppose, during a bad day,\" he said, hating the word \'regress\', \"I go back to wanting answers. Otherwise, I no longer care what motivates a prick like him.\" Harry squeezed Sev\'s arm, pulling in tighter. \"Just a little guilty,\" Harry added quietly. Severus would have been more concerned if Harry wasn\'t sporting an evil grin.


\"Feel free to confess,\" Severus deadpanned, making Harry chuckle.


\"These days, when something like this happens, the first thing I think of is your past reactions, wanting to kill him for what he did to me... then I remember,\" said Harry, leaving unsaid, \'...you did.\'


\"You feel guilty for Vernon dying?\" Now Severus was concerned and beginning to anger, but then Harry grinned again.


\"No, I feel guilty for taking pleasure in the knowledge that he suffered. But not too guilty,\" he added.


\"Rest,\" Severus nuzzled his nose in Harry\'s mop of hair. He wondered when it was exactly that he made the transition from being annoyed by his lover\'s messy head to finding it endearing. \'Probably when we were both teens and my eyes never made it past his tight arse, \' Severus thought to himself.


\"I felt that,\" tittered Harry when he felt movement from behind, in the nether regions.


The thought of Harry\'s tight arse had made Sev\'s cock stir. \"I said, rest,\" chided Severus, knowing Harry couldn\'t see his smirk.


\"How can I rest with you taking advantage of me in my weakened state?\" he teased, unsure if Sev had noticed when he had been getting aroused during the treatment. \"Perv.\"


\"Tease.\"


\"I am the victim. You\'re taking advantage of the situation, evil Head of Slytherin that you are,\" Harry pressed back against him, trapping Sev\'s cock between his cheeks.


\"You love it,\" Severus growled along his neck. \"You love playing the victim, lying there naked in front of me like an offering, the virgin sacrifice,\" he pulled Harry\'s earlobe between his teeth.


\"Lucky for me, my hero has rescued me once again,\" Harry turned to his side, facing Severus.


\"That\'s what makes you the victim; you mistakenly think me the hero and not the monster that accepted the offering.\"


They enjoyed the banter, both purposefully ignoring the small bits that used to be truth in their playful words. Harry may have bad days, but he would no longer allow himself to be the victim any more than Severus believed himself to be a monster.


\"Now that you mention it, it was you who took my virginity,\" joked Harry, as if the truth had just occurred to him.


\"I didn\'t take it, you were offering,\" Severus winced at the unintentional pun.


Harry took to ignoring his lover\'s words again and concentrated on the tasty collarbone within his reach. He ran his tongue along until he reached a strong, muscled shoulder, and took a bite. He licked and nibbled happily as Severus tilted his head, allowing Harry more access.


Severus enjoyed Harry\'s ministrations a little longer before rolling on top of his young lover. They nuzzled and kissed until deep, dark eyes met green. \"You still need to rest,\" Severus said softly, but determined.


\"I know. I\'ve come down off the adrenalin rush, but I want you more then sleep,\" Harry tried to reach for Sev\'s earlobe again, without success.


\"I will have to remedy that,\" Severus kissed him soundly before making a path down Harry\'s chest.


It was not a leisurely journey of exploration, but a swift descent to his goal. He barely paused to flick the tip of his tongue along Harry\'s left nipple before trailing down, his nose passing over each rib, making Harry flinch when he hit a ticklish spot. After a quick suck on the sensitive area by his lover\'s hip, Severus swallowed Harry\'s erection to the root.


Harry babbled incoherently. Sev withdrew enough so only the head of Harry\'s cock remained between his lips before sucking him in again and again. His relentless pace continued with only an occasional stop to run his sinful tongue down the shaft and mouth his balls, rolling them over his tongue until Harry whimpered. Each time, before Severus would return his attentions to Harry\'s leaking cock, he would make a quick detour, teasing Harry\'s entrance with a swirl of his tongue before once again devouring him, nose deep in a tuft of black curls.


Harry was so close, he hardly registered Severus\' long middle finger in his mouth. He slicked up the digit with saliva without giving it a second thought. Without preamble, the slick finger was thrust into his entrance, stimulating his sweet spot mercilessly until Harry came with a shout. In his blissful haze, Harry hardly noticed Severus pulling up the covers, and wrapping his arms around him.


\"Now sleep,\" ordered Severus, knowing he would get no argument from his already dozing lover.

~)*(~

As it was only midday, Severus was wide awake. He used this time to think about various things while he idly ran his fingers through Harry\'s hair. He enjoyed feeling his slumbering lover\'s warm exhalations against his chest. When Harry awoke, Severus had already mentally revised his next lecture, thought up a possible healing potion alteration, and daydreamed about various ways of making the Flynn boy\'s life miserable.


Harry wasn\'t fully awake; he mumbled something against Sev\'s nipple, making him shiver, and turned over. Severus smiled at his sleepy lover, watching him move between sleep and wakefulness. He was obviously fighting to stay asleep, but something was forcing him to come around. Harry carefully slid out of the bed, trying not to wake the Slytherin, unaware he hadn\'t slept. Amused, Severus watched Harry pull on a pair of boxers and tee shirt while grumbling about two cups of tea, before turning back around to find Severus smirking at him.


\"You\'re up,\" he said, groggily stating the obvious.


\"How perceptive of you. I expected you to sleep longer.\"


The fog in Harry\'s brain cleared as he became aware of the fact that Severus looked damn sexy leaning up on his elbow, the bed sheet hanging perilously low on his hips. The dark wizard cleared his throat when he noticed Harry had become distracted by the view.


\"Hmm? Yeah, I guess I would still be sleeping, but I gotta\' pee more,\" Harry said while yawning.


\"Your eloquence never ceases to astonish me,\" Severus said dryly. \"Or lack thereof,\" he added sarcastically, but Harry knew him to be teasing.


\"Well then, it\'s a good thing I can make up for it with a tight arse,\" Harry gave him a feral grin before heading out to the loo. Silencing charms in place, he heard only a split second of Severus\' laughter as the door closed. What he did hear was Albus humming to himself in his office.


Knowing where Albus was, Harry almost didn\'t knock on the door. But then, hearing the water running, he thought he should be wearing more then boxers and a tee. When the door opened, Harry was greatly relived to see it wasn\'t Minerva McGonagall in the small corridor.


\"Hey, Fawkes,\" Kieran greeted him cheerfully, but he looked just as sluggish as Harry, \"I don\'t usually get to talk to you again after treatments. Come talk to me after...\" he gestured to the loo. Harry agreed and noticed Kieran was still in his Healing robes. When Harry returned, he found the wizard on Severus\' bed in the other room. Harry hadn\'t been in Sev\'s room in the tower before. It had nary a decoration, with the exception of one framed item on the wall behind him. Harry thought he saw a pencil drawing of a phoenix with words written below, but he couldn\'t stop and look it over without being rude to Kieran.

\"Did you get some sleep?\" asked Kieran, getting a nod in return.


\"You look like you need more sleep than me,\" commented Harry, seeing how exhausted the Healer looked.


Kieran scratched his scruffy face. \"A few hours sleep and a hot meal and I\'ll be good to go,\" he grinned. \"I\'ll be healing the delinquents of the wizarding world by tomorrow night.\"


\"You\'re missing work because of this?\" It hadn\'t occurred to Harry before that Kieran had been making a sacrifice for him. \"I didn\'t even think about what a toll this took on you,\" he said guiltily.


\"Don\'t give it a thought,\" Kieran said dismissively. \"I don\'t see much action during the week, anyway.\"


Harry did some figuring in his head and realized Kieran would have had to take Sunday off to be ready for a Monday morning treatment with him, though that did explain why Kieran wouldn\'t agree to Friday appointments.


\"I\'ve been so used to having Poppy take care of me, that I didn\'t even think; as an adult I\'m responsible for this kind of stuff. Shouldn\'t I be paying you?\"


\"I\'ve spent a shitload more time training ya\', and you never gave me a Knut before. Why start now?\" laughed Kieran.


\"That\'s different, we\'re all working for the Light.\"


\"This ain\'t no different. We\'re doin\' this so you can get more magic and defeat him. You don\'t see nobody reachin\' into their pockets to pay Snape for spying, do ya\'?\"


Harry rolled his eyes and snorted at the thought of Sirius chipping in.


\"You remembered something significant today,\" said Kieran, moving the topic from himself. The sudden change of tone and subject threw Harry off balance. He didn\'t even know if Kieran had been in the room when he told Severus about it. After a moment of thought, Harry began.


\"I recovered a memory,\" he admitted with a nod. \"Seems Vernon knew about me healing myself, even if I didn\'t, \" he added quietly. \"When my uncle thought he might get into trouble for a visible bruise, something the neighbors might see, he\'d hurt me more until it was bad enough for me to heal myself.\" Harry paused. \"It didn\'t work if I stayed conscious.\" He couldn\'t even fathom what his uncle must have done with the knowledge of a way out. He was curious if it was after his neck was burned that they had figured out that bit of information. Or was that when they found out he had to be out cold?
\"I used to want the answers, but you know what they say, \'be careful what you wish for\'.\"


The small room was silent as Kieran took in the information.


\"It\'s harder than I thought it would be,\" he broke the silence, surprising the Healer.


\"I thought Albus\' spell would help,\" said Kieran, clearly concerned.


\"It did. I felt no pain, or even like I was going to be sick. But the hard part isn\'t the physical stuff,\" Harry looked away. \"Dreaming about bits of my past, knowing it actually happened, is not the same as remembering whole situations first-hand. I don\'t think I would have the mental capacity to have this conversation with you if it weren\'t for Severus\' help.\"


\"If you could go back, knowing what you know now, would you do it all over again?\"


\"If I knew then, I wouldn\'t have been a martyr. I would have listened to Severus, and gotten this help a lot sooner,\" he said with a self-depreciating smile. \"Probably, I would have done it regardless, even without this, to give me an edge for when I have to battle with the evil bastard. Yes, I\'d do it all over again,\" Harry again said reassuringly.


\"I wouldn\'t have,\" Kieran\' said quietly. Harry had never heard him speak so softly.


\"No? A tough guy like you?\" he said lightheartedly.


\"As a Healer,\" he clarified. \"if I knew then what this was going to be like for you, I would never have started.\" The solemn tone of Kieran\'s voice struck Harry. Even when Kieran saw all of his past injuries the first time, Harry had never seen the man so somber.


\"I had a choice,\" Harry began, but was cut off.


\"I should have listened to the other Healers at the Institute. I should have listened to Frances when she said Healers heal, they don\'t bring harm to others. Harry, you\'re a strong and brave young wizard who has overcome adversity. I was thinking about how well you perform in training, when I should have been thinking about all you would have to relive from a time before you became who you are today. You are a young man, and it wasn\'t all that long ago you were an abused child, struggling simply to survive.\"


\"Are you saying you don\'t think it\'s going to work?\" asked Harry nervously.


\"I wouldn\'t still be here if I didn\'t think so. But if the treatments were more difficult, it might not be worth the outcome.\" Kieran believed that the saving grace of the whole process was that the treatments would most likely not get worse. He did at least believe they would work.


\"Every now and again, there are days that I still feel like I\'m struggling to survive, but most of the time, that all seems like a lifetime ago,\" Harry gave him a reassuring smile. \"I hadn\'t been honest with you about how all this was affecting me. We both know it will all have been worth it when it\'s over and I have more magic at my disposal.\" Harry smiled, thinking about what it would be like later, and looked forward to it.


\"I have to say, it\'s been a kick getting you battle-ready. I\'ve never trained a more powerful wizard,\" Kieran had that same grin he wore when he and Harry finished a very productive training session.


\"What about Severus?\" Harry asked with a grin.


\"Ah, but I didn\'t train him,\" Kieran then became serious again. \"After your next treatment, which won\'t be for a while, I want you to return to the Institute so Phoebe can check your progress.\"


\"Sure. It will make it all easier, seeing results.\" He then added quickly, \"Even if we don\'t see results, I\'ve never felt better. I feel like my whole body\'s had a fresh start,\" he said, flexing his muscles.


\"It\'s called HCR, Healing for Complete Rejuvenation. Old biddies are having it done to keep them from getting old. It\'s a con. Sure, they feel great, having evidence of old injuries and symptoms of past illnesses healed over, but it doesn\'t keep you young, and that\'s how HCR is advertised. Don\'t even bring it up in front of Frances. You think the others at the Institute disapprove of my usual clientele? You should see how riled up they get when they read an advertisement selling \'youthfulness\' in the back of the ladies\' journals.\"


\"You mean, I\'m not going to keep my girlish figure?\" asked Harry, while peering back at his hips.


\"Get the Hell out of here and get some more sleep!\" Kieran said while Harry huffed in feigned offence.


\"First you get me naked, and then you call me into your room, telling me how strong and brave I am. Now you\'re tossing me out!\" cried Harry in jest.


\"Get out, you flipping fairy,\" Kieran mock-yelled, sending him back to Snape and slamming the door in the process. Harry was still laughing when he got back to his room.

~\\*'

\"Has it finally happened?\" asked Severus vaguely.


\"Has what happened?\" Harry pulled off his shirt, getting his glasses caught, and tossed them onto the bedside table.


\"Did you finally find someone who isn\'t after you?\" Severus smirked, watching Harry, his hands at a halt above the edge of his boxers. Severus sat up, the sheet hardly covering his manhood. \"You\'re a big flirt,\" he said, pulling on Harry\'s boxers, drawing him closer.


\"I am not,\" Harry said halfheartedly, and groaned when Sev put his mouth on him. His boxers had inched down just enough to expose a deliciously inviting spot that begged to be kissed. Harry watched, breathing heavier. \"You love me just the way I am,\" said Harry playfully.


\"Perhaps,\" Severus said before sliding his tongue along Harry\'s waistband, causing him to expel a shuddering breath. \"A flipping fairy?\" Severus questioned with a brow raised. Harry just laughed; Severus stripped off his pants and pulled him back into bed.


Harry lay partly on and beside his lover, his head on Sev\'s shoulder. \"Any plans on building up your anterior deltoid muscle?\"


\"Excuse me?\" Severus looked down at Harry, who was poking his finger into Sev\'s shoulder.


\"I like this spot as a pillow, but it\'s a little bony right here,\" he prodded as he spoke.


\"I\'ll see what I can do,\" deadpanned Severus. \"Here I thought I finally had a partner who didn\'t want to change me.\"


Harry snorted. \"This from a man with whom I spent two months in training, while he pushed me to make more changes than I thought possible.\" Harry smiled, feeling the small laugh in response against the top of his head. He cuddled in closer, feeling safe in his lover\'s warm embrace.


Harry couldn\'t see the comforting pictures on the shelf from his position, but knew they were there just as he knew Albus would still be in his office humming an odd tune to himself. He didn\'t like a concerned Kieran. Harry looked forward to all this being over and to his newest friend being back to his usual gruff self, teaching him how to block a punch and putting hexes on his food. Soon things would settle down, but for now he was content in Sev\'s arms. Severus had turned on his side, facing Harry. The full body skin-to-skin contact was glorious. Harry\'s breathing evened out as he listened to his lover\'s heartbeat.


Severus wore a contented smile as Harry wriggled to get as close as possible. He didn\'t think it a coincidence Harry\'s mouth was against his nipple. Occasionally, the tip of a pink tongue would explore around the hardened nub. Even as his lover began to drift to sleep, his lips would brush against him tantalizingly. A sleepy declaration of love was spoken against his chest just before Harry dropped off.

Once again, Severus found himself alone with his thoughts, only this time he would not be coming up with lesson plans. Instead, he held his lover close, taking pleasure in every inch of Harry pressed against him. He kissed the head of dark, messy hair, and again on his temple, and smiled when a mostly sleeping Harry puckered his lips in response. Severus kissed him again, looking to see if he could get the same response. This time Harry\'s lips hardly moved, but could be felt lightly on his skin.


Severus was sure he had memorized every line, curve and unblemished region of the body beside him. He had once been concerned about the comparison between Harry\'s beautiful form and his own scarred body, after Harry had rid himself of most of his scars. The scars were one of the things that reminded Severus that his lover hadn\'t had the perfect life he\'d once believed. He reconsidered. That may have been important at one time, but now Severus was sure he knew Harry well enough and wouldn\'t need the visual reminder. He took comfort in the fact that Harry kept a small portion of scar behind his one ear where he was extra sensitive. Severus liked to think it was there only for him, which was true.


Harry\'s muscled arm flinched around Severus\' waist while he watched his lover\'s face, so serene as he slept peacefully. Another twitch and the time for tranquility was over. Severus could tell this was not a happy dream, and he would not allow Harry\'s nightmare to go on. In a tight embrace, Severus softly spoke loving words to sooth him from his troubled sleep. Sucking on a soft earlobe seemed to help somewhat, and Severus thanked whatever gods would listen that Harry hadn\'t been sexually abused by his family.


When dreams and/or memories of Vernon faded, Harry was somewhat aware of being held. He heard the voice that usually made him weak in the knees, but didn\'t catch the spoken words. He whimpered when the lips he felt move against his skin no longer spoke, but calmed again when they shifted to worry at his earlobe. A soft hum in his ear soothed; warm, wet goodness licked over the same spot before abandoning the earlobe for the nearby scar. Harry moaned louder this time. He could feel Sev\'s hair curtain around his face. The words came back, but again he couldn\'t make out what was being said. Rising more and more into coherence, he realized his lover was speaking French. It was now very clear why Severus reacted the way he did when Harry spoke in Parseltongue.


\"I swear, one day you\'re going to make me come without a single touch to my cock,\" groaned Harry.


\"We will have to explore that possibility sometime,\" Severus pressed a kiss to his temple. \"Feeling better?\" he asked, getting a nod in return. \"Is it very difficult, having these memories returned to you?\"


Harry shrugged. \"It is, but I think it would have been a lot worse if I didn\'t know beyond any doubt that he couldn\'t hurt me anymore, ever again. Initially, it\'s so disturbing to think about, especially knowing that I\'ve blocked out portions of my life, but then I think about how safe I am now and...\" he trailed off.


\"How safe you are, and...?\" Severus questioned encouragingly, glad Harry was willing to speak to him rather then suppress it. Harry turned around, spooning his back up to Severus\' chest, pulling Sev\'s arm around him tight. Severus knew his love felt safe this way and perhaps didn\'t want to speak face to face.


\"I know Vernon is dead because of what he did to me, and I can\'t help but feel satisfied by that fact. I didn\'t feel that way at first, but I do now, even if I may not admit it to anyone else. I wonder sometimes how it would feel from your point of view.\" While Harry may not have asked a direct question, Severus knew he hoped for an answer.


\"You\'ve killed, so I know your perspective has changed, but taking the life of an attacking Death Eater is very different from premeditated murder. You want to know how I feel when it comes to mind? I feel cheated. I hated the bastard for what he did to you and wanted him to suffer. Then I loathed him even more when I didn\'t have a chance at proper retaliation,\" Severus had never before spoken so openly regarding Vernon. He\'d ranted to Kieran, but this was uncharted territory with Harry.


\"Did you cast Cruciatus on him?\" asked Harry quietly.


\"Not personally, no.\" meaning someone had, but not him. Harry nodded in understanding. \"There were several others present. Time was limited, but each wizard had a chance to express themselves, though perhaps not as creatively as myself,\" the last part was spoken softly to himself, but Harry had heard. Severus held him tighter, protectively.


\"Creative?\" asked Harry, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. Sometimes it was better to use your imagination. He suddenly remembered what he\'d said to Kieran, \'be careful what you wish for.\'


Regardless of Harry\'s leading question, Severus had no plans of getting into the details of his torturing Vernon Dursley. \"Let\'s just say that had he lived and you still had your old scars, there would be a remarkable resemblance between the two of you, give or take ten stone,\" Severus added, referring to Vernon\'s tremendous size. \"I\'ve come to realize, boundless amounts of time wouldn\'t have been enough.\" Severus was reminded of Harry\'s earlier comment about Vernon meeting up with Voldemort in Hell. He didn\'t want to get into what he had... inspired Macnair to do; he knew that would be beyond his young lover\'s comprehension.


\"I will have to settle with your improved heath. This is a difficult time for you, but you\'ve shown great resilience in the past,\" Severus nuzzled Harry\'s hair and neck, shifting away from the subject.


\"Thanks, Sev. I know the subject has been taboo in the past, but I guess I needed to hear it today,\" Harry twisted in his arms to face him. \"Did you, um...\" Harry trailed off, not knowing if he could say the words, or admit he wanted to hear the answer. Severus could see his discomfort, and didn\'t miss the way Harry pushed his hair behind his ear, his finger lingering there for longer then necessary.


\"A hot metal strap covers substantially more area when coiled round about a huge neck with several chins.\" Severus sincerely hoped he had been correct in his assumption of what Harry wanted to know. He felt a shiver coming from the smaller frame beside him. Concerned, Severus lifted Harry\'s chin to see his expression, whatever it might be.


Harry bit his lip, but an evil grin emerged despite his attempt to keep it at bay. He confessed that the burn on his neck had always been an emotional issue for him. Severus wouldn\'t think less of him for taking pleasure in the knowledge that his uncle suffered fittingly. \"Did you know the Weasleys used to compete over who could come up with the worst torture for the Dursleys? They had different versions of games to play along with it, too,\" Harry thought he should ask the twins if they still had the animated game pieces so he could have a look at them.


Severus kissed him from temple to lips as he spoke. \"What would the Wizarding World at large think, if they knew their Golden Boy was lying naked with an ex-Death Eater, discussing the finer points of torturing one\'s relatives?\"


Harry straddled him, wriggling deliciously. \"I say, put it in the headlines!\" Evil grin in place, he continued, \"They\'ll believe what they want. According to last week\'s Daily Prophet, Albus is planning on having me turned, so I can defeat the Dark Lord as a Vampire,\" Harry laughed and bit Sev on the neck.


TBC