100 Ways to Kill a Weasley
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
93
Views:
41,826
Reviews:
236
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
93
Views:
41,826
Reviews:
236
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Opera
The Opera
“Ron!” Hermione yelled. “Get your lazy arse down here before I have to accio you downstairs!”
This was not how he wanted to spend his Saturday night. His wife had recently found a new hobby. The Opera. If there was one thing he couldn’t stand, it was that. How do people even understand what the singers are saying when they sound like beached whales screeching at the top of their lungs? However, every Saturday, rain or shine he would go to that dreadful performance he knew she had lined up for him.
Once at the opera place – what are these things even called? - Ron wondered – the night steadily got worse.
First they ran into the Malfoys where Draco was blatantly hitting on his wife, and then they ran into their old professor Severus Snape. It seemed that unlike the rumours, the man wasn’t quite as stiff as people thought him to be. Ron actually had a (relatively) pleasant conversation with the man for once. Severus noticed how well both Hermione and Ron had grown into adulthood. Ronald had finally gained some class and Hermione had become more laidback and easy going with motherhood.
There just seemed to be something off about their relationship though. Severus put it down as a non-existent love life being the most probable answer. Even his best friend Lucius had had trouble maintaining a love life with his wife after Draco was born. Children seemed to take up so much more time than he expected. It was one of the best times in his life though, Lucius would swear. Seeing his only child grow up had no comparison. Lucius loved being a parent. Severus had laughed when Lucius had told him that, but then for some reason, ever since, Severus had had a quiet yearning for a child of his own.
The friends parted ways and went to their seats with a promise to meet up again after the show. Hermione had some interesting theory work that Severus was almost positive could be completed through the use of a potion.
The show passed enjoyably, for Hermione at least, and then right at the end of the performance, the leading lady sang the highest note that Hermione had ever heard. Then, when it seemed like the curtain would go down, Ron slumped over onto her shoulder, covered in blood.
When Hermione screamed in shock, Ron’s body fell out of its chair and onto the floor. There was a gaping hole where his heart should have been and blood was still gushing in spurts through his arteries.
Two days later the coroner had the final report finished. It appeared that somehow, the volume and the pitch of the opera singer’s voice caused Ron’s heart to explode. Hermione was still obviously distraught, and so when Severus came by the next day to offer his condolences and company, she did not decline. The house seemed so empty now that her children had started Hogwarts and Ron was gone. Hermione was a big believer in fate and knew that if it was Ron’s time, there was nothing she could have done to prevent it. It didn’t make it any better though. As the months went by, Hermione felt it was good that Severus helped out so much; he became a second father of sorts to her children.
Severus however, knew that she could not truly get on with her life unless she started to look for a new lover, or just a new companion. He had found that the only way to move on when Lily died.
Severus sat down one day when her children were at school (he had retired from teaching and was now pursuing his own research) and bluntly told her that if she didn’t go out and meet new people, she was going to waste away, lonely and horny.
Hermione broke down in tears of laughter at getting relationship advice from Severus, and cut a deal that she would go out three Saturdays in a row to a speed dating event, and if she met an interesting bloke then she’d go home and shag him. Only if he’d do the same.
Half-way through the night Hermione had seen some extremely strange men, so when Severus sat down at her table she sighed with relief.
“How’s it gone for you so far?” he asked.
“Are you kidding? I’m about ready to go straight home with you! You’re the most interesting man I’ve met all night and probably the sanest too.”
Severus laughed.
“Was it really that bad? There has to have been someone that caught your eye.”
“No, and unless you would like to come home with me so we can shag each other senseless, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Hermione stood up, sent a questioning look over to Severus and then sighed. “Well?” she asked impatiently. “Are you coming?”
Severus looked up sharply.
“Are you serious? Because if you think this is going to be a one night stand, you can forget it. I’m not going to ruin our friendship through a night of desperation and horniness. Do you understand?”
Hermione rolled her eyes.
“Spare me the dramatics Severus, I love you like a best friend, and right now I want to love you as a woman loves a man. You know I’m a rational person, I wouldn’t throw one of the best things in my life away. Now come on. I have a bed at home that is waiting for two naked bodies to jump on it.”
Six months later they told her children, and a year after that they married. Everyone could see how happy they made each other. That niggling feeling people got when they saw Hermione with Ron wasn’t there either, it felt right and the energy coming from the happy couple was peaceful, as if nothing could go wrong.
Then Hermione got pregnant...
A/N - Sorry I left it as a cliffie, couldn't resist, hehe. I would have countinued it, but I don't have any experience for the whole pregnancy thing, first hand or otherwise. Sorry! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!
“Ron!” Hermione yelled. “Get your lazy arse down here before I have to accio you downstairs!”
This was not how he wanted to spend his Saturday night. His wife had recently found a new hobby. The Opera. If there was one thing he couldn’t stand, it was that. How do people even understand what the singers are saying when they sound like beached whales screeching at the top of their lungs? However, every Saturday, rain or shine he would go to that dreadful performance he knew she had lined up for him.
Once at the opera place – what are these things even called? - Ron wondered – the night steadily got worse.
First they ran into the Malfoys where Draco was blatantly hitting on his wife, and then they ran into their old professor Severus Snape. It seemed that unlike the rumours, the man wasn’t quite as stiff as people thought him to be. Ron actually had a (relatively) pleasant conversation with the man for once. Severus noticed how well both Hermione and Ron had grown into adulthood. Ronald had finally gained some class and Hermione had become more laidback and easy going with motherhood.
There just seemed to be something off about their relationship though. Severus put it down as a non-existent love life being the most probable answer. Even his best friend Lucius had had trouble maintaining a love life with his wife after Draco was born. Children seemed to take up so much more time than he expected. It was one of the best times in his life though, Lucius would swear. Seeing his only child grow up had no comparison. Lucius loved being a parent. Severus had laughed when Lucius had told him that, but then for some reason, ever since, Severus had had a quiet yearning for a child of his own.
The friends parted ways and went to their seats with a promise to meet up again after the show. Hermione had some interesting theory work that Severus was almost positive could be completed through the use of a potion.
The show passed enjoyably, for Hermione at least, and then right at the end of the performance, the leading lady sang the highest note that Hermione had ever heard. Then, when it seemed like the curtain would go down, Ron slumped over onto her shoulder, covered in blood.
When Hermione screamed in shock, Ron’s body fell out of its chair and onto the floor. There was a gaping hole where his heart should have been and blood was still gushing in spurts through his arteries.
Two days later the coroner had the final report finished. It appeared that somehow, the volume and the pitch of the opera singer’s voice caused Ron’s heart to explode. Hermione was still obviously distraught, and so when Severus came by the next day to offer his condolences and company, she did not decline. The house seemed so empty now that her children had started Hogwarts and Ron was gone. Hermione was a big believer in fate and knew that if it was Ron’s time, there was nothing she could have done to prevent it. It didn’t make it any better though. As the months went by, Hermione felt it was good that Severus helped out so much; he became a second father of sorts to her children.
Severus however, knew that she could not truly get on with her life unless she started to look for a new lover, or just a new companion. He had found that the only way to move on when Lily died.
Severus sat down one day when her children were at school (he had retired from teaching and was now pursuing his own research) and bluntly told her that if she didn’t go out and meet new people, she was going to waste away, lonely and horny.
Hermione broke down in tears of laughter at getting relationship advice from Severus, and cut a deal that she would go out three Saturdays in a row to a speed dating event, and if she met an interesting bloke then she’d go home and shag him. Only if he’d do the same.
Half-way through the night Hermione had seen some extremely strange men, so when Severus sat down at her table she sighed with relief.
“How’s it gone for you so far?” he asked.
“Are you kidding? I’m about ready to go straight home with you! You’re the most interesting man I’ve met all night and probably the sanest too.”
Severus laughed.
“Was it really that bad? There has to have been someone that caught your eye.”
“No, and unless you would like to come home with me so we can shag each other senseless, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Hermione stood up, sent a questioning look over to Severus and then sighed. “Well?” she asked impatiently. “Are you coming?”
Severus looked up sharply.
“Are you serious? Because if you think this is going to be a one night stand, you can forget it. I’m not going to ruin our friendship through a night of desperation and horniness. Do you understand?”
Hermione rolled her eyes.
“Spare me the dramatics Severus, I love you like a best friend, and right now I want to love you as a woman loves a man. You know I’m a rational person, I wouldn’t throw one of the best things in my life away. Now come on. I have a bed at home that is waiting for two naked bodies to jump on it.”
Six months later they told her children, and a year after that they married. Everyone could see how happy they made each other. That niggling feeling people got when they saw Hermione with Ron wasn’t there either, it felt right and the energy coming from the happy couple was peaceful, as if nothing could go wrong.
Then Hermione got pregnant...
A/N - Sorry I left it as a cliffie, couldn't resist, hehe. I would have countinued it, but I don't have any experience for the whole pregnancy thing, first hand or otherwise. Sorry! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!