Once in a Blue Moon (COMPLETE)

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Once in a Blue Moon
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“Remus?”

Remus looked up to see Romulus hovering near the doorway, a look of concern on his ghostly visage.

“I’m okay,” Remus mumbled as he grabbed a handful of tissues from the bedside table and tried to stem the tears that were still flowing freely down his cheeks. “Sirius thinks I hate him,” he finally mumbled.

“Did he say that?”

“Not in so many words,” Remus admitted as he looked at the journal still lying open on his lap.

“It’s probably not too late to tell him how you feel. To tell him that you love him.”

Remus looked up, momentarily startled. Then he realised that of course Romulus would have figured it out. His brother knew him even better than Sirius did. “How long have you known?” he asked.

“A lot longer than you have,” Romulus replied. “You’re probably the only person who hasn’t known for years.”

Remus made a small snort. “I’ve known for longer than you think.”

“Really? Then why are you sitting here talking to me, instead of building a life with Sirius?”

“I’m a werewolf, a monster. How can Sirius, or anyone for that matter, love a monster?”

“I love you,” Romulus pointed out.

“You’re my brother, you have to,” Remus replied.

“No, I don’t,” Romulus told him. “I could have turned on you like our parents did, but I didn’t because I love you.”

“That’s different.”

“No, it’s not. Sirius loves you, even on the full moons. You need to stop questioning it and just accept it.”

Remus chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. “But what if I escape again? What if I bite him?”

“Is that what’s been stopping you from telling him how you feel?” Romulus asked. “Because of what happened with Charlene?”

Remus nodded. “Partly. I can’t risk it. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“You already are.”

“You know what I mean,” Remus snapped. “I don’t want to be selfish any more, and if I go to him I’ll ruin his life.”

“Is that what you think?” Romulus asked.

Remus nodded and sniffled again.

“It’s not selfish for you to want to be happy and have someone to love.”

“But I’m a monster. I don’t deserve him.”

“You’re not a monster and you wouldn’t be ruining his life by being with him. But, Remus, haven’t you considered that maybe you’re already hurting him just as badly by pushing him away? Perhaps even more.”

“You think so?”

Romulus nodded. “Remus, how you do feel when you think of never seeing Sirius again?”

“Like my heart has been torn out,” Remus whispered. “Like I’m surrounded by dementors and I’ll never be happy again.”

“Don’t you think that Sirius is feeling the same right now?”

“Sirius thinks I’m turning into Greyback, too,” Remus whispered. “He thinks that if I cut myself off from everyone, I’ll be just like he is.”

“I shouldn’t have said what I did,” Romulus said. “I was angry and I lost my temper. But I promise I won’t let you turn into a monster like him.”

“I thought if I pushed him away, I’d keep him safe. Instead, I’ve just made things worse.” Remus sniffled. “I don’t deserve him, do I?”

Romulus smiled and drifted closer. “Probably not, but don’t you think that Sirius deserves to know the truth?”

“So, you don’t think I’d be being selfish if I were to be with him?”

“No, of course not. So, what else is stopping you from going to him?”

Remus ducked his head and looked down rather than face his brother. “His parents will be furious, and…”

“And what?”

“I’m scared of what they’ll do to us.”

Romulus shrugged. “What can they do? I mean, really? If Sirius doesn’t want to go through with their plans for him, they’ll have a hard time making him, even with you out of the picture.”

“They can hurt us,” Remus replied in a whisper, looking up at his brother who was frowning with concern.

“Did something happen that you’re not telling me?” he finally asked.

Remus chewed on his lower lip and nodded.

“Well?” Romulus prompted with an edge of impatience to his voice.

“Sirius’s father caught us last summer.”

“I know that,” Romulus replied. “But surely you both knew it would happen sooner or later? You haven’t exactly been discreet. I’m surprised the whole school doesn’t know about the two of you.”

“He was really angry. He…” Remus shivered as he remembered the pain that had shot through every inch of his body when Orion Black had screamed ‘Crucio’.

“Remus? What happened?” Romulus prompted.

“He Crucio’d me,” Remus whispered.

“He what?” replied Romulus, his voice quiet and intense.

“It was only for a few seconds. He did that last summer, then this year he saved my life by swinging the vote in the Wizengamot. It doesn’t make sense. Why would he do that?”

“Because of Sirius,” Romulus replied with a thoughtful nod. Remus knew that neither he nor his brother would be foolish enough to believe that Orion had simply accepted his son’s choice of lover.

“He’s done so much for me,” Remus said with a sigh. “And look at how I’ve repaid him. You said it yourself. I’ve treated him so badly. If I go to him there’s no telling what his parents will do to us.”

“You more worried for him, or for yourself?” Romulus asked with a stern frown.

Remus flinched. “I can take the pain. I’m used to it, but Sirius isn’t.”

“You think his parents won’t inflict that same pain on him, regardless of whether or not he’s with you?”

Remus frowned. He simply hadn’t thought of that. Sirius could actually be in trouble with his parents already. Orion could be torturing him with an Unforgivable right now. “Oh, Merlin,” he whispered. “And I’ve let him go back to them on his own.”

Remus tossed the journal to one side and jumped to his feet.

“Does this mean you’re going to sort things out with him?” Romulus asked.

Remus nodded quickly, but then he remembered that Sirius wasn’t at Grimmauld Place, and he hadn’t left him his address. Did his parents know where their eldest son was living? Surely Sirius wouldn’t have told them. He’d bought his own place to get away from them; surely they couldn’t have tracked him down this quickly?

“Only one problem now,” Remus muttered as he sat back down. “I don’t know where he is.”

“It doesn’t say in the journal?”

“No.” Remus shook his head. “It just says that he’s getting his own place and wants to be on his own.”

“Looks like he was a bit upset when he wrote it,” commented Romulus as he gestured to the large blot of ink on the blank page opposite the final entry.

“I upset him.” Remus looked down at the blot and realised that it looked vaguely familiar. “How strange…”

“What’s strange? That you upset Sirius?” Romulus didn’t have to point out that Remus seemed to have a habit of doing that.

“No, the blot. It looks like the start of the spell that works the Moony’s Map. A blot like that appears just before it branches out to form the map itself.”

“Probably a coincidence.”

“I guess.”

The two brothers sat in silence for a while until Remus finally spoke again.

“What if he really doesn’t want me any more?” Remus looked down at the words of farewell in the journal and hoped with all his heart that Sirius hadn’t meant them.

Romulus laughed loudly.

“What’s so funny?”

“You, little brother, you are ‘so funny’!”

“I’m serious. What if he’s found someone else?”

“Considering how miserable he looked the last time I saw him, I doubt that very much.”

“Well, what if he can’t forgive me for all the times I pushed him away?”

“Then you’ll have to remind him of the times you didn’t,” Romulus replied with a grin.

“You know where he is, don’t you?” Remus asked. “Tell me, please?”

Romulus sighed. “Why in the world would I know?”

“You got an outstanding in your Divination O.W.L.”

“Doesn’t mean I know squat about the subject,” Romulus replied. “I was just good at making stuff up.”

“What am I going to do?” Remus asked. “I mean, do you have any ideas?”

“Well, you could see if he’s been in touch with one of your other friends,” Romulus suggested. “Or perhaps the school will have his address. They’ll need to notify him of his N.E.W.T. results at some point.”

“I’ll try James first,” Remus announced as he hopped up from the bed. “Thanks Rom.”

-o-xXx-o-

Remus threw a handful of floo powder into the fire and stuck his head into the fireplace as he called out James’s address.

“Remus? What are you doing lurking in the fireplace?” Lily asked with a frown. “Come on through, you can’t be comfortable like that.”

A minute later and Remus was standing in James’s kitchen, trying to get rid of all the soot from his robes.

“How you doing mate?” James asked as he guided Remus into the study across the hall.

“Fine,” Remus lied. “Lily moved in with you, has she?”

“Not quite,” James admitted. “Said something about my having to clean the place up first, because there was no way on Earth she was going to do it for me while it’s in this state.”

“So, are you going to clean it up?”

“’Course not. She’ll come around eventually.”

“Yeah, but will she be able to find you amidst this bombsite if it takes her as long to come round this time as it did for the two of you to get together?”

“You know for someone who’s come round for my help, you’re pushing it,” James warned with barely concealed humour.

“How do you know I’m here for help?”

“I can tell.”

“How?”

“I just can. So, what’s it about? Or should I say who?” James gestured to one of the seats, and Remus levitated a stack of old Daily Prophets out of the way so that he could sit down.

“Do you know Sirius’s new address?” Remus asked bluntly.

“Wow! That was right to the point,” James replied in surprise. “I expected you to hedge about a bit… or a lot.”

“Well, do you?”

“Sorry, nope.”

“Really?” Remus asked with a frown. “He didn’t perhaps tell you where he was living, and then tell you not to tell me?”

“Sorry, Remus,” James replied as he perched himself on the edge of the desk. “He said he wanted some time away from everyone to get his head straight. I told him he’d got to come over for Christmas though, so you can come by and see him then.”

“Christmas?” Remus croaked. “I can’t wait until Christmas!”

“Seems to me that you might have to,” James pointed out. “You’ll live, and it’s not like you haven’t kept Sirius waiting a hell of a lot longer.”

Remus shifted uncomfortably under his friend’s penetrating, almost accusatory gaze. “I’ve really screwed up, haven’t I?”

“That’s what he said, too,” James replied quietly. “About himself.”

“If he gets in touch before Christmas, can you ask him to contact me?”

“Sure,” James nodded. “Erm… Does this mean you’ve read the journals?”

“Have you read them?” Remus asked curiously.

“No, but I’ve got a fair idea of what’s probably in them.”

“I’ll bet,” Remus muttered, before confirming that he had indeed read the journals.

“In that case I have something for you,” James announced as he crossed the room to a portrait of a man who was clearly one of his ancestors. He pulled the disgruntled and mumbling portrait aside and opened the safe that was concealed behind it. “Here you go.”

Remus reached out to take the thin envelope from James’s hand. He recognised Sirius’s handwriting at once.

“Well, are you going to open it?” James asked, avid curiosity on his face.

“I guess,” Remus whispered, suddenly nervous. “But, if it’s his address, will you let me go alone before you visit him?”

“Sure,” James replied. “Now open it would you? I’ve been dying of curiosity ever since he passed it to me at King’s Cross. I nearly opened it myself, but he said there’d be no point, even if I did. He told me to pass it to you, but only if you’d read the journals and had come to me to try to find him.”

Remus nodded and broke the seal. Inside the envelope was a single sheet of parchment containing just two sentences.

If you are reading this, then there is more in the journal than what you have read. If the inkblot on the last page looked familiar, it is with good reason.

“That’s it?” James asked with evident disappointment.

“His new address is in the last journal,” Remus whispered. “That’s why he told you to give this to me if I’d come here looking for him after reading the journals.”

“What’s he mean about the inkblot? And if the address is in the journal, why are you even here?”

“The last page has an inkblot that looks like the blot that appears when you first activate Moony’s Map. His address is hidden on the last page of the journal behind the inkblot. I just need to activate it.”

“He couldn’t just write the bloody address down?” James asked.

“No,” Remus replied with a grin.

“Why not?”

“Because that would have been too easy. Nothing worth having is ever that easy.”

“So, you really do want him?” James asked quietly.

“More than anything,” Remus whispered. “I love him. Now I just need to figure out what the password is so that I can find him and tell him.”

“Good luck!” James snorted. “This is Sirius Black we’re talking about, and he’ll have made it a tough one.”

“You think so?” Remus asked hesitantly.

“Yeah. But Sirius always said you were the smartest of the lot of us. If anyone can crack the password you can.”

Remus grinned, but he wasn’t so sure that James was right. Sirius was the smart one. He’d had the intelligence to know and understand his own feelings far sooner than Remus himself had. When it came to matters of the heart, Remus felt a complete dunce in comparison.

-o-xXx-o-

“I solemnly swear I am up to no good,” Remus declared as he tapped the final page of the journal. Nothing happened.

“You’ve already read the journal,” Romulus pointed out. “Maybe it’s the other one?”

“Mischief managed,” Remus announced as he gave the book another tap. “Nope, not that either. I still don’t see why you can’t just go and find him for me.”

“I already told you, you have to figure this out for yourself.”

“Figure what out?”

Romulus shook his head and smiled. “I’ll leave you to it,” he said as he drifted out of the room. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Toujours pur.” Tap

“Sirius Black.” Tap

“Remus Lupin.” Tap

“Gryffindor.” Tap

“James Potter.” Tap

“Peter Pettigrew.” Tap

“Moony.” Tap

Remus paced the room as he worked his way through the most obvious passwords, each having no effect whatsoever.

“Damon.” Tap

“Dumbledore.” Tap

“12 Grimmauld Place.” Tap

“Firenze.” Tap

“Still not found it?” Romulus asked as he drifted back through the doorway.

“I’ve tried hundreds of words, names and places and nothing is working at all,” Remus sighed. “I’m running short of ideas.”

“Perhaps you’re not thinking like Sirius?” Romulus suggested tentatively.

“Obviously,” Remus muttered as he flung himself down on his bed in frustration. “Have you anything useful to suggest?”

“Getting frustrated, are you?” Romulus teased and Remus tossed a pillow through him.

Remus scowled at the journal, threw his wand down on the covers, and swore under his breath.

“Remus, seriously, you’re not thinking this through. You’re thinking of passwords like the ones for Dumbledore’s office or something.”

“Well, how else am I supposed to think of them?” Remus snapped.

“Think of Sirius,” Romulus replied simply. “Think of why he left the journals with you, what he wanted from you.”

Remus considered his brother’s words as he looked silently at the journal. “Sirius Black, you are one devious bastard,” Remus finally muttered.

He picked up his wand and felt his heart beat increase. He was right. He knew it.

“I, Remus Lupin, admit I am attracted to other men.” Tap

Slowly the inkblot melted into the page, stretching out and expanding to form words.

Remus practically squealed in delight as he watched spell activate. Unfortunately his hopes of seeing Sirius’s address evaporated with the appearance of what appeared to be a simple poem.

“That’s it?” Remus shouted when he realised that there was no address appearing on the page. “A bloody poem.”

“I think it’s a muggle song,” Romulus pointed out from over his shoulder. “A love song from the look of it.”

“No kidding!” Remus snapped. “What the hell sort of use is that to me? I need his bloody address!”

“I think it’s kind of sweet,” Romulus commented. “I’m guessing there’s more than one password on the page. Look…”

Remus turned to where Romulus was pointing, and saw that the page was blank of words once more; the song had vanished and the inkblot was the only evidence of the fact that it had ever been there.

“On the plus side, I think you’re on the right track now,” Romulus added as Remus scoured his mind for the knowledge that he knew was lurking just below the surface.

“I’ve admitted I like men. What more does he want?” Remus complained as he pointed an accusing wand at the journal.

“I could take a wild guess,” Romulus teased, and he made a suggestion on what the next password might be.

“He wouldn’t be that crude,” Remus replied with a flush of embarrassment as he remembered his arguments with Sirius once more and realised that in a fit of temper they could both be extremely crude.

“You can both be that crude when you’re losing your tempers,” Romulus chuckled and Remus wondered if he’d spoken his thoughts out loud. “Anyway, you could still try it. What have you got to lose?”

“Sirius only ever gets crude when he loses his temper, he wasn’t angry when he set the passwords and left me the journals, he was sad.” Even so he turned to the book and did as his brother suggested. He wasn’t surprised that it didn’t work.

“Seems like you know him better than you ever thought you did,” Romulus commented. “Shouldn’t be too hard to figure out what he wants you to say.”

“Since you obviously know what the password is, why not just tell me?” Remus snapped. “Or if not, bugger off and leave me in peace.”

“Temper, temper,” Romulus chided. “And here was me thinking my little brother was finally starting to use his brain.” He sighed with exaggerated exasperation. “What was the one thing Sirius wanted to hear from you more than anything else?”

“I’ve already admitted I’m gay,” Remus reminded him. “That just got me a bunch of song words.”

“A love song, and a bit of a sad one,” Romulus replied.

“It can’t be that simple.” Remus gasped as he looked back at the book.

“Why not?” Romulus asked him. “Or are you getting scared?”

“Maybe a little,” Remus admitted as he took the journal and placed it in his lap.

“Well, being a true Gryffindor means being brave even when you’re scared,” Romulus said as he drifted across to him. “It’s about doing what you know is right, even when it terrifies you.”

“You were in Hufflepuff,” Remus reminded him with a small smile.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t know what the other house traits were. You’re a real Gryffindor. Now prove to both of us that the Sorting Hat didn’t make a mistake.”

Remus nodded and placed his wand over the page. “I, Remus Lupin, love you, Sirius Black,” he whispered as he tapped the page.

“Knew you’d get there in the end.”

Remus watched as the inkblot spread out for the second time, this time forming the words Remus had been waiting for.

This journal is the property of Sirius Black.
Temporarily loaned to Remus Lupin.

When you are ready to return it, I can be found at the following address.

Mr Sirius Black Esq.
55a Cauldron Close
London

PS: I won’t be on the floo network until after the New Year.

“Well?” Romulus asked after Remus had stared at the page in silence for several minutes. “What are you just sitting here for?”

At his brother’s prodding, Remus grabbed the journals together and ran through to the living room fireplace.

He threw in the floo powder and arrived at The Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley a few seconds later. He knew that Cauldron Close was off of Diagon Alley, but he wasn’t entirely sure where. Thankfully there were plenty of people in Diagon Alley doing their afternoon shopping, and it didn’t take Remus long to find one who was more conversant with the local geography than he was. As such he soon found himself outside of number 55 Cauldron Close. He looked over the railings, saw that 55a was the basement flat and hurried down the steps.

He pulled the bell and waited, but no one arrived to let him in.

After a few minutes of waiting he tried again, but there was still no reply.

“Typical,” Remus muttered under his breath. “I finally track him down and he bloody well goes out so I can’t even see him.” He pushed aside the disturbing thought that Sirius was already in trouble. He’d just gone out for the afternoon, and there was no reason for him to be panicking just yet.

Sinking onto the steps Remus settled himself down for what he knew could potentially be a long wait. Despite the lingering worry, the lack of sleep he had had the last few nights meant that he nodded off while sitting on the cold hard steps.

He woke some time later to the sound of an obnoxiously loud engine nearby. He looked up to the street above and saw Sirius climbing off the motorbike he’d been talking vaguely about getting since sixth year.

“You do know you should wear a crash helmet?” Remus asked as Sirius looked down at him over the railings silently. Sirius didn’t reply as he descended the steps and opened the front door to his flat.

Remus couldn’t read the expression on his face, and he wondered whether he was even going to be invited in. Had he really done so much damage to their relationship? He cringed when he realised that he had, and even worse, he had no idea how he was going to repair the damage.

“Well, are you just going to sit there all day?” Sirius asked with the faintest trace of impatience.

Remus shook his head and followed Sirius into the small room that appeared to be a living room and kitchen, combined.

“I wasn’t expecting you,” Sirius admitted as he cleared some of the rubbish off the table with a flick of his wand. “Sorry about the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus replied. “You should see the state of James’s place. Honestly, you’d think he’d never heard of cleaning charms.”

Sirius gestured to the sofa and Remus sat down and placed the journals on the table in front of him. He felt a start of surprise and the tiniest twinge of disappointment when Sirius didn’t sit down next to him, instead opting to use one of the chairs on the opposite side of the coffee table.

Grey eyes looked across at him in the silence. Remus tried to maintain eye contact with the other man, but when he felt the telltale heat of a blush on his face he ducked his head in embarrassment. He heard a sigh, he thought of disappointment, from Sirius, but all he could bring himself to do was shift uncomfortably in his seat. He wished he’d spent more time thinking about what to say to Sirius now that he was finally here. Somehow he didn’t think that just blurting out ‘I love you’ would go down too well.

“I’ve brought your journals back,” Remus stated, once it was clear that Sirius was waiting for him to speak and the silence had dragged on longer than he could bear.

“So I see,” Sirius replied. “I can’t say I’m not surprised. I didn’t think you’d even read them, let alone get the password.”

“Really?” Remus asked.

“I figured you’d probably burn them, or keep hold of them in case you saw me by chance and wanted to throw them at me.” Sirius smiled ruefully before a thought occurred to him and he leaned forward in his seat. “You did figure out the password right? You didn’t just happen to spot me out shopping and follow me back here the other day, or send your brother to track me down?”

Remus grinned and shook his head. “Nope, I figured out the passwords.”

“All of them?” Sirius asked in surprise.

“How many were there?”

“Three.”

“In that case no, just two of them,” Remus admitted.

“Which ones?” Sirius questioned curiously. “Obviously you got the address one. Which other did you get.”

“The one with the poem or song,” Remus replied.

“Ah,” Sirius nodded in understanding and a small smile appeared on his face.

“What was the last one?” Remus asked curiously.

“Pass me the last journal,” Sirius replied as he reached out his hand. Remus leaned forward to pick it up and passed it over to him, carefully making sure that their fingers brushed as he did so. He smiled at Sirius’s sharp intake of breath. Sirius opened the journal and pulled out his wand. “I’m sorry, Sirius,” he said quietly before tapping the page. He then reached back to pass the book back to Remus.

“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered as tears sprang to his eyes. He didn’t reach to take the book back, or even notice that Sirius was holding it out to him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think of that being a password.”

“Just read the page,” Sirius asked as he continued to push the book into Remus’s hands. Remus looked down through the blur of tears and had to blink several times before the letters came into focus.

There’s nothing to forgive.
Please stop apologising for everything.

“But, you apologised in the last entry,” Remus pointed out.

“I never said I was consistent,” Sirius joked. “Anyway, I only included that one because you do have this habit of constantly apologising for everything. Now, do I get to hear you prove you really do know the other passwords?”

Remus looked into the teasing grey eyes and smiled. “I, Remus Lupin admit I am attracted to other men,” he said as he stood up and walked round the table.

“I’m very glad to hear it,” Sirius replied as he reached out to take Remus’s hand into his own and tugged him down onto his lap. “And?”

“And, I, Remus Lupin, love you Sirius Black, so very, very much.”

“Really?” Sirius asked quietly. “This is definitely Remus talking here?”

“It’s always been Remus talking,” Remus admitted as his tears began to fall again. “I just didn’t want to admit it.”

“And you’ve no problems admitting it now?”

Remus shook his head. “I should have told you months ago.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Months ago?”

“I broke up with Charlie because I realised I was in love with you.”

“You did? But why didn’t you say anything? That was months ago, nearly a bloody year ago for Merlin’s sake! You didn’t think that maybe I’d want to know that?” Sirius’s voice was rising with the famous Black family temper, but Remus didn’t budge from where he was sitting. He reached to put his arms around Sirius and hugged him close. “You should have told me,” Sirius repeated.

“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered. “I was going to tell you, but then everything went wrong, and I thought that if I pushed everyone away I’d be keeping them safe.”

“What changed your mind?”

“You did.”

“I did?”

Remus nodded again. “You wrote that you thought I was turning into Greyback.”

Sirius looked stunned and apologetic. “I didn’t mean it. I was overreacting.”

“You were right,” Remus told him, sitting back to look Sirius in the eye properly. “I didn’t even realise what was happening until I read your journals. I don’t want to turn into Greyback. I might be a monster, but there are worse ones out there than me, and he’s one of the very worst. I don’t want to become one of those monsters that everyone’s heard of. I don’t want to be a name that parents use to scare their children into behaving.”

“You won’t.”

“You sound pretty sure about that.”

“I won’t let you. Greyback doesn’t have friends or a lover to keep him human. You do, right?”

Remus smiled at the uncertainty of the question. “Yes, I do. If you still want me?”

Sirius nodded. “Do you even need to ask?”

Remus nodded in reply. “I wouldn’t blame you if you told me to fuck off.”

Sirius chuckled. “You’re finally here, in my arms, right where I’ve wanted you for so long. Why would I tell you to leave?”

“Because I was such a git to you.”

“It’s forgiven,” Sirius told him firmly.

“There is one thing though,” Remus said with a smile. Sirius quirked a brow in question. “I think I prefer the word boyfriend. It was suggested once before, I believe?”

“You said it sounded weird.”

“I was an idiot.”

Sirius grinned at him. “I won’t argue with that.”

“And selfish.”

“True.”

“And I don’t deserve you at all.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Sirius replied.

“Can you ever forgive me?” Remus whispered.

“We’ve both said some pretty awful things to each other,” Sirius reminded him. “Can you forgive me?”

Remus shook his head rapidly. “There’s nothing to forgive,” he assured him hurriedly. “I was far more awful to you.”

Sirius snorted. “I won’t argue with that either.”

“I really wouldn’t blame you if you threw me out and said you never wanted to see me again.”

“I couldn’t do that,” Sirius replied.

“Are you sure you want me?” Remus asked. “You’re prepared to put up with all my crap? You wouldn’t rather try to find someone else, someone with less issues than me?”

Sirius shook his head. “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted. Even at your worst I still loved you as much as I do right now.”

Remus gave a small smile. “I really am sorry for all the horrible things I said and did.”

“Stop apologising,” Sirius scolded. “Just tell me that you love me again. I’ve waited so long to hear you say the words, I think you’re going to have to tell me constantly before I believe them.”

“I love you,” Remus said, punctuating the words with soft kisses.

“Again.”

Remus grinned. “I love you.”

Sirius grinned back at him and hugged him close. “What happens now then?” he asked.

Remus looked thoughtful for a moment or two before he spoke again. “I could ask you out on a date,” he suggested. “You know, so we could do things properly this time?”

Sirius’s grin wavered for a moment or two. “You mean taking me out in public to restaurants and stuff like that?”

Remus tried to quell the disappointment he felt at Sirius’s less than enthusiastic response. “Don’t you want to?”

“With everyone staring at us?”

“Let them stare,” Remus declared, only belatedly remembering that Sirius had good reasons not to want to go too public with their relationship. “I’m sorry. I’m being selfish again. I wasn’t thinking. We’ll do whatever you want.”

“I guess I could get used to being seen on a date with another bloke, at least I can if it’s you I’m dating,” Sirius said with a small smile.

Remus smiled back. “I’m going to be with you every day from now on, and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you again.”

“How did you know I was thinking about that?” Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. “Because I know you. I’m going to be the best boyfriend ever from now on. And if anyone tries to hurt you again – and I mean anyone! – I’ll make them wish they’d never been born.”

“Going to protect me, are you?” Sirius asked.

“You got it,” Remus replied. “I’ll take on your father himself if I have to.”

Sirius grimaced. “We’ll stand up to him together.”

Remus nodded. “Deal.”

Sirius’s shook his head, apparently getting rid of the troublesome thoughts of his father, and smiled. “So, my gorgeous boyfriend, what would you like to do first?”

“Well, first of all I think I’d like you to give me a tour of your flat, starting with the bedroom,” Remus stated seriously. “Taking extra care to ensure that I’m thoroughly acquainted with the bed.”

“Or I could just toss you onto the sofa and take you right there,” Sirius suggested with a grin that seemed ever so slightly forced.

“Or we could just sit here and kiss for a while,” Remus replied, guessing that perhaps Sirius wanted to take things slowly. He bent his head to capture Sirius’s lips with his own.

He felt Sirius’s tongue brushing over his lips and he opened his mouth slowly, his own tongue sliding out to meet the other. He leaned into the kiss, reaching up with one hand to caress the lightly stubbled jaw. He heard a soft moan, but he couldn’t have said who made the noise if his life had depended on it.

Shifting slightly, he twisted round so that he was straddling Sirius’s lap.

Sirius pulled back from the kiss, his breath coming in short, quick pants. “Here?” he gasped.

Remus ground their hips together. “Anywhere,” he replied, his own voice equally breathless.

Sirius reached to pull him into another kiss. Harder, more desperate, but with a promise of what was to come. This was no goodbye kiss; this was something else, something that Remus thought he recognised.

He remembered something that Sirius had once said to him the first time that he’d made love to him. This was how it was meant to be. “I’m yours,” he whispered against Sirius’s lips. “You’re mine and I’m yours.”

Sirius nodded. “You’re mine.”

Remus moved forward the last few millimetres to suck on Sirius’s lower lip, surprised when Sirius pulled away almost immediately. “What is it?” he asked.

Sirius didn’t reply at first. It was nearly a full minute later when he spoke again. “The bedroom,” he finally said.

“Why didn’t you just say so?” Remus asked with a grin.

“I wasn’t sure,” Sirius explained. “This flat is mine, as is everything in it. I made sure there was nothing here that would remind me of you.”

“And I’ve just come barging in here, disrupting your life again.”

“It’s not that,” Sirius said. “I didn’t want to let you in there and have you leave again. I’d never be able to enter that room again without thinking of you, which means I’d never get a decent night’s sleep.”

“We can take things slow,” Remus told him. “I can go back to Hogsmeade and we can do the whole dating thing until you’re ready to take things further.”

Sirius shook his head quickly. “I’m ready now.”

“You’re sure?”

“Your kisses are different now,” Sirius explained with a frown.

“They are? Good different or bad different?”

Sirius smiled and pulled him closer to get another. “Definitely good. It’s like there’s something else to them now. I can’t explain it. I can just tell the difference.”

“And you’re ready to let me into your life again?” Remus asked. “And into your bed?”

Sirius gestured for Remus to stand up, before getting to his feet himself. “I’m ready,” he whispered. “Are you?”

Remus nodded and reached out to grasp Sirius’s hand in his own. He gave the fingers a small squeeze.

“Welcome home,” Sirius said with a small smile.

Remus smiled back. The flat was small and poky, and there was nothing of his anywhere in sight, but standing here with Sirius, he knew that he was home.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Sirius said as he led Remus into the bedroom.

Remus sat down on the edge of the king size bed that nearly filled the tiny room and tugged Sirius towards him so that he was standing between his legs. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Sirius leaned down to brush his lips across Remus’s. “It’s been so long,” he whispered as he ran his hands through Remus’s hair. He moaned quietly as Remus’s hands gripped his waist and pulled him nearer.

Sirius felt his knees become weaker as Remus’s hands moved lower, urging him closer and closer.

“I like your trousers,” Remus said with a grin as he ran his hands over soft leather.

“I got them at the same time as the bike,” Sirius replied with a smile. “There’s a matching jacket, too.”

“So, you got the leathers, but not the crash helmet?” Remus joked.

“I forgot,” Sirius said. “Now, are you going to carry on assessing my clothes, or are you going to help me out of them?”

Remus grinned back wickedly as he tugged at the belt and reached for the zipper. “Looks like you got the wrong size,” he teased as he observed the growing bulge just a few millimetres from his fingers.

“I didn’t take you, and the effect you have on me, into account when I bought them,” Sirius hissed as Remus pulled the zipper down and slipped his hand inside. He pulled back almost immediately in surprise.

“Expecting someone?” he asked curiously when he saw that his initial observation was correct, Sirius was wearing nothing beneath the leather trousers.

“Not any more,” Sirius replied as he took hold of Remus’s hand, and guided it back towards his already exposed erection.

“Weren’t they uncomfortable without…?” Remus waved his hand wordlessly, unable to complete the sentence because of the hindrance of Sirius’s mouth on his own.

“Very,” Sirius admitted sheepishly after he’d pulled back. “Today’s the first day I’ve worn them. I only got them and the bike yesterday. Now, less talking, more kissing.”

Remus was only too happy to oblige, and he pulled Sirius down for another searing kiss. He didn’t pull out of the kiss as he scrambled back on the bed, tugging Sirius along with him, their hands frantically grasping at each other’s clothes. Buttons were torn from Remus’s shirt as Sirius struggled to divest him of the same.

“Sirius…” Remus panted as the other man’s mouth moved to his newly exposed chest, licking and teasing him. “It’s been… so… long…”

“Too long,” Sirius agreed, as he undid Remus’s trousers and pulled them down, taking his underpants with them in one swift movement.

Remus gripped the sheets when he felt Sirius’s breath ghosting over his arousal as he repeated the words. “Too long,” he whispered a moment before he took him into his mouth.

“Oooh… my… Sirius…” Remus raised his hips as far as he could, only to have Sirius’s hands push them firmly back down. Sirius’s tongue was gliding up and down his length and Remus whimpered as he reached for his lover’s head, determined to try to change the pace to a faster one than Sirius was currently setting.

“P-please… Sirius… please…” Remus begged. Sirius answered his request by closing his mouth over Remus’s erection again and gently sucking. Remus began to buck his hips again, and this time Sirius stopped restraining him and let him continue thrusting into his mouth.

Remus cried out as the orgasm crashed over him, and he lay shuddering on the bed.

Sirius crawled up to stretch out beside him. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered.

“I didn’t want that,” Remus said a few minutes later, after he’d recovered his power of speech.

“What?” Sirius asked furiously. He sat up and glared at Remus. “If you’re about to tell me that was Moony, then you can get the fuck out of here, and don’t bother coming back again!”

“No, no!” Remus sat up and frantically pulled Sirius towards him; he was determined to keep him in his arms. “That’s not what I meant. I…”

“Then what did you mean?” Sirius asked suspiciously, not trying to escape from Remus’s embrace, but not hugging him back either.

“I meant I wanted to… well… er…” Remus felt his face flushing as he stumbled over his words.

“What did you want?” Sirius asked quietly.

Remus buried his face his Sirius’s neck as he whispered his reply. “I wanted to come inside you.”

“Oh.” Sirius hadn’t expected that particular answer. “But before, when we’ve been together, you’ve never wanted to…”

“Fuck you,” Remus supplied, and he pulled back slightly to smile up at Sirius.

“Well… yeah.”

“Well, today I do,” Remus said with a shy smile and a determined nod of his head. “You’ve wanted that for so long. I’ve been such a git to you, but not any longer. From now on I’m going to be thinking of you all the time, and we’re going to do what you want. I promise.”

Sirius laughed. “I guess we’ll have to see what we can do about that then. Though perhaps a little later.”

“Later,” Remus agreed as he made short work of removing Sirius’s remaining clothes. “First things first.”

“What do you have in mind?” Sirius asked, the last word barely more than a groan as Remus took him in a firm grip and began to stroke him. “Hmm… that feels… sooo… good.”

Remus squeezed him gently, swallowing Sirius’s gasp of pleasure with a kiss. He nipped at Sirius’s lower lip, while at the same time tightening his grip ever so slightly. Then Sirius decided to take control once more and carefully tumbled Remus back onto the mattress. “I need to be inside you,” he whispered.

Remus nodded and spread his legs wider. Sirius knelt between his legs and ran his hands along Remus’s inner thighs. Remus closed his eyes and felt a familiar stirring in his groin.

“Soon,” Sirius promised, as he planted a soft kiss on the end of Remus’s newly forming arousal. Remus shivered at the touch and raised his hips slightly. “Not quite that soon,” Sirius laughingly teased.

Remus tried to glare at him, but it was impossible to do so with the way Sirius’s hands were caressing him, stroking him, preparing him.

“You actually have lube here, ready for once?” Remus teased. “Took you long enough to learn to be prepared.”

“I don’t think you’re really in a position to be making that sort of remark,” Sirius replied with a haughty sniff that was softened with a familiar grin.

“And what position would you say I’m in?” Remus questioned in a tone that might have sounded innocent, were it not for the fact that the speaker was laying on a bed, completely naked, with his legs spread wide for his lover.

“The perfect position for me to do this,” Sirius replied, as he pulled Remus’s legs up over his shoulders, and slammed into him with one powerful thrust.

Remus gasped as Sirius held him in place. Then Sirius was pulling back and thrusting into him again, setting a steady rhythm that was blissfully familiar.

“I’ve missed you… so much,” Sirius gasped, tears streaming down his face as he continued to bury himself in Remus’s welcoming embrace. “So much… I love you… so much…”

“Love you… too,” Remus panted as he raised his hips, matching Sirius’s rhythm, thrust for thrust. He caught Sirius’s look of unbridled joy at the words just before his lover came, spilling his seed inside him.

“My turn now?” Remus asked a few minutes later, once he’d recovered his breath.

“I thought you said that werewolves don’t have some kind of inhuman stamina?” Sirius joked somewhat breathlessly.

“We don’t,” Remus replied with a smirk. “But, I seem to have some kind of insatiable appetite for you that can’t be quenched with just one taste.”

“I know that feeling,” Sirius groaned. “Just give me a few minutes to recover?”

“I’ll give you five,” Remus teased, even as he sat up and straddled the other man.

Sirius sighed dramatically. “You’re gonna kill me.”

“But what a way to go,” Remus quipped as he rubbed himself intimately against the other man, drawing whimpers and moans from Sirius with every movement.

“You’re sure about this?” Sirius asked as he looked up into Remus’s eyes.

“Are you?” Remus asked. “This is a new area for me, after all. You might not like being on the receiving end.”

“I’ve been waiting for this for so long,” Sirius whispered as he reached up to caress Remus’s face, running his index finger over his lips. “Now, are you just going to sit there, or are you going to fuck me?”

“No,” Remus replied with a shake of his head, followed by a shy smile that was completely in contrast to everything else about the situation. “I’m going to make love to you, Sirius Black. Slow…” He pushed into Sirius the smallest fraction. “… sweet…” A little further. “…love...”

Sirius closed his eyes and gave himself over to the new sensation of Remus being in control, being inside of him, and delivering the sweetest form of torture imaginable.

He let Remus set the pace, despite the temptation to do otherwise, and he soon realised that the pace was slow enough that he was already becoming hard again. When he felt Remus’s hand gripping him once more, he knew that his lover had come to the same realisation, and the next time they came it was together.