Hope

A/N: Here\'s the next chapter of Hope. Please read and review as it means to much to me. The song present in this chapte Stu Stuck by Stacie Orrico...i know a pop song...ehhh, but its a good one
A/N: This chapter contains self harm...not wanting to spoil the chapter but if you dont like it then here is your warning.
A/N: Here are my thanks:
Thanks again to my wonderful Beta Corazon:)
Only one review this time:( Ohhh...
Nashi: Thank you for that assessment, it made my day:) Hermione will be drowning out to music alot more too:) Thank you very much for your review!

======================Here we go=========================

Hermione walked into her rooms, she muttered several incantations to prevent her from being disturbed. Looked around the room for her “weapon of choice” and sat down on the edge of the bed.

As tears ran down her face onto the sharp knife she currently held in her hands. The memories from the last two weeks flowed though her mind. Harry and Ron’s threat, her growing feelings for Snape, her dirty body and her wishes to die. Over the past two weeks, Hermione had, behind Snapes back been cutting herself, first on her arms, then her wrists, her legs, her hands, and finally her stomach. She didn’t want to kill herself, she just wanted to feel something different than the pain her so called friends and the love of her life made her feel. To feel the little pain she did, to see the blood run it some how made her feel human. It made her feel real. As she pushed the blade into her skin just below her ribs she closed her eyes. This felt better. She replayed the events of the day in her head while she felt the knife puncture the skin, and drag itself along her stomach. Blood began to flow from the open wound, and Hermione layed down, vowing to clean it up when she woke.

“I can’t take it,
What am I waiting for?
My hearts still breaking,
I miss you even more.
I can’t take it,
The way I could before.
I hate you, but I love you,
I can’t stop thinking of you.”

Snape left his classroom in a bad mood that afternoon. He didn’t know what had possessed Hermione to act that way in class, but he was determined to find out now. No one had ever had the guts to stand up to him. If it had been any other student, Snape would have given them a week’s worth of detentions, and taken all the house points the student had, but Hermione did something to him. He couldn’t bear to see her in pain. He felt her pain and this pissed him off. Severus Snape was not empathetic. He realised he really did not have a choice in the matter when he arrived at Hermione’s room to find it barred up with several wards. In his years as a Death Eater, he had discovered how to see wards on doors and such, and knew full well how to break them. “Hermione, are you in there?”

After knocking for several minutes, Snape decided to go in anyway. He muttered something under his breath and the door swung open. He walked through the room over to her bed, he looked at her, and she was so peaceful. Then he looked further down, surveying her body, which was when he saw her stomach. “Oh my gods Hermione,” he said quietly, “what happened to you.” He looked around, his eyes wandering until they came to a stop on the bloody smeared knife in Hermione’s hand. “You did this to yourself? You stupid girl, why did you do that?” Severus feltdledneeded to leave the wound magically untreated. He would treat it the muggle way, so she couldn’t deny it when she woke up. He walked into her bathroom, grabbed some cloths and some warm water and began to bathe the wound on her stomach.

When Hermione woke up, she felt hands, on her stomach, and water running down the side of her body. What the fuck? She thought as she got up a little fast. She felt very dizzy after that. She saw him, the man she loved - Severus Snape, sleeves rolled up, cloth in hand. She realised he was bathing he wound. Oh my wound! Hermione panicked. He saw it, and the knife. How was she going to explain? Wait a minute. How did he get in here? “Severus,” she finally chocked out. “What are you doing here.”

His voice, silky ice, filled the room. “Saving your life, yet again Hermione.”

Hermione blushed, why did he keep doing that. Wait. Hermione stoped. I didn’t cut that deeply did I? “What happened to me?”

Severus watched her. “That, is what I would like to know, why are you cutting yourself Hermione?”

Hermione said nothing. Instead she began to cry. She turned her body with a significant amount of pain so she did not have to face him. Severus got the message and sat on the side of the bed, wrapping his arms around her. Hermione cried. All the emotion she had been feeling the last two weeks came pouring out and Severus just sat still and silently held the girl, no woman in his arms. He didn’t know how long he had wanted to do this, to just hold her. After a good twenty minutes Hermione stopped crying. “I’m sorry,” she choked out.

Severus looked into her eyes, he was looking for something, but all he found was pain. “Hermione, you know that talk I had started with you, I think it might be time we finished it.” Hermione just nodded, still holding him, wishing it would last forever.


“Hermione I know you’re going through an incredibly difficult time at the moment, and I know I’m not exactly the easiest person to talk to, but you must talk to me. Yell and scream if you must. You cannot do this to yourself. You almost died. Look at your bed and the blood you lost. You must feel so weak. You weren’t asleep when I walked in, you unconscious from the loss of blood. Hermione, I promise I will be as considerate as I can be, but you must tell me what is happening.”

Hermione looked at him, defeat residing in her . “A. “Alright, I’ll tell you. Just don’t let go of me.” Severus got the hint and pulled her in closer, avoiding the wound on her side. Hermione began. “I feel hopeless Severus. I don’t know if I can keep going. I feel…dirty. My virginity was brutally ripped from me and I feel like its all my fault. I should have stopped it. I want to die. You see…” She struggled to get the words out. “I’m in love, with a man. He’s so wonderful that I don’t think I could ever live without him. But I know it’s not right. I shouldn’t love him, and I’m just damaged goods, I would never be good enough for him. I see the way he looks at me with disgust. I’m so afraid, but I want him to protect me from the boys. I’m so scared they will kill me next time. I would rather kill myself than go through that again. Severus, I…I’m also pregnant with a child I don’t deserve.”