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...The Prophet #3
Daily Prophet News Articles
Report Predicts Extinction of Wizarding World in Next 30 Years
In a rambling Op-Ed piece, Quibbler editor Xenophilius Lovegood claims to have proof that the magical world in Britain will be extinct in 30 years. Citing evidence collected from the ghosts of Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore, Lovegood claims that inbreeding within the ranks of pure-bloods, the deaths of many sole-surviving sons in the Second Wizarding War, the fertility advantages of muggle-borns — who consume large amount of frumiated snatchbanders in their diets — and the documented allergy of most pure-bloods to mating with non-pure-bloods is having a deleterious effect on wizarding populations.
The Ministry of Magic declined to comment on record. A source not authorized to speak for the Ministry advised re-interviewing the Quibbler editor before his daily delivery of Firewhiskey…
S.P.A.M. Leadership Detained on Suspicion of Liquidating Dark Artifacts
Nine prominent pure-blood wizards have been detained in the dungeons within the Ministry of Magic for suspicion of trafficking in dark artifacts and antiquities. Lucuis Malfoy, Alecto Carrow and her brother Amycus, Antonin Dolohov, Maximiillian Avery, Victor Crabbe, Thaddeus Nott, Thorfinn Rowle and Walden McNair are being held under special enchantment until Ministry aurors can establish grounds for an indictment…
Aurors to Provide Extra Security at Hogwarts
Amid rumors of gang-related violence, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizarding has been granted auror staff. The additional enforcement resources, trainees from the Aurors Academy, will man towers and secret passageways to provide to protection to pure-blood students experiencing threats and violence…