Finding My Way Back

“Five, eight, six, ten. Ready not, here I come,” a young Draco called out, turning away from the tree and looking around the park.

He slowly walked through the trees, furrowing his eyebrows as he searched. He saw a tiny figure crouching near a bush and smiled, moving toward it. “Got you,” he exclaimed, touching the dark-haired boy that was hiding behind the shrub.

“That was fun,” the young boy smiled.

“Me now,” Draco cheered, running away from him. He then stopped and frowned, noticing the boy hadn’t turned around yet.

“Oops, sorry,” the brunet blushed, turning away and hiding his eyes. “One, two…” he began counting.

Draco quickly ran through the trees, trying to find a good hiding spot. Hearing him almost finished counting, he looked up and saw a low limb within his reach. He quickly jumped and pulled himself up, hearing the boy finish.

He covered his mouth and snickered when he saw him walk right underneath. Unfortunately, his laugh was still loud enough for the boy to hear, and he had quickly run back over and looked up, spotting him. “Found you,” he clapped.

Draco smiled and jumped out of the tree, landing in front of him. “You’re really fun, Harry.”

“So are you, Draco.”

“Want to be my friend?”

“Sure,” Harry smiled.

Draco suddenly frowned, hearing his mother’s voice calling him. “I gotta go now,” he pouted.

“Okay,” Harry glowered.

“See you tomorrow, Harry,” he called out, running away from him and over toward his mother.

“Bye, Draco.”

“…Draco? Draco? Draco!”

He immediately jumped in his seat, hurriedly reaching for his wand inside his robes. He then stopped when he heard the quiet chuckle beside him. He took a deep breath and turned toward the laugh, his heart still racing.

“You have a little something…right there,” the girl started, pointing at the corner of her mouth.

He growled, quickly wiping his hand around his mouth and chin. “What do you want?” he then snapped, glancing around him, noticing he was still in the library.

“You missed dinner,” she replied, looking down at one of the opened books in front of him.

Seeing her gaze, he hurriedly closed the book and covered it with his arm, hoping she didn’t see what it was about.

She narrowed her eyes and reached out, pushing his arm aside so she could read the title. “Deciphering Dreams,” she read out loud, furrowing her eyebrows and looking up at him. “Why are you reading that?”

He huffed, pushing the book away from her. “Why do you have to be so nosy all the time?” he countered.

She leaned her head on his shoulder and smiled. “It’s why you love me, Draco.”

“Right,” he scoffed, jostling his shoulder so her head bounced off. He then closed his eyes and rubbed them, still feeling very tired.

“Draco, what’s wrong?”

He sighed, hearing the worry in her voice. He shook his head and looked over at her, frowning a little. “I just haven’t been sleeping well,” he explained, quickly covering his mouth when he felt himself yawning.

“How long?” she questioned, placing her hand on his forehead like a mother would do to a sick child.

He shrugged, trying to remember the last decent sleep he had that didn’t involve him having a dream about Potter. “I don’t know. Probably around the time I fainted,” he said.

“That was a week ago,” she frowned, moving her hand down to his cheek. “Maybe you should see Pomfrey.”

“I’m fine, Pansy,” he sighed. “Really, I am,” he stressed, seeing the disbelieving look on her face.

“Okay,” she finally dismissed, releasing her hand from his face and staring back down at the book. “So is that why you’re reading that? Are you having weird dreams or something?”

The girl just never gave up. He lowered his head to the table and closed his eyes, desperately wanting to sleep. Lucky for her he was too tired to argue about it. “Or something,” he mumbled.

“Tell me about them. Maybe I can help.”

He sighed, hearing the excitement in her voice. If it were any other person, he would’ve told them to leave long before. Unfortunately, Pansy was one of his other best friends; he told her things almost as much as he did Blaise.

“It’s embarrassing,” he whispered.

“Oh, so they’re those types of dreams.”

He didn’t have to have his eyes open to know she was smirking at him right then. He grumbled to himself, wondering if he really needed to have more than one friend in his life. “Pansy, don’t you have somewhere else to be?” he muttered.

“Nope,” she simply answered, gently gliding her hand through his hair.

He moaned at the touch, hating that she knew him so well; that move always placated him. “Mm,” he soon hummed, his body relaxing.

“Talk to me Draco,” she began again, her voice much quieter than before.

He took a deep breath, knowing he was about to spill everything to her. He knew it was silly, knowing her family lineage very well, but sometimes he truly wondered if the girl had some Veela blood in her. There was just something about her that always made him do things he didn’t want to do. Of course, he would never tell her that, or really anyone for that matter (well okay, maybe Blaise…but it was just that one time).

“It all really started that day I fainted,” he softly began. “I woke up in the hospital wing and just…felt something off. I had no idea what happened. I was so afraid,” he admitted, knowing she would never make fun of him for being scared. She already knew too much about his life to tease him with things like that.

“And when I started to try to remember things from that morning, I realized there were certain things I couldn’t,” he continued.

“Like?” she prompted.

He sighed, glad that her hand was still combing through his hair. “I remember talking to Blaise but that was it. I had no idea what we were talking about or even for how long,” he replied. “And then when he told me what we discussed, I couldn’t even…” he stopped and opened his eyes, staring sadly at his friend. “Pansy, how do I have a lover that I can’t remember?” he whispered.

She frowned, shaking her head. “I don’t know, Draco. I was just as surprised as you were when you told me. I thought for sure Blaise was joking.”

“You know I would’ve told you. That’s why I still can’t understand this,” he expressed.

“Well it must be pretty big for you to have kept it a secret from me, that’s for sure,” she smiled, leaning down and giving him a light kiss on his lips. “Though I think the main reason why you didn’t was because you were scared how I would react to finding out you liked guys instead of girls,” she then whispered.

He closed his eyes and sighed, feeling her warm breath graze his lips. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I really thought we’d…”

“Shh,” she hushed him, giving him another soft kiss. “It was never in the cards for us, Draco,” she murmured. “Deep down we both always knew that.”

He slowly opened his eyes and smirked. “Guess you’ll just always be my annoying friend,” he joked.

“Guess so,” she returned his smirk, kissing him one last time before sitting back up in her seat.

“Now if I could only remember him,” he mumbled.

Pansy sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well, what I don’t get is why he hasn’t even come to see you yet. You’d think he would want to know how his boyfriend is doing after all this time.”

Draco shrugged, lifting his head off the table and sitting up straighter. “Maybe I hurt him or something and that’s why he hasn’t come over to me. I mean maybe he’s waiting for me to go to him,” he mused.

“That’s ridiculous,” she huffed. “You were the one in the hospital wing, not him. He should’ve been there for you. He should’ve made sure his boyfriend was okay.”

Draco blushed, the thought of him having a boyfriend still a bit weird. She was right, though. He should’ve been there for him; he should’ve cared enough to come see him. It had been a week and nothing. Couldn’t he see that something had to be wrong? Fucking bastard.

“You know what, fuck him,” he suddenly said. “He’s not worth it. Probably why I can’t remember him in the first place,” he smirked at Pansy.

Pansy laughed. “That’s true. If he were a better lover, you definitely would’ve remembered.”

He chuckled, staring back down at the table. He frowned when he saw the book, suddenly recalling his most recent dream. He closed his eyes and sighed, wishing he could just forget about it.

“What are you thinking about?” he heard Pansy ask.

“Potter,” he blurted out, blushing as soon as he realized what he said.

He quickly looked up at his friend, seeing her knowing smirk. He frantically shook his head, closing his eyes tight. “No, fuck not like that,” he immediately began. “Ew, Merlin, not like that,” he cringed.

“Then what?”

“I had a dream about him,” he tried to explain, leaning his head back on his chair and groaning when he realized how that sounded.

“You had a dream about Potter?”

He huffed, not even needing to see that stupid grin on her face. “That’s not what I meant,” he gritted.

“So what did you mean?”

“I meant…” he sighed, shaking his head. “I meant…fuck, I don’t know what the hell I meant,” he said, opening his eyes and staring up at the ceiling of the library.

“Draco, did you or did you not have a sex dream about Potter?” Pansy openly asked.

He snapped his head in her direction, narrowing his eyes. “No, I did not have a sex dream about Potter,” he hissed.

“Okay, good. Now we’re getting somewhere,” she smiled. “So what was the dream about?”

He sighed, returning his attention to the ceiling. “We were kids,” he mumbled, still in awe how she could always do that to him.

“Kids in Hogwarts?” she inquired.

He shook his head. “Earlier. We were probably about four or five,” he answered. “We were playing.”

“Playing what?”

Draco closed his eyes, feeling his body start to relax as he tried to remember more. “Hide-and-Seek,” he soon replied. “We had just met that day.”

“Then what happened?”

“We were sad,” he tiredly responded.

“Why?”

“Because…” he yawned, feeling himself getting sleepier. “Because…we had to leave each other.”

***
“Draaaaaaaacoooo,” Harry yelled inside the forest.

The seven-year-old frantically walked further inside, twisting his head left and right, searching for his friend. His body trembled, afraid of what may have happened to him. “Draaaacooo,” he called out again, hoping to hear some sort of sound.

He suddenly froze, hearing a muffled cry to the right of him. He bolted through the trees, running straight toward the sound. “Draco!” he shouted, seeing the blond boy clinging onto a rock in the middle of a creek where the water was crashing over him.

“Harry,” Draco sputtered. “Harry, help.”

“Hold on, Draco,” Harry shakily responded, looking for something to pull him out of the water.

“Harry, I’m slipping,” he hysterically replied. “I can’t hold on anymore.”

“No, you have to hold on, Draco,” Harry exclaimed, staring over at his friend. “You have to hold on,” he repeated, his eyes suddenly watering.

The two boys fearfully stared at each other, not sure what to do. Harry felt completely helpless as he watched his best friend struggle to keep his head above water. He chewed on his bottom lip and looked down, his eyes widening when he saw a broken limb a few feet away. He hurriedly moved toward it and picked it up, surprised by how much strength he had.

“Harry,” Draco called out again. “Harry, please help me.”

Harry rushed back to the side of the creek, extending the limb out to his friend. “Grab onto it, Draco,” he screamed. “Hurry.”

Draco tried to reach out for it, but slipped. He shook his head, clinging tighter to the rock. “I can’t do it, Harry. It’s too hard.”

“Come on Draco, you can do it. I’m right here. Just look into my eyes,” he urged.

Draco looked up at his friend, feeling calmer as soon as their eyes met. He bravely reached out for the limb again, his eyes never leaving Harry’s.

“That’s it Draco,” Harry encouraged him. “That’s it.”

“Don’t let go, Harry,” Draco whispered to him, his hand tightening around the branch.

“I’ll never let go, Draco. Never.”

The two boys suddenly turned their heads to the side, hearing a rush of water move forward. Draco instantly froze, knowing he was about to be devoured. He quickly looked up at Harry, noticing him screaming. He turned his head back to the water and cried, taking one last big gulp.

“Draco!”

He jumped up, clutching his chest tightly while gasping for air. He immediately looked around, realizing he was back in his own room. He continued taking deep breaths, hoping to refill his lungs.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he heard a voice say beside him.

He frantically looked to his side, noticing Pansy next to him. She slowly reached her hand out, brushing his sweaty hair behind his ear. “It’s okay,” he heard her say again.

He could feel his eyes beginning to tear and quickly moved forward, burying his head onto her chest. “He let go,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “He let go.”

“Shh,” Pansy tried to soothe him, combing her hand through his hair. “Shh, Draco, it’s alright.”

“Why doesn’t he ever save me?” he finally cried, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I don’t know Draco,” she whispered, shaking her head. “But we’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out.”

***

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