My Past Will Always Catch Up

Title: My Past Will Always Catch up
Author: Allanasha Ke Kiri
Summary: After the deaths of both Ron and Hermione in their seventh year, Harry ran. The pressure was too much; they thought he’d be back, after he realized they needed him. But he never returned, just ran and hid in the one place he was sure no one would look for him.
Rating: M
Warnings: Sexual content (Eventual)

Chapter 5

My mental grumbling was done by the time we reached my apartment. Digging my keys from my bag, I quickly unlocked the door, and stepped inside, leaving it open in a silent (impolite, I might add) invitation in. Not that I cared, I didn’t want him here in the first place.

I ignored the noise behind me as he closed my door and hung my bag up, followed by my coat after I’d taken it off. Still ignoring the man behind me, I dug into it and pulled out my phone, and my wand, making my way farther into the apartment. If he asked, I’d tell him it was something that had been found on me, and I didn’t let it out of my sight because, as strange as it seemed, it felt like a link to my past. He’d probably buy it. Nott had never really struck me as a highly intelligent individual.

“This is the living room, kitchen’s through there,” I waved dismissively in the direction of my kitchen with the hand holding my cell. “Bathroom’s down the hall, first door on the right. Guestroom’s just beyond that. That’s where you’ll be staying.”

“And you?”

I turned to face him, with a raised eyebrow. “In my room, of course.”

Damn, I knew that look. I resisted the urge to sigh as he closed the distance between us, staring down at me. It was times like these that I hated my height. I’m always so much shorter than my attackers. I gave him my best-bored look.

“I can think of something I’d much rather do.”

“I’m sure you can,” I replied, dully, not at all impressed. “However, I’m generally asleep in half an hour, and that doesn’t leave time for anything else. You’re welcome to stay up, if you wish, but don’t make too much noise, my neighbors have rather early mornings, and I’m due out of the house by ten tomorrow.”

I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. As I turned from him, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back around to face him.

“I’ve been watching you,” he said. “Coming to your shows for about a year now. I knew a filthy muggle couldn’t turn me on.”

Without giving me time to respond, he crashed his lips down on mine. I felt my anger rise and my body tensed up. Not one touches me, my mind growled. When he didn’t immediately pull away, I brought my knee up, catching him between the legs. He gasped and pulled away from me. I stepped back to put more space between us. My eyes were cold as I stared at him.

“I don’t take customers,” I told him. “Ever. Guest room is the second door to the right. Sleep well.” For all the warmth in my voice I could have been telling him to die … who knows, maybe I was.

With that, I turned and walked to my bedroom, leaving him to sort through his pain on his own. Serves him right.

Once in my room, I plugged the phone into the charger and placed the wand onto my nightstand. Just because I ‘didn’t know how to use it’, didn’t mean I couldn’t keep it close. And if I just happened to shoot off a spell or two at an unsuspecting intruder, well, it was instinctive.

I couldn’t help the chuckle that fell from my lips. Even if that were the case, I’d have to be careful about it. Wouldn’t do to make Voldemort suspicious. If he went rummaging through my mind again, he just might find where all those other memories are stored. This was a very dangerous game I was playing; I’d known it from the start. I just had to keep it up until I got Nott to leave me alone for a few hours, then I’d run.

Couldn’t be too hard, I’d just have to annoy him, and I had four days with which to do so.

***

“Raven!”

Beside me, Nott tensed. I paid him no mind as I stepped forward, easily catching the blond streak that threw itself at me. My lips twitched upwards in a small smile as I lifted her. She wrapped her arms around my neck, holding me close.

“I missed you,” she said.

I love children, always have.

“I told you I’d be back today.”

They seem to be the only thing I care about anymore. That and making sure they’re safe, well clothed, and well fed.

“I know,” she replied, burying her head in my shoulder.

Echo’s of my name reached me and I barely had time to glance up before eight more children surrounded me, pulling at my clothes. I knew them all. The one in my arms was Eliza, with a blond head of curls that almost would have put Shirley Temple to shame, and bright green eyes. She was six years old, and had spent her entire life at the orphanage. Or so I’d been told. I’d only been here for five of those years. I’d had the pleasure of watching her grow up.

“Raven, who’s that?”

I glanced down at the kid tugging at my trousers. Jacob. He had hair as black as mine (as short as Kesa would allow it) and hazel eyes. He was glancing behind me.

“Theodore Nott,” I told them. “Says he’s from my past.”

Nott quite suddenly had all nine children’s attention. Even Eliza struggled down from my arms to go to him. Nott looked tense and highly displeased at suddenly having the muggle children’s attention. He glared down at them, but while the other’s cringed back, Eliza stepped closer.

“You his Daddy?” she asked.

“Are you, Eliza,” I corrected her, enjoying Nott’s look of shock.

“Are you his daddy?” she repeated, never taking her eyes off the man before her.

“No,” Nott replied, stiffly. “I am not. His parents are dead.”

“He’s really an orphan?” Chris asked, turning wide blue eyes to me.

“So it would seem,” I told him, with a light shrug.

Chris came up and wrapped his arms around my waist. He was 9 ½ (he tended to get indignant when anyone said he was just nine) and had been at the orphanage for two years. His parents had died in a car crash and they’d never managed to catch the other driver.

I don’t know how Chris was before the accident, but he’s always been rather quiet around us. Though he talks to me more than the others. I think it’s because I was the one to accompany him to his parents’ funeral. Kesa had asked me to accompany him because she didn’t want the other children to take away from the attention Chris needed at that moment. I’d agreed, and had been there. All the people had looked at me, some had sneered, but I’d ignored them, keeping my attention on Chris. I’d gotten used to the sneering in the wizarding world. There were people who just didn’t like me after all.

I’d been the one to see Chris cry and scream; I’d been the one that held him until he cried himself out. For a month, I’d come every day, for varying lengths of time. Kesa was an amazing woman, but she hadn’t quite managed eight children and a grieving one. So I’d helped. Amazingly, despite how cold I am, they never once seemed afraid.

“Up?”

Eliza’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts, my gaze drawing to where Nott stood with Eliza before him, hands raised in the air, hopefully. I saw a sneer beginning to form, but he held it in. Kind of.

“Your legs work perfectly fine,” he told her.

Eliza stayed where she was a moment before her arms slowly lowered. I knew without needed to look that the girl’s eyes had widened and that her bottom lip was trembling. Her eyes would be looking up at Nott as if he’d just told her he’d killed her puppy. Tears would begin to well in her eyes. It was a look that only someone truly heartless could resist. Which mean that Nott would probably-

“All right, fine.”

I blinked. Not be able to resist? Damn, I’m usually better at guessing people’s reactions.

I knew without looking that Eliza’s face lit up with a smile. Nott picked her up, now openly scowling. Personally, I though she’d make an amazing Slytherin, had she been a witch.

“Where’s Kesa?” I asked.

“Inside,” Chris answered, still clinging to my waist. “Backs hurtin’ her.”

“Hurting,” I corrected absently as my hand ruffled his hair.

“Hurting,” he repeated, letting me go so I could step forward. “I’m heading inside, Nott. Watch the kids.” I didn’t wait for a reply as I jogged to the building.

The kids could take care of themselves and I doubted he was allowed to use magic at the moment. Besides, if I was the dark lord’s ‘most loyal’ that meant I was a higher rank than he was, and he had to listen to me. As I went inside, I felt a light smirk pulling my lips, oh, this could be fun.

The building was silent as I entered, which wasn’t surprising since the children were outside. I’d always liked this place because it wasn’t like other orphanages. It was smaller, more personal, more like a foster home really. Kesa called it an orphanage though, because people still came and looked the children over in the hopes to adopt one of them. I can’t recall a single one happening for as long as I’d been visiting. There had been visitors who had looked the children over, stared into their hopeful faces and said that none were to their liking. Kesa and I would have to dry their tears.

Kesa and I were the only constant adults in their lives, and I wasn’t exactly a suitable role model. Still, it would tear them apart when I left … perhaps I’d write them letters, send them gifts. Let them know I haven’t forgotten about them.

In the living room, Kesa sat in her chair, eyes closed.

“Hello, Raven.”

“Kesa,” I replied with a small smile, though my eyes didn’t get any warmer. She always knows when I’m there. “Chris told me your back’s hurting.”

She nodded, her eyes opening. “More and more lately.”

My smile saddened as I crossed to the couch next to her. “How long?”

“They don’t know, but they estimate another year.”

I couldn’t help but wince. Kesa was a 64-year-old woman, and for as long as I’d known her had been as spry as the children in the yard. Last spring, she’d been told she had cancer. They had offered her treatment, but if it didn’t work, she hadn’t wanted to leave anyone else in debt. She went in every couple of months and took pills for the pain.

“Have you told the kids yet?”

Kesa shook her head. “I don’t want to worry them, and Eliza wouldn’t understand.”

I nodded. “They deserve to get used to it though.”

“I know.” Her reply was soft, followed by a sigh. “I was hoping you could take over.”

For a moment, my only response was to blink. “What?”

“The children need someone they can trust. They trust you, Raven. You’re one of they’re only constants, and I’d feel better if I knew you were taking care of them. And … you wouldn’t hate them.”

“Kesa, I-“

“You’re a troubled young man,” she interrupted. “When I look at you, I see what these kids could become, if left alone. But I also see a caring young man who would protect them until his dying breath. I see a positive role-model who will do his best by these children and who wont let them down.”

I blinked. Well, at least someone thought of me as a positive influence. “I don’t think I’ll be around for much longer,” I told her, softly, almost regretfully.

“Why?”

“I met a few people who have claimed to be from my past.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it? It’s about time something came back into that head of yours.”

I shook my head. “They don’t seem to be the nicest of people, and I don’t think they’ll leave me alone, even if they don’t get proof.”

“So you’re going to run.”

I nodded once, suppressing the urge to wince. That made me sound like a coward. Then again, maybe I was, I just didn’t care anymore. I wanted out, and if that meant running for the rest of my life then so be it.

“As soon as I can manage it.”

We sat in silence for a while, before I reached into my pocket and pulled out an envelope.

“Raven, no.”

“We have this conversation every week, Kesa. It’s for the kids.”

She sighed, tiredly, taking the envelope. “The children are going to be devastated.”

“… I know.”

I stood then, and left the room. I didn’t want to think of the tearing in my chest. I knew from the beginning that I would have to leave eventually. I’d told myself not to get attached, that it would only hurt in the end. I guess I’m just not that good at listening to my inner voice.

I wouldn’t do it next time, I promised myself. Next time, I’d stay completely to my self.

…

Could I really be that cold?

Everyone else was easy, I really couldn’t care less about them, what they did, what they thought. The children though…

I shook my head, gazing out a window, blinking in surprise. Somehow, the kids had conned Nott into a game of Red Rover, and he didn’t seem particularly happy about it. A light smirk lit my lips. I had blackmail. Not that I’d ever have the opportunity to use it.

I shook my head free of the thoughts and made my way back outside. Eliza was the first to notice my presence. She always was. She broke away from the others and ran towards me. I knelt and swung her up once she came within reach. Her happy giggle hurt.

As the others abandoned their game to come to me, I suddenly imagined them wearing something else. Something crisp and clean, new, colorful. Something entirely theirs. I wanted to do it for them, had wanted to since I’d met them, but couldn’t with my salary. The orphanage already got everything I didn’t need, and that went to help pay the mortgage, heating, food. Their clothes were generally second hand.

I could do it if I had my vault though … though I couldn’t have access to it unless I played along with Voldemort for a while.

***

“My lord wants you to wear this,” Nott told me, handing me a box. He’d stopped calling him ‘our’ lord after I’d told him, quite plainly, that I had I was my own person and had no bloody lord. Though, the way I’d phrased it was longer and a bit more colorful.

I blinked at it twice before lifting the lid. I really should have guessed what was in it. It was a set of dress robes, a dark green just a shade darker then Emerald. The robes, from what I could tell, were trimmed in both silver and gold (most likely denoting both Gryffindor and Slytherin). I could feel an eyebrow rising.

“It’s a dress robe,” Nott told me, almost impatiently in answer to an unasked question I hadn’t been asking. “Lord Voldemort has a party planned, to celebrate your return.”

“A party … what kind of party?”

“Formal, given the fact you were sent dress robes,” he drawled sarcastically.

I cursed, causing Nott to blink at me in surprise. I don’t curse often.

“Never bothered to learn etiquette,” I told him, which was true.

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” he replied, walking off. He’d been an arse ever since I’d kneed him.

I felt my lips pulled into a frown; there’d gone those plans.

“Who’s to say I’ll even go?” I demanded, taking a seat with the box across my lap, but raising my voice so that it followed after him. “I’ve yet to see the proof he’s promised me.”

“You’ll get it tonight.”

He wasn’t happy with me. Good, I’d purposefully kept busier than normal, doing things so disgustingly muggle, hanging out with muggles, in the hope he’d leave me alone for an hour. That would be when I planned to run. It hadn’t worked, unfortunately.

Still, I found myself wondering just what Voldemort had managed to gather, and how it would prove I’d been with him.

“When is it?” I called, repressing a grin as he stormed back into the living room.

“It’s impolite to shout across a house,” he all but growled.

I raised an eyebrow. “It’s my home, and you are an unwanted, if necessary, guest,” I told him, coolly. “What time?”

“Be ready by 7.”

We don’t like each other, and I dearly hope Voldemort doesn’t try to convince me that Nott and I were great friends, just not going to fly. I hadn’t even been that gullible back at Hogwarts, I certainly wasn’t now. In all actuality, I doubted any of the Death Eaters could pull that bit off.

Well … Lucius might. He was very polite after we’d left the Dark Lord … after he’d gotten over the fact he had to baby sit me anyway.

Standing once again, I moved the box to my room, now ignoring Nott. It had been five years since I’d worn robes, longer since I’d worn dress robes. I placed the box on the bed and pulled the robes out. There was a light frown on my lips as I fingered the cloth, wondering what it was. I’d have to ask someone.

The robes didn’t look that bad, really. I just resented being told what to wear. And that was both parts of me.

…

I’m suddenly very glad no one can read my mind; they’d probably call me insane. I shook my head, trying to figure out what both parts really thought.

Harry was excited about wearing robes again, but wished it was less flashy, and that he’d been allowed to pick the robe. A different color would have been great. Raven liked the coloring, but disliked the fact that he’d be covered more than usual. He too wished he’d been allowed to pick the robe, but just because he didn’t like the fact that someone else was dressing him … me

I sighed, laying the robe on my bed. There was no way I was wearing this traditional, though. That was one thing my inner Harry and I agreed on, for very different reasons. Harry just wanted to be more comfortable. Raven didn’t want to expose anything.

My career was based on the fact that no one ever saw more than I wanted them too, and no one felt more than I wanted them to.

Glancing at the clock, I grimace. I had about an hour until I was supposed to be ready. It wouldn’t take that long to just slip on the underclothes and the robe. Unless …

How much did I want to piss off Voldemort? Not enough, I decided with a sigh. My displeasure could be shown through other ways.

***

Okay, here’s another chapter. I hope you all enjoy it ^_^ My muse is having fun at the moment.

Let me know what you think? Is it as good as the previous chapters? I know it doesn’t have quite the same tone as the others … at least, I it doesn’t seem that way to me, but it should change back soonish. >.>

spoonring - This is not a prostitution story. If you'll notice, Harry/Raven has repeated -often- that he does --NOT-- take customers. While some of his co-workers might, it wont really be focused on. I promise though, that Harry/Raven does not, nor will he take any customers.