W.I.B

They were getting better.

At first it was difficult to convince them that although wands and magic were appropriate for some things, ultimately if they really and truly wanted the Dark Lord gone, they would have to do it the MIB way.


Intergalactic cockroaches and Voldemort were actually more similar than they were not, if you stopped and thought about it. Both were hell bent on destruction and carnage, highly dangerous, had huge inferiority complexes, and would stop at nothing to get what they wanted.


Throw in a little cross-dressing and you had a perfect match.



“I don’t see how this will do any damage at all.” Sirius Black scoffed, holding up a miniscule weapon by his thumb and forefinger like it was a diaper full of dragon dung.



“Heh.” J snorted, remembering his first experience with the weapon in question.



“Think so, slick? Then go ahead and demonstrate.” K said.



“Alright I will.” Black said as he gripped the weapon and aimed it at a Death Eater dummy. “Perhaps then Dumbledore will abandon this insane idea of…”


A loud chirping filled the Room of Requirement and Sirius Black flew back several feet, hit the wall, and crumbled into a heap on the floor. He had missed the target but K’s point was made.


Zed sighed.


“The bloody hell?!” Black said as he stood up looking at the gun in astonishment.


“Noisy Cricket.” K said, holding up another of the weapon.


“Heh.” J snickered again.



All the present Order members, except Snape who had been mysteriously called away earlier that afternoon, eyed the odd weapons that lay on the table in the back of the room.



“Merlin! If that little thing did that, what does this do?” Remus asked, holding up a much larger gun.



“Series Four De-atomizer. All sorts of business.” J answered.



Remus looked the weapon over, highly intrigued.



“May I?” Remus asked, indicating that he’d like to try shooting the gun.



“In just a minute, tiger.” K said. “Now your chief tells us that he doesn’t want you running around, plugging these Scary Mary Death Eater guys indiscriminately…”



“Er…no. You see, gentlemen, there is the possibility that some of the Death Eaters may be under the Imperius Curse. If at all possible, the Death Eaters should merely be incapacitated so that their true motivations can be determined at trial. The Dark Lord is the primary target.” Dumbledore said, interrupting K.




“We got you. Girly snake man is like the Level Boss.” J said.



“Level Boss?” asked Tonks.



J turned around and looked at her with a little incredulousness.



“Level Boss. You know, like in a game. Video game?”



Tonks just shook her head while the rest of the Order members regarded him with curiosity.



“You mean to tell me none of y’all have ever played Resident Evil?” J asked.



“Now that’s just sad.” J said after the silence and blank looks from the Order members.



“Okay, the Noisy Crickets along with some of your magic will be used to incapacitate the Death Eaters. As slick over there demonstrated, they have a kick to them so you going to have to practice…” K began again.



At that moment, the door to the RoR slammed open and Snape stormed in, scowling blackly and obviously in a really, really bad mood. A few fuchsia feathers were clinging to his black wool frock coat and he was still rubbing his left forearm where his Dark Mark still stung from being summoned.



“Severus! What’s the news?” Dumbledore asked.



“Revel this coming weekend. Muggles to be kidnapped. The usual.” Snape answered pinching the bridge of his nose.



After a moment, Snape dug in one of his coat pockets and produced a pair of rather garish, gold satin opera gloves.



“I stopped at a Muggle formal wear shop and bought these. I’ve charmed them to impede the Dark Lord's dexterity. They will make it difficult for him to hold his wand. They’re also charmed so that once he puts them on they won’t come off without an incantation. It should give us a little tactical advantage.” Snape explained while holding them in much the same manner that Sirius Black had at first with the Noisy Cricket gun, like they were soiled and pungent.



“Ah. Well, he won’t be able to resist those.” Dumbledore said looking at the tacky pair of gloves.



“What’s all this?” he asked, looking about the RoR which was set up for another battle simulation.



“Weapons training.” Zed answered.




“What’s all over your coat, Snivelus?” Black jeered, knowing full well that Voldemort usually demanded that Snape give him piggyback rides.




Out of all the Death Eaters, Snape was the only one tall enough. He loathed doing it, especially when Voldemort insisted on wearing one of his many costumes.




This time, he had worn a fuchsia colored feather boa and feathers tend to cling to heavy black wool.



With a subtle flick of his wand, Sirius Black sent the clinging feathers floating into the air for all to see.




“Padfoot!” Remus said.




Snape whirled around, narrowed his eyes at Black and began to advance on him.




“Now gentlemen…” Dumbledore warned.




Snape cut his eyes over at Zed who was holding the remote control that ran the battle simulator.




Black stood up straight and got ready for yet another confrontation while Remus began elbowing him to just let it go.



“For Gods’ sake, Padfoot. You aren’t at school anymore. Grow up already!” Remus whispered out of the corner of his mouth.




“Butt out, Mooney. He deserves it.” Sirius hissed back.




When Snape stopped, he and Black were face to face. A very nasty smile crept across Snape’s mouth.




“K, check it out. Dracula ain’t backing down.” J said.




“Mmm.” K acknowledged.




Snape’s hand slipped inside his coat, reaching for his wand.




“Try it, Snivelus.” Black said, reaching for his own wand.




With lightning fast movement, Snape snatched the Series Four De-atomizer away from Remus with one hand and flicked his wand at the remote control that Zed held with the other hand and started the battle simulation.




As everyone watched in astonishment, Snape proceeded to obliterate every one of the now animate dummies that were flying at him with dead on precision. Less than a minute after Snape triggered the simulation, it was over. Whiffs of smoke were the only thing that remained of the simulation dummies. He even managed to smoke the feathers that Black had sent floating into the air.



The Order members gaped with open mouths.



K and J nodded in approval.



Zed looked thoughtful.



Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled.



And Sirius Black went ashen.




“That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout?” Snape asked J, wanting confirmation that that particular quip was the appropriate thing to say after one destroys every target in sight.




“My man.” J said.




With a satisfied smirk, Snape tossed the Series Four De-Atomizer back to Lupin who caught it gingerly.




“Sir, I’ve had a rather trying day. May I be excused?” Severus asked Dumbledore.




“Certainly, my boy. Certainly.”




With another nasty smirk at Black, Snape turned and began to walk out of the RoR. Before he exited, J gave him a soul handshake which Severus returned.




“Snape! Wait up a minute!” K said, hurrying out of the room after him.




J looked about the room and the dissipating puffs of smoke.




“How long’s it been since that man’s had a vacation?!” he asked.




The Order members turned and looked at Dumbledore somewhat reproachfully. The J-Muggle did have a point. If Snape was wound any tighter, you could play a high C on his arse.



The Old Man cleared his throat in embarrassment.




“Severus is a valuable resource to us. I’m afraid he hasn’t had much time off these last few years.”




“Uh huh.” J said.




“Alright everyone, let’s get back to work. We’ve only have until this weekend. I’m going to split you up into teams. One team will engage the Death Eaters and keep them busy while…” Zed began.




“Sir, I…I’m not comfortable working with Snape.” Black stammered, still shaken after witnessing Snape completely owning the simulation.



“Oh shut up, Black.” the rest of the Order muttered.




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A/N: As much fun as this is, I’m going to be wrapping it up in two, maybe three, more chappies. Unless of course a weird little turn pops into my head.

Jilliane: You liked Voldie’s version of ‘Tomorrow,’ eh? I know that from now on, every time I hear it, I’ll be picturing him dressed in his costume belting out his alternate lyrics. ;)

‘Stems’ comes from a flamboyant friend of mine.


Starstruck86: Yes, Voldie does seem rather happy wearing fabulous frocks, doesn’t he? Hmmm, our Sevie in sequins….hmmm. I just got an image of him dressed up as Dr. Frank N. Furter from Rocky Horror.

I can’t be the only one who has thought of that!


Tambrathegreat: I drew laughy tears from you! Yay!

Yes, the mental image of Peter in fishnets is enough to make one shudder.

*shudder*



Alabaster Princess: Of course Cuppedycakes! What else would a poofty Dark Lord serve as refreshments? ;)~ Hehehehe

He’d probably cry if someone popped his balloons too.



Flaming Moth of Doom: I’m glad you’re enjoying it! It’ll end with a bang, believe me!