It Was Only A Kiss!

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Chapter Five

‘I don’t know how you can look at that blood and not puke.’

‘Because I’m not a lily livered coward unfit to lick Snivellus’ arse?’

‘Dickhead.’

It was the morning after the full moon and the two Animagi had just changed back into their human counterparts, feeling somewhat guilty that they did it with such ease when Remus was in seven kinds of hell with his transformation. Sirius had immediately gone to Remus’ side and covered him with a blanket before he and James lifted him onto the dusty old bed. Peter, still in rat form, was snoring in the corner, having fallen asleep some hours earlier, and a slightly green James was watching Sirius as he checked Remus over for serious injury. He had never stuck around for this ritual before - his distaste for seeing his friend swimming in crimson making him flee - but now, he watched.

His hazel eyes observed the unusually gentle hands almost caressing the scarred skin of Remus’ shoulder as Sirius used his wand to close some of the werewolf’s smaller wounds. A small crease appeared between Sirius’ eyes as he tutted over the cuts and bruises and James could see the genuine concern and fear held in the grey orbs. Sirius’ hand moved higher, touching a bruise on the back of Remus’ neck lightly with his fingertips then, almost as if by accident, those fingers combed through the hair at the nape of that slender neck.

James felt an odd catch in his chest as his mind finally registered something which had been playing on the edge of his subconscious for many months now. Sirius was a different person around Remus. They had always been pretty close but their relationship had changed its tenor so gradually that it hadn’t registered. Not until now; not until James saw for himself the tenderness with which the usually rambunctious, careless teenager treated their stricken friend.

They’d been having some kind of disagreement over the last few days - something neither boy would discuss with James, insisting that everything was fine - but you wouldn’t have known it from the way Sirius was treating the other boy now. James felt a nervousness - wondering if this change in Sirius' behaviour had anything to do with the reasons for that gulf that had appeared in the last week - or if it had anything to do with what had happened between the two pups last night. Suddenly, Sirius staying so close to Remus in this state didn’t seem like such a good idea.

‘Sirius, maybe you should let me stay with him this time?’

The grey eyed boy looked up at James, taking umbrage with his suggestion that he should leave.

‘Why would I leave him? You can’t heal him - you‘re such a damn sook around blood. Wormtail can’t heal him… You want to leave him to bleed to death…?’

‘Don’t be so bloody melodramatic, Padfoot. He’s got a few cuts but nothing life threatening. Just let me stay this time.’

Sirius stood up from where he’d been sitting on the edge of the bed next to a sleeping Remus and eyed James speculatively.

‘Why?’

‘You know why. You two have been getting closer and closer then all of a sudden, things are weird between you two. You’ve both been strange for days now then last night…’

‘Nothing happened, Prongs.’

‘He almost ripped your throat out!’

‘Shut. Up.’

Sirius, gritting his teeth, looked down at Remus, panicking when he saw him stir. There was silence until the brown-haired boy stilled then Sirius turned to face James again and spoke in a low, urgent tone before the bespectacled boy could renew his argument.

‘You know how he’ll react if he thinks he almost hurt one of us. He won’t let us come with him anymore and he’ll start tearing himself to shreds again. Do you want to see him like he was in Third Year? When they had to take him to St. Mungos because he’d nearly disembowelled himself?’

James’ face showed his frustration and he spat the words at Sirius. ‘Of course I don’t, but until things are sorted out between the two of you, maybe Peter or I should stay.’

‘Sirius can stay.’

Both boys turned to the bed and saw Remus staring up at them through sleepy, confused eyes.

‘I want to know what I did.’

Sirius turned to glare at James then sat down on the bed again, crossing his arms defiantly over his chest as he said pointedly:

‘Bye, James.’

James let out an exasperated breath and nodded. ‘Fine.‘ He looked over at Remus and his expression softened. ‘We’ll see you later, Moony.’

Remus mumbled a farewell and thanks then James woke Peter who changed back before they left the shack with loud yawns. Sirius fussed with the blanket covering the prone boy, but Remus stilled his hand with his own and asked the question.

‘What did I do?’

Sirius looked down at a pale faced Remus and shook his head. ‘Nothing as dramatic as James made out. You just got a bit rough while we were playing.’

Remus stared at him for a long moment. ‘How rough?’

The brunette opened his mouth to reassure him it had been nothing but when Remus fixed him with one of his ‘McGonagall’ glares, he heaved a put upon sigh and reached up to unfastened the top buttons of his shirt.

‘It really isn’t as bad as it looks.’

Which was pretty fucking bad apparently.

Sirius hadn’t seen the bruising yet himself but the horror on Peter and James’ faces when they changed back and now the look of pure fear on Remus’ indicated that it was pretty awful.

‘Moony…’

‘Get out.’

“Remus…’

‘Get out!’

‘No. Remus…’

‘For Merlin’s sake, Sirius, I could have…’

His voice gave out and he just shook his head as he buried his face in the thin mattress underneath him.
Sirius ran a hand over his neck, feeling that the scratches there had started scabbing over and no doubt the bruises had started to purple. It did hurt but Sirius recalled the look in Moony’s eyes when he’d tumbled him onto his back and opened his jaws wide over Padfoot’s throat. That look was why he was so certain that Remus hadn’t meant to kill him. It hadn’t been a murderous, hungry glint in Remus’ eyes and Sirius hadn’t felt in any danger - knowing that neither Remus nor Moony would ever hurt him. He trusted the werewolf implicitly.

‘Remus, you weren’t trying to hurt me.’

The werewolf sat up with a speed that almost had them clashing heads. He grabbed Sirius’ robes in his fist and pulled him close, their faces only an inch apart.

‘You always underestimate how dangerous I am. You did it last year when you sent Snape after me and you’re doing it again now. I could have torn your throat out and you sit here telling me I wasn’t trying to hurt you. You’re not being a friend by placing yourself in danger, Sirius…’

‘You weren’t trying to hurt me. You…were showing me who the …alpha was. It’s no big deal, mate.’

‘Tell me. Tell me everything.’

Sirius obeyed, knowing the werewolf knew him too well to allow him to get away with a lie.

‘We were wrestling like we usually do and I somehow managed to pin you down. I sort of snapped at you - I wasn’t going to bite you - just a ‘haha’ kind of thing. You growled and pushed me off then tackled me and grabbed me around the throat.’

He glanced quickly at Remus then looked away again when he saw the aghast expression on his face.

‘You didn’t try to hurt me. You only held me until I knew you were the boss. Once I submitted, you started… playing again.’

He felt Remus’ hands fall from his clothes and the bed shifted underneath him. Looking back at his friend, he frowned. Remus had pushed himself into the corner, curled up into a ball with his face tucked into his blanket covered knees.

‘Remus…’

‘Please just go.’

‘No. Remus, it’s ok. You didn’t hurt me - it was just showing me that you were dominant.’

A whimper startled him and he shuffled closer to the now trembling werewolf.

‘Remus, please. It’s alright. I know it was just playing, that it was just mucking around. You never tried to sink your teeth in; you never applied any pressure. I trust you, Remus. You and Moony.’

His words just made Remus curl up tighter and Sirius’ face became pained. He hated seeing Remus like this - so self loathing and fearful - and wanted to help him, to soothe him. His hands moved, one to Remus’ arm to reassure him and the other to his head, trying to wordlessly tell the werewolf to look at him, that it was alright. He could feel the thin body under his palms shaking and felt a shot of guilt that Remus was in so much pain.

Stroking his fingers through the soft, damp brown hair, he whispered, ‘I’m sorry, Remus. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have pinned you like that…’

Remus shook his head but still didn’t look up, his words muffled. ‘You’re not the one who tried to kill his friend to show him who was boss.’

‘You didn’t try to kill me, Remus. We were playing and…it just went too far. Seems to be our thing lately. You wouldn't have hurt me.’

At that, Remus looked up, glistening blue eyes flashing in anger. ‘I did hurt you.’ He yanked at Sirius’ shirt and a few more buttons popped open.

‘I could have fucking… Jesus! You have bruises - I could have crushed your windpipe. You have scratches - they could have been puncture marks. I could have bitten you, Sirius. I could have turned you into a monster like me!’

Sirius grabbed an almost hysterical Remus’ face, holding tight as the other boy tried to wrench it from his grasp.
‘You are not a monster, Remus. Don’t you ever, EVER, fucking call yourself that again or I’ll fucking smack you in the mouth.’

‘You should throttle me for what I tried to do to you.’

Remus was breathing hard, fighting his desire to just burst into tears of anger and shame, and trying to hide his humiliation from Sirius.

‘Shit, Sirius. Hit me. Hurt me for what I did to you. Please? Make it better. Make me pay for what I almost did…’

Sirius’ moan of helplessness was lost as he did the only thing he could think of to stop the flood of self recrimination, and crashed his mouth down onto Remus’. After an initial gasp of surprise, Remus didn’t hold back for a moment, kissing Sirius with as much heat and force as the brunette was generating.

It was nothing like that first tentative kiss - this was something else; something fierce and desperate and - fuck it all - exactly what they both wanted. Sirius was still gripping his face hard enough to bruise and Remus’ hands came up to grasp the dark hair that was brushing over his cheek, pulling on it lightly. The tug made Sirius moan and Remus took advantage, plunging his tongue into the other boy’s mouth and groaning as Sirius' taste assaulted his senses.

Sirius momentarily stiffened in shock then let slip another moan before he attacked Remus’ mouth with his own soft muscle. He pushed at Remus until the brown-haired boy’s back was against the wall and Sirius was half on top of him, both kissing furiously, the sound of their ragged breathing loud in the air.

‘Fuck, Moony...’

Sirius lips moved against Remus’ as his hands shifted to the scarred chest, fingers brushing the light brown nipples. The werewolf groaned at the other boy’s touch on his bare skin as Sirius' gasped words thrummed over his lips.

‘Fuck. Fuck!’

Remus slid his hands down the the abused flesh on Sirius' neck, stroking gently, trying to take the pain from the purpling marks. Sirius whimpered and shivered, nipping at Remus' bottom lip then sucking it in apology when the werewolf made a little noise in his throat. Chests were burning from lack of air, but oxygen seemed so unnecessary and instead of pulling apart to fill their lungs, they deepened the kiss.

‘Remus?’

They separated immediately, the initial sound of heavy breathing silenced, the two boys holding their breath as the female voice wafted up the stairs of the rickety shack.

‘Remus, are you alright?’

‘Fine, Madam Pomfrey. I‘m just dressing. I‘ll be there in a moment.’

Remus was surprised his voice was so steady when his chest ached from trying to control his rapid respiration and his heart was beating so fast that the woman surely must be able to hear it. Sirius had moved away and was now sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as he attempted to slow his own breathing.

‘Sirius, I have to dress.’

The other boy nodded then pushed himself to his feet, clearing his throat as he adjusted his clothing to hide his arousal. Remus pulled his pants on while he was under the blanket, half an eye on Sirius as the other boy picked up the Invisibility Cloak. He winced as he pulled up his zip, trying desperately to ignore the fact that he was harder than he could ever remember being and that it was Sirius who’d done it to him.

‘Remus?’

‘Coming!’

He tugged his shirt on and stood up, slipping his feet into his shoes just as Sirius said:

‘I’ll be up to see you later in the infirmary.’

Remus looked up at Sirius who was staring down at his own feet as if they were the most fascinating things he‘d ever seen.

‘If you still want me to come up, that is.'

His gaze lifted and Remus saw the unusual insecurity there. He swallowed hard, resisting the pull of those grey orbs that made him want to find out where that kiss could have gone if they hadn’t been interrupted.

‘Course I want you there. You’re my best mate, aren’t you?’

It was his turn to hold his breath as he waited for an answer and it came out in a rush when Sirius nodded.

‘Always, Remus.'

He gave the werewolf a tight smile before pulling the cloak over his head and disappearing.

TBC...