A Taste of Heaven

A Taste of Heaven





Ch 5 - Testing





"That kiss was hot!"



I shrunk down in my seat slightly and hoped nobody in the library heard Pansy\'s loud exclamation.



"They way you crawled across the table to reach him. How he responded so passionately. It made me blush just watching you two. I imagine that when you guys had sex it was explosive!"



If possible, I made myself even smaller in my seat. Yes, it was an intense kiss and I didn\'t even realize I was putting on a show for the entire great hall. Draco made me forget about everything when I was with him.



An awkward silence stretched before us, only broken by an occasional cough or turn of a page from different students in the library. I was completely lost in my thoughts about Draco. I really didn\'t mean to kiss him, it just happened. And it was bloody amazing! I was so very tempted to take it farther. I felt hot just thinking about it.



"You really should make him jealous."



I eyed Pansy wearily.



I\'ve said it before and I\'ll say it again, I wasn\'t about to become one of those girls. The type of girls that are dumped by their boyfriends and turn so utterly pathetic that all they do is pine after them and plot ways to get them back. I don\'t think any girl chooses to be like that, but it happens and I refuse to let it happen to me.



"I\'m not going to try and make him jealous. That is so immature and we are practically adults. It would be ridiculous and a complete waste of time. He doesn\'t care anyway."



"The way he responded to that kiss sure seems like he cares." Pansy\'s smug voice caused me to sit up straighter.



"He has Ginny now. He doesn\'t want me. He made that perfectly clear." I kept my voice uncaring, but I know she heard the slight waver in it.



Pansy frowned for a moment and studied me closely. I could see some sort of indecision in her eyes until she blinked and they were clear. She seemed to make a decision about whatever was plaguing her.



"You are coming to Hogsmeade with us tomorrow right?" She asked while applying lip gloss to her pouty, perfect lips. I nodded and turned back to the Potions essay I was working on. Unfortunately, I couldn\'t focus on anything except what just happened in the Great Hall, and Pansy preening her beautiful self did not seem to help my mood at all. I hated the fact that I would always be the bookworm of the golden trio. Even when Draco and Pansy\'s decided to befriend us, I was still the bookworm. Draco was and always will be the "bad boy" - a persona I thought fit him deliciously well and Pansy well, she\'s the beauty. Absolutely gorgeous she is. Half the time people forget I\'m even a girl and Pansy, you could never forget her. I get the feeling that my friendship with her cemented my status as the bookworm.



I mentally shook my head. I had no reason to have a pity party for myself. Yes, I was no raving beauty, but I was also definitely far from being a hag. I was pretty in my own way. I had to keep reminding myself of that. I may not be the classical definition of beauty, but I wasn\'t hopeless.



"You should see if Blaise will accompany you."



I slowly placed my quill down, forgetting for a moment what Pansy was even talking about. I was so absorbed in my own thoughts I completely lost track of our Hogsmeade conversation, "And why should I see if Zabini will accompany me?"



"Well," She bit her lower lip in contemplation, "You see, we are all going as one big group, but there will be certain times that people may pair off. I wouldn\'t want you to be the odd one out. I mean, with Harry and I, Ron and Lavender, Crabbe and Goyle usually disappear into the quiditch shop and sometimes the candy store for hours, and then, of course, Draco and Ginny... it might be sort of weird for you to be by yourself. I mean I know Blaise usually always goes with us, but Ginny doesn\'t and this is just..." Her tone of voice turned slightly high-pitched and rushed towards the end as she tried to explain why I should go with Zabini.



I stopped listening after she confirmed that Draco and Ginny were going together. I felt the pitiful well of despair in my stomach increase in intensity. I couldn\'t really blame him. I practically threw her in his lap with my dramatic declaration at dinner. Even before I intruded on their conversation it seemed, just by watching them interact with each other, that they were probably more then just lovers.



Ugh... Lovers. That word bothered me so much. It hinted at a greater intimacy than just fucking. I would like to delude myself into thinking that Draco and I were lovers. I mean the way we felt for each other - well, at least the way I felt... still feel about him is way more than just lust.



I love the bastard.



Okay... Okay. I know I shouldn\'t call him a bastard. Besides the fact that he was conceived and born with his parents married, he isn\'t a bastard. Besides our upsetting argument where afterwards he ignored me for what seems like ever and then managed to rub my nose in all his numerous conquests, he really hasn\'t done anything too awful. When he ended things he didn\'t go about flaunting it to everyone. He only recently started doing that after that horrible day when I confessed my love to him.



Draco Malfoy was an enigma. I thought we had something good, something real, but I could tell he was almost holding back from the beginning. Since everything happened with the war and his betrayal of his father, he has been more subdued. He wasn\'t as vicious as he used to be - I glimpsed the old Draco briefly the day of our argument.



Yes, he was always a bit of a womanizer, but it\'s not like those girls didn\'t know what they were getting into. We all knew and yet we still went along with it. I thought I was different though. I had the ridiculous notion that he might actually love me. The way he looked at me sometimes, the way he touched me. I had to be more than just a fling to him, but then why would he hold back? Why would he toss me aside? I really didn\'t want to believe that he was with Ginny while he was still with me, but the way they are acting... Could it be true? Could he really have done that?



Draco isn\'t a monster. He can be cold and calculating, but that is the way he was raised. I can\'t help, but doubt Ginny\'s words. She has some personal vendetta against me and it just looking for a way to hurt me. Besides hurting me by ending things (although I know he didn\'t intentionally hurt me, I suppose he just couldn\'t pretend to want me anymore) and not hiding his indiscretions (although why should he? If we didn\'t share a common room I never would have even known) he hasn\'t done anything that bad.



Except for Ginny.



Anything having to do with her is bad, but who am I to tell him what is good for him? I basically gave him permission to be with her, not that he needs my permission. Boys will be boys and it seems like they get some sort of sick satisfaction by ripping your heart out of your chest and stomping on it until nothing is left, but a bloody pulp.



Metaphorically speaking of course.



But other than that entire heart ache I\'ve had to endure he has been nothing, but nice to me. If, of course, you consider avoiding me (although not speaking any ill of me) or saying the barest minimum possible before our whole mistletoe incident - nice.



"They are going together?" My whispered words wavered as I looked at Pansy. It was embarrassing to be so hurt by the knowledge that Draco and Ginny were going together to Hogsmeade. It\'s not like I didn\'t know, but if it wasn\'t spoken out loud then I could pretend that it wasn\'t really happening.



Pansy\'s sat next to me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Yes, but he\'s just dealing with some issues and trying to figure things out and-"



"What happened in the Great Hall after I left?" I asked, watching how Pansy skillfully avoided my eyes. I was thinking about the words she told him as I left, what are they hiding? Why would Draco be worried about Pansy telling his mother anything?



"It\'s really not my place to say," She glanced at me and then stood up slowly," but... He\'s testing himself."



"Testing himself?" I watched as she nodded and backed away slowly, heading toward the library doors. I quickly shoved my parchments into my bag, not caring that they will most likely be crumpled and ripped later, and stood up to follow her.



"Look, I can\'t really say anything because it\'s his... situation to tell, but basically I\'m sure this will all blow over and you two will be back together before you know it."



I rolled my eyes and pushed the library door open, allowing Pansy to leave first, "It\'s over. Especially with all this Ginny nonsense. If what she said was true, I honestly want nothing to do with him."



Pansy stilled and turned around to face me, "What did the little tramp tell you?"



"She just said that I was some sort of twisted goal during his journey to bed her. She told him that she wanted him to crush me or whatever and then she would be his. Basically, Draco wanted Ginny more than anything or something to that effect."



I watched Pansy tense even more, "Don\'t believe it. It\'s bullshit. It\'s complete and utter bullshit." Her voice had gone low and angry. I was surprised by the viciousness in her tone. I had never heard her sound so... angry.



I shrugged and threw my arm around her shoulder, forcing her feet to move forward, "It\'s nothing. Yeah, I was upset when she told me, but honestly what can I do? I want him to be happy and if he wants her then that is his prerogative. I\'m not going to stand in his way. Plus, she\'s a pureblood so if he manages to knock her up or whatever then he has his oh - so - coveted pureblooded children."



I felt the bile rise in my throat in response to the images that my words had running through my head. I could so see them together as the perfect family. A boy and girl with strawberry blonde hair and piercing blue/grey eyes. Ginny heavily pregnant and looking radiant and Draco, as gorgeous as ever, with one of his rare genuine smiles on his face.



"Their children would be hideous. Giant freckles with orange hair." Pansy\'s voice was a bit harsh, but I couldn\'t help the laugh that bubbled up in my throat. The grin that spread over her features at the sound of my laugh was beautiful.



"Now let\'s go, I need to snog Harry."





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I woke up a few times during the night. I felt like someone was in the room with me, but when I lit my wand no one was there. It was an odd feeling. Like being in a room with a large two way mirror and knowing that someone was on the other side watching you, but not knowing who. After realizing that I was delusional and just exhausted from the day, I finally was able to get back to sleep.



I was awoken again a bit later when I smelled Draco\'s cologne. He always smelt so damn good and my body had already begun to respond to his scent when I realized that I was completely barking. He wasn\'t sneaking into my room or anything of the sort. I fell asleep in one of his shirts that still smelled of him (I doubt he knows I have it, he does have so many shirts) and when I tossed my arm over my head, I was filled with the scent of him that was left lingering on his sleeve.



I woke again to the feeling of hot breath against my neck. My body felt heavy and my vision was blurry. I smelled his cologne again and realized that I was dreaming or hallucinating. Either way, I figured I might as well enjoy it.



A slightly stubbled cheek pressed softly against my neck, before soft lips took their place. The lips left sweet, chaste kisses against my throat before slowly traveling lower. My senses were filled the scent of Draco. I knew this was only a dream, but I longed to wrap my arms around him. The only sound I could hear was my own heavy breathing. Draco\'s hands were sliding his shirt that I was wearing slowly up my torso until my body was bare to the cool night air.



My eyes still weren\'t working properly and my limbs still felt unbelievably heavy. Everything was blurry and all I could make out in the darkness of the room was the light of Draco\'s white-blond hair silhouetting his lithely, muscled frame that was hovering above me. My body was responding to the nearness of him and the place between my legs was already incredibly wet, I could feel the moisture dripping down my thighs through my knickers. He rested his head in between my bare breasts and softly played with one of my nipples with the tips of his long fingers.



I shifted slightly and desperately wanted to say his name, but like the rest of my body, my tongue felt lethargic. Draco lowered his head and kissed my stomach before his whispered words reached me and caused another flood of moisture in my already drenched knickers.



"Shhh... Baby. I\'m here now."



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A/N: I would have so updated earlier but I spent 3 days at Disneyland and 3 in Vegas last week celebrating my 24th birthday! Anyways, hopefully this story will start going towards a way to explain what is going on in Draco\'s head. I\'m working on a few trailers for some really good Dramione fics, so keep an eye out!