Green Is The Colour Of.....

Sorry it's taken so long to update! RL descended with a vengeance, and what with several family members visiting from places afar, parties, baptisms and just general busyness...well, you can imagine. But now, everyone is back to their own homes and life has once again settled down, so hopefully, updates won't be so long in coming now. Thank you to all who have reviewed, and all who have stuck with this story, which has, by the way, become a few chapters longer than what I had originally envisioned. Hope you all enjoy, and please, remember to tell me so!

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Tumult




Harry didn't hurl himself back into Severus' life, but he felt shattered nonetheless when he looked up from his gardening and suddenly he was standing there. For several moments he thought he must be daydreaming again, and didn't know whether to laugh or cry, or simply close his eyes and die another little more as he did at the end of each day.


He stood slowly, his legs rubbery, still unsure if this were real, or one of his daydreams taking over. Not knowing if he wanted it to be real or not.


He was afraid to draw breath. Afraid that if he did the image before him would dissolve, and yet....needing to know.


Finally he drew air, gulping as he did, telling the hammering in his chest to stop, his traitorous heart swelling even as his mind screamed at him not to play the fool again.


The internal battle went on for several moments before his more rational mind finally took hold, enabling him to school his features, and put a stop to the tears that had been stinging his eyes.


"Severus," the boy said, and his voice was heaven and hell and everything in between.


Agony and ecstasy in a single word.


Severus couldn't speak, the struggle to remain stoic while drinking in every detail of the boy, Harry, robbing him of the capability. His heart burned in his chest while his mind sent indignant jolts of chastisement through him, wondering where the boy had come from, how he'd found him, and what right did he have to cause this turmoil again.


Emerald eyes, real now, skewered Severus to the spot although the boy said nothing, and he burned under them, helpless to move, to do anything but look back while his inner chaos churned beneath his skin.


It was too much. He'd built some semblance of a life, burned his bridges, and no matter how much he'd yearned, he'd accepted the facts. Had learned to function. The boy had no right to keep tearing down his walls, no right to invade his sanctum with his person. His memory had flouted it enough.


Still, Severus was helpless to voice this to the boy, for fear of him leaving, although part of him wanted him to go. Looking at him again, seeing him there was both pleasing and painful.


"Why?" the boy asked, his voice wavering. "Why did you leave? You didn't even say goodbye."


It was the tone of accusation and betrayal in the boy's voice that did it. Finally galvanised Severus into a visible reaction. What right did he have to feel betrayed?! To accuse Severus of abandonment?! His mouth dropped open, wanting to rend the air with his soul's torment.


Yet, Severus did not want to hurt the boy. He was innocent. The boy knew nothing. He reminded himself of that and it helped keep his temper in check. Frustrated, he turned and headed quickly toward the cottage.


"Don't just walk away from me!" Harry shouted in frustration, following. "Do you have any idea of how long I've been looking for you?! Do you know what I've been through trying to find you?!"


"Oh," Severus snapped, not able to help himself, and still walking away, back tense, "it's all about you as usual! What I might want is not important. I was bloody content being left alone, but no, the great Harry Potter decrees that I must be there for him! Run out of loyal lackeys already, have we?!"


The boy was silent, and Severus knew that if he turned and looked those green eyes would be full of hurt, and he'd be truly defenceless in the face of them.


He kept heading toward the cottage not looking back, half of him praying the boy would just go away, half wanting to go back and find a way to soothe.


Harry, however, would never be so easy on him. Indeed, he could hear the boy following him, his breath sounding in small huffs as he did. Please....no tears, he begged silently.


When they reached the house, however, and Severus still hadn't acknowledged him, he found there were no tears when Harry grasped his arm, forcing him to turn and look at him. Anger flashed in those emerald eyes.


"How can you say something like that?!," the boy ground out. "I never wanted all that attention! Do you think I wanted to live with all that over my head?! A marked man from the time you helped kill my parents?! What d'you give me those memories for?! What difference does it make when this is how you treat me?! If I wasn't just a job to you, then what was I?!"


"Why are you here?" Severus sneered, defences going up, "why can you never leave well enough alone? What you are, Mr. Potter, is what you have always been. An impetuous and thoughtless boy, determined to make my life a constant chaos, despite anything I may wish for myself. As for those memories, they were the desperate last gasp of a dying man. They have no bearing on this life you have forced me to lead; do not burden yourself with them."


"Oh, well excuse me for saving your bloody life!" Harry shot back, "maybe I should have just left you there to die a shitty death on the floor of some battered old shack like the piece of rubbish Voldemort left you for!"


Severus stared back into the flashing green eyes, the battle between his heart and mind raging inside, even as all fight was gone on the outside. In the end, he could neither reach out to the boy, nor send him away.


"Perhaps you should have," he muttered, and went inside.


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A bit shorter this time, but the next chapter is in the offing! Please review! Not only is it the kind thing to do, but it makes me so happy! :D