Fighting For My Love And Right

He woke up in the middle of the night, not screaming, just looking up at the ceiling. He had dreamed about two grey lights above him, they were shining and blinking. He thought it was lights at first but the more he tried to remember the more they resembled a pair of eyes. The only pair of such eyes he could remember was Malfoy’s. He remembered the eyes staring down at him that night, sad and shiny eyes that hypnotized him.

It was still night since none of his room mates were awake. He closed his eyes to try and sleep, but after fifteen minutes he gave up. He had no idea what to do but he surely didn’t want to stay in bed and do nothing. Maybe he could go and get his wand back, being in a magical world with no wand felt like being naked, and he hated that feeling.

Pomfrey didn’t use to lock the infirmary, but she did however hide whatever she had from the students. As much as he hoped he could only go inside there and find his wand he had to wake her up. She wasn’t surprised by him suddenly showing up; he had done that a couple of times now.

‘Here is some sleeping drought, one teaspoon before you go to sleep and you will be able to sleep for hours.’

‘Thanks.’ He was thankful for what she had done for him, but knowing that she took decisions from him was not something he liked, so she was still on his dislike list.

‘Is there something that’s bothering you?’ Her eyes were looking at him like he was hurt; he hoped she couldn’t read minds.

‘Yes, but it’s my problem.’

‘Maybe sharing your problem with someone that you thrust can lift off some of its weight.’

‘Maybe, but the ones I thrust may share my weight with others.’

‘I see. Just don’t let it stay on you to long, you may hate it in the end.’ Everything he had in his life was a weight; it was putting him together and then cutting him down again, always. He wondered how long he would have to bear that weight, would he brake down in the end. All the hormones he felt from the pregnancy were surely going to spoil everything.

‘Thanks again.’ He didn’t bother to wait for her to answer; she only said have a nice day when he closed the doors behind him. Harry wondered if he should talk to someone, it had to be someone he trusted. His first choice would be Ron, but he didn’t want to talk to his best friend about something that personal. Maybe the reason was because no one had told him anything, so he didn’t want to tell them to make them feel like he had all those times.

‘Harry, are you all right?’ He had stopped and rested against the wall to think for a minute, he didn’t think about the possibility of anyone talking and destroying the peace he had gathered. Ginny was walking towards him, holding tons of books.

‘I’m all right.’

‘Are you sure? You are paler than you use to be.’

‘Try being pregnant and see how you feel. It’s not easy.’ He hadn’t meant to be mean towards her or even sound like that but he couldn’t help the anger that spilled out from him.

‘Do you want to talk?’ Maybe he should just talk with her, she seemed like she wanted to help him.

‘Where?’

‘Let’s go to the tower, classes have begun, so most students will be out.’ He didn’t bother to answer her, just followed her to his beloved Gryffindor tower. And she was right, there was no one there.

‘Do you want something to drink? Water or maybe pumpkin juice?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘Well, then tell me what your problem is.’

‘My problem is this whole thing, it shouldn’t have happened, why do these things always happen to me?’

‘Because, you are the strongest of us all. Do you suppose that if someone else suddenly was pregnant would keep the baby, and not to mention if it was a man.’ She turned on the fire and moved closer to it. ‘I always thought we would end up together, that we would start a family and be happy.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘We are meant for each other, but I guess someone else is better than me.’

‘What?’

‘At first it was hard for me to even imagine that you might have been with someone, but the signs were there, I was just too blind to see any of them.’

‘Ginny, what are you talking about?’

‘You, I should have known that you didn’t like girls.’

‘You do know how I became pregnant, don’t you?’

‘Yes, raped. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are gay.’

‘What? I’m not gay; I’m not interested in my looks and...’

‘Harry, do you think that every gay man is girly? I know plenty of guys that are gay and more macho than any straight man. Look at me and say that you have never thought about any man.’ He could lie, he knew that he could, and it would be best to lie. But he couldn’t lie to the girl that has been like a sister to him and seemed to care enough to not lie to him.

‘I have thought about boys, but not in that way.’

‘Harry!’ She wasn’t that happy about the end of his sentence.

‘Okay, so maybe I have, but not much.’ She smiled and placed her hand on top of his.

‘I love you Harry, now only like a really good friend. And I want to help you, you are the best friend anyone can have, and you have gone through so much shit.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Any particular boy you have thought about?’ Her smile widen, he knew exactly what she was thinking.’

‘No, I haven’t really thought about boys much, and not completely.’

‘What do you like then?’

‘Ginny, why are you asking me this? I am embarrassed enough by telling you that I kind of like boys.’

‘Don’t be, you should be embarrassed if you end up with a stupid guy, but don’t worry, I’ll stop you before you make a fool of your self.’

‘Thanks a lot.’ He smiled back at her and pushed her so she fell backwards when she started to laugh.

‘No problem. Anything else you want to talk about? I still have forty minutes of my class.’

‘You mean you should be in class now?’

‘Yes, potions.’ He just had to laugh, that was a hit in professor Snape’s face, a Gryffindor not showing up in his class, and not to mention that it’s a she and a Weasley.

‘You ditched potion for me?’ It was possibly the sweetest thing anyone had done for him.

‘Yes, which reminds me, you have your potions exam in three days; shouldn’t you be studying?’

‘I have Herbology today, do you see me studying? I have decided to not take any exams.’ She was confused, and he should perhaps tell her why, but could he thrust her enough? ‘Can you keep a secret?’

‘Of course, what do you take me for?’

‘Don’t know, but it’s important that you don’t tell others.’

‘Don’t worry, I am someone you can call a secret keeper, never told anyone the secrets others confessed to me.’ He bent over, afraid the walls might be listening, or the portrait at least.

‘I am thinking of keeping the baby.’

‘That is no secret.’

‘It is if there is a rumour that I am strongly thinking of aborting it gets out.’

‘Who would set out a rumour like that?’

‘I may be a part of it.’

‘Why would you do that?’

‘Because I hate the fact that everyone knows everything about me and I’m never told anything, I want to have a secret that no one knows of. Do you want to help me?’ The idea of suddenly starting a rumour that would change things was pretty tempting.

‘Maybe. So you won’t abort it?’

‘I don’t think so, it’s a part of me, and it’s not like cancer, it won’t kill me in the end.’

‘Then I will help you. Just don’t blame me if your plan isn’t going as you wished.’

‘No, I know I’m the leader, and the leader always takes the blame for his troops.’

‘What?’

‘Sorry, been watching too many war movies in the summer.’

‘Is there anything else you want to talk about?’

‘I think I’m better now, thanks Ginny.’

‘No problem. But I think I should go and get ready to my next class, I have McGonagall, and I don’t care what people say, she is much worse than Snape if were late. What is the worst thing Snape can do? He only takes points, once in a while maybe gives extra work. But McGonagall is like the monster when it comes to homework.’

‘Snape can be really mean; if he chooses, you just have to know how to piss him off.’

‘I believe you. See you later.’ She waved while walking trough the portrait hole. Harry had to think about this whole Ginny situation. He had been stopping to think quite often these days; he just couldn’t get enough time to think about everything he wanted. Harry didn’t need to think since the next thing he heard was his stomach growling. He hadn’t been eating much lately, and that really got him. The elves surely had something for him to eat, if not he could call on Dobby and ask if he could get something, so he wouldn’t starve. He got himself on his feet and walked out of the portrait.

Once outside the tower he changed his mind, he would rather take a walk first, to clear his mind before eating something. The weather was fine enough for a walk down to the lake, so nothing was stopping him.

The day was even better than he had hoped for, the sun was out, the students were inside, he had a plan and his wand and a friend he did thrust. What could be better than that? Apparently things could become better; Malfoy was sitting on the edge to the lake, alone. Harry slowly walked down there, this time he would surprise Malfoy so he couldn’t hide.

When he was close, he saw that Malfoy was reading a book, couldn’t tell what kind of book but the cover was green and red and probably yellow. Malfoy was sitting by the edge of the lake with his toes dipped in it, leaning against a tree that was growing close by the lake. He only noticed Harry when a bird flew past him.

‘Potter! What are you doing here? I told you to stay away from me.’

‘Come on Malfoy, would you ever stop something because I told you to stop?’ Malfoy was quiet for two seconds before he closed the book and gathered his stuff, he was planning on leaving, and Harry had an idea. He took off his robes and vest.

‘What are you doing?’

‘What does it look like? I am planning on taking a swim.’ His shoes were off and he started to unbutton his pants.

‘Get dressed, you aren’t fit to swim, the water is colder than you think, and you are pregnant.’

‘I told you that I might take abortion, so shut it.’ His socks and shirt was the last thing he would take off before walking the last steps over to the lake. Malfoy was right, it was colder than he thought, but dragging it wouldn’t help so he jumped in. It wasn’t to cold, he wouldn’t freeze to death, but his balls surely froze. When he came up again he could see Malfoy standing in the same spot and looking at Harry.

‘Do you want to come to?’

‘I am only staying here because if you black out and drown and then the word comes out that I was the last person to see you alive then I would be in big shit.’

‘Just deny it; you are really good at that.’

‘I have enough shit in my life and I don’t need more from you Potter, get out of there now.’

‘Malfoy, there is something that is holding my foot, I can’t get it loose.’ He took a deep breath before going under the surface quickly, fast enough to make it look like something was dragging him. He knew he didn’t have much time so he swam as quickly over to the reed he knew grew there. Slowly he came up and looking at what happened. Malfoy was almost panicking on the edge, calling Harry. He knew it was mean and not right of him to do that, but he wanted Malfoy to confess to him whatever he had on his heart, and no Slytherin would ever talk to a Gryffindor, and especially not Harry, about any problems they may be having.

He tried to keep quiet, the reed was tickling him, but he couldn’t give up his position. Malfoy was close to going insane on the edge, he was casting spells towards the lake; they disappeared when hitting the top of the water. And when he started to undress Harry knew he was frightened for what could have happened.

Even if this moment was a critical one he had to admit he loved watching Malfoy getting undressed. He remembered what Ginny said, they would only laugh if Harry had a stupid boyfriend, or a mean one. Malfoy’s skin was pale, and it was shining in the sun. Harry licked his lips, it was like watching a porcelain doll; he was really perfect. His hair was almost shoulder length looking like an angel, really light since it was moving with the wind, and there was almost no wind at all. Harry wanted to move closer and get a better look at him, but he changed his mind at once since moving a little would probably give away his hiding spot.

Malfoy slowly headed over to the water, closed his eyes and took two deep breaths before jumping in. He was under a long time, coming up and then going down again when he had enough air to stay under a while. Harry went under to, swimming downwards and over to where Malfoy probably was looking for him, it was time to let him find him.

He could see a pale figure in front of him, moving fast upwards, he probably needed air. Harry realized that he needed it soon to; he was choking under the surface. He knew that if he would panic he would loose it and probably really drown. He knew all about that but the panic still came. He was waving his arms, trying to get to the surface but panicking at the same time kept him under. Water was starting to enter his mouth, he as afraid of what was happening, his foolishness would drown him.

His whole mouth was filled with water and he swallowed a lot of it. He would die; he was so sure that he would drown there. And with him an unborn life would be lost, that was probably the worst thing he could think of at the moment.

Something was holding his arms and dragging him, he wondered if the little water demons would take him to the bottom and then feed him to the squid or something worse. He only realized that it wasn’t any water demons when he felt the cold wind drifting over his face, something had brought him up.

He was coughing while trying to get his breath back. His back was lifted up and he was being dragged through the water by a pair of silky hands. The skin beneath his back was so soft and wet, he tired to concentrate on the soft skin so his breathing would get back to normal, and it did help, until Malfoy dragged him up and on the hard and poking grass.

‘For the love of Merlin, why do you keep doing these sorts of things? Is there nothing exciting to do after The Dark Lord’s death? And it’s not only your life you are playing with.’ Malfoy was breathing really deep, going after Harry was pretty hard, and he imagined that he had put on a struggle when he thought it was the water devils that were after him.

‘I’m probably taking ab…’

‘As long as you haven’t you are still in charge of another life. I told you to stop trying to manipulate me.’

‘I was dragged underneath.’

‘If you were then my spell would have released you and you would have come up to the surface, nothing was holding you, was it?’ So that was what the spell was, a releasing spell, and he was busted.

‘Then tell me what you are crying about.’

‘I’m not crying.’

‘What about yesterday?’

‘I had something in my eye; now stop asking me these questions.’ Sure he would, as soon as Malfoy would confess something. ‘Get up now.’ Malfoy was looking at Harry, and the first thing Harry though was how sexy Malfoy was wet. His hair was dripping and there were millions of drops that were still hanging on his skin. Maybe Malfoy knew what Harry was thinking about because he was heading over to his clothes and started to dress himself.

‘Didn’t you have any exams today?’ All the Slytherin’s had Herbology, with the Ravenclaws since it would be only problems with the Gryffindors.

‘I was done.’

‘So fast?’

‘Look Potter, I’m not interested in discussing my life with you. But if you have to know, Herbology is probably one of the simplest classes at school, and I’m a Malfoy, we always do well.’

‘Hermione gets better grades than you.’

‘What that bloody Gryffindor gets is not in any of my interest. Now stand up and get dressed, students are probably coming out soon. I do not wish to explain how I had to go after you because you were acting like a stupid prick.’

‘I won’t leave you alone before I get an answer, you know that.’

‘I know that I have to hide from now on.’ He was fully dressed, Harry tried no to look at Malfoy but the boy was looking good even with his clothes on.

‘I will find you; I know this castle better than you.’ Or he had a map over it at least, something Malfoy didn’t know. Malfoy snorted before he got his book and started to leave.

‘No wonder, when breaking the rules you need to find new hiding places.’

‘Malfoy?’

‘What?’ He turned towards Harry, looking pissed off.

‘What if I go out in the lake again? And really do die this time.’

‘I’ll let you die; I don’t care anymore about your bullshit now.’ Harry wasn’t sure if Malfoy was telling the truth or hiding it, but he was sure Malfoy would at least try and get away from Harry.

‘Then I’ll talk to you later.’

‘No, just stay away from me Potter. Trying to save you isn’t going to look good, especially not for me.’

‘Why.’

‘Don’t tell me you have forgotten you are my enemy, it’s a crime to even talk to you normally.’

‘Then shout at me, and tell me what is wrong.’

‘Will you give it up?!’ Maybe he shouldn’t have asked that last time, Malfoy was almost running towards the castle, close to falling twice. Harry found his clothes and got dressed; his wand was still there so he cast a quick drying charm on himself. His hair was still a mess; he would never get it to stay down anyway.

While he walked up to the castle he smiled to himself, he was one step closer to finding out the truth, even if it didn’t look like it. Malfoy was difficult to open up; he would need to break him up. He needed a plan, and his magical stuff, the cloak and map. He was like a soldier, ready to go to war, and his war was against Malfoy.

Once inside the castle he walked to the Gryffindor tower, he wanted to shower and find some new clothes before heading down to eat some breakfast, or lunch for him.

When he was in the shower he would fantasize about Malfoy and his milky skin, he really wanted to touch it. He wasn’t masturbating even if he was turned on; he only wanted to think about Malfoy and his just too delicious body.

The warm water was washing away every sign of the lake and warming him, he loved to just stay under the hot shower, and he would forget everything he was thinking about doing. He did forget what he had planed to do to get the Slytherin to confess to him. Everything was gone beneath the warming water and he let himself be lead to where his thoughts were not welcome, relaxation was the only thing.