Jason Isaacs Times Five - a Parody - COMPLETE
folder
Harry Potter Crossovers › General - Misc
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
4,021
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter Crossovers › General - Misc
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
4,021
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
None of the male characters belong to me. They belong with the owners of the movies listed below. I just borrowed them for awhile. No copyright infringement intended or profit made.
Hook's Lament
Hook’s Lament
James was polishing his hooks with the pirated polish, singing a dirty little sea ditty while he worked. After he had his equipment all shipshape, he went to check on a loose window catch in the dining room.
Wireless, my arse, snorted Hook as he walked toward the dining room. Lucius always thought he knew best. Hell, so did Tavington. Two more unpleasant shipmates it would be hard to find. If they didn’t also have their uses, he would have keelhauled them long ago. But Hook was a pragmatic man who loved his creature comforts. Malfoy’s new terrace allowed him to sit in peace and watch the ocean as he smoked, while Tavington always managed to procure his favorite expensive cigars.
His best creature comfort found him an hour later, blowing a cloud on the terrace. She sat a little apart from him until he had finished his dual cigars. Then she came to him and wriggled onto his lap.
“What was it like inside a crocodile, James?”
“Slimy,” he said, “and the smell was worse than the latrine on the Jolly Roger. Both were strong motivations to be elsewhere quickly. I was lucky I had my hook. But the gold threads on my blood red outfit were never the same. A pity, that,” he said sorrowfully.
“I’m so glad you survived, James,” she stroked his face.
“Pan and those Lost Boys took off with my ship – bedamned to the lot of them. No Pan, no ship, and no crocodile. Boring, really, so I left.”
“Are you bored here, James?”
“With such an array of arrogant arses living here, life is definitely not boring. It’s actually quite diverting if you include the contents of my lap,” he leered.
“Oh, you mean the contents poking my backside?” she asked with an innocent look.
“No,” he parried with a wicked smile, “the contents wiggling around suggestively on my poker.”
She laughed, but sobered quickly. “James,” she said gently, “It’s time to get fitted for a new prosthesis. You have put it off, and your arm isn’t getting any better. They have wonderful appliances now.”
His smile disappeared completely, “I’m not going under a damned barber’s knife.”
“James, it’s much better now. You’re not limited to Neverland any more. You won’t even be awake while they fix your arm.”
“Are you unhappy looking at my arm?” he asked, hurt.
“No, not the way you mean,” she tried to explain. “You’re like a nervous virgin, never showing your stump to anyone. It’s just a stump, for heaven’s sake. Let a qualified surgeon reset the end and then get a good prosthesis. I know your arm constantly hurts you the way it is now. And that hurts me.”
Hook realized he was hurting her and he never wanted that. “I’m not afraid of getting sliced in a good fight, but being asleep while a stranger takes a knife to me…” But he knew his argument was lost and in the end he promised her.
~~~~~~~~~~
She went to the hospital every day while he was there to see and reassure him. She knew he was angry to be in a place he didn’t understand and where he didn’t give the orders. But a few days later, he was home again, relaxing on the terrace in his brocade robe, enjoying the ocean. She sat on his lap again, enjoying her own view.
“You know,” he said, “Wendy gave Pan a kiss and it made him all better. I’m going to have a tiny heart tattoo just here,” he pointed to the newly repaired end of his right arm. “Then you can kiss it every day and make it better for me.” Hook watched her closely to see her reaction.
She twinkled up at him, “If you think my kisses will be as powerful as Wendy’s, I’d be delighted to help you mend. Maybe I should get a tiny tattoo just like yours and the kisses can become a private tradition just for us.”
“Old,” he said, starting their Neverland game. They were the words he’d said as he sank toward the crocodile’s waiting jaws.
“Gorgeous male,” she said.
“Alone,” he said.
“Alone together, James. What are you going to do about it?”
“Done for,” he ended.
“Not hardly, Captain,” she laughed.
Hook gave her a wicked grin and picked her up in his arms. ”Very well, I’m not quite done for, but I am still an invalid, remember. Let’s go to my rooms. I need to lie down to investigate where to place your tattoo.”
James was polishing his hooks with the pirated polish, singing a dirty little sea ditty while he worked. After he had his equipment all shipshape, he went to check on a loose window catch in the dining room.
Wireless, my arse, snorted Hook as he walked toward the dining room. Lucius always thought he knew best. Hell, so did Tavington. Two more unpleasant shipmates it would be hard to find. If they didn’t also have their uses, he would have keelhauled them long ago. But Hook was a pragmatic man who loved his creature comforts. Malfoy’s new terrace allowed him to sit in peace and watch the ocean as he smoked, while Tavington always managed to procure his favorite expensive cigars.
His best creature comfort found him an hour later, blowing a cloud on the terrace. She sat a little apart from him until he had finished his dual cigars. Then she came to him and wriggled onto his lap.
“What was it like inside a crocodile, James?”
“Slimy,” he said, “and the smell was worse than the latrine on the Jolly Roger. Both were strong motivations to be elsewhere quickly. I was lucky I had my hook. But the gold threads on my blood red outfit were never the same. A pity, that,” he said sorrowfully.
“I’m so glad you survived, James,” she stroked his face.
“Pan and those Lost Boys took off with my ship – bedamned to the lot of them. No Pan, no ship, and no crocodile. Boring, really, so I left.”
“Are you bored here, James?”
“With such an array of arrogant arses living here, life is definitely not boring. It’s actually quite diverting if you include the contents of my lap,” he leered.
“Oh, you mean the contents poking my backside?” she asked with an innocent look.
“No,” he parried with a wicked smile, “the contents wiggling around suggestively on my poker.”
She laughed, but sobered quickly. “James,” she said gently, “It’s time to get fitted for a new prosthesis. You have put it off, and your arm isn’t getting any better. They have wonderful appliances now.”
His smile disappeared completely, “I’m not going under a damned barber’s knife.”
“James, it’s much better now. You’re not limited to Neverland any more. You won’t even be awake while they fix your arm.”
“Are you unhappy looking at my arm?” he asked, hurt.
“No, not the way you mean,” she tried to explain. “You’re like a nervous virgin, never showing your stump to anyone. It’s just a stump, for heaven’s sake. Let a qualified surgeon reset the end and then get a good prosthesis. I know your arm constantly hurts you the way it is now. And that hurts me.”
Hook realized he was hurting her and he never wanted that. “I’m not afraid of getting sliced in a good fight, but being asleep while a stranger takes a knife to me…” But he knew his argument was lost and in the end he promised her.
~~~~~~~~~~
She went to the hospital every day while he was there to see and reassure him. She knew he was angry to be in a place he didn’t understand and where he didn’t give the orders. But a few days later, he was home again, relaxing on the terrace in his brocade robe, enjoying the ocean. She sat on his lap again, enjoying her own view.
“You know,” he said, “Wendy gave Pan a kiss and it made him all better. I’m going to have a tiny heart tattoo just here,” he pointed to the newly repaired end of his right arm. “Then you can kiss it every day and make it better for me.” Hook watched her closely to see her reaction.
She twinkled up at him, “If you think my kisses will be as powerful as Wendy’s, I’d be delighted to help you mend. Maybe I should get a tiny tattoo just like yours and the kisses can become a private tradition just for us.”
“Old,” he said, starting their Neverland game. They were the words he’d said as he sank toward the crocodile’s waiting jaws.
“Gorgeous male,” she said.
“Alone,” he said.
“Alone together, James. What are you going to do about it?”
“Done for,” he ended.
“Not hardly, Captain,” she laughed.
Hook gave her a wicked grin and picked her up in his arms. ”Very well, I’m not quite done for, but I am still an invalid, remember. Let’s go to my rooms. I need to lie down to investigate where to place your tattoo.”