Indago:3

Chapter Six


“Does Wormwood Herb get a glass or cloth container?”

“Glass.”

Harry nodded and pulled a small jar to him. Snape turned back around and continued with his stirring while Harry continued sorting, storing, and labelling different herbs. The small garden shed had been expanded and remodelled to house a potions lab for Snape and Harry found it soothing to be there.

Not that he had much of a choice. Since that horrific night six months ago, he was always with either Draco or Snape. But Harry really didn’t mind. He had felt fragile and timid after that night, as awful as it was to admit to himself, and he gained a measure of comfort being near one or both of the two other men.

Most days he felt raw, exposed, and Draco and Snape seemed to him like a filter for it all. Not overly so, like to the numbing extent he had been feeling for years. But they made him feel as if he had back-up…stability. Actually, they had done more than that. As he moved through his healing, they would often help him regain control and to snap back from that numb state. It had been awful, still was at times, but he was slowly making it. It was slowly becoming better and easier.

He had lost his job, but was regaining his sanity and his family.

“Where are you?”

Harry looked up and smiled at Snape’s concerned question. Well, others would think it was a question made out of irritation, but Harry knew the difference.

“Nowhere. I was just thinking about stuff,” Harry answered and went back to filling the jar.

“Don’t think too hard. The world couldn’t stand it,” Severus replied snidely as he turned around once again to his potion.

“Yes, sir.” Harry stuck his tongue out at the older man’s back. A giggle across the table from him made him smile.

“Daddy! That isn’t nice to do,” Maia whispered.

“You’re right. But sometimes it’s better than saying something nasty, yeah?” Harry whispered back. Maia nodded and went back to her colouring. Harry watched her for a bit, smiled, and went back to filling and sorting.

The clock on the wall suddenly chimed and Harry saw Draco’s hand was in the “home” position. He quickly sealed the Calamus Root in its bag and slid off his stool. He smiled at Snape’s raised eyebrow.

“I’m going to go welcome Draco home and let him know where we are,” he answered the silent question. After a considering look, Snape nodded. Rolling his eyes, Harry walked outside. The garden was barren in the winter cold; still a bit green, but definitely showing the season as Harry hurried through it towards the house. He had just reached the back porch when he saw movement inside and the door opened.

“Why the hell are you standing outside in nothing but your shirt?” Draco snapped. “I am positive you have at least three excellent cloaks and two coats in your wardrobe.”

“We’re just in the lab,” Harry answered. “I just ran out to tell you and welcome you home.”

Draco scowled and swooped in for a kiss. Harry was happy to oblige and remembered to relax his body. He was rewarded with a warm hug, which demonstrated how cold it really was without a cloak.

“Come inside for a moment and then we’ll go out to those two,” Draco murmured into Harry’s ear. “I want to show you something.”

It was sitting on the dining room table. Harry was nearly afraid to go near it.

“It’s the new potion the healer sent over,” Draco said as he stood behind Harry. “He says it should help with your anxiety attacks.”

“Draco, no more potions.” Harry turned and looked up at his husband. “I don’t want anymore, all right?”

“Harry, you began hyperventilating in the middle of a shop,” Draco pointed out.

“But I still kept my composure. Maia didn’t even notice.”

“Yes, but you had a bad time of it just because there was a large cage on display.”

Harry swallowed and looked away. “I just… It made me think of…”

“I know what it made you think of, love,” Draco said quietly. “But I wasn’t in there. To make you think of it is one thing. To make you have a physical reaction that strongly is another.”

“I… I know. But I’m trying really hard, Draco,” Harry replied defensively.

Wrapping Harry in his arms, Draco kissed him and murmured, “I know, love. I know. But this will help you. You won’t have to worry and work so hard. It’ll give you a bit of a break, yes?”

Harry nodded, but didn’t back down. “But I want to do this on my own, not drugged up.”

Draco sighed. “All right. Then how about we leave it up to Sev to decide? He’s always fair and reasonable about this. If he says you should go on without it, then that is that.”

Considering it for a moment, Harry nodded. “Right, that’s fair, I suppose.” He suddenly frowned. “Snape doesn’t already know about this, does he? You aren’t just setting me up, are you?” he asked suspiciously.

Draco put on his best innocent face. “Potter, I am aghast at the very thought that you believe that I would use unscrupulous methods to get what I want!”

“Save it, Malfoy,” Harry said with a laugh. “But if I find out that that is the case, I’ll make you take the potion.”

Draco raised an eyebrow and indicated that Harry precede him outside. After he grabbed a coat, of course.

When they stepped into the dark lab, its earthy scent enveloped them and Maia immediately called out, “Hi, Father! I made you a picture!”

“Did you now? Well, then it must be perfect if you drew it for me.” Draco moved to his daughter and looked down at her work. “Now explain to me what I am seeing.”

“This is you on a broom and you are being very fast and clever. This is Daddy sitting over here watching you and making up songs for you. This is me and Sev. He’s on a horse and I am on a broom and I am going to win the race!” she explained excitedly while pointing out each squiggle and round head.

“Perfect, just as I thought. Especially about my being fast and clever,” Draco pronounced. “And yes, you would of course win any race. Can you tell me why?”

“Because Malfoys always win. No matter what!” Maia recited happily.

“Why am I merely sitting and making up songs for you?” Harry asked. “Especially when it was I that won all the time, eh?”

“Hush! Don’t confuse the child,” Draco admonished.

“But Daddy, you can win, too. Because you are a Malfoy and Malfoys always win!” Maia pointed out.

“Yes, but I wasn’t…” Harry sighed. “Yes, Maia.”

Happy that her world was still in perfect order, Maia went back to her drawing.

“Draco, if you are done stroking your ego, hand me the large pot above your head,” Snape ordered. Reaching up, Draco brought the desired item over to the other Supero. Harry saw Draco lean in to speak to Snape and quickly moved closer.

“…came and Harry doesn’t want to take it,” Draco was saying as Harry came within hearing distance.

“I don’t need anymore potions,” Harry broke in. “I’m doing all right.”

Snape looked at Harry thoughtfully and then to Draco. “Do you feel he is not handling himself? That he is regressing in his progress?”

“No. But I do think a little help wouldn’t hurt,” Draco answered immediately. “He shouldn’t have to worry about it all the time. If this stuff lets him relax a bit when we are out and about, I think it can only be for the good.”

“But I’m fine. I’m handling it,” Harry stated with feeling.

“I believe you are doing well, also.” Snape looked at Draco. “If he relaxes or relies too much on pharmacological aides, his healing will be false and not his own. It would only be another bandage. Harry is right. He is fine as he is. If he begins backsliding, then we can reconsider this decision. Besides,” he explained with a slight sneer, “he will not be taking anything that I have not personally made. How many times must I tell that fool healer?”

Draco sighed and looked at Harry. “Fine. I’ll abide by the decision. But if you feel that you need any help at all…”

“I’ll say something. I promised, remember?” Harry smiled, relieved at the verdict. He was already taking two potions on a regular basis to help lower his tension and nightmares. He really hadn’t wanted to add another. In fact, he and Severus were working to wean him off of them slowly, which was what was causing Draco’s nervousness. It wasn’t that Draco wanted him drugged to the gills, Harry knew. It had just been a revelation when he had started taking them and the fierce mood swings had begun disappearing; that and the therapy sessions that Harry had once a week with the healer. Twice a month Snape and Draco attended as well to help with the ‘magical being’ aspects.

Draco nodded and leaned against the counter and watched Snape cut something up. “Garrison is still out with some sort of injury he got while on holiday, the idiot. So, it’s been made final: I’ll be taking his place during the seminar.” Silver eyes flashed to Harry. “I’ll be gone for three days.”

Harry kept his face calm, but he swallowed and his hands clenched. Draco had warned him that this might happen. It was fine. It was okay.

“We will be fine while you are gone, of course. The world does not stop when you are not around, as hard as that is for you to comprehend,” Snape commented coolly.

But Draco kept his eyes on Harry. “Will you be all right?” he asked seriously.

Taking a deep breath and braving a smile, Harry nodded. “We’ll miss you.”

“I can be back here within five hours, if anything happens,” Draco stated firmly.

“And what do you think will happen?” Snape asked. “I do believe we can survive here without your presence.”

“And if you need to, you have my permission to sleep with him without me.”

Harry’s eyes went wide at Draco’s words. “Draco! What the…! What kind of thing is that to say?!” He quickly looked back to where Maia was engrossed in her art.

“I’m just covering all bases.” Draco shrugged. “I know I’m better in bed than him, so I have no fear of you two running off without me,” he added with a smirk.

“Allow me to pour you some wine when we get inside the house,” Snape offered with an ugly gleam in his eye.

“Oh? Can only out do me as a lover by making me impotent, eh? Well, you old men must do something, I suppose.”

“Will you both stop it!” Harry hissed, his face red.

Draco laughed and pulled Harry to him. With a quick kiss to his cheek, Draco murmured into Harry’s ear. “I’m only teasing, love. I trust you whether or not you sleep with him.”

“Draco! I swear! I am not going to… to cheat on you! I wouldn’t do that!” Harry’s eyes closed as images began filtering through his mind. He worked through them and let them pass, not holding onto them. But it was still awful and made his stomach clench in pain and his breathing become irregular.

“I know, love. I know. I trust you completely,” Draco whispered and held him tight. “I adore you. I love you. Everyday is just a bit brighter and better, yeah?”

Harry nodded at their mantra and focused on the words. He felt Snape move closer and his stained and cold hand began rubbing Harry’s forearm, letting Harry know that he was surrounded by his Superos. It centred him more than he could express.

“Daddy’s okay?”

Harry opened his eyes and looked down. Maia was hugging his legs and gazing up at him. Harry swallowed hard and smiled.

“Yes, poppet. I’m okay.”



The first day Draco was gone passed by nearly unnoticed until night came and Harry went to bed alone. In the dark and in the large empty bed, he couldn’t seem to get comfortable and continued to toss and turn. He stretched his arms out across the bed and felt nothing but sheet. Two hours after lying down, the thoughts and fears began to intrude. He tried ignoring them, but they seemed to redouble their efforts and he was soon in a cold sweat. Finally, he began using a visualization technique that the healer had taught him. Every time an unwanted thought forced its way in, Harry imagined scooping it up, dumping it in a bag, and tossing the whole thing away. He fell asleep while throwing away his thoughts.

The next day, Maia went off to her nursery school and Harry restlessly moved about the house. He had been forced to resign from his position at the Herpetological Institute and it was days like this that made him wish he could still be there. He had loved his job and truly enjoyed his field, but it had been best that he leave until he was sorted. But on days when the feelings and emotions were breathing down his neck, he really missed having a daily distraction.

When Harry had made his third pass through the kitchen for no reason at all, he moved through the backdoor and out to the lab. The air was humid inside as two pots gently simmered. Snape was working on a few commissions for the local apothecary. He said it kept him busy and gave him a bit of change in his pocket. The Potions Master did not seem to outwardly miss his teaching position, but Harry could tell that Snape also enjoyed his field and would be happy when he returned to his post. But Harry refused to feel bad for Snape’s taking a sabbatical. He knew the students of Hogwarts would thank him for having a nervous breakdown if it kept Snape away from them.

“Good. Sort the Mandrake Root and the Thyme into jars. Also, open the new order of White Willow Bark and make sure that charlatan put in a full three pounds.” Snape’s voice came from near the dark corner where he was hanging herbs to dry. “That fool thinks I can’t understand the English System as well as Metric. Special ingredients needing special measuring, my arse. I would be surprised if he didn’t attempt to play foul.”

Harry’s shoulders relaxed and he nodded. Walking over to his ‘station’, he happily set to the tasks given him.

After two hours of comfortable silence and occasional touches, Harry looked up and saw Snape watching him.

“I’m not going to swallow anything,” Harry joked.

“You didn’t sleep.”

Harry frowned and looked down. “I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

“Didn’t I just say it?” Harry snapped with no real venom. He didn’t know why he still fought like this. They all knew that Snape could practically see into his soul at times, pegging Harry’s emotions and troubles nearly before Harry could. He supposed it was his pride that made him keep fighting. It was funny that he thought he had any pride left anymore.

“Hiding and pretending does not work,” Snape stated coolly. “We discuss this.”

“Yeah, I know,” Harry bit out, angry at the reminder. “Every week. Yeah, I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Stop asking me something I just answered!” Harry slammed his hand on the table and stood up. “Why do you have to pick at me? Can’t you just talk to me like an adult?”

“I did and you said you were fine when you are clearly not.”

Gritting his teeth at the calm reply, Harry stayed where he was and stared down at the pile of leaves he had been sorting.

“I’m fine,” he said in a tight voice. “I have moments, but otherwise, I’m all right.”

“Very well.” There was a brief sound of cloth on floor as Snape moved across the room and Harry wondered if Snape’s stealth had begun to fade as he aged or if he just didn’t care at the moment. Harry thought that it was more the latter than the former. He felt Snape stop beside him before his hand rested on the back of Harry’s exposed neck. It caressed him softly before pulling Harry around to face the older man. Harry only saw the black eyes for a moment before he was being kissed.

He was pressed up against the table, his senses were overwhelmed with Severus, and Harry’s brain flashed on that long ago day during his first Lustrum when he had attacked Professor Snape in a hallway. But this wasn’t Professor Snape. This was Severus, his Supero. Severus was there and Harry wasn’t alone.

The kiss ended but Snape’s proximity was still close as Harry breathed heavily and tried to blink away the ridiculous moisture in his eyes.

“You… you could have just said that you thought I might be lonely,” he huffed out while glaring weakly at Snape’s chest.

“And you would have said you were fine.” Severus’s voice was calm and smug. Harry wasn’t sure how the man could do both, but he did. “Besides, you are not feeling lonely. You are feeling alone. Abandoned, perhaps?”

“No. I’m not abandoned,” Harry protested. He shook his head when no more words formed in his mind.

Snape watched him for a moment and then moved away. “You will come to me if you feel alone. Draco is not the only one here.”

“Are you alone?” Harry asked suddenly. He watched Snape stop at his worktable and begin tightening the lids on the jars of mixed herbs he would soon be selling. “You’ve been here for months. I‘ve never seen you go out for anything more than shopping or business. Have you ever replaced Logan or Lydia?” He had always wondered why Snape had suddenly stopped seeing that prissy little prat, but Snape had never said anything about it. Harry wouldn’t press that issue, but since they were on the subject, it was occurring to him how selfish he had been all this time…how self-involved.

“My private affairs are not your concern.”

“Not my concern?” Harry scoffed. “You just kissed me! I think that if you are feeling frustrated then I should know about it. Especially when it’s my fault you have practically become a monk!”

“That was not done in frustration, but in demonstration,” Snape answered, his back to Harry still.

“Yeah, but still…” Harry moved a bit closer. “You…you said that day that you would take up my offer… Would you still?” His breath seemed caught in his throat and Harry wondered why he was pressing things so far. He wasn’t sure he was even ready to think about this.

Snape turned to look at him, his eyelids half closed as if trying to study Harry. “Are you offering?”

“I… I don’t know.” Harry took a deep breath. “But I don’t think that you should not have…” Harry made an airy gesture in the air. “You know… not just because of me. I, um, think there are probably a lot of available wizards and witches that would love to, um, show you the Vancouver sights.” Harry winced at the corny phrase, but he was not one to know anything about dating, was he?

Snape smirked. “They do not interest me.”

“Do I interest you?” Harry asked quietly.

“You have always interested me, Harry Potter. For a myriad of reasons.”

The sounds of Maia returning home forestalled any further discussion. But that night Harry found his way into Snape’s bedroom, where he gratefully slept the entire night while Snape sat at his desk reading and writing.