Mental

/CHAPTER V/ Group Therapy (Part One)

How Draco had gotten there he didn’t know. Yet, there he was the following day trapped in a room behind door three of the numbered hallway. He sat in a combination plastic/metal chair grouped in a circle with ten other crazies. He’d counted. One crazy, two crazy, three crazy, four…

The room was small and just cold enough to be irritating. The only light streaked in through a set of dark green, plastic blinds covering a solitary window. This light illuminated the stark, grey walls as well as minute dust particles that floated through the air. Draco watched intently as one particular spec of dust settled on the tip of his nose.

I have got to get out of this mental institution before I go insane. Must escape, must escape…MUST ESCAPE!

To Draco’s right sat Zabini (the hair miracle), and unfortunately to his left sat Pansy (pug face) Parkinson. Draco decided to ask Zabini what was going down. “Two questions, Bini. Why the hell are we here? And what the hell are we waiting for?”

“We are here for group therapy. And we are waiting for the doctor.” said Zabini whilst trying to part his hair exactly thirty degrees to the left.

“I see.” Draco narrowed his eyes impatiently and looked about the circle of crazies. The remaining chairs were occupied by patients he had encountered recently. The only patients Draco didn’t know by name were two girls. He wasn’t concerned with that though because directly across the circle from him sat ‘Miss Thing’ herself. Well, well, well…Granger, Granger.

Draco watched fixedly as Hermione Granger talked heatedly with one Ron Weasley. They were obviously having some sort of argument again. The blond made his best attempt at subtle cross room eavesdropping.

Ooooh, round two Granger vs. Weasley. I wonder what would happen if I asked for popcorn.

Potter, who sat between Ron and Hermione, seemed to be playing the intermediary. “Would you two please stop fighting?” said Harry while putting his hands up to partition the squabbling pair. “This is really getting old.”

“We wouldn’t need to fight if Hermione just said sorry.” Ron folded his arms over his chest angrily.

Hermione leaned over Harry to counter Ron’s remark. “I will not apologize to you. In case you didn’t realize I’m mad at you RONALD WEASLEY.”

Ouch, full name.

“Just because you’re mad doesn’t mean you have the right to throw a book at me,” scoffed Ron his face growing red. “Let alone in front of everyone.”

Hermione pursed her lips defiantly. “I wouldn’t have to throw a book at you if you would just stay out of my personal business.”

“I wouldn’t have to interfere in your personal business if you weren’t going after older men.”

“I wouldn’t have to go after older men if a certain SOMEONE would have just told me they might possibly have feelings for me…”

Wait, what did I just miss?

“…because maybe I have feelings for that person too.”

Back up. Hold on. Time out.

Both Ron and Harry looked at Hermione oddly. An awkward silence settled between the three as they began to fathom what Hermione’s confession might mean for their group. Draco, on the other hand, was anxiously awaiting more details. Who? What? When? Where? His eavesdropping, however, proved fruitless as the trio was no longer conversing.

So let me get this straight there is something going on between Granger and one of those two assholes. How can she like one of them?!

Draco needed the four-one-one and he needed it now. “Bini?” He turned to his soul brother for support.

Zabini was still trying to perfectly part his glistening locks. Draco put a hand to the outrageously good-looking boy’s shoulder and began to whisper. “What’s the deal with those three?” He stealthily motioned to the hushed trio with a head shake.

Zabini stopped separating individual hairs to answer Draco’s question. “The three of them are like best friends.” He spoke in a soft voice to echo Draco’s attempt at discretion.

“And…” Draco prompted wanting more.

“I don’t know. They are just always fighting. It’s what they do.”

“And…”

Zabini looked straight at the persistent blond. “And what?”

“Whose fucking who?”

“What?

“Which one of those two idiots does Granger like?”

Zabini looked at Draco to make sure he was serious and then started laughing. The blond looked at him in return with intense distain. What the hell is so fuckin’ funny?

Sensing Draco’s aggravation Zabini stopped laughing to clarify, once again returning to a confidential tone. “Well, isn’t it obvious? I mean, the whole hospital knows. You’d have to be delusional not to know which of those three are eventually going to ‘hook up’.” Zabini made air-quotes with his fingers to punctuate the phrase ‘hook up’.

Draco was getting frustrated and found it increasingly hard to keep his voice to a whisper. “Just tell me which one Granger fancies!?”

“Okay, man. Just chill. Do you have any idea what stress does to your pores?” Zabini touched his face self-consciously and then continued. “Granger has a ‘thing’ (air-quotes again) for –”

“AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”

Before Zabini could finish his sentence and reveal to Draco this crucial information, he was cut short by Draco’s own shout.

You see, while Draco had been getting the low down from Zabini, the nearby Pansy Parkinson had covertly put her hand to the blonde’s thigh and was slowly progressing upward. Hence, the outcry.

Luckily instinct kicked in and Draco was able to quickly slap her hand away. “Damn it woman! Don’t touch me.” Draco placed his hands protectively over his groin. That’s my special place.

Pansy licked her lips suggestively and growled from the seat next to him. Draco felt his stomach turn. “Are you trying to make me throw up?” he demanded putting a hand to his stomach.

A huge, compassionate smile spread over Pansy’s face highlighting her dog-like features. “You have butterflies in your stomach. That’s sooooooo sweet. You love me!”

Oh, for fucks sake. Here we go again.

Pansy continued on in her overdramatic style. “You love me, you truly do. We need to let the whole world know! This is sooooo going on my Myspace. IN A RELATIONSHIP!”

Pansy reached over and hugged Draco as if he was a giant plush teddy bear in her excitement. Draco objected by recupping his crotch and wiggling fiercely in her vice-like grip. He just barely managed to turn to his right for help. “Bini, could you do me a favor?”

“No, I will not switch seats with you.”

“Damn it.”

Unsettled by Pansy’s overtly sexual advances (I don’t know where she’s been) and Myspace talk Draco decided on the best course of action. He uncupped his balls, preyed himself from Pansy’s grip, jumped out of his seat, and furiously marched to stand directly in front of Pansy grabbing either side of the back of her chair.

Unfortunately, this elicited a moan from the pug-faced girl. “Oh, Draco.” Pansy reached out for him in urgent need.

Draco wagged a finger in front of her face. “Awe, ah, ah… no touchy.”

“Are we playing a game?”

“Yes, it’s called shut up and leave me alone.”

“That doesn’t sound very fun.”

“It is for me.” With that said he spun her chair around and began pushing her, chair and all, out of the circle. Moments later Pansy could be found in the far corner of the room as if she were a four year old in time out.

Pansy whimpered in protest and began to rise from her corner seat, “But Drakie baby?”

“No, bad Pansy.” Draco scolded loudly as if dealing with a very disobedient canine who had just pissed the carpet. “STAY!” Pansy rapidly resumed her seat in a huff. She looks and sounds like a dog. I’ll treat her like one.

His work done Draco began to walk back to the circle of chairs; however, he couldn’t help but notice that the room had gone completely quiet and every patient was staring at him. What? Maybe it was all the yelling he had just done, or the fact that this was the second time Pansy had publicly announced them boyfriend and girlfriend.

Draco decided since he had everyone’s attention to set the record straight. He cleared his throat importantly. “I am not in any way involved with that,” he pointed to the back of Pansy’s dirty blond head as she sat obediently in her corner, “…just so everyone knows.” The room remained quiet.

“Incase anyone wanted to stop crushing on one of their best friends or something like that,” He added nonchalantly under his breath.

Ignoring Draco’s last remark the circle of patients went back to there personal conversations and distraction. Okay then.

Draco brushed off his hands and strutted over to sit back down besides Zabini. “Now that that’s taken care of.” He eyed Pansy suspiciously to make sure she was still in the corner before he continued. “Where were we?”

“You wanted to know who Granger is ‘involved’ with,” Zabini offered.

“Right. But, first can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“How come every time you say a word like ‘involved’, ‘hook up’, or ‘thing’ you do air-quotes with your fingers?” Draco mimicked his observation as he spoke framing each of the aforementioned words with his own fashion of air-quoting.

Zabini gave him a charismatic smile. “Because I think air-quotes are super enjoyable.”

Point ‘taken’…. Ha, ha, ha! Mental air-quotes.

Zabini turned anxiously to Draco and lowered his voice. “Why, is that ‘weird’?”

“No, it’s ‘cool’. I just ‘wondered’.”

Okay this air-quote thing is just too damn fun.

Draco shook himself out of his current finger-quote contemplation and back to the task at hand. Focus. “Now, Bini, tell me which of those two guys has the hots for Granger and vice versa?”

“It’s Hermione Granger and – ”

“AHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Crap on a cracker.

Once again Zabini had been interrupted at the critical moment. This time however it wasn’t by Draco’s scream, but Colin Creevey’s.

The little, mousy haired boy, who had been rocking in his chair until now, was at present running about the outside of the circle of chairs at a dizzying rate. Around and around he went screaming at an annoying and constant pitch.

Having dealt with Creevey before Draco knew what to do. He positioned himself at the ready, turning in his chair to face the outside of the circle and sticking out an arm over the back of his chair. All he had to do now was wait for Colin to run past his seat again.

Wait for it…wait for it. NOW!

As the screaming Creevey ran past Draco slapped him atop the head and the poor boy crumpled to the floor.

I think I killed it.

Suddenly Colin popped up off the ground. “Wow! I see stars! Can anyone else see them?”

Damn it. He lives.

“They’re red, no orange, no blue, no purple, no blue, no green, no blue.” Colin looked eagerly at Draco who sank back down into his chair amazed at the small boy’s dexterity. “Can you see the stars?” asked Colin of Draco.

“No but if you hold your breath for long enough I’m sure they’ll get even brighter.” Draco replied with an exaggerated, mock enthusiasm.

Colin’s eyes grew to twice their size in his excitement. “Really?”

“Yea. But, only if you hold breathe for long enough.”

Colin bounced up and down in excitement. “Then someone needs to count.”

“Creevey, just shut up and hold your breath.”

“Okay.” The tiny boy hastily sucked in all the air he could manage causing his cheeks to puff out as he held his breathe with all his might. As a result the poor boy’s face started turning a light shade of blue.

With Creevey now out of the way, a desperate Draco turned back to Zabini. “Now, Bini, please as quickly as you can tell me... Stick-boy or the Weasel?”

Zabini opened his mouth to finally tell Draco what he was dieing to know; however, (because it makes the story so much more interesting) at that moment the door to the small room flew open with a startling bang.

Ooooh, Bugger.

It was as if the world had aligned just to piss off Draco Malfoy making it so he would never learn the truth about the secret love dealings of the trio. Fuck this fanfic! I want to know who Granger’s condoling with now!

There in the doorway stood a tall, slender man with shoulder length greasy, black hair, sallow skin, and an overlarge nose.

Hey it’s Count Chocula’s dirty cousin.

Draco tapped Zabini on the shoulder. “Bini? Who the hell is this ass monkey?”

“The doctor.”

“Oh.”

Unlike the other doctors Draco had seen this man wasn’t wearing a white coat. Instead he was dressed in black from head to toe. He glided into the room carrying a briefcase and clipboard. Hey, he looks and moves like an overgrown bat. Maybe it wouldn’t be too much of a leap to assume he’s a VAMPIRE! ... Nah, that’s just silly.

The entire room fell silent upon the doctor’s entrance; everyone except for Colin Creevey who was beginning to turn a violent shade of purple and sputtering from lack of air. The doctor picked up on this disturbance immediately, his beady black eyes zoning in on the small boy.

“Mr. Creevey, stop holding your breath before you pass out.” He commanded with the coldest voice Draco had ever heard. The small boy obeyed taking in a large amount of air to the point where he started coughing. “If I’m not mistaken,” continued the doctor, “you’re not even supposed to be in here.”

Creevey respond as he gasped for breath his words coming out in disjoined spurts. “I thought… I could… take Seamus’ place…. since he’s… in solitary… confinement… right now.”

The doctor pointed menacingly to the door he had just come through. “No. Get out.” Creevey, still coughing and red-faced, scampered out the door flailing his arms.

Next the doctor addressed the whole room. “Why was Mr. Creevey holding his breath?” he demanded. “And why is Miss Parkinson sitting in a corner?”

No one spoke.

“I’m waiting for an explanation.” The doctor tapped his foot against the floor. When no explanation came he moved to sit down within the circle next to a scared looking Neville and a dreamy eyed girl with waist length blond hair. Carefully he put down his briefcase, positioned his clipboard neatly in his lap, and took a pen from his pocket.

Suddenly, the doctor turned on Harry. “You’re being awfully quiet. Therefore everything I’m not happy with at the moment is your fault.”

“That’s not fair I didn’t do anything!” objected Harry.

“Silence.”

Ha. He hates Potter. That’s funny.

Harry continued to protest. “I didn’t do any thing. It was him.” Harry pointed to Draco. “He put Pansy in the corner and he hit Colin.” I deny these wild allegations!

The doctor looked in the direction Harry had pointed. “Ah, yes. We have a new addition to our group this morning.” The greasy man flipped through a few pages on his clipboard. “A Mr. Draco Malfoy.”

“Present.”

“Mr. Malfoy, did you do these things Potter is accusing you of?”

“No, sir,” claimed Draco acting completely scandalized. “I would never!” The blond tried to look as innocent as he possibly could. I’m a little baby angel of god I swear.

“What do you say to that Potter,” the greasy man gave Harry a nasty look. “How dare you accuse another patient.”

“He’s lying!” cried Harry.

“We saw him,” added Ron coming to the defense of his friend.

“Quiet!”

“But sir – ” Hermione protested diplomatically.

“Stay out of this Miss Granger.”

Hermione continued to press the issue. “You can’t possibly blame Harry for something that Malfoy did.”

“Why yes I can. Now silence all three of you,” the doctor’s eyes flashed sinisterly as he held his pen above his clipboard, “before I feel inspired to write negative comments about you in your charts.”

All three members of the trio sank back into there chairs feeling the injustice of the situation. Draco, on the other hand was smirking. He had managed to get both Harry and Ron in trouble and avoid it himself. That’s right I’m a bad ass. It’s my birthday. Not really, but whatever. The fact that Hermione got in trouble too was unfortunate. She’ll get over it. I know I will

Having finally silenced the trio, the doctor asked Miss Parkinson to rejoin the circle. Pansy happily picked up her chair and returned to sit next to Draco.

“Now Mr. Malfoy,” said the doctor his room and patients now back in order, “since you’re new I’m going to lay out the ground rules for you. First of all,let me introduce myself. I am Dr. Severus Snape. I run all group therapy sessions in this ward...”

Snape continued to explain and go on and on about group therapy. Saying things like how the formation of chairs was called the ‘sharing circle’ and that there was to be no foolish chitchat it this room. But Draco was only half-listening, for he was still preoccupied with figuring out who Hermione liked.

She can’t have a thing going with Potter his hair is just too damn messy. Then again Weasley is a poor, butt-ugly git. Difficult, difficult. If I was a girl I’d choose…Ah, screw it I would become a lesbian.

Wait a minute. Why do I care so much who likes Granger, or better yet why do I care so much who Granger likes?

Draco shook his head and tuned back into what Dr. Snape was saying. It sounded to Draco as if he was reciting something he didn’t much care for. “…this is the place where we share our feelings with our peers in a safe environment.”

“I’m not going to share,” announced Draco. “I’m just here to pass judgment.”

“Be that as it may,” negotiated Snape, “you will be expected to participate.”

“Okay fine. I vote Weasley off the island. That’s my contribution.”

“This isn’t one of those kinds of meetings.”

“Can we still ask him to leave the room?”

“Unfortunately not.”

Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged looks of anger.

Snape continued on. “Since you are new we are going to go around the ‘sharing circle’ and each ask you a question about yourself in an effort to get to know you before we start today’s session.” What kinda questions.

“I’ll start.” Snape looked straight at Draco. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Green.”

Zabini gave Draco a high five. “Nice Choice.”

“That’s right bitch best color ever.” Draco held out his arm to Zabini and they pounded their fists together old school style.

“Okay Mr. Zabini,” instructed Snape, “your turn to ask Mr. Malfoy a question.”

“Draco?” asked Zabini.

“What buuuuuuuddy?”

“Who do you think is the least attractive person in the room?”

“Let me think,” Draco pretended to be thinking really hard. “Well we know it’s not you.” Both boys laughed hysterically and then stopped abruptly. “I’d have to go with either Potter or Weasley.”

That’s right Granger, it doesn’t matter which one you like they’re both ridiculously unhandsome.

Zabini got excited. “You can only pick one.”

“Then hands down it has to be Potter.”

Zabini gave Draco another high five. “Nice Choice.”

“That’s right bitch least attractive person ever.” Draco held out his fist to Zabini again. “Pound it. Lock it.”

Zabini accepted Draco’s fist. “Damn straight.”

Harry took off his glasses and rubbed them with his shirt. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing or hearing. “You have to be kidding me! You guys are such pompous jerks.”

Zabini looked outraged that Harry had spoken to him. “People with hair as messy as yours are not aloud to talk to me. It’s upsetting.”

“Potter,” warned Snape, “stop upsetting Mr. Zabini.”

“But –” stammered Harry.

“MOVING ON.” Snape looked at the girl to his left. “Your turn, Miss Lovegood.”

The dreamy eyed girl who sat next to him spoke in wispy voice. “What are your thoughts on the mental chip implants in McDonald’s chicken McNuggets put there so as to lead to the eventual death of the eater through steady dehydration?”

“Miss Lovegood…” Dr. Snape began with a sinister warning.

Draco cut across Snape wanting to answer the question. “I say fuck the nuggets and while you’re at it screw the man with the big, red, floppy shoes.” He nodded with absolute certainty. I hate clowns.

Too his right Zabini added a substantial, “Here, here!”

“Mr. Malfoy,” said Dr. Snape, “I know it is your first time here. So please don’t encourage her. She is a pathological liar and her fabrications must not be tolerated.”

Interesting.

“Mr. Weasley, why don’t you go next.”

A still angry Ron chose not to look directly at Draco instead all he said was, “Do you have any hobbies?”

You bet I do. “Your mom.” said Draco under his breath.

“What was that?” Ron got up and advanced toward Draco, “Don’t you dare talk about my mother!” But before he could get any where near the blond Harry grabbed the collar of his shirt and forced him to sit back down. “Let go of me he’s talking about my mother.”

"Stop it Ron. Do you want to lose house points." Harry tightened his hold on Ron before he spoke on his friends behalf. “Professor Snape, aren’t you going to do anything? Malfoy just said something about Ron’s mother.”

“First of all, I’m not your professor, I’m your doctor. Secondly, I didn’t hear him say it so I’m going to assume you are lying once again.” Snape wore a self-satisfied smirk. “Miss Granger your turn to ask Mr. Malfoy a question.”

Hermione, who had heard exactly what Draco said, looked at Draco with an expressionless face. “I have no questions for him. In fact, I want to know as little about him as I possibly can.” Ouch.

Dr. Snape clicked his ballpoint pen menacingly over his clipboard. “You’re not going to participate?”

“Can I ask her a question then if she’s not going to ask me one?” interrupted a scheming Draco.

“Unorthodox. But sure,” said Dr. Snape. “Go ahead Mr. Malfoy”

Draco cleared his throat then looked at the brunette critically. “If you were stranded on a deserted island and you could only bring one thing with you, would it be...A: A flaming red book with brown dots all over the cover…or…B: A black book with messy pages, oh, and there’s a lightening bolt drawn on the cover with marker? ”

Hermione just stared at Draco as if he was indeed out of his mind. “I’m not answering that question it’s ridiculous.”

“Hermione it’s not ridiculous it’s riddikulus,” Harry whispered into her ear. “Why are you even using that incantation we’re in Potions? Don’t give Snape a reason to take any more – ”

“Mr. Potter silence.” Snape’s beady, black eyes flashed with irritation. “Miss Granger, answer Mr. Malfoy’s question.”

“No,” said Hermione plainly in response.

“Miss Granger, you had your chance to ask a question and you refused. Are you now also going to refuse to answer his question?” Snape began to write something on his clipboard.

Harry whispered into the brunette’s ear again, “See I told you he’ll take points.”

“Fine,” Hermione folded her arms across her chest, “I would choose both books.”

“You slut!” gasped Draco.

Hermione’s mouth fell open in shock as Ron jumped out of his chair once again. “Don’t you dare call her a slut!” He protested in utter outrage with his fists clenched at his sides.

“She chose both books,” countered Draco as if that settled the matter.

“She likes to read.”

“I bet she does.” Draco wiggled both eyebrows provocatively.

Before the moment could escalate into a physical fight Dr. Snape intervened. “Mr. Weasley sit down.” Ron, whose face was now as red as his hair, resumed his seat while keeping his angry blue eyes trained on Draco.

Snape then turned on Hermione. “Miss Granger, I know this will be difficult for you, but could you stop being a smartass know-it-all for once and just chose A or B so we can move on with this session.”

A frustrated/embarrassed Hermione obeyed the doctor’s command. “Okay, fine…B. I would choose B.”

Dun, dun, DUN! Potter 1:Weasley 0. Although, on second thought Weasley was the one who defended her after the slut comment…

With the question now answered Dr. Snape moved the session forward. “Mr. Malfoy, now that we know a little more about you and which texts Miss Granger prefers to read we can start. Every group session starts by going around the Sharing Circle and talking about our feelings.” Snape rolled his eyes at his own words. “So, how are you feeling today, Mr. Malfoy?”

Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional… “Fine.”

Dr. Snape eyed Draco pensively. “Here as a group we are trying to help you understand your feelings.” It once again sounded like the doctor was reciting something he had memorized. “So you’re going to need to be more specific.”

Draco remained resolutely silent.

“Let’s try this again shall we. Mr. Malfoy, please describe for the group your present feelings.” Snape let the question linger in the air while he waited for Draco’s response. In place of Draco’s answer, however, came Miss Granger’s thoughts on the subject.

“Don’t bother with him he doesn’t have feelings.” Still mad at the slut comment, Hermione cast a scathing look across the room.

Draco touched his chest with one hand and faked injury. “Ouch, that hurt Granger.” His eyes grew wide in cynical amazement. “Oh, looky there I do have feelings.” He then crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. “Just because I chose not to waste them on people as unimportant as you.”

Hermione straightened in her seat with a knowing smile. “You just proved how incredibly unfeeling you are.”

“Talk about unfeeling.” Draco lowered his voice to a husky pitch and stared into her big, brown eyes. “What about you in the hallway yesterday? You wouldn’t feel nothin’.”

Greatly annoyed, Snape broke up their witty banter. “Miss Granger, please do see if you can resist the urge to interrupt myself as well as other patients. As I was saying, Mr. Malfoy please tell the group what you are feeling.”

“Honestly,” Draco began, “I’m feeling sexually deprived.” He winked at Hermione.

“I can fix that.” As soon as Draco had said ‘sexually’ Pansy had jumped out of her seat and flung herself at him.

Not again.

Draco pushed the blond away from himself. “No, down Pansy. Bad girl.” Pansy obeyed his command and returned to her seat panting.

Used to Miss Parkinson’s outbursts Dr. Snape continued on as if one of his patients had not just tried to dry hump another patient. “Okay then, moving on. Mr. Zabini, if you would care to share how you are feeling.”

Zabini willingly obliged to Dr. Snape’s request. “I just want to start off by saying that nobody knows what it’s like to be this good looking. Except for maybe Draco.”

Draco nodded his agreement. “Carry on my good man.”

“It’s just so hard to be this handsome. I mean have you seen this face. Look how symmetric this nose is. And this jaw line…. I can’t take it. In fact, I’m going to cry. Wait I need a mirror!” Zabini looked around frantically as if one would appear out of thin air. “I love to watch myself cry. I look so sad.”

“No mirror,” said Dr. Snape sharply.

“Bull shit!” Zabini jumped out of his seat fuming. “You all get to look at me.” He pointed accusingly around the room. “I want to look at me too! It’s not fair!” Zabini stood in the center of the circle of chairs looking thoroughly dejected.

Man, he’s really suffering. Idea!

Draco stood up from his chair, walked slowly over to Zabini, and patted him on the back consolingly. Then he sang the magic words. “I’m bringing sexy back.”

The attractive boy stopped pouting and looked at Draco with a question in his eyes. “Yea,” asked Zabini timidly. Draco started to shake his hips as if to answer Zabini’s question.

The shaking in Draco’s hips transferred to his butt. “Them other boys don’t know how to act.” Zabini gradually began to move his pelvis in a circular motion with the blond, and pretty soon both boys were hardcore dancing in the center of the circle. Draco continued to sing.

“I think you're special what’s behind your back.” Here Draco jumped behind Zabini’s back and then poked around his side. “So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.” Zabini complimented his move by doing a Michael Jackson spin and picking up the next line of the song.

“Take em' to the bridge.” Zabini pointed to Draco.

“Dirty babe.” The blond danced his way over to where Granger sat. “You see these shackles Baby I'm your slave. I'll let you whip me if I misbehave.” Draco spanked his own rear end and proceeded to drop it like it was hot. “It's just that no one makes me feel this way.”

After seeing Hermione’s reaction of something other then pure loathing, he ran/slide over to his unoccupied chair and jumped up to stand on top of it. “Where’s the sexy?” asked Draco.

“Where’s the sexy gone?” Inquired Zabini animatedly as he looked underneath the chair Draco was standing on.

Draco pretended to be puzzled while still thrusting his pelvis. “I don’t know. Where could the sexy be?” The blond pointed to himself. “Oh, that’s right it’s right here.”

Snape coughed loudly to get the two boys attention. Draco and Zabini froze where they were: Draco standing on top of his chair and Zabini kneeling on the floor before him.

The room was dead silent. Taking this nonverbal cue, both Draco and Zabini unfroze, sat back down in their original seats, and tried to act like nothing had happened.

Draco scanned the room while breathing heavily from their impromptu performance. Everyone was staring blankly at him and Zabini… Fuckin’ haters… Everyone except Granger…who was actually half-smiling before she turned away from his gaze. Boo-yaaa! I made her smile. Well, half-smile…semantics.

Unnerved by the awkward silence Draco spoke. “What? I’m just doing my part to help bring sexy back. Justin cannot do it alone!”

“Be that as it may…” Dr. Snape stared at the two boys for a moment longer, and then continued on as if his two patients had not just tried to bring sexy back. “Let’s move to the other side of the circle. Mr. MacMillan, how are you feeling today?”

“Well, this morning when I woke up I only made my bed five times instead of six and now I’m wishing I had done it the six times…”

As much as Draco wanted to listen to what little crazy MacMillan had to say…NOT!…he couldn’t help but let his gaze wonder to the girl he had just made smile...well, half-smile. (whatever) The girl who had been occupying most of his thoughts lately, indecent and otherwise.

There she sat just a few feet across from him listening to MacMillan prattle on. Her cheeks red with resentment, complexion dull from lack of sun, and hair more bushy then a chia pet. Yet, Draco surmised that there was a certain awkwardness about her face that made him stare. Try as he might to stop looking at her he just couldn’t.

Don’t look at her, don’t look at her. You’re looking at her. She’s looking at you! Look away...

Draco whipped his neck around with such force as not to be caught looking at her that he fell over out of his chair and toppled onto the ground. Ah, the floor, my old friend. So we meet again.

Hermione, who had caught on to Draco’s overt staring, looked thoughtfully at the blond boy who now occupied the center of the Sharing Circle belly down. “Hey, Malfoy could you stop humping the floor it’s distracting.”

Witty thing isn’t she.

Lifting only his head from the generic, gray carpet Draco cocked both his eyebrows suggestively. “Sorry. The floor was just begging for it.”

I’m so sassy.

“Mr. Malfoy off the floor. Miss Granger, this is the second time you have spoken out of turn. I’m going to make a serious note of this.” With that Snape began writing furiously on his clipboard.

Hermione looked at Draco as though she was going to murder him. “What? I didn’t do anything. This is Malfoy’s fault. He was staring at me. I didn’t interrupt or speak out of turn. He’s the idiot… (That’s harsh.)…who fell out of his chair for no apparent reason.”

“Miss Granger, silence.” Snape cut across her threateningly. “Mr. MacMillan, please continue where you left…”

“This isn’t fair.” Hermione wasn’t quiet finished. “What about him.” She motioned to Draco, who in response made a ‘what did I do’ face. “Is he going to be punished?”

Punished…now we’re talking. “Don’t worry about it, Granger. Come to my room later and you can punish me all you want. I’ve been so very naughty.” Draco bit his lower lip.

“I will do no such thing!”

“Miss Granger!” Hermione fell quiet; her face thoroughly reddened with anger as Snape reprimanded her one more time. “It appears that in addition to being a BPD anorexic, you seem to have developed an inability to stop talking.”

Note to self: find out what a BPD anorexic is.

“Since you’re so eager to talk,” Snape continued sinisterly, “let’s discuss the very public dispute you and Mr. Weasley had yesterday in the boy’s corridor. Or better yet, the inappropriate relations you had with an intern.”

Oooooh, RELATIONS…This is going to be good.

“I, this is just…” Hermione was clearly at a loss for words.

“This is just what Miss Granger? Use descriptive, emotionally valid words.”

Hermione remained silent.

“What? You have nothing to say.” The brunette turned her gaze to the floor to examine her shoes as the snarky doctor continued. “I’m confused. Only a moment ago you were so keen to express your opinions.”

Looking at the unkempt pile of brown hair that now obscured Granger’s face Draco began to wish he hadn’t riled her up. He realized what he had to do… Super Drakie to the rescue.

Draco raised his hand and then spoke without being called on. “Excuse me, Sir. I have some descriptive, emotionally valid words.”

Dr. Snape shifted his focus from a thoroughly humiliated Hermione to the blond as did everyone else in the room. “Yes, Mr. Malfoy.”

“Weasley stinks.”

“I’m sorry, albeit descriptive that is not emotionally valid.”

“How about Weasley sucks?”

“No, but closer.”

“Weasley’s mother is a whore.”

“Colder.”

“Weasley is an asshole.”

“Warmer.”

“Weasley is an asshole…” Draco searched his mind. “…and that makes me angry.”

“Very good, Mr. Malfoy.” I love word play.

“What?” exclaimed Ron. “You’re just going to let him say that stuff about me?”

Snape answered without a moment’s hesitation. “Yes.”

Draco smirked with a deviant smile. Can’t touch this. Nah na na na. Can’t touch this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: I’m bringing sexy back ; )