Learning to Live again.

A/N Well how about it... It's been what a year? and you finally get an update ~wipes brow~ This chapter has not been easy to write, my muse, decided that she wanted to play elsewhere for awhile.

This chapter is dedicated to CatWriter, who gave me a review that let my mind simmer with new ideas. Thank you very much Darling.

Thank you all very much for your patience. And thanks to Kei for her Beta'ing

Disclaimer... once again, not mine, no matter what I may wish.

Chapter Five

Both men exchanged a long look before Severus sighed softly. “Since you can not lie to me, I will do you the same favour, to put us on even ground.” Severus told him and waited for his nod of agreement. “Madam Pomfrey didn't lie to you but she never gave you the whole truth either. There is a very slim chance that she will be able to do exactly that when you are older, but there’s no guarantee that it will work. The healing she did on you was only what your body allowed her to do.” He started to explain, and held up his hand to silence anything that Harry was going to say. “Let me finish,” he said and waited while the boy shifted slightly to get comfortable before continuing his explanation.

“There is only so much healing magic that a body can take, and once it reaches that limit, it will not allow any more until it neutralizes what was cast before. The same goes for potions. In the case of your knees, she managed to re-grow and heal most of the damage, but what is remaining could very well not grow back at all. We do have the ability to replace joints, just like Muggles, with an imitation piece, but there are problems with that in one as young as you, due to the fact that the piece will not grow with your body, causing even more problems later on. Add to that the fact that she must get all of your ligaments realigned and you create a very large mess.”

“But once my magic neutralizes the healing magic…” Harry started, but stopped when he saw both men shake their heads. “Alright, I guess not then. Would one of you care to explain why?”

Remus tried to smile but didn't quite make it. “You run a very high chance of becoming immune to certain healing spells if they are used too often,” he said softly.

“Just like potions.” Harry nodded in understanding.

“Exactly so,” Severus added. “That's why there is always a hunt for new spells, or better ways to use old spells. Each time you use a different spell to the same effect of the old spell, you keep one step ahead of not being able to use them again.”

“Just on that part of the body specifically, or all over?” Harry asked for clarification.

“That depends on the person being healed and their magic. It's different for everyone,” Remus explained.

Harry sat silently picking at the food that remained on his plate under an ever-warm charm, trying to take in all the new information. Finally placing his fork on the table, he picked up his cup of tea and sat back and drained it in two long swallows. He barely had time to glare in disgust at his father before his eyes closed and he was asleep.

Catching the cup before it could hit the ground, Remus gave Severus an astonished look. “What did you put into his tea?”

Amusement glinted and Severus’s eyes as he covered his new-found son with a light blanket to keep the chill off of him. “Just a mild calming draught. I figured he would need it.”

~~hp~~

Two hours later, Severus saw the slight shifting that indicated that his son was waking, telling him that he was about to have his hands full with an upset fifteen year old. He didn't want to admit it to the Wolf, but he too was astonished when Harry fell asleep after drinking the tea. He never even thought that the boy was overworked and tired enough for a simple calming draught to have that effect.

It took about thirty minutes for Harry to fully pull himself awake, and by that time, Severus had a new cup of tea and some buttered toast waiting. Amusement once again flickered when he saw Harry freeze when he spotted the cup of tea, and figured this was the easiest way for him to explain what had happened. “There is nothing but sugar in that cup of tea, so it's safe to drink.”

“But there was a sleeping potion in the one earlier?” Harry half-grumbled as he pulled himself into a sitting position.

“No, actually, there wasn't. I had anticipated a difficult conversation after that disaster of a breakfast, so had added a very mild calming draught to your tea. I had also added one to my own. I must admit that I had forgotten that calming draughts can be also used for a sleep aid, though.”

Taking a careful sip of the tea, Harry looked up through hooded eyes. “So my body and, I presume, my magic, decided that I needed more sleep and took the opportunity presented.”

“In essence, yes.”

“Figures,” Harry snorted.

“You do look much better after that nap, I must admit.”

Harry ignored that comment while he drank his tea and ate his toast, his mind going in circles. Casting an occasional glance towards his father, he finally brought up his courage. “What happens now?”

Though he had been aware at the glances sent his way, Severus was slightly startled at his son’s words. He locked eyes with his son. “Excuse me?”

“Exactly that, what happens now?” Harry repeated. “I know we have a lot that needs to be discussed, especially the mess I made of things this morning at breakfast, but what's next?”

“I see. Very well then, let's discuss this morning first then to get it out of the way. Do you actually believe what you told everyone this morning?”

Harry thought about it carefully before nodding his head. “In a way I do. Every year something has happened, and it seems like who ever I've gone to for help just turns their backs on me. It never failed,” Harry started. “Even in my first year, it seemed like I was getting clues from all the adults here, and when I did go to tell someone…”

“They didn't listen,” Severus finished.

“Exactly. So this morning, I just kinda let it all out. I know I shouldn't have, but it was like this huge wave just came and carried my thoughts away.”

“Understandable, though you will have to learn to correct that,” Severus said, an amused glint once more in his eyes. “And what about when you said that you've felt the same, if not worse, while here at Hogwarts?”

Harry thought about it for a few minutes, carefully forming his reply. “Do you know what absolute fear is, Sir? When your whole body goes numb, as you watch what's happening around you in slow motion, leaving you with the only thing you can do, which is to move forward, even though you know to do so is going to bring about your own death? The knowledge that for once in your life you thought nothing could touch you, only to have that knowledge snatched away in a single instinct. The feeling that, even though the circumstances and the people themselves have changed, everything has remained the same. The joy that in this new place, no one knew you, and you could start over with a clean slate, only to find to your despair that those around you once again knew you better then you know yourself. To have people know things about you that you had only ever wondered about? Have you ever felt like that, Sir?”

When no answer came right away, Harry continued. “Have you ever felt the most potent of poisons weave its trail of fire through your blood and welcomed the cold kiss of death just because its touch would quench the heat racing through your body? Felt yourself fall over the tip of despair as your worst nightmares were brought to life even as you felt your soul leave? Watched as someone you looked up to and respected, fell at your feet and knew that if you were only a little faster that you could have saved them?”

Setting the piece of toast that he had mangled back down onto the plate, Harry finally looked up into those dark eyes that for once could not hide the horror and sorrow, of what was being told, shimmer in the light. “Have you ever watched as what you believed to be your one last chance at a better life shatter into a million pieces, because you were stupid enough to go where you had no right to be?” Harry's gaze was steady as he finished what he needed to say, figuring this would be his only change to get it out without having anyone stop him and analyze what he was saying. “Merlin knew that the Dursleys were cruel, but at least there I knew what to expect.” His voice was soft, but even he could hear the unrelenting ache deep within it.

Summoning his crutches and carefully standing, Harry gave Severus a look that would haunt the older man for years to come. “I think I would like to be alone at the moment, Sir. Would you please be kind enough to show me to my room?”

~~hp~~

After showing Harry to his new room, Severus missed both lunch and supper as his mind circled around what the fifteen-year-old had told him. No matter which way he looked at it, Severus could not find any way to deny this new information. Going over everything he had been told, and the way that it was told, Harry’s story showed a clear pattern of neglect at the hands of the professors over the years, and that didn't even include what he himself had done to the boy.

Finally gathering himself, Severus left his rooms, and renewed the charm on both doorways that would inform him if his son had tried to leave his apartments, and made his slow way up to the Headmaster's office. He wasn't surprised when he entered to find both Remus and Minerva in attendance as well.

Remus took one look at Severus and groaned in dismay. “I take it that it didn't go too well after he woke up from his impromptu nap.”

“I think… I don't… Dear Merlin, I don't know what to think!” Severus stumbled over his words, and nearly collapsed into the nearest chair.

“That boy needs to learn to control his temper is what I think,” Minerva sniffed, still upset with the earlier events.

“I would have preferred it if he did lose his temper,” was the mumbled reply as Severus poured himself a cup of tea.

“Care to explain?” Albus said softly.

Sitting silently for a few moments to reorganize his thoughts, Severus finally looked up into baby blue eyes that held only a trace of their usual twinkle. “Did you know that Harry blames himself for the deaths of both the Diggory boy and Black?” he asked softly.

Sitting down his own cup of tea, Albus leaned forward in his chair. “I think that you are going to have to explain the whole conversation to us.”

Severus honestly tried to explain, but after a few false starts, he just gave up. “May I use your Pensieve? It would be easier to just show you.”

The headmaster nodded his head gravely and moved towards the small cabinet where he kept his Pensieve, as well as a few extra just for this reason. Bringing it back to the desk, he watched with a heavy heart as the memory in question was added into its depths. With a nod of his head he indicated for everyone to prepare themselves and with a simple count of three, all four became witnesses to one of Hogwarts’ darkest hours.

Viewing the contents of that afternoon a second time didn't make it any easier for Severus, and he could tell that it was just as hard on the other three. When they finally did emerge from the memory, he looked up, tears once again making his eyes shimmer, knowing that the others would be in the same condition. “Tell me how any of us could have made his years here any worse?” he asked into the silence

“I don't know Severus, I just don't know,” Albus replied, knowing that the others felt the same way. “Let me think on this, and maybe together we can figure out how to help that young man finally learn to heal.”