The Usual Suspects

I was heading back to the common room when I saw Cho. She was standing with a group of Ravenclaw girls, and she looked so happy I didn't want to disturb her. As I walked by, the conversation grew quiet. I walked faster, trying to convince myself that it was coincidence.

"Mary, wait up!" Cho's voice brought tears to my eyes, but I fought them back. I wouldn't get her friendship through pity.

I stopped and waited for her to catch up.

"Mary, I'm sorry, what they said was cruel, and just because..."

"I know, never mind, it doesn't matter."

"But Mary..."

"No, I know you had your reasons for telling people, but let's just let it go, okay?" I looked up at her, but she looked confused.

"No! Not that! I didn't tell anyone..." Cho blushed, and she looked so uncomfortable I wished I could just die on the spot.

"Then what?"

Cho glanced away, then back at me. "Someone said something about you and Draco Malfoy, but I told them it was rubbish. Just because you and me aren't exactly friends anymore..."

My heart felt like it was tearing in two.

"Mary, it's just...you know..." Cho was looking at her hands.

"I am seeing someone," I said softly. Cho looked up at me. "A guy. So you don't have to worry. I mean, if that's what you were worried about, don't be. It won't happen again."

Cho chewed her lip nervously. "I just...I can't see you anymore, Mary. I can't." Cho swung around and headed back to her group, which I was horrified to see watching us intently. They turned their attention to Cho as she joined them, and she threw a glance over her shoulder at me. I walked away in tears.

In the dormitory, I lay on my bed, smothering my sobs in my pillow. I'd thought maybe she could forgive me. I squeezed my eyes tight. Apparently, I'd been wrong.

I didn't bother with supper. In fact, it was past supper before I realized I'd missed two classes. I'd finally fallen asleep, and it had to be during lunch period. When I woke, the sun was low in the sky. I hurried through the corridors toward the Room of Requirement.

When I got there, Draco stood in the hallway, pacing. A doorknob gleamed across from him. My face lit into a smile. "Draco! Hi," I called as I reached him. Draco opened the door and stepped through, and I followed. This time, the candles were already lit.

As the door closed, Draco turned, wrapping me in a kiss. I pulled back. "No 'hello?'" I asked.

Draco smirked. "Hi, Mary! And how are you this fine evening?" he mocked.

"Very funny," I began, but Draco's lips were on my neck, sucking lightly. "Can't we just talk for a bit?"

"About what?" he murmured against my skin.

"Anything..."

"Later..."

"But I just..." My thoughts drifted away, leaving me with nothing but mellow pleasure. Draco had pulled away to lift off his robes, and I watched dispassionately. Undress... I stripped off my clothes, dropping them aside. Draco stood looking at me, but there was no self-consciousness. Touch yourself... I had no reason not to. It was so nice to do as he told me. My hands traced the curves of my arms.

Touch yourself the way you want me to touch you... I had a brief thought that I didn't want to, but his voice was insistent, and it really wasn't bad. I touched myself, exploring the damp curls at my thighs, the physical pleasure welling up slowly. I didn't want this. I wanted Draco. No, I thought. "No."

"What?" I could see him, naked before me, and he looked shocked, though how he could be when everything was so peaceful...Tell me you want me... "I want you, Draco!" Get on your knees... I slid to the floor. I felt so light. I could feel Draco's hands in my hair, his fingers twisting through it. I resisted a moment, the fog fading away...Love it...want this... I didn't want to resist any more. I just wanted him to tell me what to do. I just wanted to please the voice in my head.

Open your mouth... I did, and when he filled it, I loved it. I wanted more. Kiss me... I moved my tongue, making love to the only part of Draco I had control of. I sucked and laved, needing so badly to please him that I could hardly stand it. I wanted this so much that a tear slipped down my cheek, and another, as I kissed him.

Draco's body tensed, and he pulled back, pushing me to the floor.
Tell me you want more... "Please, Draco! I want more, please let me..." You want it NOW... I pushed to my knees, crawling toward him, but he pushed me back to the floor, pinning my arms to my sides. "Please!" I twisted in his grasp, wanting to touch him, wanting to kiss him, and when he parted my thighs, I cried again, the mad joy tearing into me echoing Draco's hard thrusts. "Thank you," I sobbed.

Somewhere in the fog, I watched myself, wondering, but it felt so good. Draco's body punished mine, but I wanted it.

COME NOW... My body broke into spasms as Draco pounded into me, and suddenly he was out, the wetness was on my thighs, and the fog was lifting.

I lay on the hard floor, panting as Draco grabbed his wand to clean up. He held out a hand and I took it, letting him pull me to my feet. I was in shock. My body trembled, ached, and pulsed with pleasure all at once. Draco began to dress and I followed his lead, pulling my clothes on in awkward silence.

As he straightened his robes, Draco turned to me. "Do you still want to talk?" he asked.

I shook my head.

He walked over to me and lifted my chin to look into my eyes. His looked so clear and open that I wondered at his thoughts. He let go and turned away. At the door, he stopped, turning to look at me again. "Tomorrow, then."

I nodded and he left.

I returned to my bed and lay curled up, hands around my knees. I had stopped only to take a bath, but half an hour in the water, I still felt somewhat dirty. My hair was damp on my pillow, but I didn't mind. All I could think about was the moment I'd stopped caring what Draco wanted from me. I hadn't told him he could use the spell this time.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight, trying to will away the thoughts that clawed at my brain. I didn't want to think that Draco had meant to hurt me. Maybe he'd just assumed that I was still a little uptight. Maybe he didn't understand that that time I hadn't wanted to.

Not that it mattered. Before long, I had been a willing participant. I relaxed a little as I thought about the pleasure that Draco had inflicted upon me. Everything he did felt so good, and it was me he wanted. Me. It didn't matter to him that I was a nobody, that I was awkward and unsure. He still wanted me.

I slipped into sleep and had strange dreams. I had wings, I was going to fly, but my wings were damaged. The feathers were torn and bleeding. Draco came, a demon-angel with a magic touch. Somehow I was able to fly when he was with me.

In the morning, the night's fears seemed trivial and faraway. I was feeling guilty for what I was doing with Draco, that was all. And there was no reason to feel guilty. I was doing something for myself for once, doing something that felt good, regardless of what others might think.

I'd spent so much time worrying about what people might say, and trying to be friends with everyone. What was the point, though? Friends, people whom you thought knew you better than you knew yourself, weren't forever after all.

I saw Cho on the way to herbology. She was with Marietta, laughing at some joke that I wasn't privy to. If only she knew what was going on...what would she say? Would she be relieved? Horrified? I decided not to think about it. It didn't matter. She'd find out some time.

I dutifully attended all my classes that day, though I didn't bother paying attention. What was the use? I'd had good grades for years, and if I had a few bad weeks it wouldn’t hurt. I'd just consider this a small holiday.

I was waiting for Draco when he entered the corridor that evening. I was nervous for some reason, but when I saw him, I wondered how I could have doubted his intentions. A smirk played across his face. I was ready to have some fun.

We entered the room together and when Draco turned to me, I went willingly into his arms. I kissed him, and when he pulled away, I felt a moment of regret followed by guilt and horror at myself. Had my forwardness turned him off?

"You're okay, then," he said softly. His eyes were light and gleaming. I nodded.

"So, can we?" I bit my lip, afraid that I might disgust him if I said any more.

"Are you sure?" I nodded again, and Draco smiled. "I promise you'll like it."

"Wait!" I blurted. Draco stopped, his hand reaching inside his robes. "Just...let me, okay? I mean, just tell me what you want."

Draco's eyes gleamed, and his hand left his pocket. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I breathed.

"Just tell me what you want and I'll do it." I wanted to feel worth something, to feel alive and wanted, to feel the pleasure cutting through the pain of life. I wanted him to feel it, too.

I could see the tense eagerness in Draco's eyes. It gave me a small sense of power. I was mine to give, and he wanted me. He wanted me.
I pulled my robes over my head. I felt the heat of his gaze on my body as I fumbled with the buttons on my shirt, and I blushed. I felt self-conscious, though I knew I was in control of myself. I stripped to my underwear and paused, unable to make myself go any further with him watching so intensely. I knew what I could do, though.

I stepped close to Draco and caught at the folds of his robes at his hips, gathering them up. I glanced up at Draco's face and caught the movement of his tongue across his lips. I smiled, emboldened by his want for me.

I slid to my knees and tossed the hem of Draco's robes over my head. I could see nothing under the pitch black of his robes and my hands searched a bit for the fly of his trousers. His muscles tensed and bunched beneath my fingers and I slowed my search to tease him, caressing the area around his groin.

My hand brushed against him, so hot and hard, and I knew he wouldn't want to wait much longer. I slid free a button and pulled down the zipper, slowly still. My fingers traced a path over silk and stopped at the realization that I'd found the flap of his boxers. I reached through, freeing him, and the cover of his robes flew off as Draco tossed it aside. I looked up at him, but all I could read in his face was fierce desire.

I pressed my lips softly against the silken tip of him, and he jerked slightly. I touched him with my tongue, swirling it around, letting my own desire show in the movement of my mouth. I heard Draco's voice moaning softly, and it encouraged me. He was so sensitive to the pressure of my tongue, even gasping at the puffs of air I breathed on his skin. I wondered if the scrape of my teeth would hurt him. I wondered if he'd like it.

Slowly, lightly, I ran my teeth down his shaft, stopping at the tip. Draco's gasp turned to a groan, and his hand wound through my hair, pulling tightly. I increased the pressure of my teeth and moved slowly around, drawing another groan from Draco. Suddenly his fingers tightened painfully and he pulled me away, pushing me backward onto the floor. His teeth were clenched, but the desire was still there, at such a level that my body roared in greeting.

Draco pulled at his clothes as he lowered himself to the hard floor. He was naked when he lay over me, and he tugged off my bra and panties, tossing them aside. His hands were rough and fast with the force of his need for me.

His hands moved across my skin, his nails scraping lightly like mild electric shocks. I touched him too, digging my nails into his back until he groaned and nipped at my breasts. A jolt of pain shot through one nipple as his hand found me, the pleasure immediate.

"Harder," Draco said, and his hand moved so that my body clenched. I tore my nails into his back and he yelled out, his hand moving, fingers driving my mind blank. "More!" Draco ground out, nipping at my breast again. Through the blinding pleasure I felt the pain, and I felt so alive, every centimeter of my body aware of him.

My fingers scraped a trail along Draco's back as he entered, and the shock of it made me jerk, the pressure on his shoulders sudden. Draco yelled again and began to pulse into me, hard and fast. His lips met mine and he bit me, drawing another shock of pain that threw my body into spasms.

I cried, tears dripping into my hair as it all became too much. I gasped, and Draco was gone, coming on my thighs. He collapsed beside me, both of us gasping at the ceiling.

When my breathing had slowed, I became aware of a general ache throbbing dully in time with the rolling waves of relaxation coursing through me.

"God, Mary, you're amazing," Draco said. He sat and dug his wand out of the pile of his robes, cleaning us off.

"Thank you." I pushed to my knees and grabbed my clothes, then started to dress. As I straightened my robes, Draco approached, face and hair glowing above the black of his robes. His gaze dropped to my lips, and I reflexively licked them, tasting a strip of copper. Draco's tongue mimicked mine, running along the curve of his lower lip.

"You're bleeding," he said. Draco began to murmur an incantation that sounded like a song, so low that I couldn't make out the words. He passed his wand over my lip and my skin tingled as the cut knit together. Draco lowered his wand. It was so quiet all of a sudden.

"Was that too much?" Draco asked, his voice cutting the silence like a knife.

"No," I stammered. "No, I said I wanted to and I did." My skin still hummed with the memory of what we'd done. I still felt more alive than I'd thought possible. I couldn't tell him, though. How could I explain it?

"Will you see me again, then?"

"Of course!" I realized I must sound like an overeager fool. "I mean, if you want to." I looked up at Draco from beneath my lashes, but he didn't look upset. Rather, he smiled gently, his entire face lighting up for me.

"Of course." He leaned down and kissed me, a light sting coursing through my newly healed lip. A shiver skated down my spine and I wanted Draco again, though I didn't want to scare him. When he pulled away he smiled, and I had to smile back. "I'll see you then," he said.

"I'll see you then."

Draco left the room, and a moment or two later I left as well, heading for the sanctuary of the girls' dormitory. I could still smell him on me as I lay in bed, and for the first time since my mother's death, I fell asleep almost immediately.