Chasing Destiny

Hermione looked at Severus for what seemed like an age before she spoke.



“You raped me?” She waited for a reply but all he could do was look away from her, to the floor. She took a shaky breath and continued.



“You were the one who brutally took my innocence and didn’t tell me. You let me believe that you didn’t want me because I was damaged goods and all along, you were the one to blame?” She shouted as tears streamed down her cheeks. The room whirled as everything she had been sure of, now crumbled beneath her.



Severus walked over to her and grasped her arms.



“Hermione I couldn’t. I didn’t want you to have to face me knowing that it was me who did it to you. I thought that you would be better off thinking that it was just some random Deatheater. I know I was wrong now. I know that I should just have told you from the beginning and I only hope that you can forgive me in time.”



She pulled herself from his grasp and stepped back shaking her head.



“Forgive you? You want me to forgive you? Severus, I love you. I would have given myself to you fully and now I feel horrible. Severus, the one person that I thought could get me through this, the one person that would keep me strong, is the person who caused all of this. I can’t even talk to you about this because all you will feel is guilt. You can’t tell me that the person who attacked me will get their comeuppance because we both know that I will never reveal who it was now. I care far too much about you to let that happen.”



Severus’s eyes were beginning to moisten as he saw the only woman he had ever loved begin to hate him. Hermione looked at him and as though she had suddenly realised something, her eyes narrowed in suspician as she asked, “Have you ever been made to rape someone before?” He looked at her. Now was the time to be truthful. Even if it hurt her more.



“Yes. I was made to twice before.” She made no comment and he continued as she walked over to the window. “The first time, I was much younger. It was a young muggle woman. She looked about 20. They had taken her from her home and bought her to the Dark Lord as a gift. He made me take her in front of the inner circle to prove my loyalty in joining his most faithful. She was so frightened and I tried to be as gentle as I could. I gave her a contraceptive potion straight afterwards. They thought that I had killed her, that it had been a poison, but I simply couldn’t. I obliviated her and took her back to where they had taken her. She didn’t even know what had happened to her the next day.”



“And the second?” She asked without looking back at him.



“The second was more brutal. It wasn’t that long ago. It was before you and I.” He added. “She was a prostitute that they had captured for fun. Everyone had their turn as we were expected and no-one dared refuse as Lucius had set up the occasion as a show for the new recruits. She just lay there and let everyone have their turn. When we were all finished, Lucius took her away and killed her. There was nothing I could do that time.” He finished.



“After that, there was only me?” She sobbed.



“Yes. You were next. Hermione I didn’t know that it was you. I couldn’t see your face…”



“LIKE THAT MATTERS. Are you trying to say that if it would have been another student and not me then it would have been ok?”



“I’m not saying… actually I am saying that of sorts. I love you Hermione and I would give anything to relieve your suffering. If that means wishing awful things on others rather than on you, then so be it. I am a very selfish man and I believe you know that.”



Hermione gasped.



“You’ve never told me that before... that you love me i mean.” Her voice was a shocked whisper.



“I know. I was too afraid. I said it out loud for the first time when we were captured even though I knew He would punish me. I just wanted to admit it to someone, anyone before I died. I needed to let someone know that I had fallen in love and that you were the recipient of my feelings.”



“I love you too, but you already knew that. You knew that all along didn’t you?”



“I must confess, I did. I assumed you knew about my feelings as well even though I wasn’t as obvious as you but I must have kept them hidden too well.”



There was a silence as neither of them had anything more to say. Finally, Hermione broke it.



“I have a lot to think about now Severus so I’ll see you in the morning.” She sighed and stood to leave. He barely caught what she said but was shocked by what he thought he heard.



“I am glad that it was you.”



“What?”



“In a way, I’m glad that it was you. It’s better than thinking that someone I didn’t know or care about had used me. In some weird way, I’m glad it was the man I love rather than Lucius Malfoy or a Deatheater.”



“But I am a D…”



“You were never a Deatheater Severus and for all those times you wronged, you made up for it a million times over when you helped the order or when you helped Harry.” She said sternly.



The young Gryffindor couldn’t look him in the face. She turned towards the door.



When she was gone Severus thought of the last thing she had told him when they saw each other before that night. She had said she needed to tell him something extremely important. Perhaps she had wanted to confess her love officially. Perhaps she had wanted to publicise their relationship. After all, she was over the legal age and there was nothing in the Hogwarts rulebook that said he couldn’t get involved with an of age student. Plus, it was a purely platonic relationship anyway.





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The next few days were uneventful and Ron and Hermione were sitting in the great hall eating breakfast when Harry came bursting in.

“Hermione, Ron! You’ll never guess what!” He breathed heavily.



“Well? Tell us then Harry.” Hermione smiled.



“Yesh te’ush.” Ron said with a mouthful of toast spraying it all over Hermione.



“Its Sirius. He’s coming to stay here at Hogwarts. He and Professor Lupin are going to be working on defence against the dark arts together. Sirius will teach us for the days before, during and after the full moon. They were the terms and conditions of the ministry when they re-instated Professor Lupin this afternoon and as Sirius was cleared of all criminal records when Wormtail’s body was found, he was the obvious choice.” He panted.



“Oh my gosh Harry that’s wonderful.” Hermione hugged Harry.



“Its bloody brilliant!” Ron chimed in. “When will they be here?”



“They were on their way when they wrote this so they should be here soon. They all left the hall to meet Sirius and Remus as they arrived later that morning.



Albus was getting worried about his Potions Master. He had been taking an unusually large amount of house points from the students lately. Even his own house had suffered a severe drop in points since he returned to teaching from the hospital wing. He made a mental note to keep an eye on him and the way that he kept on staring at the Gryffindor table during breakfast.



The doors to the school burst open and Sirius ran in scooping Harry into an enormous hug.



“My word Harry, you have grown! Ron I think your hair’s gone a shade redder and Hermione… Hermione how you have blossomed.” He winked. She smiled. Ever since she had hit puberty, Sirius had been ever so willing to tell her how much he fancied her. Harry and Ron didn’t mind. They knew that their good friend had become a horny old dog since his name was cleared and Hermione didn’t seem to mind all of the attention so everyone was happy.



Except Snape that is, who had always wanted to curse him to hell every time he so much as looked at her.



Hermione, Ron, Harry, Remus and Sirius spent the evening catching up in the Gryffindor common room and laughed well into the night.



Severus walked past there every hour asking the portraits if anyone had left since he last came by untill the hour when he was informed that the two guests had left together and would not be allowed back in until morning. He was then free to go back to the dungeons as Sirius was on his way to his own rooms. Leaving Hermione alone.



an - coming up: more angst and a weepy hermione decides to stop moping and get on with her life! Thanks for the reviews guys! i love hearing that people are enjoying my story! i makes us authors very very happy so please continue to review!