The Return

Chapter 6

It had been three days since Harry had seen Hermione at St. Mungo’s. He had been hoping sometime in those three days to get an owl from her, asking him to take her out to lunch, but he sat disappointed. He couldn’t believe the way he had been carrying on since he got home, like a school boy with a crush; always thinking about her, wanting to owl her every five minutes, wanting to surprise her at work. He didn’t know what to do with himself.

She was with Ron and they were happy, and Ron would soon be asking her to marry him and then it would be over, or maybe it already was. Maybe it had been over the minute he left her flat over two years ago. Maybe he had truly made the ultimate sacrifice and had given up any hope or chance that they could be together. He couldn’t be mad at himself; after all he would have ended up losing her in the end anyway. At least this way, he still had her friendship, and he could be happy about that.

Remus had come home earlier that day and they had a brief reunion before Remus got on with work stuff that had piled up while he was away. Harry had been sitting in the library for several hours, not moving from the chair he was sitting in, just staring out of the window thinking. Remus had decided to check on Harry and see how he was adjusting to being home again when he found Harry in the library.

Harry was so deep in thought he hadn’t even heard Remus open the door and enter the room. Remus watched Harry for several moments, noticing the way Harry would sigh every few seconds and look almost forlorn at the window. Something was troubling Harry, Remus could read him like a book after all these years.

“Everything alright there, Harry?” Harry jumped in his seat at the unexpected voice. He smiled at Remus, trying to shake the startled feeling he had gotten.

“Yeah. Just thinking is all. Nothing too important.” Harry responded, hoping that would be enough for Remus to leave him in peace.

“You may have been gone for over two years, Harry, but I can still tell when something is troubling you. You miss America or something?” Remus walked to the chair adjacent to Harry and took a seat. He crossed his leg over the other and rested his chin in his hand. He looked to Harry for some sort of an answer, but only received a solemn stare. Harry looked again to the window and sighed.

“Life just isn’t the way I always hoped it would be. I wanted so much after the war was over and now it’s all gone. I can’t see anything I used to, nothing seems possible anymore.” Harry expressed sadly. It felt good to let a little of his frustrations out to someone.

“No ones life ever ends up the way they once wanted it. I know you had a hard life, with the whole prophecy and not having your parents, and I know you were hoping once it was over with, everything would be fine. But big events like a war don’t just go away once they are won or lost, they have lasting effects on people. I know when you left you were hoping to repair some of those effects in you. And you did, you did something most people would never have the courage to do. You are still the bravest person I have ever met, Harry.” Remus tried to console Harry the best he could.

“But that’s the thing, Remus; I lost everything when I left. If I had stuck around and stayed who I was or tried to fix myself here, I would have all that stuff I wanted. But I fucked it all up by leaving. Why can’t I ever get a break? Why does everything I ever want have to come with a price?” Harry yelled at the window.

“What did you lose Harry? You still have all your friends. Your family, the family that have been there for you since the beginning, all of us, we’re still here. I don’t understand how leaving made you lose anything?” Remus asked confused.

“Just forget it. It’s not important. I have to figure out how to end this all. I have to get closure on the one issue in my life that will always be a there if I don’t. It’s something I should have resolved a long time ago, before I left, but I didn’t. Sorry I yelled at you.” Harry apologized and left the room. Remus sat completely confused by what had just happened between him and Harry.

Harry went to his room and shut the door. He needed to set some closure, get some things off his chest once and for all and let things play out the way they would. And if the ball didn’t land in his court then he would move on and deal with it the best he could, but he couldn’t continue on the way he was.

He went to his desk and pulled out some parchment and a quill. He sat for several moments staring at the parchment, waiting for the words to come to him. He bit his bottom lip, and began to write. He wrote for nearly a half an hour and when it was finished he sighed heavily. It was done, and there was no turning back now. He called to Hedwig, and sent her on her way with the letter. He watched as his last hope or his undoing, he wasn’t sure which it was yet, made its way to St. Mungo’s.

Hermione was preparing to leave for the day when she got the message she had an owl for her. She wondered who could be sending her an owl to work, and swiftly made her way to the front desk. When she rounded the corner and saw Hedwig her heart dropped. The last three days had been no different then the two before that, but she was trying her best to lead her life like Harry was still gone. For the most part she was successful. She had spent a lot of time with Ron and was trying her best to be normal. But in the most intimate moments, she hated the fact that she would see Harry’s face flash in her mind, and her heart would break again.

She took the letter from Hedwig who was happy to see her. She cooed and Hermione ran her hand along her feathers before sending her on her way back to Harry. Hermione stared at the rolled parchment for several seconds, her thoughts traveling to the last time she had received a letter from Harry. She was hoping this letter would not be as bad as the last, but she feared it would have an emotional effect on her nonetheless. She decided to hold off on reading it until she got home.

Hermione went back to her desk and gathered her things and bundled herself up for the trip home. She decided it would be a nice change to walk home and clear her thoughts on the way. She walked out into the December cold, instantly hating her idea, but trudged her way towards her flat and thought about the small parchment in her bag, and nothing else.