Why We Build Castles In The Sky

Remus felt Severus crying.

“It’s okay...” He whispered soothingly, he zipped up Severus’s pants for him and then went to hug him.

“Get away from me.” Severus told him, backing off before Remus could reach him.

“What? Severus, it’s okay.” Remus chuckled.

“I’m not a faggot.” He croaked, shaking his head.

“What are you talking about? I love you, and you love me.” Remus told him, wrapping his arms around him.

“No... I can’t do it anymore!” Severus bellowed, “Get away from me!” He roared, pushing Remus away from him so that he collided painfully with the sinks.

“Severus...” Remus whimpered, clutching his ribcage.

“Don’t call me Severus anymore. It’s Snivellus to you lot.”

“What lot?! Gods, Severus... stop, you’re scaring me.”

“Good! Get the fuck away from me! I hate you....”

Remus shook his head, “No.”

Severus walked over to him and pulled back his fist. “Do you love me?”

“Yes.” Remus told him, not blinking.

Severus’s fist collided with Remus’s cheek. Blood came spurting out of his mouth, landing all over his robes.

“Do you love me?!” Severus yelled again.

“Yes!” Remus said, more blood issuing from his mouth.

Severus hit him again, and Remus fell to the floor, staring up at the one he loved.

“Don’t love me, don’t talk to me... don’t even look at me, alright?!” Severus yelled, his voice quivering.

“I-I c-can’t...” Remus squeaked, his vision obscured by tears.

“I HATE YOU!” Severus screamed, kicking Remus roughly in the stomach.

Remus heard Severus's footsteps and then the bathroom door slamming shut.

Remus lay there on the bathroom floor alone, watching his own blood seeping from his mouth down to the tile, the puddle growing larger and larger as he cried.

“Severus...” He cried out helplessly, “Please don’t leave me...” He sobbed, not being able to bring himself to move.

Severus sped down the corridor, not looking back. He had to get away–he had to leave the school.

He reached the front hall and his hands were on the handles of the doors, and then he paused, realizing what he was doing.

“Fuck, I can’t leave...” He muttered in extreme agitation. He had to face reality; he couldn’t just leave in his seventh year, not after all he had worked for.

He turned and headed towards the dungeons instead, later bursting through the Slytherin common room and causing everyone to look up.

“Sev,’ what the bloody hell’s wrong?” Avery called over from a nearby armchair. “You know, Narcissa wants an answer.” Avery added.

“Narcissa?! ...What answer?” Severus shot.

“She asked you out, remember.”

“No.” Severus said truthfully, frowning.

“She wrote you this morning! It was on your bed!”

Severus let out a grumble and ignored him, heading straight past his friend and into his dormitory, collapsing onto his bed and plunging into his thoughts.

He wasn’t gay, he didn’t love Remus; he was young and confused. He had to be. But then why did he suddenly feel like shit for what he had done in the boys’ room? He picked up the letter, which lay unopened, at the foot of his bed.

The bathroom door opened once more.

“Remus!” Lily shouted.

The young werewolf lay there, unmoving.

“Remus!” She repeated, rushing over to him. He was alive... but he did not move; he was too depressed to move.

“What happened?!” She asked him. “I saw Sirius, he looked so... so out of it. I asked him what happened and he just said you were in the bathroom. Nothing else. I was worried... and–oh my god, you’re bleeding!”

“I’m fine.” He said in a hollow voice, staring at the wall of the bathroom.

“No you’re not. What happened to you?” Lily said, almost in tears.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me now.” Lily demanded.

“No.”

“Tell me Remus, or I’ll... I’ll hex you.”

“What?” He shot. “Fine,” He was now going to be as raw and detailed as possible with her, perhaps then she’d leave him be and be as disturbed as Sirius was.

He got up from the floor, trembling slightly.

“You want to know everything?! FINE! I was giving Severus Snape the time... Padfoot walked in, thought Severus was forcing me to do it–Sirius almost killed Severus. I told Sirius off and then after he left Severus started being mental with me, he told me not to love him anymore and I said I couldn’t, so he beat me up. He...” Remus finally let it sink in and he lost control of his emotions, “He doesn’t love me anymore...”

Remus began sobbing again.

Lily took him in her arms immediately.

“It’s okay Remus. I’m here...” She cooed.

“Why doesn’t he love me?” Remus squeaked.

BANG.

James rushed into the room, followed by Sirius.

“Get out!” Lily shouted at them immediately.

“No.” James said, “We want to be here for our friend.” James scanned Remus’s body, his eyes lingering on the fresh bruises and blood on his face. “Who did this to you, Moony?”

Remus determinedly looked away and shook his head, “No one.”

“Who was it?” James pressed.

“It’s no one James. He said it was no one!” Lily shouted.

“He’s my friend, Evans. I’m not gonna just sit here and let it slide for christ’s sake. Now, who was it?”

“It was... It was...” Remus whispered.

“It was Severus Snape.” Sirius said quietly.

James’s head snapped over to Sirius.

“Snivellus?! I’ll fuck him up right now!” James made to bolt out of the room but Sirius caught him by the robes.

“No, Prongs! You don’t understand!” Sirius gasped.

“What the fuck do you mean?! Let go of me!”

“No. You don’t know–you don’t... Moony and Snape...” Sirius broke off.

“What?! They don’t get along? Fucking obviously Padfoot–no one gets along with him!”

“Fuck! Prongs, I’m gay.” Remus blurted out.

James blinked.

“Bullshit.” He called.

Remus shook his head. “I’m in love with him. Only... he doesn’t love me back anymore.”

There was an extensive pause.

“I told you that you wouldn’t understand.” Sirius muttered.

“So then... why’d he beat you up, huh?” James asked, his eyes on the bathroom floor, staring at the pool of blood Remus had left behind.

Remus shook his head. “I guess he didn’t want to believe he was–different–anymore.”

“Well that’s a bunch of shit.” James spat.

Lily’s eyebrows raised.

James looked at her, then back to Remus.

“Stupid bastard... he loves you, he just doesn’t want to face the world with it. He cares what other people think” James continued on.

Remus gave James a reproachful look.

James rolled his eyes, “Did you think that I’d abandon you as a friend over this? Well if that’s true, then you’re as bad as him.”

“I’m sorry.” Remus replied, “I just–I never thought you would take it this way....”

“I knew my dream about you was real.” James said to him, “You’re my best friend, Remus. There’s no way anything could change that.”

Remus felt more tears begin to trickle down his face.

James strode over to his friend and embraced him like a brother.

Sirius went forward as well, followed by Lily.

Severus lay there on his side, staring at the dormitory wall. Flashes of images flew across his mind. He found, in frustration they all contained Remus. He missed him... but he would vow never to like him in such a way again. And then there was the letter he’d just received–an unforgettable letter from Bellatrix’s older sister, Narcissa Black.

Severus,

Hello, my friend, how has your school year been going? Mine has been well. I am writing this letter to explain my feelings towards you, I feel a bit embarrassed doing this, but here it goes: That night you came over as a friend of Bella’s... I could never forget it. You were amazing, talented, smart... Lucius Malfoy has asked me out many times, telling me to think about having a relationship with him, but whenever I have thought about it my thoughts always came to you. I think I want to try dating you, Severus. Please write me back with a response by owl tonight.

Love,
Narcissa

Severus had cast the letter aside on his bedside table, thinking deeply. Then, all of a sudden, he pulled open a drawer, took out a quill and ink bottle, and wrote a response.

Narcissa,
I think I want to try dating you as well. How about we meet at the dance that’s going to occur at the school in two weeks time? It’s to celebrate the seventh years graduating a few days after the event. Tell me what you think.
Always,
-Severus-

He did think Narcissa was beautiful after all.

Two weeks went by and Severus and Remus had not spoken to each other. Remus could be seen locked away in his dormitory when he wasn’t in his classes. Severus had even moved his seat in Potions class away from Remus. The werewolf had taken to staying in his dormitory for endless hours, only to be forcefully taken by his friend James outside onto the grounds for some fresh air.

Narcissa had been writing Severus daily, and he responded as often as he could. He was growing fonder of her day by day... or so he told himself.

Remus grew more and more depressed daily, he hid a razorblade he had stolen from Potions class under his mattress and often made trips to the boys’ lavatory to relieve his pain. James and his other friends had not noticed what was going on.


Please, tell me why do we build castles in the sky?


Severus woke up abruptly in the morning, yawning, to find yet another letter on his bedside table. He opened it and read:

The dance is tonight. I will finally get to see you, Severus. I can’t wait. I will be there at around five in the afternoon–wait for me in the front hall.

Love,
Narcissa

Severus smiled to himself as he tucked away the letter and got up out of bed. He headed down to breakfast, beaming, and sat down with his gang at the Slytherin table.

“Remus... are you okay?” Sirius asked concernedly; Remus was staring off into what looked like the direction of the Slytherin table.

“How could he be happy when I am so... hollow...” Remus whispered, hurt.

“Because he’s a fucking jackass who didn’t care about your feelings, that’s why.” James muttered angrily. “I’m sick of you being this way Remus, please lighten up mate. The dance is tonight you know.”

“That’s supposed to make me happy?” Remus spat. He threw down his napkin and strode out of the hall, slamming the door behind him loudly.

He had barely taken three steps when he erupted into tears again.

He trudged along the deserted halls slowly, his vision blurred from his tears, and he made his way to the lavatory.

When he reached it, he pushed open the door, ran into a stall, and pulled out a long shining silver knife from the inside pocket of his robes. Remus, shaking, fell to his knees and pulled back the sleeve of his left arm. Where there would have been smooth pale skin, there were a series of dark scars and cuts that had barely had a chance to heal. He let out a long shuddery breath and held the knife out in front of him.

“Why don’t you care anymore?” He whined helplessly. He brought the blade down to rest on his wrist and he slid it across his tender flesh. Remus closed his eyes as he felt the pain singe from his newly-formed cut.

The blood dripped down into the toilet and he opened his eyes, watching the beads of crimson roll off of his wrist and into the water. He was lost in his own world of shadow...

“Lupin-the-cutter... tisk tisk.” Came a low voice from behind him.

Remus whipped around and saw none other than Avery outside the stall. He drew out his wand and spring up.

“What to you want?” He snarled, letting the blood from his arm drip freely onto the bathroom floor.

Avery shook his head. “Remus, Remus... you know what I want. We had an unfinished battle to take care of... don’t you remember? That night before curfew.”

“That was... That was so long ago.” Remus said.

“I know, wasn’t it? You’ve always been in the company of your friends, until I was tipped off by Snape that you came in here a lot by yourself.”

“Severus?” Remus questioned softly.

The Slytherin sneered deeply and pulled out his wand.

“He told me you were a faggot, Lupin.” Avery whispered. “Are you a faggot?”

Remus paused, saying nothing. He shook his head but it was too late, he had hesitated... Avery knew.

“Crucio!”

Remus screamed. He dropped to the floor of the bathroom and it felt like his very bones were in fire as he lay there twitching on the ground. Avery’s mirthless laugh filled the room as he released the spell.

“I knew you were.” Avery spat. “The Dark Lord doesn’t like faggots. You’ll be gone soon.”

Remus pulled himself up from the floor of the bathroom and stared at Avery, he was pulling back the sleeve of his left arm.

Remus let out a cry as he saw it; the ugly form of the dark mark upon the wrist of Avery.

“Snape and the others will soon have ones to match mine.” Avery spat.

Remus shook his head, “No...”

Avery let out another laugh, “Oh yes, we do. As soon as they get out of school they’re joining his side. I was handpicked by the Dark Lord early. I am his most faithful, you see.”

Avery raised his wand above his head once more and once again Remus’s limbs were ablaze with the most excruciating pain...

“Just another thing to think about before you go ratting on us shabby boy...Or should I say... faggot.” Avery sneered, kicking Remus hard in the groin.

Avery left the room, leaving Remus there alone once more. Remus was inhaling and exhaling with great difficulty, as the pain was so horrid.

Tears fell from his eyes; his Severus was going to join the Death Eaters...