The shade of light

Title: The shade of light

Summary: Voldemort takes over Hogwarts and makes Draco his heir, but Draco spies for the light... Things get even worse whermiermione becomes his slave. He loves her but Voldemort can\'t find out about it...

*Special thanks to my lovely beta-readers: Sanji & Christi Csonka*

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Chapter 6: Crying without tears

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Hermione\'s POV

\'This is just great! Just great! I just ruined my whole plan, no wait; Draco just ruined my whole plan. How am I supposed to continue my plan when I\'m not going to talk to him ever again, screw my whole \'Know-Thy-Enemy- Plan\'. First it turned into the \'Snog-Thy-Enemy-Plan\', I thought that was bad and now it looks more like the \'Fuck-Thy-Enemy-Plan\'. Merlin! I feel so ashamed... What if someone finds out about this? I\'m going to be the slut of Hogwarts...and to think I didn\'t even get useful information. Ok I did find out that Harry\'s still alive and that Draco\'s assigned to bring him back. The only problem is that I didn\'t find out what kind of communication\'s still safe to use yet... So I\' can\'t pass the information through to the Order......Merlin I hate him. I can\'t believe he did that to me. Not that I expect something else from a filthy Slytherin, but I really thought he was different... Well apparently, I was wrong! Come to think about it, Draco and Pansy make the perfect couple! Why does this situation make me feel so bad and so angry? I never felt this angry in my entire life. How could that bitch make me her personal slave?\'

\'You didn\'t seem to mind much when you were Draco\'s...\' A little voice in her head said.

\'That was different! I did get some information when I was Draco\'s slave. I really don\'t think I\'ll get useful information from that Pansy-woman! She\'s as thick as they get! But when I think of it... I\'m sure she and Draco will live together somewhere in Hogwarts and of course Voldemort will be coming to visit them. If I play this clever, I\'ll be able to eavesdrop on them. Which means I have to become Pansy\'s personal slave after all, but it\'s a sacrifice I have to make to help the Order and I\'ll be close to Draco...\'

\'Why did I just think about that?\'

\'OK, OK, I know deep inside that I have a weak spot for him. I just don\'t know why, maybe it\'s only because he\'s so pretty yet so muscular, maybe it\'s because he was so kind to me when I was around him the last couple of days, nearly protective and caring... I don\'t know, but whatever it is... it has to go. I can\'t afford having a weakness for my second worst enemy. Not while we\'re in the middle of a war. I just can\'t. I\'m sure I\'ll get over it, now that I know what he really is-a lying bastard! He didn\'t know about his own wedding? Yeah sure. He probably planned it with Pansy, to humiliate me, only his acted failed miserably. Or he\'s such a pervert that he tells me he didn\'t know just to shag me again...was the blood-thing a lie too? If it was, I\'m going to kill myself for being so stupid.\'

Hermione looked up from her book when she heard the bedroom door open. \'He\'s back,\' she thought.

She crawled towards the door and sat against it, listening to what Draco was doing. She heard footsteps pacing around the room. \'Wonder what he\'s doing... Arg, why do I even care? I have to forget about him and what we did this morning. From now on, I\'m going to concentrate on my plan and not on Draco!\'

\'No more Draco thoughts... Think of the plan. OK... the plan... my plan has changed a bit, from now on step one will be: Make up with Draco. Not because I want to, but because I have to gather information through him. See? No wrong Draco thoughts... Although I like the step, it\'s completely necessary for my plan. Step two: Collect information through Draco without him noticing. I\'m sure he\'ll understand why I have to do this... Wait! What am I doing? I don\'t need his approval! Step three, find out what kind of communication\'s still possible. Very important step, if they or Draco finds out... I\'ll be killed. Step four, become Pansy\'s servant. I hate this step, but I have to remember it\'s for a good cause. Step five, eavesdrop on Voldemort, Draco and maybe Pansy. I have to be very careful with this step. Step six: Send all the information I\'ve gathered to The Order. I wonder if Harry\'s made it to the order already, I hope he\'s safe and-\'

Footsteps towards the bathroom door snapped her out of her thoughts.

\"Hey... Granger,\" Draco\'s voice penetrated the door.

Hermione pressed her lips together to prevent herself from answering. \'Remember,\' she told herself \'he\'s a bastard; he\'s no good, he\'s evil. Let him suffer.\'

\"I want to talk to you. I have to tell you something,\' Draco continued.

\'Just a trick\'

\"Please, let me talk to you... You are in there, right?\"

\'OK just breathe, just because he sounds desperate and concerned doesn\'t mean that he is... stay quiet...\'

\"At least give me a sign you\'re in there.\"

\'He\'s leaning against the door, maybe he thinks something happened to me. Maybe I should answer... Eh... No, I\'ll wait a little longer. I want to hear what he has to say\'

\"Ok, I\'ll just tell you what I have to say. Actually it\'s better this way, you won\'t talk to me so you can\'t interrupt me\"

\'Smartass!\'

\"I swear I didn\'t know anything about the letter. I didn\'t even know about the marriage! Actually, I hate the idea of being married to Pansy, but Voldemort wants me to. He wants me to produce an heir or something like that. As for Pansy, she\'s just jealous of you. You know she saw us... uh... you know, in the corridor after we went to see Weasley? I think that\'s the reason she went to Voldemort. Look, if I really thought of you as just a mudblood or slave I wouldn\'t be telling you this, would I?\"

\'That\'s enough! It\'s far too easy for him to blame others! Oh I did it because Voldemort wanted it to happen, I didn\'t mean to. Yeah right! If he doesn\'t think I\'m a mudblood, why is he even on the dark side!\' she thought, standing up and grabbing the book she was reading. Well she wasn\'t really reading it...

When she opened the door, Draco fell on the ground in front of her feet. \"I just want to get another book, I\'m finished with this one,\" she lied. \'What am I doing? I was about to yell at him. That would have made it worse. I have to think about the plan, not my feelings.\'

She heard him sigh behind her as she grabbed the first book she saw. \"Are you reading this?\"

\"Yes, well no. Not really,\" Draco answered. \"Did you hear a single word I said?\"

\'What an idiot!\' she thought raising her eyebrow. \"Of course I did! And I think you are weird, you know that? You\'re Voldemort\'s heir and you\'re telling me that you don\'t see me as a mudblood or slave. That\'s a little bit weird don\'t you think? I thought you liked Pansy, at least it looked that way when there was still school. You two were inseparable and now you\'re telling me you don\'t want to marry her? Also a little bit weird. Now if you would be so kind and MOVE, so I can close the door.\" She tapped impatiently with her foot, her hands on her hips. \'Woops, not a very smart move... ARG what was I supposed to do? Kiss the bastard?\'

Hermione closed the door right in front of his face. She was so mad and frustrated that she could cry.

\'Everything\'s so messed up! Voldemort has taken over Hogwarts, The one wizard he fears is probably dead, all the girls are being raped, all the guys are working, I don\'t know if school\'s going to continue, I don\'t know if Harry\'s safe, I\'m stuck in this bathroom and worst of all I just realized I care about Draco. It was so hard slamming the door into his face...\'

She heard someone knock on the front door. \'Probably Miss Perfect Pansy Malfoy\'

\"Who is it?\" She heard Draco say and moved towards the door again, to listen.

\"Who do you think it is?\" A cold voice answered. \'Is that who I think it is?\' Hermione thought, a scared feeling rushed over her and the coldness of his voice gave her goose bumps.

\"Master, you don\'t have to knock,\" Draco said.

She heard him rush to the door and open it. \'Probably kissing his Master\'s shoes\'

\"I thought maybe you were busy doing things.\"

\'UGH! That pervert!\'

\"Do you want a drink?\"

\"I wanted to see how you were doing, you left so suddenly.\"

\'Mmm, this might get interesting\'

\"I\'m doing fine,\"

\'Of course you are, just a little bit trouble getting me into your bed again\' Hermione thought, feeling the anger she felt before come back again.

\"I know you were not informed about his arrangement, but you do agree with this, right? I know Pansy isn\'t exactly your first choice... speaking of her, where is she?\"

\'He didn\'t know? I\'m his first choice? OK, now I feel bad!\' she thought burying her face in her hands. \'Please don\'t tell him where I am\'

\"She\'s with the other girls, I think.\'

\'Thank God, he didn\'t tell Voldemort where I am! I\'m feeling so bad, I totally misjudged him\'

\"You think? You can handle her, I hope.\"

\'Oh oh... Now he\'s in trouble because of me\'

\"Of course I can!\"

\'He\'s not going to believe that, darling\' Hermione thought, biting her lip.

\"I want you to do something about your weakness for that mudblood. Pansy is of good blood, she\'ll produce worthy heirs. That mudblood is nothing. You do something, or I\'ll get rid of her. Understand?\"

Hermione swallowed. \'I\'m Draco\'s weakness?\'

\"Yes, Master.\"

\"You know, I would like to see for myself what is so special about this mudblood. I would like to borrow her sometime, just for a night or so. It\'s a shame I already picked out the ones I want for tonight and tomorrow night, maybe later, alright?\"

Hermione gasped and had to cover her mouth with her hand to prevent her from screaming. \'No, no! Please no. If that happens, I\'ll kill myself\'

\"Alright,\"

\nks nks for the drink, Draco. I want to be proud of you, make me proud, or pay. The price will be the mudblood, you understand?\"

\'I didn\'t know Draco had to go through this every day... he must be so scared.\'

Hermione heard a glass break and a loud thumb. \'Voldemort\'s gone. I\'m sorry if I disgrace myself now, but I can\'t take this. Dracotecotected me, which means he\'s different after all.\'

She opened the door, seeing Draco sitting on the ground a step away from the door. He looked so vulnerable sitting there like that. Slowly and softly, she walked up to him. He didn\'t notice at all. He looked so miserable. She couldn\'t stop herself from caressing his hair and giving him a kiss on his forehead.

*

\"Hermione\" He said softly, while looking absolutely miserable.

She smiled weakly, \"I owe you an apology.\"

Draco shook his head, \"I wouldn\'t have believed myself either. I still am a Death Eater and a heir of evil, what can you expect...\"

\"You\'re in trouble, aren\'t you?\" Hermione whispered, as she sat next to him on the floor.

Draco nodded, \"My Master\'s questioning my loyalty. He knows my weakness, and I\'m sure he wont hesitate to delete it if I don\'t do my work properly.\"

Hermione gulped, \"Delete?\"

\"Killing,\" Draco answered almost whispering. \"Did you hear our conversation?\"

\"Not all of it,\" she lied; noticing Draco was becoming a bit uncomfortable.

\"Oh..\" Was all Draco managed to say. \'She probably knows about my feelings for her by now... I wonder what she thinks about me...\' He turned to her to say something, but noticed that there was something wrong with her. She had a troubled look in her eyes and she was biting her nails, as if she was very nervous. \"Hermione? What wrong?\" he asked

\"Draco, I...\" She trailed off, looking away from him.

\"What?\" he asked again. Trying to catch her eye, but she avoided his.

\"Never mind,\" she said, standing up and walking away from him.

Draco frowned and decided to stand up as well. He walked up to her as she stood before the window. \"Hermione, just tell me what\'s wrong.\" he insisted.

She massaged her temples and turned around. \"I heard the part where Voldemort said he was going to rape me and get rid of me...\" she said, blinking her eyes to fight back the tears. \"I\'m so scared, because I know you can\'t and won\'t deny him that.\" When she finished, she had stopped fighting the tears and they were freely flowing out of her eyes, over her cheeks. \"Everything is just so hopeless. I don\'t know how my friends are doing... I have a feeling Voldemort has killed all the teachers, together with Dumbledore. I got you into trouble and I\'m about to become Pansy\'s servant.\" \'My plan isn\'t working at all and I think I care about you, which is probably the worst problem I have\' She added mentally.

\"Whatever happens, I know you\'ll survive it. You\'re strong.\" Draco smiled. He wanted to say more, but he knew he couldn\'t. He couldn\'t tell her he was on her side, not now that Voldemort had pulled her into his mess.

\"Strong? This is the, I don\'t know, 5th time I cried in your presence and you think I\'m strong? You must think I\'m the most pathetic little girl you\'ve ever met.\" she tried to smile, whipping away her tears.

\"Although my father always told me that crying is for the weak... I think crying is healthy, if you hide your sadness inside you\'ll become insane.\" Draco said, pulling Hermione into a hug.

\"But you never cry...\" Hermione said, automatically putting her arms around Draco as well.

\"I do cry sometimes, just without the tears,\" he said, pulling her more tightly against him.

They stood there holding each other for a couple of minutes, while thoughts were spinning in their heads; thoughts about Voldemort, the wedding, the order, but mainly about each other.

\"What are you going to do?\" Hermione asked hoarsely, breaking the silence and their hug.

Draco sighed and walked over to the couch. He sat down, motioning Hermione to do the same. When she sat down next to him, he said, \"There\'s not much I can do.\"

\"About what?\" she asked, pulling up her legs and putting her head on top of her knees.

\"Everything\" Draco said so softly, it was nearly a whisper. \"I must obey Voldemort, or I\'ll get killed. I must marry Pansy, or we both get killed. I must let you become Pansy\'s servant or Voldemort\'s slave, or we\'ll probably both get killed... So I\'ll have to marry Pansy, not only to save me...\"

\"I don\'t understand how you\'re able to survive all this. Why don\'t you leave that bastard? I mean, you won\'t be able to have a normal live because of him. He forces you into a marriage; he threatens you all the time... Why don\'t you come to our side?\" Hermione asked, grabbing Draco\'s hand in the progress. \'It\'s worth a try...\'

Draco sighed, \"It\'s not that simple to leave... No one just leaves, he\'ll track you down and kill you. Besides, I was raised to be a Death Eater.\" \'How much I want to tell you the truth... I\'m so sorry, Hermione. Things would be so much easier between us if you knew...\'

Hermione let go of Draco\'s hand. \"Just know that I\'ll be waiting for you to come to my side. I know you don\'t belong here, between them. And if you do, we\'ll protect you against Voldemort. I promise.\" With that she stood up and kissed Draco on his forehead again. After that, she walked towards the bed and let herself drop on top of it.

Draco, who had a crying-without-tears moment, let out a deep sigh. \'If she only knew...\'

*

Over an hour had passed since Hermione had tried to pursuade him, neither of them had talked during that hour. Hermione had been reading a book and Draco had been drinking a glass of white wine, while going through some papers Voldemort had send him. At 6:30, the house elf delivered their dinner.

\"Do you want to eat something?\" he asked, suddenly standing up.

Hermione sat up and said, \"Yeah, I\'m starving\"

Draco smiled and handed her a plate filled with food and a fork and knife. \"You can eat here.\" he said, walking back to the table, where his plate stood.

\"No, I\'ll eat with you.\" she said, walking behind him towards the table and sitting down on one of the chairs.

They both ate in silence, glancing at each other and flushing when one caught the other. It was an awkward kind of silence, as if they both wanted to say something, but neither of them knew what to say. Draco noticed Hermione was eating very fast and had the feeling she wasn\'t feeling comfortable eating dinner with him as if they were a couple. He felt his hart ache a little bit when he thought about what was going to happen. \'If Pansy and I would get married, Hermione would be Pansy\'s servant. Knowing Pansy, she would do everything in her power to get me away from Hermione and make Hermione jealous... I doubt if Hermione would even become jealous of Pansy. After all, she did hear Voldemort say that she was my first choice, but she never said a word about it... As if she didn\'t want to hear it. Not that Pansy would care, she\'ll drag me around as if I\'m a price she won... I hope the war is going to be over before that! And that I\'ll be dead and buried before I have to have sex with that woman...\'

When they were both finished eating Hermione announced, \"I\'m going to bed, I\'m very tired.\"

\"Me too\" Draco said, standing up and walking towards the couch. He thought it would be better not to sleep in his bed. He sat down and began to take off his shoes. When he was finished, he grabbed one of the cushions on the couch and noticed that Hermione was eyeing him oddly.

Hermione frowned. \"What are you doing?\" she asked, while standing up as well. She had been following his actions since he walked towards the couch.

\"Going to sleep.\" he yawned, lying down on the couch.

\"On the couch?\" shked,ked, completely stunned.

Draco nodded. \"Good night.\"

She walked towards the bed and undressed herself, making sure Draco wasn\'t watching her. She watched Draco toss and turn uncomfortable on the couch and rolled her eyes. \"For Merlin\'s sake, this is insane! I can\'t watch this, come into the bed!\" She exclaimed, getting into the bed herself.

Draco, who didn\'t expect this, was completely stunned. He didn\'t move an inch until she pulled the sheets back for him. He stood up. \"I didn\'t know you wanted me in your bed so badly.\" He smirked, walking up to the bed.

Hermione rolled her eyes, \"Don\'t flatter yourself. It\'s because you defended me when Voldemort was here.\"

Draco mock pouted and crawled into the bed. \"Good night again.\"

\"Good night and stay on you side,\" Hermione warned, turning away from him.

He watched her back for a long time. He wondered if they would have had a chance together if Hermione had known where his loyalty really was. He knew it was going to be hard. He had to marry Pansy and leave Hermione. He and Hermione couldn\'t speak to each other like they did here anymore. Pansy would try to keep him away from Hermione, scared to lose him to Hermione. What she didn\'t know is that she already did. His heart ached when he thought about the way he had to treat Hermione. He would have to order Hermione around to convince Pansy and Voldemort. Huld uld have to do everything to get Voldemort\'s trust back, without harming Hermione. Maybe even by producing an heir, although he got utterly disgusted with the idea. \'Have sex with Pansy? UGH! That is my worst nightmare coming true and what if I do produce an heir... I\'ll be stuck with that baby when the war is over. If it\'s ever going to be over... I\'m afraid I\'ll go mad if this war doesn\'t end soon.\'

He watched Hermione turn in her sleep. He saw her angelic face, lightened by the moonlight. She looked as though she was so far away from this whole mess. As if she had no troubles... She said she would wait for him... if only she would wait for him until the war was over... And that seemed like forever...

~*~

You light up another cigarette

And I pour the wine

It\'s four o\'clon thn the morning

And it\'s starting to get light.

Now I\'m right were I want to be

Losing track of time

But I wish that it was still last night. (He means last morning ^.^)

~

You look like you\'re in another world

But I can read your mind

How can you be so far away?

Lying by my side

When I go away I\'ll miss you

And I will be thinking of you

Every night and day just...

~

Promise me you\'ll wait for me

\'cause I\'ll be saving all my love for you

and I will be home soon

Promise me you\'ll wait for me

I need to know you feel the same way too

and I\'ll be home, I\'ll be home soon

~

When I go away I\'ll miss you

And I will be thinking of you

Every night and day just...

~

Promise me you\'ll wait for me

\'Cause I\'ll be saving all my love for you

And I will be home soon

Promise me you\'ll wait for me

I need to know you feel the same way too

And I\'ll be home, I\'ll be home soon.

~*~

By: Beverley Craven

That\'s it for now. I won\'t be updating for at least three weeks, because I\'m going away to Mozambique on Sunday. When I get back, my school starts the very next day. Knowing myself, I will write in Mozambique, but there\'s no computer to update. I promise to update as soon as possible. Please Review, they make me so happy! Big Hug, Cherish