How To Disappear Completely

How To Disappear Completely by KerryMuggle

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of this - yada yada yada blah blah blah. It’s all been said before.

“Bedshaped” from the album “Hopes and Fears” by Keane. I listened to their music throughout the writing of this chapter and highly recommend them.


Chapter 6: Bedshaped


“And I don’t understand the same things as you do. But I do.”


She was out 72 hours now. Madame Pomfrey was always monitoring to make sure that she was doing fine. Most of the bruising seemed to be healing well, but the burn marks left scars that could almost easily be hidden. Still, the most disturbing remnant was the line across her throat.

The medi-witch decided to burn the sheets the former student was on rather than try to wash the blood out off. She noticed Hermione wearing a necklace and removed it for the time being. The dress was a matter she didn’t feel she had a right to decide over. She knew that Hermione wouldn’t want to keep it, but still, it wasn’t her choice.

Hermione Granger had numerous visitors in those 3 days. Harry Potter was a constant with her and at times broke down in tears apologizing for no clear reason. He would often rehash their adventures when they were students while mixing in pleas of her coming back to them all. When he couldn’t stay, he acquired a music box he charmed to play when no one else was in the infirmary - to somehow implant the idea that she wasn’t alone. He heard of some of the muggle bands she liked and had their music charmed into the box. Madame Pomfrey tolerated it for the most part.

Severus had been by the day before and noticed Ginny Weasley there with Draco Malfoy. Somehow, there was a comfort to be found in holding the hand of one who is passed out. He noticed that and laughed a bit at the sappiness of it. What comfort could come to her from that display? He visited out of respect. Her condition was improving he noticed and any day now she would awaken. If there was one thing he refused to do though was to sit next to her like everyone else had done. If alone, he would stand in front of the bed, at her feet, and watch her slumber. After a few moments, he would be gone. He, like everyone else, wanted her to wake up, but at the same time he feared what her reaction would be to it all.

The remaining aurors at the Karnstein manor were brought into Azkaban - Indra included. She was silent in her ministrations from what he heard and refused to see anyone. All that was left to them would be the Dementors Kiss. Severus thought that merciful compared to what he had seen in the last few days. Still, his concern didn’t lie with Death Eaters. The school year was going to be starting in two weeks and he had plenty of work to do besides wait for some silly chit to wake up.

Hermione Granger was now out for 96 hours. While in his chambers, he made mental lists of just what needed to be done for the time being before a new batch of dunderheads started Hogwarts. He spoke briefly with Neville Longbottom and although the new Herbology professors fear of him had stifled for the most part, Severus still felt he a bit of the upper hand. Credit deserved to be given where it was due - and in the case of Mr. Longbottom, it was due with his research and knowledge of the subject. They talked briefly of Miss Granger and Neville rehashed one of the many memories of Hermione helping him in Potions. The thought reminded Severus that he needed to visit the girl.

Three hours later, he made his way to the infirmary and as he walked into it, heard the charmed music box that Potter had set up for her in a pathetic attempt to keep her company. It was laughable, but at the same time, he admired the fact that she had such devoted friends.

The box stopped playing as soon as he reached her bed. She was still. He watched the rise and fall of her chest. The breathing that was once labored was now in a fluid motion. His vision lingered to the scar on her neck. How on earth she survived that baffled him. The silence in the room was unbearable and he gave into the thought of being one of the many who sat next to her. The chair was still there, just waiting to be filled.

He sat in the chair and observed his former student. There was still a trace of the black eye that would remain for another day or two on her face. Dumbledore told him of what Pomfrey did in burning the sheets. While it was rather symbolic, he thought it a bit tacky to say the least. He knew that she wouldn’t take comfort in that. He began to wonder what she would take comfort in. Her parents were dead. He was pretty sure that whatever plans she had in terms of furthering her education would no doubt be put off for now. It would be foolish for a mind like hers to immediately jump into work in order to deny what happened to her, but he taught her for seven years, that was exactly what she would do.

The more and more he tried to decipher what her possible thoughts would be, he berated himself for even wasting his time in that. But the temptation to do what everyone else was doing overwhelmed him. He looked at her left wrist which had the visible circular burn marks on them. He lightly traced his finger over them, feeling their texture and letting it run over her vein.

The urge was too strong - a calling almost and he decided to let go and give in. He grasped her hand in his, feeling the soft skin and running his thumb over her knuckles. The feeling was one he quickly grew accustomed to and relished in, even though a part of him was angry that such an action could bring out the “softie” in him. He would be the first to admit that ever since the war ended, he was able to lighten up a bit, not be such a “pompous ass” as many of his students called him. But still, he held high expectations with both his students and himself. It was the only way to go about things he felt.

Before he could fully scold himself, he heard a moan. He immediately released her hand and looked at her face. She was beginning to stir and Severus knew that he should have gone to Poppy’s office to notify her, but he didn’t. He just watched as her eyes slowly opened.

“Miss Granger?” Severus asked.

She turned her gaze to him and remained silent for a few more moments.

“Am I at Hogwarts?” she whispered.

“Yes. You’ve been here for four days.”

She tried to sit up but winced as she steadied herself but still sat up even though it was visible that it hurt her a bit.

“You may be a bit sore from some of your injuries. Madame Pomfrey did what she could.”

Hermione didn’t seem to be paying attention as she looked around.

“Is there anything I can get you?” Severus asked, surprised at the kindness in his voice.

“Could I have some water please?”

Severus transfigured a vase with flowers into glass of water and handed it to her. He watched as she drank it all down and reached to put in on a table Dumbledore had put into the room to hold the music box. She once again winced a bit as she reached. After she placed the glass on the table, her hand flew to her chest as she felt desperately for the necklace her mother gave her. Panic was evident on her face as she tried to find it.

“Where is it? My necklace. My mother gave it to me.............I need to find it.”

Severus, still seated, looked around and found it bundled up behind the music box. Before he could get to it, Hermione spotted it and grabbed it in a hurry. She unraveled the chain and clutched onto it, her hands shaking the whole time as she fumbled with the clasp numerous times. Her hands shaking so much, it was almost impossible for her to undo it.

“Damn bloody chain” she mumbled as she fumbled with it some more.

“Miss Granger....” Severus said as he lightly touched her hand, regretting it immediately when she flinched away from him, “please allow me” as she slowly handed him the necklace and he undid the clasp. His fingers lightly grazed her skin and noticed how cold it had become in those few moments. She picked up her hair and let him wrap the sapphire around her.

“Thank you.” she whispered looking downward.

“You’re welcome.” he spoke softly, not realizing that Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were walking into the infirmary.

“Ah, Miss Granger, I see that you’re awake! You gave us quiet a scare there for a while.” Dumbledore added.

“How are you feeling my dear?” Minerva asked.

“I’m fine.” she replied, appearing not fully aware of what happened to her.

“Do......do you know what happened to you?” she asked, afraid that the girl may have blocked out the painful memories.

“I.....watched them kill my parents. They........they......raped and beat me.....” Hermione began to say as she nonchalantly traced her fingers over the scar running across her neck. She tried to keep herself composed as her eyes began to well up. “I want to see Harry!” she cried as Madame Pomfrey walked out of her office and up to the bed.

“We’ll inform Mr. Potter of your request, but you should catch some more rest. You don’t want to strain yourself now do you.” Dumbledore said.

“No! I want to get out of this bloody bed and walk around! And how can you speak to me of what I want? Can you bring my parents back? Can you tell the Ministry that they truly fucked up on this one? Can you make this disappear, she asked as she pointed to her neck. How dare you speak of what is best for me when you don’t have any idea of what I’ve been through the past few days. They should have just killed me and gotten it over with!” Hermione said as she began to kick the sheets and motioned to place her feet on the floor.

“Now now dear, you can’t get all fussed up! There may still be some internal damage.” Madame Pomfrey spoke.

“DON’T CALL ME DEAR OR HONEY OR BABY!!!! SHE WOULD SAY THOSE THINGS. SHE.....SHE........” Hermione yelled as she was starting to lose her energy.

Severus immediately knew who “she” was.

“‘She’ has been captured Miss Granger and is in Azkaban awaiting the Dementor’s Kiss.” Severus replied, trying to calm the girl down.

Hermione sat on the bed and tried to compose herself. Even though she had four days of rest, there were circles under her eyes that didn’t have a sparkle of a girl filled with life. She let Madame Pomfrey lay her back on the bed and gave her a sedative potion to calm her down a bit.

“Severus, I would like a word with you in my office whenever you’re free.” Dumbledore asked.

“I’ll stop by whenever I can.” Severus replied tersely.

“I’ll go inform Mr. Potter and the Weasley’s of Miss Granger’s wake. Mr. Malfoy is visiting The Burrow too if memory serves me correct.” Minerva said as she walked out after the Headmaster.

Madame Pomfrey approached Severus and kept her voice low. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind brewing up some extra dreamless sleep draught. It wouldn’t surprise me if Miss Granger will consume most of my supply.”

Before she walked away towards her office, Severus told her he would start working on it after his meeting with Dumbledore. He realized that, once again, he was the only one in the infirmary. As he approached her bed, she was still awake, staring into blank space. He turned to walk away when he heard her speak, not necessarily to him.

“I won’t be able to have children will I?” she asked.

“I’m afraid not. Madame Pomfrey did what she could, but not everything could be salvaged.” he said, not turning to face her.

“Well, it looks like she did succeed in her check list.” he heard her say as he walked away.

...........................................................................................................................................

“Are you mad?!” Severus asked Dumbledore as he clutched a glass of firewhiskey. “The girl just woke up and you already have plans for her that have not input from her whatsoever!”

“I think once she is in her right state of mind, she’ll be open to my idea. It wouldn’t hurt if you stood by me in it also.”

“You want me to take her on as an apprentice for Potions! You damn well know that I don’t mess with that crap! I don’t have time deal with an assistant, let alone one who has just been through the train wreck that she has been through.”

“I think she would do well under your tutelage.”

“The girl was going to be an auror from what I’ve heard. Why should she waste her time with me? Better yet, why would she want to waste her time in auror training! A girl like that is better suited for research.”

“Miss Granger was highly interested in taking on multiple subjects at a wizarding university after auror training. She has always been good at multi-tasking. That time turner was mastered pretty well in her third year. Besides, you and I both know that she was one of the best students in Potions. The girl has a gift and under your watch, it will develop to more.”

Severus felt as if Dumbledore were trying to set him up for something. His grimace was visible on his face and he looked at the twinkle in Dumbledore’s eye before saying, “What are you up to? These past few days you’ve been awfully suspicious with your actions pertaining to me and Miss Granger and I don’t like it. You sent me to find her, when you know that my strong points are in battle. Now you’re suggesting that I take her on as an apprentice!”

Dumbledore sat down across from his Potions Master. He gave him a look this time, not of mischief, but of seriousness. “After hearing about your dreams involving Miss Granger, I couldn’t help but wonder if the two of you have some sort of connection.”

“It was a dream for Merlin’s sake!” Severus berated.

“Dreams, you mean Severus. As much as you may hate to admit it, I believe there is a connection. I know you respect her, even though you’re not too fond of her. She needs something stable to grasp onto right now.”

“Oh yes, I am the poster child for stability Albus! Why not just send her to the Weasley’s or something. She can knit with Molly!”

“She will want to learn.” Albus replied. “She will have some creature comforts with Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, and maybe even Minerva and I.”

“Well have Minerva take her on as an apprentice!”

“Because her scores for Potions were some of the highest this school has ever seen. Even higher than yours I recollect.” Albus said with a hint of humor.

“Thanks for twisting the knife in the wound Albus. Why not let her decide. It wouldn’t surprise me if she wanted to leave this world all together.”

“Just think about it for a while Severus. She would take over your first and second year classes - giving you more time for research. She could help you brew potions.”

“She could be the irritable Gryffindor know-it-all that she has been since the day she first stepped foot onto this school! I may have a little more patience and tolerance now that the war is over, but with that girl, I don’t think that will be possible!”

“All I ask is that you just think about it for a while. It will ultimately be her decision in the end.”

“I take it you will want me to offer her the position?” Severus asked with bitterness in his voice.

“That would be nice.”

“Where would she stay? You honestly don’t think that I would share my chambers with her.”

“Severus, sacrifices will need to me made.”

“She can stay in the bloody Gryffindor house!”

“Now now. You’re making too big a deal out of this! I’m not asking you to marry the girl.”

“You’re selling something close to it!” Severus bit back. He suddenly stood up and started for the door. “I have to brew some more dreamless sleep draught for Poppy. I’ll think about your proposition.” he said without looking back and walked out of the door.

Albus Dumbledore relaxed into his chair, a glimpse of relief in his eyes.


...........................................................................................................................................

Hermione sat up in the infirmary bed, reading one of her old textbooks which she asked Minerva to bring her to cure the boredom. She had heard that the school would be quiet for just a few more days, so she tried not to take it for granted. Every now and then, she would get up and walk around the infirmary to calm her nerves, but she still felt sore in some places.

She heard footsteps approaching and looked up to see Harry Potter walk into the infirmary carrying with him a box of sweets from Honeydukes. Hermione nearly jumped out of her bed to meet him in the middle, but waited until he reached her bed and hugged her as if he hadn’t seen her in a year.

“I’m so happy that you’re safe.” Harry said.

“It’s good to hear your voice.” Hermione said, trying to choke back the tears. “There were a lot of things I didn’t think I would see or hear again.”

Harry sat in the chair next to her bed and handed her the box of sweets.

“Thank you. I’m afraid I don’t have much of an appetite right now.”

“I had them mix it up for you. There’s a little bit of everything. So, how are you?” Harry asked.

“Boy, you go straight for the jugular don’t you? I’m fine. I just can’t stand being stuck here. I feel like I’m in a bloody prison!”

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do now? Auror training is going to start any day now you know.”

“I’m no longer interested in that for some strange reason. That time, at that place, it just made me re-evaluate some things I thought I wanted if I.........survived. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what I want or what to do and it frightens me. I can’t stay here and hide from the rest of the world.”

“I took the liberty of going to your house with Draco and Ginny. Most, if not all of your family’s possessions were burned. The Death Eaters set your house on fire after they.......well, you know.”

“Thanks.” was all Hermione could say.

“We found this picture.” Harry said as he pulled out a black and white photo of the three of them taken the summer before her seventh year. They were traveling in Italy.

Hermione immediately smiled as she held the picture. “Thank you. I really do appreciate it.”

“You know, you could take a break. Molly is constantly talking about you visiting and spending some time at The Burrow.”

“That sounds lovely, but I want to devote some time to my studies. It would be nice to have something to focus on besides chasing gnomes. Where are Draco and Ginny?”

“I don’t know. I think the two of them have a little something going on. Ever since the war ended, they’ve been spending a lot of time together. You think they’re seeing each other?”

“You’re guess is as good as mine. Ron would flip if that were true!”

“Oh, I can so easily see that temper flaring!” Harry said as he and Hermione started laughing a bit at the thought. Then it dawned on them, that he was no longer there to laugh along with the joke.

The two talked for another hour before Harry had to leave to return to The Burrow. He promised to come visit Hermione soon and asked her to owl him as soon as she decided on what her next move would be.

She would get visits that day from both Ginny and Draco (who both arrived separately) but didn’t question the theory that the two of them were seeing each other. It was nice to look at them again and speak to them again, forgetting what had transpired in the last few days. Oddly enough, no one brought up what had happened to her. She was relieved at not having to rehash it all.

The boredom was quickly catching up with her, during stages where she would sleep for a little while and then occupy her mind with reading. Anything to keep her mind off of her days as a voodoo doll for Indra Karnstein and her Death Eaters. She drifted off into a light sleep when she began to feel the chill that was the room. The goosebumps rose on her skin and she felt the linen of her dress shift across her skin. The face of Mr. Derevko began to descend upon her when she suddenly shot up in her bed and faced Severus Snape.

“I see you’re awake.” Severus said as he took a seat next to her.

Hermione eyed the room, making sure that she and her former professor were the only ones in there.

“Are you alright Miss Granger?” he asked, suspicion arising in his tone.

“I’m fine.” she whispered.

“I promise not to keep you long. Albus has been thinking about you and has come up with an idea for what we can do to continue your education.”

“I like the company. It stops the dark thoughts from coming back.” she said, her eyes still roaming the infirmary.

Severus lingered a bit on her last words, but he didn’t have time to think much of it. “We all know that you are intending to start training as an auror. Are you still interested in that particular field?” he asked with a soft deadliness to it.

“No. I.....I have so many things swimming through my head and I thought I wanted to be an auror, but I think my experience with those who were so inexperienced gave me a different perspective on it. I think I would be happy focusing on something else.”

Severus sighed a bit in relief. She was too smart for a job as an auror. She deserved better. “Albus and I were discussing what could be done to aide in your quest for further education. He recommended, upon looking at your Potions scores, that I take you on as an apprentice. That is, of course, if you would like to pursue the position. I’m just merely suggesting it.”

Hermione’s face lit up a bit at the thought of having something to focus on for the time being. “I would be honored to pursue further studies. But, don’t you think it a bit rash?”

“Rash?!?!” he questioned.

“To state it bluntly - you hate me. For seven years Harry, Ron, and I were the bane of your existence. The idea of you taking me on as an apprentice is a bit silly don’t’ you think?”

“Well, forgive me for offering you a chance to continue your studies.”

“That isn’t what I meant!!” Hermione stated, her voice rising. “You made it no secret for the past seven years that I was an ‘insufferable know-it-all.’ Why would you be even remotely interested in taking me on when we both know that you would much rather devote your time to other things.”

Severus took a few moments to think of his response, her eyes never looking up at his. This girl knew him too well and it frightened him a bit. She looked tired and in need of some sun on her skin.

“I’ll be the first to admit that I was a bit unfair in my past ministrations with you, Mr. Potter and Weasley. The times were dangerous as you and I both know. But if there is one thing I want you to know is that I, above everything else, respect and admire your intellect and hunger for knowledge. You’ve put many to shame in so many areas and potions research would highly benefit from a mind like yours.”

“Was that hard to admit aloud?” Hermione questioned.

“It’s never hard to admit if it is the truth.”

“I don’t know if you would be able to answer this question, but, what was done with my parents bodies?” Hermione asked, quickly changing the subject.

“The Ministry informed us that they were given a proper burial in London.”

“Will I be able to visit them?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know if it would be too safe right now. There are still some Death Eaters loose after we invaded the Karnstein home. We are not too sure if they would try to seek revenge.”

“Of course.” Hermione spoke in quiet anger. “Plans within plans.”

“I don’t know what I could say that would make it more comforting for you, but it is what must be done for now.”

“You never yielded to comfort any of your students for seven years, so I don’t see why you would do so now Professor. Maybe I don’t need comfort. Maybe I need a good dose of reality.”

Getting a bit impatient, he went back to the subject at hand. “Would you like the apprenticeship Miss Granger? I cannot guarantee that it will always be exciting, but you will be able to teach first and second years and help me in research if it’s any consolation.”

Hermione was silent for a few moments before she looked her former Potions apprentice in the eyes and said, “I would really like that. Where would I reside?”

“Albus has recommended you stay in my quarters. You will have your own room and whatnot.”

The look on Hermione’s face was a bit annoyed, but Severus expected it nonetheless.

“I’m not too fond of sharing my quarters if you must know. It is only from Albus’ suggestion and if you so please to stay with the Griffyndors, take it up with Dumbledore.” and with that Severus stood up.

“I must be going now. I bid you good day.” he said as he walked away.

Hermione didn’t say anything as she watched her former Potions professor walk away. Her only thoughts were those of how interesting a year it would be.