Love Potion Number Five

Disclaimer: Blippity, Bloppity, Legality Mince. Yeah, that made no sense.
But I don’t own ‘em, never have, never will. Though I’d certainly not mind a blow-up,
life-sized Malfoy for . . . whatever holiday comes next! Or… you know, the real thing
wouldn’t hurt either! *wink* All joking aside, credit for characters and the whole
wizarding setting goes to the lovely, the creative, the NON-porn Potter writer, JK
Rowling and Co.

Branwyns Tears are also copyrighted by Laurel K Hamilton, creative, sexy, amazing
porn writer that she is. No money’s being made, and I have nothing but a few poop-
filled litter boxes and a semi-melted computer. Please don’t sue.

By the way… this chapter also contains a small amount of “fat man and an animal”
bestiality. Though… just a smidge!


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Chapter 6

“Turn to page 637.”

Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged glances and settled upon their stools in the
cool dank of the dungeons. Dropping his bag onto the table, Harry pulled out his
potions book, and idly flipped through the pages. As he skimmed over the page on
slugworts and werethistle thorns, he leaned forward to peer closely at the diagram
at the top of the page. Under the heading, “On Love Magiks” was a floating figure
clothed in what appeared to be a white diaper. Ron quickly turned his laugh into a
cough, while Harry fought to hide his own smirk. Giving both boys the finger, the
miniature cupid broke his bow in half before stomping on his baby-like feet to
Section Three of the potions book, where there were several elixirs meant to
increase more than just the size of your muscles.

“From now until we break for Christmas in December, we shall be studying the art of
what is commonly known as the “love potion.” Staring down several giggles, Snape
continued, “You will learn about the Devotion Drought, the Adamo Fidelitas elixir, and
Branwyn’s Tears. As you all know, brewing a love potion for any reason other than
this particular class is punishable by expulsion from this school and the destruction
of your wand. I trust you’ll need no further motivation to refrain from extra-curricular
use. Read the chapter beginning on page 637. I expect 11 inches on the symptoms
of the five major love potions by next class. You may begin now.”

Snape folded his arms about him, robes draping ominously, as he began to pace his
way through the class. Now and again, Harry could hear a muffled squeak coming
from Justin Finchfletchy’s direction every time the professor glowered over him.

“Blimey, he’s nearly as bad as Neville, Harry!” The two boys snickered at Ron’s
comment, and continued skimming through the rather longish chapter before them.

“Eww, Ron look!” Harry had flipped one of the last pages, to reveal the little cupid
he’d earlier insulted happily fornicating with a sheep while several scandalized ladies
pouted, and another cheered the fat little man on.

“Oh, gross! Lookit ‘im go with that thing! And, Harry… d’you reckon… that sheep
looks like she’s… enjoying herself?” Ron pulled a long face as Harry put his nose to
the page.

“Naw, Ron… I don’t think -she- is… but I thought boy sheep had horns?”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “They’re called ‘Rams’ Harry, honestly! And no, the young,
un-matured rams don’t necessarily have horns yet.” Shaking her head to a chorus
of ‘Gross!’ and ‘That’s bloody nasty, that is!’ Hermione bent her own nose back to
her book and continued the rather fascinating section written on something called
Branwyn’s Tears.

Apparently, according to “Potions, Brews, and Elixirs, Grade 7” by Libby Libation,
Branwyn’s Tears were some sort of elixir that had originally been created by the
Unseelie Sidhe of the Faerie court. Hermione made a mental note to do a bit of
research about the Sidhe before her attention was caught by Harry’s urgent stare
and swift kick to her ankle under the desk.

Looking up at him as she rubbed her now sore leg, the Gryffindor Head Girl nodded as
Harry asked them both to meet him in the Library before lunch. As the dismissal bell
rang, Harry, Ron, and Hermione gathered up their belongings. Hermione gave a quick
wave to Luna before hurrying off to Arithmancy as Ron and Harry caught up with
Justin Finchfletchy, making their way to Divination.

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At the end of their final lessons before lunch, Harry reminded Ron to meet him and
Hermione in the library, and made a short detour up to Gryffindor tower for his
invisibility cloak. As he hurried down the stairs from his door room, cloak trailing in one
hand, he caught a glimpse of ginger hair over the back of one of the common room
chairs. Not paying attention, Harry’s feet got caught up in the cloak on the last few
steps, and instead of striding over suavely as he’d imagined, he ended up toppling off
the staircase, rolling to a stop at the side of the chair where he’d seen Ginny studying.

“Oh, hi Harry.” Ginny did a double take. “What in Merlin’s name are you doing down
there?” Grinning, she put down her books, and went to help him to his feet. The cloak
however, was still wrapped about Harry’s ankles, and when she’d helped him up, he
went to take a step, sprawling to the floor once more. This time, he accidentally
knocked Ginny over with him. Ignoring the laughter of the other students in the
common room, they both struggled with the cloak and each other.

When they’d finally gained their feet once more, Harry held the cloak over one arm,
hoping that it hid the obvious tenting in his school robes and trousers. Brushing his
unruly black hair out of his eyes, he smiled and thanked her for her help, and fled the
common room, heading toward the library.

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Harry met his friends at their table on the far side of the library, almost hidden from
view by the rows of books. Brushing aside a few stray cobwebs, he settled into the
third seat.

“What’s up, mate?” Ron leaned against the table, sucking on one of the candies he’d
won from Harry on the train ride to school, during a game of exploding snap.

Harry leaned forward and began to whisper, “Got a note from Hagrid. Says he wants
us to meet him at his cabin after lunch, and to bring as much food as we can. I figured
we could kip down to the kitchens, get something from the house elves, and be on our
way before everybody’s even got to the Great Hall. I’ll keep myself under the cloak,
and you two can make like you’re on your way somewhere together without me. That
way, anybody’d be less likely to think we’re… ‘up to something’ as Snape would say.”

Nodding their agreement, all three rose to their feet almost simultaneously, and left the
library. They passed the last towering shelf of books, and Harry slipped the cloak
around his shoulders and over his head, disappearing from view.

When they arrived before the large painting at the entrance to the kitchen, Ron and
Hermione leaned against the wall as a group of first years scurried by, talking
nonchalantly. After the giggling girls had passed, Harry tickled the pear in the lower
corner, and all three slipped behind the painting and into the kitchens. Harry pulled the
cloak off of his shoulders as the first house elf bowed into sight.

“Sirs and miss, welcome! What can we be doing for you, sirs and miss?” More of the
house elves appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, all happily bowing and greeting the
three students. Ron and Harry exchanged glances as they watched Hermione struggle
to hide a scowl at the elves’ servile attitude.

“We’d er, like some food please. Rather a lot, if you don’t mind…”

The house elves parted like water, and seconds later large trays of sweet hams and
juicy quail were dashing toward them, held high above the elves’ heads. “Sirs and miss,
we is packing the food into a basket for you, and we is including jam tarts and spotted
dick, and cold chicken and three jars of pumpkin juice, sirs and miss! Would sirs and
miss be wanting anything more? We is happy to be getting cream tarts and some hot
bread for sirs and miss if they likes.”

Before Hermione could politely turn down the offer of more food, Ron nodded
enthusiastically. “And some of this morning’s rashers, if you got ‘em! And maybe some
treacle pudding, and butter beer!”

Soon, a basket the size of a rather large dog was placed in front of them, filled to the
brim with food and drink. After lots of waves, thank-you’s, and asking the other house
elves to say hi to Dobby for them, Harry, Ron, and Hermione began dragging the
enormous basket back to the hall.

Pausing just behind the portrait, Harry covered himself in his cloak once more, and
tried to lift the basket. Grunting with the effort, Hermione and Ron exchanged wry
glances as they watched him slowly re-appear, invisibility cloak pooling on the floor at
his feet. Both friends grinned as Harry raised his purpled face to them, eyes bugging
out slightly.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake! Wingardium Leviosa!” With a swish and a flick from
Hermione, the basket was suddenly tottering in the air on its own, floating about a foot
off the ground. Grinning, Harry twitched the invisibility cloak back over himself and the
basket, and guided it out from behind the portrait, following his friends.

As they made their way through the halls and down the staircases, Harry was careful
not to bump anyone, but it was twice as hard while maneuvering the laden basket at
the same time. Therefore, it wasn’t until he literally ran into the backs of Ron and
Hermione that he’d realized they’d stopped moving.

“What’s do we have here, boys? The mudblood and her pet weasel out for an afternoon
stroll?” Peeking from around Ron’s shoulder, Harry could see the white hair and pale,
pointed face of Draco Malfoy and his ever-present goons, Crabbe, and Goyle, standing
to either side of him.

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Author’s Notes: Dreadfully sorry about the long wait! I’ve had so many
frustrating issues recently that, between loosing my best friend and my roommate (no,
she’s not dead, though sometimes I could wish…. Ignore me, I digress!), illness, computer
fires, and holding down a full time job and school, I haven’t exactly had as much time to
write as I’d thought I was going to have!

Anyway, I hope you are enjoying the story so far; what there is of it, at any rate! I
hope my occasional PoV switching isn’t throwing you off too much. And I know, I know,
you’re all still waiting for smut… well, it’s coming, I promise! Just…. Not yet! *wink*

Oooh, as you may have noticed, Branwyn’s Tears made their debut in this chapter! Any
reader of Laurel K Hamilton knows about the tears, and I bet you can guess where this
might just be going to!

As for upcoming chapters… I am also trying to finally get Kedavra, one of my other
stories updated, so please bear with me, though I hope to have a new chapter up
relatively soon. Thanks for reading, some new reviews would be fantastic, and I hope
you’re all doing well!