In My Mind

Disclaimer: Same as the previous chapters, also JRR Tolkien owns 'The Hobbit' and the mentioned song.

A/N: Whew! It's been a while since my last update! Suffice it to say that life's not been too kind to me in the last couple of weeks. The good thing for you, the reader, is that now that I do not have a job (and I plan on taking a nice vacation, I assure you!) I have all day to write in the peace and quiet, so I'm going to get a few updates done! Be looking for the next chapter of To Teach and The Discovery, hopefully they won't be too far off! Also, as an extra special treat for you, this is an extra long chapter! *squees* Review me and let me know what you think of it!!


Jessica: My little angst bunny keeps trying to tempt the fluff bunny away. lol Fear not! I have him on a short leash! lol You'll get to see more Sev/Harry interaction in this chap as well as Remus/Harry. I think of all my stories where Remus plays a significant role, I like him best in this one myself. =)

ScarletTearsOfHope: What a beautiful handle!! Thank you very much for the review!

amanda: Thanks! Here's your update!!

Memdrake: Yeah, Sev can't deny them any more (well, at least not after this chapter!). Duncan will play a role in this chap, too. =)

Shaddow: I was really hoping it wouldn't be. *pouts* Basically, until the baby kicked, Snape was teetering on the edge of sending Harry away and not being in Duncan's life. Now? Well, we'll see what happens in this chapter. *smirks*

chibi: Sorry it took me so long to update! Check out my A/N up there for when I'll update next. lol I'm glad you're enjoying this story!

Hambares: *glomps* WAFF! W00T! I agree completely. I hope Harry's contentment comes out in this chapter like I wanted it to. =)

antipyro: There's a teeny bit of angst in this chapter, but not much, I promise!!! ;-) Finally, we get to the fluff...okay, we get right to the outer edge of it in this chapter. lol Enjoy!!

Raija: Yeah, I like really sickly sweet, horribly OOC stories myself. =)


ON WITH THE STORY!!

Harry sat for some time letting Severus feel his son move. Duncan stilled after several quiet moments. The pregnant man smiled and Severus cleared his throat, suddenly realizing that he was sitting in the floor mooning over a child. He stood and looked at Harry, trying to reclaim his impassive mask. “I came to ensure that you did not need any more anti-nausea potion,” he said in his classroom voice.

Before he could open his mouth, Harry grabbed his stomach and winced. He jerked the hem of his tee shirt up and watched his left side. Suddenly, it jumped. Putting his hand over the area, Harry took a deep breath and said, “Duncan, there’s no need to kick your dad so hard. I’m fully aware that you are in there and that you want my attention.”

“If you are not in need of my services, Mr. Potter, I’ll be going. It’s apparent that you have an impertinent brat to take care of.”

Harry moaned again and grabbed the same spot as before. “He usually doesn’t kick this hard, Sev. Ow!”

Snape knelt again and put his hand over Harry’s. “Duncan,” he said softly, “my little viper you shouldn’t hurt your dad, no matter how much he deserves it.”

“Gee, thanks,” Harry snarked still rubbing his side.

Duncan bumped his dad’s side again much softer and Harry pushed gently back. His push was not responded to until Severus spoke again. “I believe, Mr. Potter, that it is time for me to take my leave.”

Again, Harry jerked and moaned in pain. “I think he knows you’re leaving, Sev, and he doesn’t want you to,” he said rubbing his side again.

“Preposterous!” Snape exclaimed.

This was punctuated by another cry from Harry and continued rubbing of his abused side. “It’s not either, Sev. Remember, you are the only other person that he had contact with while I was in my coma. It makes sense that he would know your voice.”

Severus sighed and knelt down next to the young man again. He put his hand where Harry’s had been and in a very soft voice spoke to his son, “Duncan, I know that you think that I shouldn’t leave, but I have potions to attend to back in the dungeons. You have to be a good little snakeling for your father. Can you do that?”

A very soft, almost unnoticeable bump was felt against Severus’ hand. Harry smirked. “I told you so.”

The Potions Master just rolled his eyes and pointed toward the door. Harry smiled and nodded, mouthing a thank you to which the taller man simply inclined his head.

The young Gryffindor slept fitfully throughout the night because Duncan was restless. The child shifted and moved and kicked most of the night. Harry gave in just before dawn and got up and made himself some tea. He stood on the back porch of his cottage in nothing but his sleep pants. He sighed contentedly watching the sun rise over the forest in the east. Duncan shifted and then stilled as if in agreement.

For the next few hours, Harry puttered around his cottage doing a few small things like washing his dishes by hand (the whole two cups that were in the sink), picking up his clothes from the night before, and making his bed. He took a nap about ten because of his lack of sleep the night before.

For lunch, Harry ate a tablespoon full of crunchy peanut butter, an orange, and a lime. The baby growing inside him was sated for the moment and wasn’t vehemently rejecting the small meal, so Harry decided to go for a stroll around Hogsmeade. He needed new robes anyway because he was quickly getting too big for the ones he owned, so he went into Gladrags and placed an order for some light summer robes.

When he was finished shopping, Harry collapsed on the couch in his sitting room. He was dozing lightly when Remus stepped through the floo. Struggling to sit up, Harry grinned at the werewolf. “Hey, Remus.”

“And how is my pregnant sort-of-godson today?”

“I’m exhausted, Remus,” he answered with a small yawn. “Duncan kept me up all night. I don’t think he wanted Severus to leave last night and he was restless until about daybreak.”

Chuckling, the older man agreed with Harry. “Is there anything you need me to do or get? You haven’t had any nausea today, have you?”

“I’ve gotten most of the chores done today so I don’t need you to do anything around the cottage, but if you want to make a trip into Daigon Alley for me, I wouldn’t fight you,” the green-eyed man answered with mischief in his eyes.

“What are you craving?”

Harry giggled. “I’m almost out of peanut butter and I need some stuff to make brownies. Oh! And, I’m almost out of almonds and walnuts, too! Would you bring me some olives?”

With a wave of his wand, Remus summoned a quill and parchment. “You really sound like your mother, Harry, except she demanded we bring her ice cream and all of the toppings. So I’ve got peanut butter, crunchy, right?” Harry nodded. “I’ve also got brownie mixes, almonds and walnuts, olives, and…Is there anything else?”

The pregnant man thought for a moment and began ticking a list of things off on his fingers. “Pineapples and kiwi fruits if you can find them, more oranges, lemons, and limes, er…beans, tomatoes, spaghetti noodles, cheddar cheese, the sharpest kind you can find, and…ummm…Oh! Coke! I think I need something carbonated.”

Remus stared blankly at the beaming pregnant man. “You are indeed your mother’s son, Harry.”

He just grinned at Remus as he grabbed his money sack from the kitchen and handed it to the other man. The werewolf raised an eyebrow. “I know you’ll have to go into muggle London to get some of that, so I wanted to make sure that you have plenty of money to get changed into Pounds. Also, if you can think of anything else that I might want, get it. I think I’m going to have spaghetti tonight, Rem, do you want to stay?”

The werewolf laughed. “You are all over the place today! Of course I’ll stay if you want me to, but I hope you aren’t expecting me to cook.” Harry laughed at this. “Also, do you need any potions? I have to stop by Hogwarts and see Dumbledore.”

“I’ve been alright today. Duncan hasn’t been acting up, but you know just as well as I do that it could change at any moment. I think I’ve got about three potions in the medicine chest in the bathroom, so I should be okay for a few days.”

With a kiss on the cheek, Remus left Harry, still on the couch. He floo’d directly to the Headmaster’s office where Severus was about to leave, followed by Minerva. After greeting Dumbledore, Remus stopped Snape. “Do you by chance have any of Harry’s anti-nausea potion on hand, Severus?”

The tall wizard scowled. “I suppose Potter’s run out and he’s sick today?”

“No,” Remus replied, “He said that he had about three vials left, but I wanted to make sure that he had plenty, that’s all. He’s craving brownies, soda, and spaghetti, so I’m thinking that those three vials may not be quite enough. We all know what happened the last time he gorged himself.”

Minerva laughed at Remus’ tone. “Yes, he was violently ill for days, the poor dear. You won’t let him over do it, will you?”

The werewolf shook his head. “Of course not, Minerva.”

“I will ensure that he receives the potions, Lupin,” Snape drawled before walking out of the office.

Minerva said her good byes and followed the dour man as Remus settled himself in the armchair in front of Albus’ desk. Their conversation was quick and to the point so Remus could quickly finish his shopping.

Severus walked down to Harry’s cottage with a dozen of the special potions and knocked on the cottage door. When no one answered, the older man got rather worried. He pushed the front door open, immediately noticing that the wards were set to recognize him, and stepped in. “Potter?” He called out.

The sound of retching met his ears in response followed by a miserable moan. He grabbed one of the fresh potions and followed the sound of running water to the bathroom to find Harry sitting on the floor with his cheek lying on the cool porcelain rim of the toilet. His skin was not its normal glowing tan, but a pale shade of green. “Drink this, Potter,” Snape said gruffly.

Harry took the proffered potion and downed it between dry heaves. It didn’t stop them immediately, but they were not so severe that he could not keep the potion down. A cold cloth touched his cheek and he opened his eyes to find Snape kneeling beside him, wiping the sweat and sick from his face.

After Harry brushed his teeth and gargled with mouthwash, Snape helped him as he made his way back to the couch. “What made you so violently ill?”

Weakly pointing to the bar of Honeydukes milk chocolate on the table, Harry rolled his eyes. “He doesn’t like chocolate, either, now.”

Snape looked revolted by the confection. “Of course not! A Snape’s palate is much more refined. Next time you require chocolate, try dark chocolate.”

Harry rolled his eyes again and gently rubbed his rolling stomach. “I think I’ve lost my taste for chocolate. It definitely tastes better going down than it does coming back up.”

Snape made a disgusted face. “That really was too much information, Potter.”

Stretching out on the couch, Harry closed his eyes and took a deep cleansing breath. “If I hadn’t had so much time with him while I was in my coma, I’d probably be at my wits end with this morning sickness. You can’t even begin to realize how much I miss Shepard’s Pie and roast beef. Subsisting on peanut butter and fruit gets old. I don’t even enjoy a salad like I used to.”

“You sound weary.”

Sigh. “I am when it comes to what I can and cannot eat. No meat, no ice cream or milk, no eggs or bacon for breakfast, and now, Duncan has decided that he doesn’t like chocolate.”

“It could be much worse, Potter.”

Harry opened his eyes and looked into worried obsidian ones. “Can you do me a favor? I’m carrying your son and heir, can you at least try to call me by my first name?”

It was Snape’s turn to sigh. “I make no promises, but I will try.”

“Thank you,” the pregnant man said.

The potion finally began to work in earnest and Harry’s stomach was no longer doing flip-flops when he sat up. “I think I’m going to be okay now, Severus.” He grabbed his stomach. “Okay, I will be when Duncan decides that my appendix isn’t a punching bag.”

Lying back down, Harry rubbed his swollen stomach again. “Okay, Little Snape, it’s time to give your dad some rest.” He winked at Severus, sitting at the other end of the couch. “I’m sure your father is thoroughly enjoying what you are doing to me, but I need to get some sleep before your Uncle Remus gets back.”

Duncan merely kicked harder. Harry groaned and then laughed sardonically. “Stubborn little bugger. Won’t listen to a word I say.”

Severus smiled a genuine smile, suddenly glad that it was not Harry that impregnated him. “Pot…Harry, may I try again?”

Harry moved his hand and smiled. Secretly, he enjoyed that Severus was willing to touch his distended stomach. “Turn around…Harry and put your head in my lap.”

The young man’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. Severus wanted his head in his lap?! Harry grinned and struggled to turn around on the couch. When his head was in the dark haired wizard’s lap he looked up into amused black eyes. “It is simply a matter of my not wanting to kneel in the floor, you are aware of that, are you not?”

Harry’s eyes had drifted shut and he smiled as Severus’ deep voice rumbled. “Of course,” he replied.

Long potion stained fingers gently rubbed circles on Harry’s belly. Duncan immediately quieted. Before long, Severus Snape had a sleeping pregnant man in his lap. He carded the fingers of his other hand through Harry’s hair and the young man arched into them, making a contented sound in his sleep.

The Potions Master certainly wished he could spend his evenings like this with his love and son, but he feared that eventually Harry would tire of him and seek out another. He protected his heart above all things after finally putting the pieces back together when he and Lucius broke up.

He began murmuring to Harry why it would not be good for them to be together as he continued to rub his stomach. Severus was making his apologies when Duncan gave a particularly vicious kick to the palm of his father’s hand.

Harry’s eyes flew open and his whole body tensed as he let out a strangled groan. The young man’s hands both caught Severus’ near Harry’s bellybutton. Taking a deep breath, Harry let it slowly out. “He didn’t like something you just said.”

Severus absently rubbed Harry’s belly again and ran his fingers through the young man’s hair, gently tracing the shell of his ear before once more skimming through the black tresses. Harry looked up and saw that Severus’ eyes were far away. He was deep in thought about something. The green-eyed man closed his eyes contently and focused on enjoying the attention he was getting from his love.

Duncan moved gently under the man’s large hand. After several minutes, Severus was almost certain that Harry was asleep again, and he began to sing a lullaby that he remembered from his own childhood.

Sing all ye joyful, now sing all together!
The wind's in the tree-top, the wind's in the heather;
The stars are in blossom, the moon is in flower,
And bright are the windows of Night in her tower.

Dance all ye joyful, now dance all together!
Soft is the grass, and let foot be like feather!
The river is silver, the shadows are fleeting;
Merry is May-time, and merry our meeting.

Sing we now softly, and dreams let us weave him!
Wind him in slumber and there let us leave him!
The wanderer sleepeth. Now soft be his pillow!
Lullaby! Lullaby! Alder and Willow!

Sigh no more Pine, till the wind of the morn!
Fall Moon! Dark be the land!
Hush! Hush! Oak, Ash and Thorn!
Hushed be all water, till dawn is at hand!

Duncan became very still as Severus sang. As the Potions Master finished, Harry’s eyes fluttered open. He reached up and touched the pale skin of the face that he so dearly loved. “I would not have pictured you to be a fan of Tolkien, Severus.”

A faint blush colored the older man’s cheeks. “Actually, I am not. My mother was one quarter Elf and that song was passed down to her from her mother.”

“So, Tolkien’s stories are true then?” Harry asked smiling, his fingers never straying from the high cheek bone they caressed. “That particular lullaby appears in ‘The Hobbit’, I believe.”

“It seems to have quieted our son, also.”

“I think that it was the voice, not the song,” Harry said as he ran his thumb over Severus’ thin bottom lip. “You sing beautifully. Is that the Elvish part of your blood? I know that according to Tolkien, the Elves loved to sing and dance. It is also said that they live extraordinarily long lives and the only thing that surpasses their beautiful voices is their fair faces.”

Severus looked away from the man in his lap. “My Elvish blood does not run that deep or pure. I’m nothing more than an ugly old man.”

Harry sat up quickly (well, as quickly as a pregnant man could, anyway) and pulled Severus’ face around to his. “That’s not true, Severus.”

Severus’ expression darkened. “There is nothing beautiful about me,” he mumbled.

This time, Harry crawled in his lap and grabbed the older man’s face with both hands, forcing him to look into bright green eyes. They held no trace of anger or pity. Those bright emerald eyes shown with nothing but pure love.

Tracing the older man’s cheekbones with his thumbs, Harry whispered, “You can’t be ugly, Severus. I’d have never been able to fall in love with someone that was ugly. You’re perfect. For every one thing that other people see and call you ugly about, I see something else that makes you beautiful.”

“Name one.”

“Your hair. People think it’s gross because it always looks so oily, but I think it’s a sign of a true potions master, someone who’s dedicated to and passionate about his work. It says that you aren’t some shallow air headed fake.”

“You can’t name two,” Snape challenged.

Harry smirked. “You don’t think?” He asked as he took one of Severus’ potion stained hands. “Your hands are another. I would hear students actually debating on whether or not you washed them. Personally, I found them fascinating to watch. Your fingers are long and slender and you wield a knife with the precision of a surgeon. They’re steady and sure, just like you are. You have the most perfect hands I’ve ever seen.”

Through this, not once did Harry look Severus in the face. He held the large, stained hand between his two rough tanned palms before slipping the fingers of one hand between Snape’s. He then kissed the pale knuckles and looked into the face of the man he loved.

Harry leaned in closer and closer until his lips touched those of his love. He kept the kiss soft and chaste. He pulled back to find a bewildered looking Potions Master looking at him. “Yes, Severus, I do love you, imperfections, perceived and otherwise.”

Severus took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was still not ready to take this step. He knew without a doubt that he wanted to be in his son’s life, but he’d given his heart away once and took it back shattered. He knew that if he gave it to Harry and it was broken that it would kill him. His mask slipped momentarily and showed the fear and uncertainty he felt. “Harry, I…”

The young man released the hand he still reverently held and put his fingers over the others mouth. “It’s okay if you aren’t ready. Just remember that I already know how you feel,” Harry said, picking Severus’ hand up again and putting it on his pregnant belly. “I’ll wait for you forever if I have to.”

Harry got out of the taller man’s lap. “Thank you for the potion, Severus. I don’t know how I would have gotten to mine being as sick as I was.”

Rising gracefully from the couch, Severus nodded at Harry in acknowledgement and walked to the door. Harry grabbed his former professor’s arm before he opened it. Snape looked down with a question in his eyes. “Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?” Harry asked.

At that precise moment, Remus stepped through the floo arms laden with bags of food. He stopped abruptly when he saw the look on both men’s faces. The werewolf quickly diverted his eyes and mumbled something about going into the kitchen. Harry turned to his former professor with a smile. “Owl me if you’d like to come over tomorrow evening for dinner. Since Remus just brought the shopping home, I’m sure we’ll be able to find something other than peanut butter to eat.” He added with a grin.

Severus lips quirked up in what could almost be a smile. “I will consider the offer, Pot…Harry,” he answered softly as he opened the door.

Harry beamed. “Thank you, Severus.”

The dark eyed wizard left the cottage quickly. Remus walked in to find Harry leaning against the open door, watching his retreating figure in the pale light of dusk. A hand on his shoulder brought Harry back to the present. “He’ll come around,” Remus said.

Grinning, the young pregnant man agreed with his surrogate godfather. “So,” he asked, slipping an arm around Remus’ waist, “what did you bring me back?”

Remus steered them both into the kitchen. “I found everything on your list, and I also bought you some strawberries, star fruit, cream cheese and yogurt, raspberry tea, and peppermint sticks for when you have an upset stomach, but it’s not bad enough to warrant a potion. Also, I bought the stuff to make vegetarian lasagna.”

Harry had already begun digging through the bags and pulled out a small bottle of Coke. He popped the top off with his wand and tipped the bottle back as Remus listed everything. Harry sat the empty bottle down and grinned at the werewolf before belching loud enough to wake the entire village of Hogsmeade. “I could kiss you Remus. I need something to fix for tomorrow night. Well, if Severus comes over for dinner, that is.”

The werewolf raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I invited him to dinner tomorrow night. I got sick this afternoon and he found me. We talked for a while and Duncan didn’t want him to leave again. I fell asleep in his lap, and then he sang to the baby. After that, we had a discussion, I asked him to come over tomorrow night, and you stepped through the floo before he could answer.”

Remus chuckled. “Do you really think you’ll get past that exterior?”

“Eventually, yes, but we are going to go at his pace. I’ve already got the proof that I need right here,” Harry said pointing to his stomach, “concerning his feelings. Now, it’s just a case of getting him over his fear.”

Harry flitted around the kitchen preparing the meal as Remus put everything up. In no time, the two men were eating spaghetti (vegetarian of course!), nibbling on crusty French bread, and talking about the latest gossip and goings on in Wizarding England.

Remus reminded the pregnant young man of what happened the last time he over ate as he filled his plate a second time. “I know, Remus,” Harry replied to the fatherly tone the werewolf used with him, “I got horribly sick last time, but I just can’t help myself.”

“Well, don’t forget about the fruit salad I threw together while you cooked.”

Harry’s eyes lit up and he pushed the plate away. Remus grabbed two small bowls as Harry retrieved the fruit. Once again Remus had to admonish Harry for his eating habits, and once again, the young man declared the food to be too good not to overeat. Finally, they settled in the sitting room with Harry’s feet propped up on Remus’ lap.

“Remus?”

“What cub?”

“Did mom’s ankles swell like mine are?”

Remus laughed. He’d been absently rubbing Harry’s swollen ankles and feet. “Actually, they did, but it was closer to the end of her pregnancy and only when she’d been on her feet for a while. Of course, she had three marauders at her beck and call pretty much all of the time, so two of us would work on the nursery at a time while the third would entertain Lily.”

“What do you mean ‘entertain’ my mom?” Harry asked curiously.

“I actually got ‘entertainment’ duties more than Prongs and Padfoot. She and I would sit, much like we are now, and talk. I’d rub her feet and ankles or if her back was hurting, I’d rub it for her. We’d discuss politics and the war and books we’d read. Your mother saved me from slipping your dad and Padfoot intelligence potions many times. She was such a smart lady.”

“What do you think she’d say if she were here, right now?”

Remus smirked. “She’d tell you not to eat so much or you’ll be sick.”

Both men laughed, but Harry quickly sobered. “Seriously, what do you think she’d say?”

“First off, she’d be thrilled that she was going to be a grandmother. Then, she’d probably be living in your guest room, helping you do any and every thing.”

“You don’t think she’d…” Harry left the question dangling, knowing Remus would understand.

He did. “Lily would be happy for you Harry, happy that you’d found true love.”

“Even though it was with Severus?”

“Cub, she and Severus may not have particularly liked each other, but they respected each other. She’d have welcomed him into our family just as she would have anyone else. She also would have made Prongs and Padfoot welcome him, or else. Your mother could be very persuasive, with all of us, when she needed to be.”

Harry laughed at this. He had a picture of his mother in his mind pointing her wand at the three Marauders who were quivering in the corner.

“What about you, Remus? Are you okay with it?”

Remus nodded. “When I realized who it was, it never occurred to me that he wouldn’t be family. He’s a member of our pack now and I’ll defend him just as fiercely as I would you.”

Through the whole conversation Remus gently kneaded Harry’s feet and ankles. The young man smiled at his sort-of-godfather’s acceptance. “It’s nice to have a real family, Remus.”

Both men sat for some time in silence, listening to the sounds of the village night. Before long, Harry made his way to bed and Remus back to Grimmauld Place. That night, Harry slept peacefully knowing that no matter what, he was going to have a family, a real one.