All\'s Fair In Love And War

Spending time with Draco Malfoy has been a very interesting experience. I always thought he was nothing more than a miniature version of his father, and I would have been right, or so he tells me, if not for my actions.

It seems I changed his life.

With Lucius in Azkaban, Draco was set to fill his shoes, to take over the family business as well as step into his position as a Death Eater. He didn’t know of any other way. He only saw things as his father had laid them out for him.

He told me that it was when he learned that I was involved with Blaise that he started to reconsider his options. That if his preconceived ideas about me were wrong, then it was possible that a lot of his ideas were wrong.

He still won’t tell me how he found about me and Blaise, but that’s okay I guess. I mean, Slyths are known to be sneaky bastards and he was probably up to no good when he stumbled across us. I only hope we weren’t naked at the time. That would be rather embarrassing.

Ever since that day at the lake, the day he held me while I cried, I’ve felt somewhat better. It still hurts mind you, and it probably will for a good long time, but Draco has been unbelievably supportive toward me. He had even taken to staying in the tower with me at night. He slept in Seamus’ bed and the few times I’d woken up screaming or in pain because of Voldemort - the bastard has been exceedingly active of late - he took care of me. Cleaned away the blood from my scar, brought me fresh pyjamas, and if I asked him to, he’d sit with me until I fell back asleep. I wish I had known this person, this Draco, for the past seven years.

I asked him what he wants from me, why was he being nice and helping me. He told me he liked me and to leave it at that. I don’t know how to take that. Does he only want my friendship? Or does he want more?

I’m not sure I can give him more. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give that part of myself to anyone ever again. Blaise has hurt me very badly and I don’t ever want to go through this pain again. But part of me reminds myself that Draco has chosen me over Voldemort. That he has been nothing but sincere since that first night when he gave me his cloak.

I’d be lying if I said I never thought of him in a romantic way before, he is extremely beautiful after all, it was only his attitude that I found ugly.

To make matters worse, when the rest of the students arrived back, I had the unfortunate luck to witness Blaise and Pansy Parkinson snogging in one of the carriages as Goyle opened the door and stepped out of it. It was only Draco’s solid presence at my back that kept me from falling to my knees in tears. His hand tightened on my shoulder and reminded me of his promise, that I wasn’t alone in this.

Unfortunately, Ron chose that moment to make his way over to me and when he saw Draco touching me, he was less than thrilled about it. The row we had later that day was spectacular. He’s still not happy with me for my friendship with Draco. I don’t see why it should bother him, he spends so much time with Hermione these days it’s not like I’m the one ignoring him.

That makes it sound like I’m bitter. I guess I am, a bit.

Classes have been horrible. The Gryffs and Slyths share almost every class together for some reason and so I can’t seem to get a break from having to watch as Parkinson drapes herself all over my ex. I overheard Millicent Bulstrode telling Daphne Greengrass that Pansy and Blaise were engaged.

I skived off class for the rest of the day after that and sat out by the lake. That’s where Draco found me a few hours later.

He didn’t say anything, just sat down beside me, his shoulder bumping mine in greeting. I lightly nudged him back to let him know I was aware of his presence. He didn’t push me to talk, he never does, which is something I can’t say for Ron or Hermione, and I’m more grateful than ever for his support because know I can’t talk about it. Not yet anyway. My throat closes up just thinking about it.

Blaise and Pansy are engaged. It truly is over between me and him, and the realization is like a knife to the chest. It hurts. But at the same time a small part of me is relieved by the news, it’s the last nail in the coffin so to speak. What I had with Blaise is gone and it’s never coming back. He’s moved on, and so should I.

I’m not sure whether I’m weeping in sadness or relief.

Draco puts his arm around me and pulls me close. I don’t know that I could have gotten through this without him and I tell him so. He squeezes me tighter and then gently lifts my face and plants a light kiss on each of my eyelids.

I know I just gasped, but in my defence, no one has ever done something so sweet or so caring to me in my life. Maybe opening my heart to Draco wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

It’s time for me to let go of the past and start living again, but I still don’t know what Draco wants from me and I need to know. I guess there is only one way to find out.

“Draco, do you want more than simple friendship from me?” I ask, and can only hope that I haven’t made a huge mistake in doing so.