See Snape. See Snape Run. Run, Snape, Run.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. You are deeply cherished. Hope you like this one.
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“My poor ickle Ronniekins has been Snaped!”

Snape stopped chewing, blinked, swallowed, blinked once more for good measure, then replied into the near silence of the hall (one obstinate bowl continued to spin at the Ravenclaw table).

“I beg your pardon, Madam!”

“I’ll say you’ll be begging, after what you’ve done to my poor, defenseless baby! Auror Braidwood, arrest this despicable excuse for a wizard!”

She turned her maternal death glare on the Lead Auror behind her. The grizzled, eye-patched man hesitated a breath too long, and was yanked forward by his uniform robes. He cleared his throat in an effort to regain some dignity, but his deep, raspy voice became less formidable as it wavered when he glanced at Molly Weasley.

“Severus Snape, you are charged with endangering a minor, inflicting grievous psychological harm to a minor, corrupting a minor, unlawful sexual conduct with a minor, abuse of a position of dependence, misuse of the controlled Obliviate charm, several instances of using banned Dark magic, and multiple miscellaneous violations of the International Treaty for the Prevention of Cruelty to Magical Beasts and Whatnot. You are hereby sentenced to indefinite incarceration in Azkaban.”

Snape pushed his chair back slowly, only to be met with a squad of wand-points held by jumpy Aurors.

“Easy, Snape. No one wants trouble.”

“This is complete and utter rot!” Hermione Granger pushed her way to the front of the cowed Gryffindors. One of the younger Aurors flinched, shooting sparks at the nearest faculty.

“You can’t possibly send him to jail without a fair trial. That’s illegal, not to mention grossly unjust.” She marched up to Braidwood, heedless of her once-again goggling audience.

“This man is a known associate of Dark wizards, long suspected of being a Dark wizard himself, with the capability to elude capture if given the opportunity. Because of these circumstances, special emergency arrest powers have been authorized by the Minister. Haven’t used them since Sirius Black, come to think of it…”

“And we all know how well that turned out, don’t we?” Hermione managed a spot-on sneer. The seasoned Auror recoiled, and Snape shifted his lower portions out of sight under the table.

“Well…”

Up to this point, Mrs. Weasley had been remarkably patient, but her face was coming dangerously close to matching her hair color. “Stop this dawdling and drag his arse to Azkaban!”

In a feat of Gryffindor brashness unequaled since the Vanquishing of the Dark Lord, Hermione broke through the arc of Aurors, slipped past the grasp of Mrs. Weasley, scrambled over the Head Table, and launched herself into Severus Snape’s lap. As she attached herself to his face, the thoughts running through Snape’s mind were, roughly- Oh Great Merlin again third time today Great Hall again had no idea she was into this I’m really not very well if you insist- and progressed little further except to then wonder if Hermione was still wearing those knickers from earlier. He was therefore confused when she pulled back, and began prodding him in a rather non-arousing manner when he didn’t follow suit. His normally whip-quick mind was sluggish in processing auditory stimuli, and so it took several repetitions for him to get that she was telling him-

“Severus, run.” Hermione punctuated her plea by hopping out of their co-occupied chair and tugging him to his feet. Snape almost put in a protest, but was shoved to the door before he was able. He soon recognized the urgency of the situation, and sprinted out of the room as if a gaggle of werewolves were in hot pursuit. The Aurors, highly trained in the resisting of Dark magic as they were, broke the charm of temporary idiocy plaguing witnesses of such Snape-Granger interactions quite a bit faster than normal, and rushed out of the Great Hall after him.

They chased him down the long hallway before organizing themselves into striking position. The formation of Aurors took aim, and with trained precision, fired just as Snape dodged to his left around the corner. To be entirely fair, the swatches of cloth at the tail end of Snape’s cloak had little intent of moving anywhere on their own, but nevertheless dutifully halted when spelled to. Snape himself, only mildly inconvenienced by the separation of the detained fabric from the rest of his garment, continued down the hall, spelling hindrances, such as stone-to-glass charms, in his wake whenever possible.

By the time he’d reached the stairwell that had been a hotbed of activity recently, Snape had gained a few yards and several turns lead over his pursuers. He paused for a few seconds preparation, oblivious to another threat, a vengeful beast closing in on him. She had a score to settle with the man who had set the False Cat-Woman on her beloved, and now would take the opportunity offered her with zeal. As he was occupied with retrieving a small container from his robes, Mrs Norris pounced with a fury that would have engendered pride in her feline ancestors. Snape felt her attack before he heard it, as she waited until her claws were in the process of being firmly planted in Snape’s behind before declaring her intentions to shred him to tiny Potions master bits. Snape emitted an undignified bellow as he attempted to dislodge the determined cat manually with little initial success before casting a repelling charm on her while looking over his shoulder. Mrs. Norris landed nimbly a few meters away and readied for a second assault. Before she could strike, however, Snape had conjured a heavy cloth sack and sent it toward her. At first, the container was poised to envelope the feline, but seemed to change its mind mid-flight and instead wrapped itself firmly around her middle. The cat paid it little notice and leaped toward him. Or attempted to, as her hindquarters moved perpendicularly to her intended trajectory. Her efforts at simply walking toward him were equally successful; former grace and power had abandoned her limbs to a state of useless, uncoordinated flopping.

Snape briefly watched the distraught animal flounder about and growl in frustration with vindictive glee, then got on with the business of evading Magical Law Enforcement. Opening the small tin, he removed and swallowed a small pill-like object contained within, spat into box, tipped some dust onto the floor, then hurled it down the chasm. He made a careful leap to one of the staircases passing nearby, and as soon as he left the landing, a dark-robed form bamfed into existence behind him. The Snape doppelganger climbed down to a lower staircase, and was immediately replaced by yet another duplicate. More Snape-forms popped into being on the lower levels just as the Aurors arrived.

“Halt, Snape, or we’ll be compelled to use excessive force!” The replica Snape ignored them and headed for the dungeons like the rest. Braidwood swore with alacrity that caused a pirate in a nearby painting to blush and made good on his promise, sending a crippling hex toward its retreating back. The near-Unforgivable had the unintended effect of doubling the amount of Snape to contend with, and though the Aurors took in the initial surprise with admirable equanimity, they were shocked into immobility upon encountering the swarm of faux-Snapes descending the lower staircases. Braidwood immediately spurred them into action again, setting them to the utterly exhausting and equally pointless task of catching the snarky equivalent of geometrically- reproducing smoke.

“He split in two again, sir!”

“We’ve got even more heading that way!”

“Hold him there!”

“You try holding him! He’s a ruddy greased flobberworm!”

After several fruitless minutes, Braidwood discontinued the fruitless endeavor.

“You lot head down to his rooms. We’ve got all the entrances manned and his quarters sealed. He’s not going far. Haglund, follow me. We’ll need Dumbledore to track him down.”

From his Disillusioned perch above the melee, the true Snape blessed Mad-Eye Moody for being somewhere, anywhere else at that particular moment, and was, for the first time, thankful for the existence of the Weasley twins and their Multiplying Mints (improved upon by Snape for his own personal use, of course). As the last steps of the harried Aurors faded away, he made his way to Gryffindor Tower with leisure.
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Sorry, another short chapter. But at least the plot has started moving again. Please review, and thanks for reading!