Heart\'s Journal

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Chapter 6: The Path to Hell is Lined With Good Intentions
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Hermione sat down next to Harry and Ron, smiling as she watched them inhale their breakfast.

\"Harry, Ron, did you hear about what Snape did last night?\"

\"What now? Frighten the bats from his own belfry at long last?\"

\"No, Ron. I heard that last night he scared a couple of Slytherin 4th years when he ran through the halls in nothing but his boxers and a robe.\" Hermione said taking a look at the staff table where Snape was nowhere to be seen.

\"Bonkers. The man has finally lost what was left of his mind! Must be all the meanness!\"

\"No,” Harry said smiling. \"He\'s too stubborn to do anything so convenient as that! Something else must be up but I wonder what?\"

\"Well he isn\'t here right now. I hope he is ok.\" Hermione said worriedly.

\"Why be worried?” asked Ron a little snidely. “Afraid of missing out on one of his tests?\"

\"Ron...I doubt that is it. Hermione is simply a very caring person and Snape *has* been acting out of sorts lately.\"

\"Ron, why do you have to be so nasty? He has been acting odd. He has been very distracted, and Friday he dismissed advanced potions a full hour early. Snape has never ever let a class out early, ever.\" Hermione explained to her hot-headed best friend.

\"Early?? Either the man is completely daft or there is something *very* wrong. Perhaps we should find out. I\'m not sure if we should help but, I\'d like to find out what is going on!\"

Ron had a very shocked look on his face that nearly made Harry want togh bgh but this *was* serious. What if it affected his work with The Order? Could they afford *not* to help?

\"Why don\'t we ask Dumbledore I don\'t fancy going down to the dungeons and knocking on his door asking if he is all right.\" Hermione suggested.

Ron thought for a few moments. \"Why don\'t we do both? Snape hates Harry and me but he can at least toleryou you \'Mione. Why don\'t you go ask him, Harry and I will askfessfessor Dumbledore.\"

\"Oh sure fine. Send the girl to the snake den, alone no less.\" Hermione said exasperatedly. \"No, it\'s fine I wanted to ask him about an extra credit project anyway. I might as well get it over with. I\'ll see you two later.\"

Harry smiled affectionately at her. \"I\'m sure you\'ll do fine \"Mione. Ron\'s right about one thing...Snape can at least tolerate you. He hates us. See you in a bit then.\"

The boys got up and left headed down the hall but Ron stopped a little ways down.

\"Girls! If you ever figure them out Harry... let me in on the answer. Will you?\"

\"Why Ron, what\'s wrong?\" Harry asked having a good idea what Ron\'s problem was.

\"I think I love her Harry but she just... it\'s like trying to figure out one of Trelawny\'s charts! Nothing makes sense but you\'re still supposed to figure it out. Know what I mean?\"

“Ron, havu tou told Hermione how you feel?\" Harry asked.

\"Ron swallowed hard and answered quietly. \"No. I\'m afraid, Harry. I\'m a big fat coward! How can I tell her? She\'s so smart and all? Why would she settle for me? Let\'s just go on to Dumbledore’s office. Shall we?\"

Ron then set off at a brisk pace that made Harry race a little to catch up. Harry just shook his head at his friend and hoped that he would tell Hermione how he felt soon.

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Hermione made her way down to the dungeons and approached Snape\'s office, hoping he would be in there because she really didn\'t want to wander around the dungeons, not being this close to the Slytherin common room.

She first checked the potion\'s classroom to be sure he was not in there. When she found it empty she approached his office. So much for best-case scenario! She knocked gently hoping he would answer. *Damn! Could nothing be easy?* She opened the door to make sure no one was there. *Ok...worst case scenario.* She approached his rooms which were not that much further hoping against hope that he would be somewhat pleasant at tntruntrusion upon his privacy. Thoughts of murdering her two best friends flitted briefly through her mind as she gathered up her courage to knock on the door to his rooms.

Hermione knocked gently silently mouthing a quote from Dante\'s Inferno....\"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here....\"

The door opened slowly to reveal a very haggard looking Professor. \"Yes, Miss Granger. To what do I owe the interruption of my peaceful morning?\" He said with only a hint of his former acidity.

Hermione looked at him with a great deal of worry. She hadn’t seen him looking this bad since the summer when all the Death Eater meetings were taking place with such frequency.

\"Sir...we...we were concerned for you. Y-you don\'t look at all well andWellWell, you h-haven\'t been acting like yourself lately. A-are you... ok?\"

\"Miss Granger, I fail to see what concern my health is of yours.\" Severus snapped already getting tired of the nosy busybody who dared darken his door, on a Saturday no less. “Now unless you have a question that actually needs my expertise, I suggest you run along before I deduct house points for annoying me on my day off.\"

\"We were concerned for you professor! Or doesn\'t the fact that people might actually care what happens to you mean anything? I was evidently an idiot to think it would matter to you! As for any other reason... I wanted to ask about that extra credit project you had on the board before you decided that running about the halls half undressed was more important than your classes!\"

By this time Hermione was more than a little angry and suspected that she\'d just crossed the line but at the moment she didn\'t care. Between her teacher acting like a total madman/git and Ron running hot and cold on her, NEWTS looming ever closer and hanging over her head like the sword of Democles... she\'d had more than enough!

\"Miss Granger, I do not have to explain my actions to you, of all people.\" Severus leaned heavily against the doorframe. \"If you must talk to me about your project come inside and sit down before I fall down.\" Severus turned and walked into his room not waiting to see if she followed.

Hermione’s anger cooled instantly. He really was ill. *Why wasn\'t he with Madam Pomfrey then?* She followed him in and stood in the middle of the room watching her fearsome potion\'s teacher.

\"Professor? Do you want me to call Madam Pomfrey? You look like you could use her. Forgive me for saying so.\"

Severus sat down heavily in an armchair by the fire and picked up a green leather covered book. Stroking its cover he smiled slightly.

\"No Miss Granger, I have already seen Poppy. I just did something rather foolish and am paying for it now. I just need to rest. I should be fine by Monday.\" Severus conjured a pot of tea and two cups. \"Will you pour?\"

“Uh...certainly professor.\" She sat down in the armchair opposite his and poured the tea for them both, handing him a cup once she had fixed it according to his direction.

\"Professor? May I ask what book that is?\" She indicated the one he held to him so lovingly.

“This book is the key to my salvation, Miss Granger.\" Severus said dismissively, holding it up slightly before settleing. \"Now tell me about this project of yours.\"

Hermione was becoming increasingly alarmed. His salvation?? Oh Merlin! What was going on now? He was already a Death Eater! What could be worse?

They discussed her upcoming project till he was too tired to continue. She stood near the door watching him, having told him that she could see her own way out. Snape set down the book on the side table and trailed his fingers along the embossed cover, sighing he left the room.

Hermione hesitated only a moment before snatching up the journal and rushing out of there as fast as she could go. *Please, Merlin! Let this be the right thing to do!*

She ran till she met up with the boys whereupon she motioned them to follow her to Myrtle\'s bathroom. They hadn\'t been here since year two but she felt it the safest place to go.

at\'at\'s up ‘Mione?\" Harry asked worriedly. \"You have been gone forever.\"

“Hurry up and get in here will you?\" Hermione hissed.

\"Hermione clam down\" Ron said putting a hand on her shoulder.

Once they were in the bathroom, Hermione showed them the journal.

\"So,\" Said Ron. \"It’s a book. Wait a minute. It’s the book Snape took from me.\" Ron blushed when he thought about what he was really looking for when Snape caught him in the restricted section.

\"He said it was the key to his salvation and it looks to be a journal. Remember that whole thing with Ginny? Care to see similar repeated with Professor Snape?\"

\"Not particularly.\" Said Harry. \"Ok Lets see what the damage is.\"

\"Are we sure we want to open the thing.. It could affect all of us.. right?\" Ron asked.

\"We have to!\', replied Hermione. \'Professor Snape could need our help!\"

Hermione opened the book and began to read. *This is nothing like with Ginny! Oh my! Merlin... Professor Snape is going to \'kill\' me! She loves him? Why? How?? He\'s… horrid most the time! She hasn\'t even met him!*

\"Oh gross. My eyes have been damaged beyond repair.” Ron moaned. “I never wanted to read anything like that. She loves Snape? She must be nutters.”

\"He\'s going to kill me Ron! I just wanted to help and now he\'s going to kill me! We\'ve got to get this book back to him. But how? He\'ll be looking for me! I am so dead!\", Hermione was as near panic now as they had ever seen her.

Ron gathered Hermione in his arms and awkwardly rubbed her back, \"It\'ll be ok \'MioWe’lWe’ll figure something out.\"

\"Guys we should take this to Dumbledore. What if this is a trick, someone pretending, waiting for Snape to give up the Order\'s secrets? What if he has been found out?\" Harry said quietly. \"Wouldn\'t the way to get to Snape would be to give him someone who he thinks cares for him even with his past, and he isn\'t exactly nice is he. How else would someone get close?\"

\"Thanks Ron and you\'re right Harry. Besides, if we *are* wrong then the headmaster will be able to protect us from Professor Snape. Let\'s go quickly! Ok?\" Hermione stood and gathered up the book and tucked it in her robes to hide it as she peeked out the door.

The trio ran through the deserted corridors and skidded to a stop in front of the Gargoyle and stopped. \"Anybody know the password?\" Ron asked

\"Candy apple.\" Came a voice from behind them dripping with acid.

Hermione turned fives shades of pale and green as she fought sic sick sinking feeling in her stomach that threatened to help her into unconsciousness. \"P-professor Snape! We...we were j-just g-going to s-see P-professor D-Dumbledore.\"

Severus Snape slid from the shadows across from the gargoyle. Dressed in his black robes and his arms folded across his chest, he looked his terrifyingly best, or worst depending on one’s point of view.

\"By all means, let\'s go see the Headmaster.” Snape said with a bit of glee in his voice. “After you.\" He said with a sweeping gesture that motioned the trio forward.

*Oh this does not sound good! Maybe if we can get our story out first? Fat chance Granger! This is Snape we are speaking of!*

Mounting the stairs and entering the office, Snape called out to Albus \"Headmaster, I have found us some volunteers to test our theories on.\" Snape smiled evilly. \"But first I believe Miss Granger has something that belongs to me.\"

Hermione swallowed hard and came forward to meet Professor Dumbledore as he turned to greet them all.

\"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company... all of you? Severus, I thought you were supposed to be resting.\"

\"Professor...I can explain everything!\" Exclaimed Hermione.

\"Yes Albus, let ME explain. I was resting just as I had promised Poppy. This morning Miss Granger took it upon herself to invade my rooms with a ruse of an extra credit project, and proceeded to steal a very special book in my posionsion.\" Severus said over Hermione\'s protests. “I would like it returned immediately and I believe a number of house points should be deducas was well.”

With tears in her eyes Hermione said desperately. \"That\'s not wholly true! Yes, I went to find Professor Snape! We were concerned for him! He\'s not been acting himself lately and then he was acting all strange about the book. I *did* confer with him about my project and yes...I took the book when he wasn\'t looking. Professor Dumbledore...I thought it might be a repeat of what happened with Ginny! I just wanted to help!\"

\"Of’ course Gryffindors wouldn\'t think that the Headmaster and I had already conferred on the subject now would they?\" Severus snorted. “Miss Granger, don\'t you think you have invaded my privacy quite enough.\"

Dumbledore looked first from one then to the other. \"Severus, as private as you like to keep things it was reasonable for her to assume that you had not and her intentions were honorable and good. Give her that much credit if you would. However, that does not excuse what you did Miss Granger.\"

\"May I have my book back please?\" Severus said sounding a bit hysterical.

Albus paused for a few moments. \"I believe that you owe Professor Snape an apology... all of you but especially Miss Granger and you will return his book immediately. I trust you understand why it is so important to him. I also trust that none of this will be spread about the school. House points will be deducted at no greater than 75pts each and you may serve detention if Professor Snape deems it prudent.\"

Hermione looked down a moment, then raising a tear-stained face to Severus she handed him the book. \"I am truly sorry professor. I only thought to help. You\'ve done so much for the Order and us... I had hoped to return the favor a bit. Please forgive me,\" she whispered.

Severus plucked the book from Hermione\'s hand and crossed to an armchair. Curling his fingers around its cover he took a breath and calmed somewhat. \"Albus, I want them to understand what they did. Please explain to them what is going on... I really don\'t have the energy. Maybe Miss Granger\'s research skills would be of help. It is the least they can do.\"

Sitting down he closed his eyes and traced the knot work cover over and over. He pulled a mirror from his robes and whispered Lissa’s name and watched her sleep. He noticed that Lissa\'s color was better and her breathing more normal. When he began to watch her... she stirred in her sleep. Sitting up Lissa glanced at the mirror and smiled then mouthed the words \'thank you\' before settling down again into sleep.

Severus started. Could she see him? \"Albus?\" Severus asked getting the headmaster\'s attention from where he was speaking to the trio in a low voice. \"She can\'t see me right?\" Severus clutched the mirror tightly in his hand.

\"Not unless she has some magical talent, Severus. No. Why do you ask?\" Albus watched Severus intently. *Does that world have untrained wizards and witches?*

\"I activated the mirror to check on her. She was sleeping, looking mucttertter I might add.\" Severus said a little triumphantly. \"She stirred in her sleep and looked right at me and mouthed ‘Thank you\' to me. Albus what does this mean... is she a witch?\"

Albus stroked his beard in contemplation. \"I think it is a little too soon to tell, Severus but… I think she might be.\"

Severus\'s eyes widened a bit. “That must be why the book showed up here. Her desire to contact me must have activated some kind of magic.\"

\"If this is so Severus... then her love for you must be very strong indeed, I would think. It also makes me feel much better about this.\"

Harry looked at Snape. \"Does it really matter that much to you?\"

Severus looked at Harry with fire in his eyes. \"Potter, no it doesn\'t matter. I am just surprised. There isn\'t any magic, as we know it in her world so I didn\'t expect her to have any talent. I thought she was a muggle. It didn\'t matter before and it doesn\'t matter now. Satisfied Potter?”

\"Surprised actually... since you seemed to have a problem with that before. I guess time changes things. Doesn\'t it?”

\"Potter, you don\'t know anything about me. Don\'t presume that you do. Muggle-borns have never bothered me. Time has changed nothing.\"

Harry opened his mouth to say something only to find a lemon drop placed on his tongue.

\"You *did* want a lemon drop. Didn\'t you Harry? As for Professor Snape and his book... He found the book in possession of Mr. Weasley and began looking into what had captured his attention so, when he discovered Miss Fendley. As you can tell from reading she feels very strongly towards our dear potions master and we have every intention of bringing her here as soon as possible. We were thinking that the best time would be when the veil between the worlds is at it\'s thinnest... All Hallows Eve. I trust you will be assisting? Excellent!\" He exclaimed, not even waiting for their acquiescence. \"Miss Granger you will be working with me on the research aspect of things. Ron and Harry...you will be put at Professor Snape\'s disposal until then as well.\"

Standing Severus smiled evilly. \"Thank you Albus. Though there might be one more thing that Harry might wish to know. Do you know why muggle-born witches or wizards have never been a problem for me Potter? No? Because your Mother taught me that muggle-borns are just as worthy of respect probably more so than any pure blood I have ever known. Oh yes, Potter your father was a pure blood, as was Black and we both know what kind of people they were to their classmates, don’t we Potter?\"

Satisfied with the stunned expression on Harry\'s face Severus took a handful of floo powder and floo’ed directly to his rooms in a flash of fire and smoke.

Harry leaned over to Ron and whispered. \"I *hate* that greasy haired git!\"

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Severus felt the journal buzz in his hands as he sat down heavily in his own armchair before his own fire. He smiled thinking about Lissa and how soon she will be with him at last. He chuckled at himself over these thoughts. He was talking like he had known her his entire life rather than just a few days. After floo’ing his order for dinner to the house elves Severus settled back to read Lissa’sest est entry.

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Oct 8th, 2003

My Dear Beloved Severus,

This is selfish of me I know and I pray you will forgive me but I so wish you were here to hold me and reassure me that everything will be alright and just to comfort me. Gods! To be held in your arms!

I will assume from your reply then that I have not frightened you off and you won\'t be running for the hills anytime soon. *smile* Tell me something....when I get there. May I share in some of your fun of pestering Harry and them too? Sorry... streak of evil there. hehe

Yes... please rest. Get better for me as I will for you. I know it\'s the fever Severus but I swear I see you in the mirror watching over me and it is a great comfort. I have never had anyone care for me as you do. It\'s hard to imagine that by Halloween i could be in your arms at long last! I... sorry. Someone is knocking. I\'ll be right back!

Lissa

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