What Is and What Should Never Be
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
12
Views:
3,859
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
12
Views:
3,859
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
All My Love
What Is and What Should Never Be
Chapter Five: All My Love
Author: Prongs
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things ‘Harry Potter.’ Led Zeppelin owns the song, “What Is and What Should Never Be” and “All My Love” (released on the album, “In Through the Out Door.”).
~*~
James awoke the next morning with a start. He was lying uncomfortably on his bed with his head resting on a hard, black book. James squinted his eyes and fingered the book curiously before he recalled the events of the previous night.
He quickly sat up and then groaned out in pain. The bruises from his fight with Sirius were throbbing intensely, but James did his best to ignore them. His biggest concern was the black book in front of him. Sirius’ journal.
James felt sick to his stomach as he stared at the book unhappily. He honestly had no idea what to do next. Part of him desperately wanted to read more of it. To learn more about his best friend’s terrible life.
The other part of him wanted to throw it across the room and go find Sirius’ famind tnd torture them all. Hurt them. Humiliate themake ake them suffer endlessly.
And then kill them. Brutally.
James shivered slightly and bit his lip. Perhaps neither one of those was the correct course of action. He knew he couldn’t really go and do anything to Sirius’ family. He would be severely punished, and then he wouldn’t be around to comfort Sirius. His Sirius.
Sighing, James got up and made his way into the bathroom. He took a quick shower and then threw on a pair of jeans and a black turtleneck.
When he was finished, he looked at the black journal again. James gulped and walked over to his bed. He sat down and carefully opened the journal.
*
Thank Merlin James’ family is letting me stay with them. I don’t think I could handle staying at my parent’s house for another summer. I just hope they don’t try to come after me. I also hope I’m not putting James or his parents in any danger. They have all been so kind to me.
James is downstairs right now with his mum. Sometimes, I get so jealous of his life. I know it’s wrong to think that way, but his family is so loving and…well, they’re the way a family should be. He deserves it—he’s a wonderful person. But I’m still jealous. I guess I should just be grateful they took me in. And I am.
*
James sighed and turned the page.
*
I’m in love with James. I have been for so long, but this is the first time, I’ve ever admitted it to myself like this. I can’t ever tell him, though. I probably shouldn’t even be writing it in here.
He always makes me feel like I’m someone important. He genuinely seems to care about me. I wish I could tell him everything about my life. How I feel about him. My father. Everything. But I can’t. He would never want to speak to me again, and then where would I be? I need him. I can’t ruin our friendship.
*
James started to turn the page, but then he slammed the book shut. He had read enough. He knew exactly what he needed to do now. The only problem was, he honestly didn’t know how to do it.
**
“James, can we talk?”
“Not right now, Lily. Look, I’m sorry about the other night, and I’ll explain it later, but-“
“I can tell something is bothering you, James. Go do whatever it is you have to do. But will you promise to explain this to me later?” Lily asked.
“I can’t explain all of it.”
“I understand.”
James nodded and made his way up the stairs. He passed Remus in the hallway.
“Is Sirius in there?” James asked, motioning to the room.
Remus nodded. “He’s still asleep, I think.”
“Where’s Peter?”
“Eating breakfast, I believe.”
“Good. I need to talk to Sirius.”
“Good luck,” Remus replied as he continued down the stairs.
“Thanks, I’m sure I’ll need it,” James mumbled as he knocked on the door.
There was no answer.
James tried knocking again and waited for several seconds. After hearing nothing coming from the room, James slowly opened the door. He saw that Sirius was indeed sound asleep.
James quietly closed the door behind him and then walked across the room. He knelt down by Sirius’ bed and studied his best friend for a moment.
“Sirius, I know you’re asleep, so you can’t hear me, but I-“
“I’m awake, James,” Sirius replied softly.
James gulped. He hadn’t really planned out what he was going to say yet.
Sirius rolled over and looked up at James. “What?”
“I read some of your journal,” James said stupidly.
“I figured you would,” Sirius replied.
“Why?”
“Why did I give it to you?”
James nodded.
“Because deep down inside, I knew you were right. I should have told you about…I should have told you sooner then last night. I guess I thought if you read everything, you would understand why I didn’t. I don’t know…” Sirius shook his head. “That didn’t really make any sense, did it?”
“It made sense to me,” James replied. “I do understand why you didn’t tell me, Siri. I still wish you had, though, but it would have taken a lot of courage.”
“Courage, I have. I think,” Sirius said.
“I agree. You have far more then I ever will.”
“I disagree.”
James raised an eyebrow and ignored Sirius’ comment. “I meant it would have taken a lot of courage to risk losing my friendship. You figured that’s what would happen if you told me.”
“Yes,” Sirius sat up and leaned against the headboard. “That’s exactly what I thought, James. I couldn’t risk losing you. You’re the only reason I’m alive right now.”
James smiled slightly. “What about Led Zeppelin?”
Sirius actually smirked, which surprised James. “Yeah, well, they helped me survive when you weren’t around.”
“If you had told me, I wouldn’t have left you,” James whispered.
“I know that now. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I just…James, I was scared I would lose you.”
“I can’t blame you for feeling that way. But I…Sirius, I never would have left you.”
Sirius silently nodded his head.
“Did you get the letter yesterday?”
Sirius nodded again.
“Were you planning on telling me about it if I hadn’t practically forced you to?”
Sirius shook his head.
James sighed. “I’m glad I know now.”
“So am I. I think.”
“You think?”
“Doesn’t it make you not want to be with me…like that?”
James’ eyes widened. “Sirius, it makes me love you even more!”
“You’re not making sense.”
“You mean so much to me, Siri. And, I’ve always admired you for so many reasons. I-“
Sirius snorted, but James ignored him and continued speaking.
“You have always been a wonderful friend. Completely trustworthy and loyal. You’re beautiful, Sirius. Both on the inside and outside. And now that I know what you’ve been through, I know just how strong and amazing you really are. Most people couldn’t go through something like that on their own. But you did. You survived, Sirius. You amaze me.”
Sirius felt tears forming in his eyes, but he tried to will them away. “You sound like a greeting card,” he whispered.
James laughed. “Only you would say somet lik like that at a time like this.”
“But James, don’t you want to be with someone who isn’t so screwed up? You read my journal. You know that I’m probably going to scream out if you start touching me.”
“I hope you’ll let me hold you and comfort you, Sirius. I want to be here for you. I will never do anything you don’t want me to do. I could never hurt you.”
“But look at your, Ja, James.”
“I’d really rather look at you,” James said, smirking.
Sirius laughed. “You see, that’s why you’ve helped me survive, James. You always take my mind off of everything.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” James winked.
“But you’re so perfect, James. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who can give you everything you need and want? I can’t. What if you want to have sex with someone? I-“
“Sirius, the only person I ever want to make love to is you.”
“And what if I…” Sirius sighed and looked at the wall.
“I can’t blame you if you never want to trust anyone,” James replied. “I hope someday, you will trust me, though. But if you don’t, it’s okay. I still want to be with you, and I still love you. I will never make love to anyone else.”
~*~
TBC
Chapter Five: All My Love
Author: Prongs
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things ‘Harry Potter.’ Led Zeppelin owns the song, “What Is and What Should Never Be” and “All My Love” (released on the album, “In Through the Out Door.”).
~*~
James awoke the next morning with a start. He was lying uncomfortably on his bed with his head resting on a hard, black book. James squinted his eyes and fingered the book curiously before he recalled the events of the previous night.
He quickly sat up and then groaned out in pain. The bruises from his fight with Sirius were throbbing intensely, but James did his best to ignore them. His biggest concern was the black book in front of him. Sirius’ journal.
James felt sick to his stomach as he stared at the book unhappily. He honestly had no idea what to do next. Part of him desperately wanted to read more of it. To learn more about his best friend’s terrible life.
The other part of him wanted to throw it across the room and go find Sirius’ famind tnd torture them all. Hurt them. Humiliate themake ake them suffer endlessly.
And then kill them. Brutally.
James shivered slightly and bit his lip. Perhaps neither one of those was the correct course of action. He knew he couldn’t really go and do anything to Sirius’ family. He would be severely punished, and then he wouldn’t be around to comfort Sirius. His Sirius.
Sighing, James got up and made his way into the bathroom. He took a quick shower and then threw on a pair of jeans and a black turtleneck.
When he was finished, he looked at the black journal again. James gulped and walked over to his bed. He sat down and carefully opened the journal.
*
Thank Merlin James’ family is letting me stay with them. I don’t think I could handle staying at my parent’s house for another summer. I just hope they don’t try to come after me. I also hope I’m not putting James or his parents in any danger. They have all been so kind to me.
James is downstairs right now with his mum. Sometimes, I get so jealous of his life. I know it’s wrong to think that way, but his family is so loving and…well, they’re the way a family should be. He deserves it—he’s a wonderful person. But I’m still jealous. I guess I should just be grateful they took me in. And I am.
*
James sighed and turned the page.
*
I’m in love with James. I have been for so long, but this is the first time, I’ve ever admitted it to myself like this. I can’t ever tell him, though. I probably shouldn’t even be writing it in here.
He always makes me feel like I’m someone important. He genuinely seems to care about me. I wish I could tell him everything about my life. How I feel about him. My father. Everything. But I can’t. He would never want to speak to me again, and then where would I be? I need him. I can’t ruin our friendship.
*
James started to turn the page, but then he slammed the book shut. He had read enough. He knew exactly what he needed to do now. The only problem was, he honestly didn’t know how to do it.
**
“James, can we talk?”
“Not right now, Lily. Look, I’m sorry about the other night, and I’ll explain it later, but-“
“I can tell something is bothering you, James. Go do whatever it is you have to do. But will you promise to explain this to me later?” Lily asked.
“I can’t explain all of it.”
“I understand.”
James nodded and made his way up the stairs. He passed Remus in the hallway.
“Is Sirius in there?” James asked, motioning to the room.
Remus nodded. “He’s still asleep, I think.”
“Where’s Peter?”
“Eating breakfast, I believe.”
“Good. I need to talk to Sirius.”
“Good luck,” Remus replied as he continued down the stairs.
“Thanks, I’m sure I’ll need it,” James mumbled as he knocked on the door.
There was no answer.
James tried knocking again and waited for several seconds. After hearing nothing coming from the room, James slowly opened the door. He saw that Sirius was indeed sound asleep.
James quietly closed the door behind him and then walked across the room. He knelt down by Sirius’ bed and studied his best friend for a moment.
“Sirius, I know you’re asleep, so you can’t hear me, but I-“
“I’m awake, James,” Sirius replied softly.
James gulped. He hadn’t really planned out what he was going to say yet.
Sirius rolled over and looked up at James. “What?”
“I read some of your journal,” James said stupidly.
“I figured you would,” Sirius replied.
“Why?”
“Why did I give it to you?”
James nodded.
“Because deep down inside, I knew you were right. I should have told you about…I should have told you sooner then last night. I guess I thought if you read everything, you would understand why I didn’t. I don’t know…” Sirius shook his head. “That didn’t really make any sense, did it?”
“It made sense to me,” James replied. “I do understand why you didn’t tell me, Siri. I still wish you had, though, but it would have taken a lot of courage.”
“Courage, I have. I think,” Sirius said.
“I agree. You have far more then I ever will.”
“I disagree.”
James raised an eyebrow and ignored Sirius’ comment. “I meant it would have taken a lot of courage to risk losing my friendship. You figured that’s what would happen if you told me.”
“Yes,” Sirius sat up and leaned against the headboard. “That’s exactly what I thought, James. I couldn’t risk losing you. You’re the only reason I’m alive right now.”
James smiled slightly. “What about Led Zeppelin?”
Sirius actually smirked, which surprised James. “Yeah, well, they helped me survive when you weren’t around.”
“If you had told me, I wouldn’t have left you,” James whispered.
“I know that now. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I just…James, I was scared I would lose you.”
“I can’t blame you for feeling that way. But I…Sirius, I never would have left you.”
Sirius silently nodded his head.
“Did you get the letter yesterday?”
Sirius nodded again.
“Were you planning on telling me about it if I hadn’t practically forced you to?”
Sirius shook his head.
James sighed. “I’m glad I know now.”
“So am I. I think.”
“You think?”
“Doesn’t it make you not want to be with me…like that?”
James’ eyes widened. “Sirius, it makes me love you even more!”
“You’re not making sense.”
“You mean so much to me, Siri. And, I’ve always admired you for so many reasons. I-“
Sirius snorted, but James ignored him and continued speaking.
“You have always been a wonderful friend. Completely trustworthy and loyal. You’re beautiful, Sirius. Both on the inside and outside. And now that I know what you’ve been through, I know just how strong and amazing you really are. Most people couldn’t go through something like that on their own. But you did. You survived, Sirius. You amaze me.”
Sirius felt tears forming in his eyes, but he tried to will them away. “You sound like a greeting card,” he whispered.
James laughed. “Only you would say somet lik like that at a time like this.”
“But James, don’t you want to be with someone who isn’t so screwed up? You read my journal. You know that I’m probably going to scream out if you start touching me.”
“I hope you’ll let me hold you and comfort you, Sirius. I want to be here for you. I will never do anything you don’t want me to do. I could never hurt you.”
“But look at your, Ja, James.”
“I’d really rather look at you,” James said, smirking.
Sirius laughed. “You see, that’s why you’ve helped me survive, James. You always take my mind off of everything.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” James winked.
“But you’re so perfect, James. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who can give you everything you need and want? I can’t. What if you want to have sex with someone? I-“
“Sirius, the only person I ever want to make love to is you.”
“And what if I…” Sirius sighed and looked at the wall.
“I can’t blame you if you never want to trust anyone,” James replied. “I hope someday, you will trust me, though. But if you don’t, it’s okay. I still want to be with you, and I still love you. I will never make love to anyone else.”
~*~
TBC