The Dark Gryffindor

Sjauthor: Thanks. This story is definitely not going to have a happy ending.


Sheherazade: Valerie is changing and she is starting to realize she would never in a million years want to do what the Death Eaters do.


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Chapter Thirty-nine: Apologize


Over the next few days Valerie attended her mother’s wake and funeral. Luckily, she didn’t have to do the bulk of the organizing of it. In fact she didn’t even have to pay for it. The ladies of the church, friends of Louisa took pity on her young, orphan daughter.

Now there was a huge crowd dwelling inside Valerie’s childhood home. She felt like this congregation had violated her personal space. Despite them treating her like family she felt very much alone.

One of the leaders, a tall gangly woman with angular facial features brushed past Valerie. “Oh, Valerie…We were just discussing how moving it must have been to discover your mother’s body….And on Easter Sunday! Of all days!”

Valerie regarded the woman almost coldly. She couldn’t stand the woman’s nervous chortle of a laugh after she spoke. “I shouldn’t call the experience moving, ma’am…Rather horrible!”

The woman’s face morphed back into the usual sympathy she held for Valerie. “Yes, understandable. But still, it was Easter Sunday!”

Valerie, who wasn’t religious as she saw it as a muggle custom. Like her father, Xavier she had also rejected religion as something that could not be proven.

“What’s….Easter got to do with anything?” she asked darkly.

“The resurrection of our Lord! Jesus Christ!”

Valerie did her best to observe it objectively and not to sneer at this. “So this…Jesus was almost like a god?”

“He is our Lord! He came to us in the form of a man.”

The woman put her arm around Valerie and took her under her wing for the rest of the evening. She told her the whole story of Christ’s Crucifixion and his ultimate resurrection. Valerie listened intently but she was still unconvinced.

Towards the end of the wake, she went upstairs to go to bed. Her thoughts were still reflecting on the story the woman told her. She didn’t necessarily believe it, yet from it she felt a powerful sense of peace. It had been her mother’s most cherished sense of belief system afterall.

“Mother…I-I hope you can hear me….I’m sure you can if there really is an afterlife…One day I will be resurrected from this body and I will join you.”

And with that Valerie fell into bed. It felt almost like she had been praying. But she felt better. Her spirit’s faith had been reawakened and affirmation came from the fact that muggles like her mother and the people of her church could believe in a higher universal power as well!

*

The next morning happened to be the funeral. It was the most beautiful spring day, the sunlight glimmering on Louisa Power’s bronze casket.

With one final goodbye, Valerie laid a bountiful bouquet of red roses onto it as a symbol of her love. The moment she did it a thousand beautiful memories engulfed her consciousness, memories of her mother.

“Goodbye, mother…” she whispered. Her words were nearly as soft as the breeze, so none but she could hear.

Without really thinking Valerie took the longest stem from the bouquet with her.


*


It was not until late Friday afternoon that Valerie returned to Hogwarts. She had no problem with conjuring a patronus with the thought of her own death. But afterwards she found her energy was slipping. The castle was completely empty of its usual inhabitants. Easter break was almost over, most of the school was returning on Sunday.

Aimlessly she seemed to float through the portrait hole and into the deserted Gryffindor common room. She was so distracted by her bereaved thoughts that she wouldn’t have noticed nor cared if anyone saw her.

She remained slouched in the plush red velvet couch by the fire, staring with deadly apathy at the receding flames. She could feel her own consciousness molding in with the fire as she meditated on the dying embers, trying her best to make the pain go away.

But she failed. Valerie held her face in her hands and sobbed.

An hour past. Valerie was still sulking in the Gryffindor common room and had not vacated the seat she took up. She thought she heard a slight disturbance suddenly. She looked over her shoulder and saw nothing. Valerie shrugged, thinking how she was probably becoming delusional in her grief.

Still crying, she turned on her stomach on the couch until eventually she had cried herself to sleep.

But she was wrong. Somebody had seen her. Dumbledore had moved through the frames. Through the half moon spectacles he observed Valerie below with an expression of great sadness.

The Dumbledore figure inside the frames scurried back through the other portraits once he decided it was best he didn’t let the girl in on his presence.

He arrived inside the headmaster’s office several minutes later, out of breath.

Snape sprung from his chair to see an out of breath copy of Dumbledore in his frame. He stood over it and demanded sharply, “What is the matter?!”

“Do not worry so Severus…It is only your- Ms. Powers. She has returned to Hogwarts. If you wish to speak with her I could-“

“And yet. I don’t,” cut in Snape brusquely.

Snape glanced hard at Dumbledore’s portrait conveying there was no chance the old man could change his mind. As if a reflex reaction the copy of Dumbledore sighed sadly. Something he had done so many times before in life that the replicated simplified copy of him was made to do this.

“As you wish, Severus. It is not my place to intervene. In life – I loved to meddle in other’s affairs. And yet this one conundrum certainly isn’t my business. For this, of course you may make your own decision.”

“Thank-you,” said Snape, mustering as much dignity as he could.

“I will leave you with this: I saw Ms. Powers just now. She looked to be in terrible pain, Severus. I’m certain she’s been crying for hours.”

Snape who had looked away from the man, now turned slightly back to the portrait.

“I- perhaps tomorrow…I shall send the girl a note. But not now. I must retire to bed Dumbledore!”

And Snape blew out his reading candle and wand lit, traipsed up the stairs.

*

The next morning Valerie did decide to go down to breakfast for her stomach betrayed her feelings. She was too famished to ignore her hunger any longer and plus she longed to see Snape.

She saw that Snape was seated at his usual place at the center of the platform. Valerie barely raised her head when she entered, and she went to sit in the back of the Gryffindor table.

Only once she felt someone’s eyes on her. It was indeed Snape, but then he quickly flicked his eyes away and he did not look at her again.

Towards the end of the meal she saw the little elf, Winky coming up the path between the tables.

“Headmaster Snape…told me to give you this,” squeaked the little elf. She noticed the little elf had been crying and her tea-cozy was badly stained. Valerie wondered what bothered the elf. She did not know that Dobby had recently died.

Valerie took the small envelope, which contained inside it a little calling card, with the fancy Hogwarts crest.

It disturbed her slightly that the note had neither an address to her nor a signature. But Valerie did not need a guess to know that it was Snape and that she was meant to be the recipient.

In cramped penmanship of merino black ink it read:

‘I seek to reach an absolution with you. Meet me whenever your schedule permits it anytime after two o’clock this afternoon. I will be waiting there.’

And that was all there was. Valerie bit her lip. The headmaster’s letter sounded frosty to say the least. There was not a drop of sentiment or emotional connection to her contained in her summons to see him. Valerie abruptly jumped from her bench seat and flew from the Great Hall. Once alone, she let out a muffled sob, concealing it with her elbow despite nobody visible to witness it. She must find a way to apologize and eloquently at that.

Somehow she managed to spend the rest of the morning studying for her N.E.W.T.s, even with thoughts of Snape and her mother constantly invading her mind.

By the time it was two o’clock Valerie was already presenting herself to the two stone gargoyles.

The right gargoyle commented rigidly, “The headmaster should be happy to see you.”

Valerie blushed scarlet. It was true that since their affair, the gargoyles had caught on to her frequent visits, yet bound by the current headmaster, they were forbidden to divulge the secret to anyone.

“D-Dumbledore,” she quavered timidly.

“Yes….” the left gargoyle, said sluggishly.

The door appeared and Valerie stepped forward and the stairs ascended.

She knocked timidly with the bronze griffin knocker. There was a pause. Finally she heard Snape say, “Come in…”

Gulping Valerie forced herself to open the door. She approached his desk, where he was still seated, staring straight at her. It scared her how he wasn’t even blinking.

She stepped straight over to him. She wrung her hands and deciding to be bold said loudly, “I apologize.”

She waited for his answer. None came. Valerie felt her throat constrict and her eyes well with tears. She fell on her knees and then flourished one long rose from her robes.

She held it in her clasped hands, remaining knelt on the hard stone floor. It was almost as if this was a reverse marriage proposal with the woman doing it instead.

She continued to hold the long red rose forlornly as she stared at Snape her blue eyes glassy. She couldn’t help but pout her lips.

“I’m sorry…”

Snape looked away from her sight and before he could think, was looking in the direction of where the photograph was on his desk. “I’m not interested,” he said dully.

“My mother’s recent death made me wish for death even more…It makes sense as it fits the thought that creates my patronus…” And Valerie spluttered impulsively, “If – if you don’t want me…I’ll have to kill myself! I mean it!”

She waited expectantly with a conniving look; sure she had influenced him to open up again. But to no avail. She went on and was relieved to see that Snape was truly listening, and thinking deeply to her next words. “Please, sir…Understand me!…At first, I thought you were on the Dark Lord’s side! I thought that in the beginning…”

And Snape looked at her again, darkly and fully in the face. She watched him sink in his chair, looking defeated in some kind of disappointment. “You thought? You thought it was so…Or perhaps you hoped?

"You hoped for it, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Severus,” she said wearily. It had taken a great deal of effort out of her to admit her mistake just now and doing so made her feel a pang of guilt wash over her.

She jumped in panic when Snape lurched suddenly, springing from his desk and getting closer to her as he barked, “Don’t call me that!…You shall not call me by my first name.”

Valerie fought back tears as Snape got closer to her and demanded in a hard voice, almost with the same hatred he had punished her with last week, “I want you to call me sir.”

“Yes, sir.”

There was a long moment of an unsettling silence. Valerie pleaded again, still holding her rose; “I didn’t mean what I said. I have reservations about joining the Death Eaters. Even if I could! I do…And I-I was jealous once again of your first love, Lily Potter! But I don’t hate Lily…I-I see she must have been really nice for you to like her. I think I might have even wanted to be Lily’s friend. Sir,” she added hastily.

This seemed to mollify Snape and the hardness of his features softened.

“Valerie Powers…You're truly the first person I’ve ever been able to forgive…Yet you can be such an arse sometimes!”

Snape sounded frustrated still but Valerie laughed. “Arse? Yes. That’s why you spank me…Me and my little arse!”

Snape was suddenly laughing aloud for a second. But he quickly stopped; yet there was no doubt he was considerably happier now. But then his mood sank again and he was more serious. “Yes. For sometimes you are in needing of a spanking or another harsh punishment to correct your behavior. Correct?”

“Yes. Yes sir,” she said blankly. And then she pleaded, “I really am sorry…May I go back to calling you Severus?”

Snape nearly responded automatically, for it was clearly his desire as well. “Yes you may. But understand that in future time…when you are being disciplined or reprimanded you will address me as ‘sir.'"

Valerie nodded profusely. “Of course.”

“Now get out of that ridiculous position and give me the rose.”

Valerie rose and handed Snape the rose.

“I shall keep it as testament to your sincerity.”

“I still feel really guilty about all the things I said…Except for one thing. It bothers me that your patronus is a doe! I won’t lie to keep you near Severus! I-“

“Hush, Valerie…" And Snape came closer to her and wrapped an arm around her neck to where a long pearl necklace hung over her chest. He gripped the pearls a little possessively as he looked at her intensely.

Valerie felt a wave of misery wash over her, as she knew the reason she was wearing the necklace. She wanted something to make herself feel better. “Forget about my doe patronus for now…The harsh words used with you seemed to have inadvertently sparked a new depth inside of me.”

“I’m glad some kind of good came from this all!” she said. “Yet the fact I-I was so rude and besmirched your Lily’s memory pains me. I think it would be better if you Crucioed me again or at least spanked me.”

For a moment Snape looked unnerved and shocked. He didn’t really understand the pain Valerie felt and how she was addicted to feeling more of it to assuage her wounds.

He said slowly, “I’ve already in my righteous anger whipped you, didn’t I?”

“Yes, Severus. But I won’t deny, I did enjoy it!”

And Snape’s lips twisted into an amused smile. “How sickening…But I think I should heal you, not harm you any further. So bend over my desk so I can restore you.”

And Snape was even more surprised by her next answer, which was almost defiant. “That’s the least you can do because I was devastated with how harshly you rejected me, especially as you played with your patronus! Plus I don’t think you needed to be so angry!”

“Well I disagree…Now bend over.”

With that Valerie consented and Snape spent the next several minutes applying salves and healing the marks on her skin with his wand.

“Now what I’m wondering is where you got that curious little necklace from?” said Snape.

“It was my mother's. Naturally I want to wear it as a keepsake of her memory,” Valerie answered coolly.

Snape patted her bottom playfully, yet he wasn’t going to spank her even if she begged for it. She turned to face him her robes whooshing back to her ankles.

“You know I also found my mother dead…or rather near dead. It was probably just as awful if not more so for me. I suspected my father had killed my mother, but in hindsight I realized it was her own failing strength that did her in. I watched her die…After my father came in the room. Tobias was aiming his pistol straight at me and told me since he knew I leaving him forever he might as well kill me now…”

“Where were you going Severus?”

“Tobias meant leaving forever to associate with those freaks, people like my mother and I. Yet what Tobias didn’t know, was that I just joined the Death Eaters at the time. Of course, he had not an inkling of an idea that there was a murderous Dark Lord rising to power.”

Valerie laughed. She felt very much like she could relate to Snape’s story and the nightmare of finding her mother dead faded a bit. “And was that when you killed Tobias, Severus?”

“Yes…” said Snape firmly, a looking of reminiscent loathing etched on his face now. “I disarmed his gun from him with a spell and proceeded to kill him myself. It was my first killing curse.”

Snape shook and suddenly had the urge to be alone. “Now go Valerie. I want you to sleep in Gryffindor tower tonight. Be ready for I shall come and wake you.”

“Why?”

“I have something new and surprising to show you.”

Turning away Valerie privately speculated on what that could be.

“And this…”

She turned around suddenly and was absolutely galvanized at what happened next. “This shall go back to where it belongs…buried in the past.”

A broad smile erupted Valerie’s face to see Snape place the photograph of Lily into his desk drawer. He would no longer gaze at it over his work!


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