Sub Rosa

Chapter 57 – April Showers

Severus was watching the rain making rivulets down Kathryn’s kitchen window. His coffee cup was held in his chilled hands and the aroma of life-giving caffeine was filling his nostrils. Kathryn sat across from him, her paper laid out on the table, reading the news from America. It was a lazy Saturday morning and the carcass of breakfast was pushed off to one side to be hauled away by the house elves.

“So has Albus set up a nursery for you yet?” Kathryn asked from out of the blue.

“What?” He looked up at her in some confusion, as his morning coffee hadn’t quite kicked in yet.

“Well, Ryan will be coming here in August sometime, you’ll need a nursery. You will need clothes, a highchair, a crib, a baby bath, toys, all sorts of stuff.” She was in earnest he realized. He had thought of none of these things. The reality of a baby began to sink in.

“Where do I get all these things?” He was perplexed and out of his depth, his chest tightened as panic and worry began to set in.

“Mail order would be best, I think. You don’t want to go to Diagon Alley to buy baby things right now.” He blanched at the thought of the gossip that would start up if he were seen buying nappies.

“Merlin’s wand, what am I going to tell people about Ryan?” The full import of Voldemort’s actions began to bear down on him.

“That he is your son, other than that it is none of their business.” She responded with firmness. He took a breath and then released it slowly.

“Orion Snape.” He felt a deep sorrow for this child of his. “What will I tell the boy when he asks? ‘Your mother was a psychopath whom I was forced to impregnate by the most evil bastard to roam the earth’?”

“You will tell him that you love him and that despite his origins you have no regrets.” She instructed and he nodded, feeling his chest start to loosen.

“I hope I don’t ruin his life.” He muttered, still trying to picture himself in the role of parent.

“You will be a great dad, Severus.” Kathryn smiled at him, a look of perfect trust and confidence in him on her face. Her chocolate eyes sparkled and he thought her quite the loveliest woman in the world.

“I’d rather that it was our child.” The words popped out of his mouth before he had realized it and her perfectly still inf informed him that he had treaded too far into forbidden waters.

“That isn’t an option right now.” Her voice was coolly professional again and he cursed his tongue’s betrayal.

“Kathryn.” He reached across the table and caught her hand in his. “If it weren’t for Voldemort I’d put you under ‘Imperious’ and drag you to an altar.”

“That was a very romantic proposal, Severus.” She chuckled at him. “You wouldn’t have to put me under anything, you know.” She caressed his face affectionately as he watched her with sad eyes.

Great, he finally found a woman who would actually marry him and he had ruined his chances with her twenty years before he had even met her. If it wasn’t for his youthful bad judgment he could be happily married and contemplating his first child with Kathryn rather than dreading both their probable deaths and the birth of his son by a homicidal maniac. Merlin, he hated his life sometimes. His situation would be humorous if it wasn’t so grim.

“I hate this.” He snarled. “I hate Voldemort, I hate Albus and I hate Harry Potter!” He rose and began pacing the kitchen. “I wish they would all drop dead and leave me the hell alone!” He clenched his fists and stood before the window staring out at the gray icy rain that fit his mood perfectly.

Kathryn moved up behind him and twined her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his shoulder. She said nothing, just gave him quiet comfort.

“I have no one to blame but myself, you know. Albus tried to stop me. I was just too stupid to listen to him.” He looked back down the long road behind him, seeing each mistake clearly.

“We all make stupid mistakes, we all have might-have-beens that haunt us.” Her soft words reminded him that the woman he loved had her own burdens as well.

“Self-pity is such a pathetic emotion.” He admitted, his body relaxing against her.

“Tell me about it.” Her wry tones eased the last of his distress.

He would de joe job in front of him, as Sam Vimes, from the Terry Pratchett books, instructed. He would get up each morning and do what had to be done, for himself, for Kathryn, for the baby and for the world. Even if only a handful of people ever knew or cared that he was bleeding himself dry for them all, it was what needed doing.

He turned and kissed his lover, her soft lips and gentle arms allowing him to forget, for a time, the ultimate price he would likely pay for choices both then and now.


Monday’s last class, a double portion of combined Gryffindor and Slytherin sixth years, was the worst he had dealt with in some time. While Draco and Harry had formed a truce, they had by no means become best friends and their very different outlooks on life often led to clashes still. Weasley would inevitably leap to his friend’s defense and Granger would roll her eyes, mutter under her breath and try to keep all their potions going.

Usually, Harry and Draco’s mutual respect for each other was enough to keep the peace. Today Blaise Zabini decided to stir the pot and nasty comments dropped between the two boys ignited an insult war that raged outside the classroom door and threatened to spill over to the whole four-hour period.

Severus deducted points, assigned detentions, and whipped out snarky insults with laser precision, leaving the Gryffindors close to tears and the Slytherins pale and shaking.

The potion, which was delicate and required careful handling to avoid disaster, was brewed with varying degrees of success, decanted and labeled by the terrified students.

Granger’s wink as she handed in her bottle was surprisingly welcome and he gave her a raised eyebrow back but no scolding. Her cheeky smile, wiped carefully clean before anyone but him saw it, removed the last vestiges of his depression.

Dinner in the Great Hall, with Kathryn by his side, restored his sense of balance. The long lines of tables had been there before his birth and would continue to be there long after his death. As Lady Freddy’s words ran through his head, he thought about Grindelwald and all the other villains and despots that had been brought low by courageous individuals doing what they must.

The defeat of evil was inevitable and whether he lived to see it or not, his son most likely would and that is who he needed to focus on.


The evening’s summons had him prostrate before the Dark Lord once more.

“Severus. There have been fewer actual pregnancies then I was hoping for.” Voldemort commented, tapping his foot, while Severus lay stretched out before him in a pose of submission. The Dark Lord had not given him leave to rise, so Severus stayed down, uncomplaining.

“There are potions to increase fertility, my master.” Which you wouldn’t need if the pureblood race weren’t fading from centuries of inbreeding, you ignorant cretin, Severus thought savagely.

“Yes, we have been using them to little avail.” He looked around at the other Death Eaters with disappointment. “Only yourself and Shiv managed to impregnate your partners on the first try and only Peter and Franco have succeeded in their repeat attempts.”

Severus felt great sympathy for Mrs. Avery, having to submit to Pettigrew more than once must have been sickening. “Three others have miscarried in the first months. I find it disturbing.” Severus did as well; he hadn’t realized the inbreeding problem was quite so advanced.

“I have been researching the ancestries of several European and American lines as well.” Dread crept through Severus’ guts; please Merlin don’t let him be suggesting what Severus thought he was. “I am arranging for pureblood women of distant lineage to be brought here for the purpose of accelerating the program.” Severus wanted to vomit, but ran a mantra of calmness through his mind.

“An excellent idea, my master.” He managed to sound genuinely pleased rather than horrified. It was one of the better acting jobs of his life.

“Of course, you and Shiv will be my best hope, along with Peter and Franco.” Severus nodded, trying desperately to look gratified.

The idea of raping strange women for Voldemort’s pleasure wasn’t new to him. He had been forced to rape women before, usually Muggle girls kidnapped for that purpose.

But to rape them with the hope of getting them pregnant, keeping them alive and healthy for nine months and then what? Do it again and again? In the past, he had been able to give quick painless deaths to his victims, sometimes even been able to smuggle one or two away. These girls would be guarded better and mistakes would not be tolerated.

He wondered how long Shiv could go without killing one ‘by accident’. He needed to leave and soon.

“They will have to be kept safe and protected during their pregnancy.” Severus replied, making it look as though his objection was a suggestion.

“True, but I have plenty of servants that will be happy to guard them in exchange for certain ‘favors’ from them.” Severus imagined Kathryn’s arms around him, as he contemplated the horrors those girls would be subject to.

“Pureblood women must be treated far better than the Muggle ‘entertainment’, of course. It wouldn’t do to allow them to be killed or harmed in any way.” Rape, apparently, didn’t count as harm in Voldemort’s book.
“Then we must consider how to raise the results, what homes they will grow up in. Identities must be created for them.” Voldemort nodded to him as he spoke and Severus knew then that the man he had once blindly followed was irrevocably mad.

“As you wish, my master.” He replied with his guts churning.