Ashes of Armageddon

They sat on the bed, facing each other with Harry smiling thoughtfully.



They undressed each other slowly, without rushing each other. Harry was staring at him intently, as if seeing him for the first time. Normally, Severus would have been unnerved by the intense stare, but he had gotten more used to it over the past several months.



“You are beautiful,” Harry said finally.



Severus shook his head. “I think you need a new prescription for your glasses,” he said, but less contentiously than used to be his habit.



Harry\'s hand reached for his face and stroked cheek.



“Let me have my way with you tonight,” Harry said softly. “Don\'t fight me. Don\'t argue with me.”



“That sounds rather ominous,” Severus smirked. “What have you got in mind now?”



“I want to look at you and tell you what I see,” Harry whispered.



“Even with your limited vision, you should be able to spot is the enormous nose,” Severus said dryly.



“It\'s not enormous,” Harry protested, “it\'s unforgettable. Just like the rest of you.”



Harry\'s hands trailed down his body, stroking his sides, his back, his abdomen.



“I... appreciate what you are trying to do, but yo don\'t need to humor me or soothe my ego,” Severus said uncomfortably. “I know my flaws.”



“You\'ve got no flaws,” Harry protested, “but plenty of peculiarities and idiosyncrasies. Your appearance is deceptive,” Harry continued, without giving Severus a chance to interrupt. “You do look quite thin, almost too thin at first glance, but you\'ve got surprising strength and muscle where it counts. I bet your opponents routinely underestimate you,” Harry added wryly, as his fingers trailed Severus\' chest and sides. “It must be gratifying.”



“Sometimes,” Severus admitted, a little smugly. Even after three years of practicing together, Severus still managed to surprise Minerva with a stunt she never deemed him capable of.



“See?” Harry said triumphantly. He guided Severus to lie on his back, and straddled his body, leaning forward to kiss his face. “I love your eyes,” Harry continued. “They express so much emotion...”



“A broad spectrum,” Severus said snidely, “from apathy to utter contempt.”



Harry chuckled quietly, and leaned forward even further, pressing his lips to the older wizard\'s eyelids. “You resist so much,” Harry observed. “Why?”



Severus placed his hands on Harry\'s shoulders, guiding him away gently. “It\'s disorienting,” he said softly.



“And what we did before wasn\'t?” Harry asked, clearly struggling to understand the distinction.



“To lesser extent,” Severus said uncomfortably. The idea of receiving pleasure, and giving in to joy was still too unnerving to contemplate. Happiness and pleasure were too fleeting, too untrustworthy. They could be taken away too quickly, and the dreary dark of withdrawal was more difficult to handle than the almost comfortable numbness he had become accustomed to.



Harry sat up and stared at him thoughtfully.



“Do you still want to give it a try?” Harry asked suddenly. “Submitting, that is.”



Submitting.



The word itself had brought up a number of horrifying connotations, from pain and degradation, to more subtle, soul-penetrating cruelty, but...



... but his lover wanted him, and his lover wanted that from him. It was not about retribution or penance, it was not about demonstrating his loyalty, and it was not even about a chance to win someone\'s affection.



Harry... just wanted it.



“I can try,” Severus said, hoping his voice did not betray the dread that went along with this simple statement. “What do you want?”



“I want you to relax,” Harry said softly. His flattened palm rested on Severus\' chest. “Close your eyes if it helps you. Focus on my touch. Imagine that I am someone else if it\'ll make it more pleasurable for you. Pay attention to what you are feeling. If you don\'t like something, tell me.”



Severus opened his eyes and stared at Harry with surprise. “That\'s it?” he asked.



“That\'s it,” Harry said. He kissed Severus briefly on the mouth again, and then, moved down to kiss his neck, Harry\'s lips and tongue brushing against the throbbing of his jugular vein.



Severus issued a slight sigh. Even years later, it was unnerving to be touched in the places where gruesome injuries used to reside – from Nagini\'s bite, to Tom Riddle\'s knife, but the memories that had resurged briefly were almost instantly drowned in the gentleness of Harry\'s touch.



Imagine that I am someone else. Severus could have laughed at the suggestion. He would not be able to, even he was inclined to try. Nobody in his entire life had ever touched him like that, with this much delight, with this much tenderness, with this much enthusiasm.



Harry\'s hands came into play shortly, massaging his shoulders, even as the young, enthusiastic mouth devoured his skin, with gentle nipping, sucking, and teasing.



When Harry slid further down and started kissing his abdomen, he literally felt like his entire body had come alive from the stimulation. Sensations and emotions, long forgotten, and diligently repressed, were now making a reappearance. His erect member was throbbing wildly, pressing against Harry\'s flushed body. Severus was still uncertain how his young lover would perceive that part of him. He knew that he lacked the vigor and freshness of youth, and for a moment, his doubts appeared to be confirmed, when Harry\'s hands clasped his hips, but nothing else happened.



He should have known, Severus thought, but without any resentment. He knew what he was. Kind reassurances aside, nobody in their right mind would...



Harry\'s words interrupted his line of thought.



“You smell so nice,” Harry whispered, inhaling blissfully. “So earthy, and warm.”



Severus gasped when Harry\'s tongue flicked against the head of his member. When Harry\'s lips slid down his shaft, Severus just turned his head and bit into the corner of a pillow, trying his best not to make too many embarrassing sounds. Harry\'s tongue caressed the underside of his cock, and when he started to suck, Severus found that he had no idea what to do with himself. He grasped fistfuls of the bedspread with his hands, struggling to remain still. The struggle to remain quiet had been lost by that point, as gasps and groans were being torn out of his throat against his volition. One of Harry\'s hand resting on Severus\' hip, the sensation of Harry\'s hair brushing against his abdomen, the warm moisture of Harry\'s mouth – it was almost too much, and then, it became too much, and Severus spent himself into his lover\'s mouth.



Severus expected Harry to recoil, or at least withdraw as soon as possible, but Harry did no such thing. For a good minute, Harry simply stayed there, holding his softening member in his mouth, as if trying to savor the taste and prolong the experience.



Eventually, Harry moved off, and stretched out next to him. Severus lifted his hand to seek out Harry\'s member, but was met with soft flesh, covered with traces of release.



“Sorry,” Harry said, only the young man did not sound especially remorseful, Severus thought. “I, er.. I guess I should have waited, but I was so aroused with you in my mouth, I couldn\'t really think straight. So I kind of... took matters into my own hands...”



Severus processed this last piece of information in absolute silence. Harry had been aroused by this.



The afterglow of the orgasm still washing over him, Severus was lying on his back, with his eyes shut. Harry shifted next to him, and rested his head against his shoulder. “Did I say something wrong?” Harry probed gently, with levity that appeared to be slightly strained and a little forced. “Too much information?”



Severus did not quite know how to offer reassurances in such matters, so he decided to try for lightheartedness as well.



“There\'s no such thing as too much information,” he said gravely. “All data is valuable.”



To his delight, Harry laughed softly, and shifted again, now resting his head in the crook of Severus\' arm.



“You know, I\'ve been thinking,” Harry murmured. “I need to get more bookshelves.”



That was a reasonable statement, even if rather random, Severus thought, lifting himself on an elbow to look at the pile of Herbology texts in the corner of the cabin. Those were the books that had been crowded out by volumes on slave-bonds and covenants that Harry had acquired on his behalf...



“Not for my books,” Harry said quickly. “For yours... maybe you could move some of them here. In case you wanted to stay here during the week, and not just on weekends.”



“That might not be a bad idea,” Severus agreed casually, slightly stunned that they were, for all intents and purposes, discussing living arrangements. Or were they?



“Well, good,” Harry said, and issued what appeared to be a sigh of relief. “I know the time difference is brutal... but maybe we could make it work somehow. I mean.. there\'s no reason you couldn\'t Floo out to St. Mungo\'s from here, right?”



“The daily intercontinental Floo travel will cost you an arm and a leg,” Severus felt the need to point out.



Harry snorted derisively, obviously intent on making light of the cost. “Maybe I\'ll get my office to pay for it.”



Severus chuckled, amused by the ridiculous suggestion. “In that case, maybe you could get them to pay for another clothes rack,” he said. “I\'ll need a place to hang my robes.”



“Oh, really, all two of them?” Harry teased.



“Do not mock my wardrobe,” Severus warned. “Or I will dispense with clothing altogether.”



Harry laughed quietly under his breath. “If I had known that would be the outcome, I would have started mocking two months ago.”



They chatted and teased until Harry finally drifted off to sleep. His arm wrapped around Harry\'s shoulders, Severus remained awake a while longer, thinking, could this really be as simple as this? For the moment, it appeared to be. Harry wanted him nearby, against all odds.



A persistent inner voice emerged, reminding him of his brokenness and emptiness, telling him in no uncertain terms that he was only a little more than an empty shell, pretending to be human. But then, a new voice joined the inner discourse, and it sounded like Harry\'s.



Please let me love you. That\'s all I ask of you. That\'s all I\'ll ever ask.



TBC..

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