100 Ways to Kill a Weasley

Disclaimer - I am not Joanne. Just a hack having fun.

A/N - I mostly lurk, however, this brilliant idea of Ms. Figg\'s was too hard to pass up. Here is my contribution. Bless!





While you were Sleeping?





Hermione continued with her knitting and didn\'t even bother to look up as Ron ranted. His complaints rarely had an affect on her, and after fifteen years of marriage his whinging was just getting old. When Ron took a second to draw a breath, Hermione finally looked up. She couldn\'t help a small smile. He was handsome and he\'d truly got better with age. Hermione loved Ron just as much as she ever had. He was her best-friend even if he still stubborn and hard-headed. As tiring as it could be, she didn\'t really want him to change save for this one little thing.





"Ron, do you really think that your weekly temper-tantrum over the matter is going to change my mind?" she asked with mild amusement. Two hours, twice a month Hermione headed to St. Mungos, Ward 49 to spend time with a fallen hero. She and Harry had been alternating visitation all this time and Ginny had not once harassed Harry. Ron, on the other hand, couldn\'t understand why Hermione would want to spend anytime with Severus Snape, the greasy git.





Most thought Severus Snape to be dead. Hermione didn\'t know the details, Harry wasn\'t volunteering the information and she knew better than to ask. She had done her research and drew her own conclusion. Snape must have somehow, and unwittingly, put his body into a kind of stasis. He had lost a tremendous amount of blood and the venom from Nagini\'s attack had done a considerable amount of damage. It was the only way her logical mind could accept that Snape was alive.





A very shocked coroner sent in to recover the body discovered an extremely faint heartbeat as she cast the routine spells required before transport. Quietly and quickly Snape had been brought to St. Mungo\'s, fortunately acting Minister Shacklebolt had been notified immediately, and news of Snape\'s survival was kept under-wraps. A team of healers worked tirelessly to revive him replenishing his blood and expelling the remaining venom from his system. They worked on healing his damaged organs unfortunately, he\'d yet to regain consciousness.





Severus Snape had been in a coma for twenty-one years, and thanks to the generosity of Harry, had received the very best of care available.





"Mione..." he whinged, "Come and watch me play Quidditch instead. Just this once. The git doesn\'t even know you\'re there. What difference will one missed visit make?"





"It will make a difference to me," she said as she set her knitting aside and stood. She walked over and wrapped her arms around her husband. "I promise I\'ll head straight to the Burrow afterward. Okay?"





"Okay..." Ron pouted, but it was with a smile. Hermione gave Ron a quick kiss and then got ready to leave.







~ * ~







Hermione\'s visits with Snape, or Severus as she liked to call him, were pretty much routine. She helped out as much as she could, massaging his limbs to keep up his circulation. She often read to him, excerpts from the Daily Profit or an article from Potions Today that she thought he might be interested in. Over the years she had knit him several pairs of warm socks, his feet never getting cold. She was no barber, but she did her best to keep his hair trimmed and tidy.





He certainly wasn\'t a handsome man, but in his unconscious state the sharpness of his features was somewhat softened and the slight touch of silver at his temples was quite distinguished. She\'d often wondered if he knew that Harry, herself and few others came round to see him ot if he would have preferred death over this existence. Both she and Harry held out a hope that one day he would wake up. Would he be grateful for the attentions? Probably not. Though it didn\'t stop either of them from coming every other week.





This visit would be no different that any other.





"Good afternoon, Mr. Snape," she said cheerfully as she entered his private room, "I think I\'ll bring my clippers next time, your hair\'s getting a bit long." Hermione then settled into the bedside chair, pulled a magazine from her bag and began to read. "You\'ll appreciate this article," she started, "It\'s titled Foolish Wand Waving..."







~ * ~







Just over two hours later Hermione arrived at the Burrow as promised only to find the homestead was in chaos. She recognised the Medics robes immediately and her heart rate sped up. "Ron?" she asked her voice at a whisper, "Ron?"





"RON!" she shouted.





"Hermione!" Harry shouted, running to her side as he cursed. In the panic no one had thought to Owl Hermione. The medi-wizard had been working on Ron for at least fifteen minutes, his condition too unstable for immediate transport. "I\'m so sorry, Hermione," he said, "I\'m so sorry..."





"Harry?" she said numbly, "Sorry about what? Where\'s Ron?"





"Love, sit down."





"Harry. What is going on? Where is Ron?"





He took hold her hand. "There was..." he started to explain as a tearful Ginny joined them. She made eye contact with Harry and shook her head. "Oh God," he cried.





Hermione couldn\'t take it anymore. Dropping Harry\'s hand she ran over to the garden and then stopped in her tracks. She let out a hellish scream and then dropped to the ground. Her husband of fifteen years laying in a pool of his own blood, a gaping hole at his neck.







~ * ~







Time slowed to nothing as Hermione dealt with the loss of Ron. Her children were a great source of comfort; she was so glad to have them home for a while. However, she found missed the normalcy of her visits with Severus. There would be no second chance for Ron. As Hermione found out later, Molly had been nagging at her sons to de-gnome the garden. The little beggars were giving her fits as they slowly devoured her vegetables. Ron apparently got into a tug-of-war with one of the larger gnomes. When he pulled his wand the gnome attacked, ripping out his throat with its teeth.





Hermione decided to take a leave of absence from her work and after the children returned to school, she made plans resume her visits with Severus.





As she made her way to Snape\'s private room, she waved to the duty medi-witch, who looked a little startled to see her.





"Hermione!" she shouted.





"Yes?" Hermione asked.





"Didn\'t they Owl you?"





"Owl me? Why?"





"He\'s gone. Snape...last --" The duty medi-witch didn\'t get to finish her sentence as Hermione fainted.





A few hours later, Hermione woke up to a pounding headache.





"Don\'t move Mrs. Weasley," said a familiar voice, one she hadn\'t heard in decades. "You hit your head rather hard when you fell."





Gingerly she turned her head to look at the man beside her. "Goodness," she said, her eyes brimming with tears, "You\'re awake."





"Astute observation, Mrs. Weasley," Severus replied, his tone as expected, but there was a softness in his expression.





Hermione smiled, "Please, it\'s Hermione. Call me Hermione."





"Hermione."





"Welcome back Severus." Hermione smiled.





"Indeed." Severus smiled and then uncharacteristically took hold of Hermione\'s hand. He inhaled her wonderfully familiar and gave him a sense of peace like he\'d never known.