Memoirs of a Serpent's Son

Memoirs of a Serpent’s Son

--Age 17—part 25

December 25 –Christmas –continued

There are several opportune times to tell someone to hang on. One example is if you are about to fall off your broom and someone has got hold of you by the arm. If they don’t hang on, you die. Another good example would be if you are about to leave without some crucially important item and someone kindly stops you to remind you to take it.

In the middle of a sexual encounter, just as you are about to give in to carnal desires and get on with the fuck, is NOT a good time and NEVER EVER WILL BE.

I blinked and stared at Harry as though I’d been slapped or punched or something equally as painful and uncalled for. I tensed and pulled back a bit, my eyes searching his for possible meanings or suggestions. Was I not good enough? Did he not want to do this now? Or at all? Was he getting cold feet?

I didn’t understand but very surely all of the pieces of my self-confidence fell away into a scattered mess on the floor. The more time passed, the more uncomfortable I felt.

But then Harry smiled briefly and pushed passed me, leaning over his discarded trousers. He picked something out of his pocket and walked back over to me, holding his palm to offer me this thing that was clearly important enough to put my aching loins on hold.

It was a small vial filled with a thick and oily looking fluid. I picked it up and blinked for a moment before realizing what it was.

And then a contemptuous smirk broke out on my lips.

“That bad, last time?” I sneered darkly. He flushed a bit.

“Look the morning after pains are just not something I’m willing to deal with again,” he defended turning an even darker red. “At least not at that strong a dosage and definitely not with all the Weasleys here, poking into every aspect of my physical state. So when I ordered your gifts I… ordered this too…”

I was having a hard time not bursting out into a fit of laughter as I stared at him and his cheeks settled on a wonderfully dark shade of scarlet. He stared back at me with as much determination in his face as he could muster and I caved, foregoing all cheap shots and snide remarks in favour of some kind of physical satisfaction.

I pushed myself back against him and held the bottle firmly in my right hand as the other reached down and slid his boxers off. He took mine off as well and soon we were both flush against one another with nothing barring our skin from touching.

I kissed him again, letting my tongue run languidly over his lips, sounds of pleasure growing deep in his throat while I slowly led him back over to the bed. I stopped, suddenly, realizing that the mattress was covered in all the gifts he had brought me and then I had a better idea.

I pulled away from his mouth and began drawing a trail down his cheek and neck, following his collarbone over to his shoulder and slowly around him as I turned Harry so that his back was against my chest. He gasped audibly as I angled my hips and he felt my erection pressing against him.

I trailed my tongue along the back of his neck and felt the little hairs there stand up on end. He moaned loudly and brought his hands up to brace himself against the bedpost. I smiled into the kisses I was planting along his shoulder-line and carefully popped open the bottle.

I poured some of the fluid onto my fingers and leaned into him as my fingers penetrated his entrance, slowly and carefully to stretch him with as little pain as possible.

“Ahh, Draco,” he groaned. His voice was different this time. His body was more relaxed and I could tell that it wasn’t as painful as the last time. I smirked and bit down on the side of his neck (though not too hard) just for good measure as I continued to stretch him.

“Now…Draco… now!” he begged, his fingers curling and his nails scratching into the old wood of the bedpost. I felt myself get even more aroused as he called for me.

“My, my, aren’t we impatient for someone who’s so intent on avoiding the pain,” I hissed into his ear.

“Prat,” he exhaled more than said as I pulled my fingers out. Spilling more of the fluid onto my hand I stroked myself for a few moments, slicking my shaft adequately before positioning myself at his hole.

I bit my lip hard and pushed into him, at a slow and agonizing pace, relishing in every explosion of pleasure that erupted over my body with every inch I went deeper.

Harry was moaning more audibly now and the sounds did nothing to help my excessive excitement. I leaned over and wrapped one arm around his chest, digging my fingers into his skin as I pulled him back against me. My other hand went around him, still covered in the lubricant (if that’s what it really was), and I began to stroke his length in time with my thrusts.

“Oh god… Draco,” Harry cried out breathlessly, dropping his head. I leaned into him as much as possible and found myself panting out his name softly.

“Harry… yes, Harry…” I whispered. I realized then that we were both being much quieter than the last time, though I don’t know why it came to me.

“Yes, Draco, more…” Harry gasped. My breath hitched at his words and I pumped a bit faster, increasing the speed of my pace as I pushed and pulled in and out of him.

He felt so good around me. I breathed him in deeply as I pressed my forehead to the back of his neck, letting my hot breath ghost down his spinal column. Everything went hazy the more I thrust and I could feel him tense and release around me.

And then, barely noticeable, there was a soft click from somewhere behind me.

“Harry, why was the door locked? Ron said you might be in he –”

The She-Weasel’s voice trailed off and Harry and I both snapped out of the stupor of our actions when we heard her piercing shriek from behind us.

Harry’s head snapped up and looked over, his face wrought with embarrassment and alarm. My throat contracted and for a moment or two I couldn’t breathe at all. Harry was as stiff as a statue as he stared motionless at the spot where his ex-thing had stood a moment before.

“Ginny,” he whispered. Then suddenly he pulled away from me and struggled to get his trousers back on. I didn’t mind very much as I wasn’t really in the mood anymore either. I felt my heart sink and rushed around with him trying to find my clothes. Harry finished first and bolted out the door, calling after her as he did. “Ginny! Wait!”

I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I followed him, tugging a shirt (not the one I had before, I couldn’t find it somehow) over my head as I ran after Harry and the She-Weasel.

I found them both frantic in the Library down the hall.

“Ginny, wait, it’s not what it looks like!” Harry was pleading madly with her as she fumed and her eyes welled up with tears that I imagine weren’t as real as she wanted them to be. But then again, that could just be me.

The words Harry spoke, mind you, struck me as odd. Wasn’t what it looked like? Was this the moment where he admits to everyone that I’m just a good fuck? Was this the moment where he breaks my heart for the final time so that I can be adequately broken?

“Like HELL it isn’t what it looks like!!” she shrieked back at him. “It’s EXACTLY what it looks like, Harry! You were fucking Malfoy!!” Then she seemed to think better of her statement. “No, WORSE YET, MALFOY WAS FUCKING YOU!”

Harry’s face drained of colour momentarily before he turned a very dark shade of red.

“Ginny, you don’t understand,” he pressed frantically. I lingered in the background, unable to decide whether or not I should be pleased with the situation or not.

On the one hand, if she thought terribly of Harry now, she would stop throwing herself at him. On the other, Harry would likely lose some of the people he cares most about because of me… and somewhere in there I get my heart ripped out and burnt to ashes by his inevitable admission that this is just a physical thing and he still loves her.

“No, you’re right, Harry,” she replied venomously. “I DON’T understand! I don’t understand how you could kiss me like you did last year and be with me and then BREAK UP WITH ME, saying that you wanted to protect me, to stop me from getting killed or whatever, giving me all these supposed NOBLE reasons and then just come here and let THIS FILTHY DEATH-EATER fuck you!! I don’t understand how you could feed me such a bold faced lie! Or were you just using me, Harry? When I didn’t give you what you wanted, what? You decided to sink to HIS level??”

I felt my anger flare but kept silent as I saw that Harry was reacting worse than I was.

“You take that back!!” he screamed at her, his anger passed the boiling point. I swear I could see his hair blowing in some invisible wind. I could feel his anger rise. “I NEVER used you, Ginny! And I didn’t just leave you to be with him! I meant what I said! I left you because I refuse to see you get killed or hurt just because of me. I wanted to protect you!! I didn’t plan on this!! Do you think I wanted this?!”

That’s it. My heart cracked like thin ice just before it shatters. I suppose the analogy is accurate, after all. I’m cold-hearted and emotionless, remember?

I just… I should have known. I should have expected it. I should have been more aware… but I let my guard down. And now I’m hurt.

THIS IS WHY I WAS SUCH A JERK AT SCHOOL! THIS IS WHY I WAS SUCH A FUCKING ARSE! You never get hurt when you’re the one doing the hurting…

Never like this.

“Oh because I saw you doing a hell of a lot of fighting, back there,” she spat coldly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone with such a cold demeanor… apart from myself and my father. No one has ever managed to spout such painful remarks without so much as feeling a pang of guilt. I’m a master of spotting that guilt. She had none.

At this point people started showing up to see what was going on. All the Weasels except the adults had shown, along with Granger and Lupin. I stood tall and yet felt as though I should be attempting to melt into the wall behind me.

“What’s going on here?” Lupin asked carefully, looking from one of them to the other.

“HARRY LET MALFOY FUCK HIM!” the Weasel-slut screamed immediately at him. Everyone in the room went pale except Lupin and Granger, who simply got quiet and were clearly trying to do some quick thinking.

“Ginny…” Lupin began, but someone cut him off.

“Ginny, please,” Harry continued to beg. His every word tore through me. I couldn’t have said anything had I wanted to.

“Just tell me, Harry,” she demanded without faltering. The tears on her face were drying and her look was replaced with one of loathing. “Did you ever even love me?”

“Of course I loved you!” he cried back immediately. “I still love you!” And that was the exact moment that my cracked and icy heart shattered into pieces. I felt my knees buckle slightly and my carefully arranged indifferent façade faltered. I now know the true meaning of feeling dead inside. “I just don–” Harry started to say, but he was cut off.

“So if you really love me then how could you betray me like that!?!” the She-Weasel shrieked back at him. He was angry by now and frustrated by the fact that she wouldn’t listen to him. “How could you sink so low as to let yourself be desecrated by the likes of HIM! How could you let yourself give in to him like that? He’s worthless and filthy and evil and –”

“AND I LOVE HIM!” Harry finally exploded, the whole room shaking with the words he spoke. Everyone went dead silent in astonishment at Harry’s proclamation, myself included. It couldn’t be true. He must be lying. This is just a ploy to hurt me more… how could it be true if he loves her? “At least… I think I do.”

Think?

……

I can’t let myself be part of this anymore…I can’t just keep letting him do this. I AM A M ALFOY. MALFOYS DON’T LET THEMSELVES GET BURNED!

I’m the only Malfoy left…

I’m… I’m nothing…

“I KNEW IT!” Weasel started screaming suddenly. “I knew you had to be up to something!!” It took me a moment to realize he was screaming at me. I looked up at him slowly with cold, dead eyes and a slight snarl on my lips. It was a look I was most familiar with and one I’ve apparently ignored for far too long. It slipped back on so easily. “I don’t know what you did to him but you must have bewitched him somehow! This is what you wanted all along, you little fucker! Wanted to break up the Order and get Harry to fall for you so that you could hand him over to your Master or something?! Was that it?!?”

I couldn’t believe it. Harry was screaming again, though I couldn’t hear what. The Weasel and his sister were bellowing back and Lupin was trying to calm everything down, but failing quite spectacularly. I felt too hollow to react or do anything. What was the point, anyway? No matter what I said or did at that point would only make the whole matter worse for me… and for Harry…

So I left.

I slipped out of the room while everyone was in the fray and started walking back to my room. I vaguely considered a spell… saw it in a whole new way… I wonder if sectumsempra works if you do it on yourself…

“Draco…” a soft whisper came from not too far behind me. I stopped dead and my eyes widened slightly. It was Granger speaking. I could tell she wasn’t very comfortable with speaking my name. “Please… you have to know… how Harry feels about you. He’s just very confused and has so much to deal with. The truth is…” her whispers became more rushed. “I’ve hardly seen him as confident as I have when he’s around you. You finish each other’s sentences… You are the only one who can get through to him in his stubbornness… He does care about you, Draco… Just… remember that.”

I didn’t turn around or even give any kind of indication that I was aware she had spoken to me. I just kept walking back to my room…

How is any of this possible?

He claims he loves me… or “he thinks so”… but then, he left the She-Weasel in order to protect her… to stop her getting killed. He thought Voldemort would use her to get to him?

Then why would he be with me? Because he doesn’t care if I get killed? How can he love me if he doesn’t care if I die??

How does any of this make sense??

I know I told him… once… that it wasn’t his decision if someone wanted to die for him… but I know that didn’t change his mind… and if it had, he would have gotten back together with the Weasel-slut, no?

ARGH! WHY THE FUCK IS HE DOING THIS TO ME?

So he DOESN’T care if I get hurt.

So… so HOW CAN HE LOVE ME?

I slammed the door behind me and kicked over a chair. The sound caused Regulus to panic and he started hooting angrily in a ruffle of feathers. I shot him a look and sunk to the ground, holding my hands in my face.

Malfoys don’t let this happen… Malfoys aren’t weak, they don’t get hurt, they do the hurting.

Strong and powerful and always in control, I’M JUST NOT A MALFOY ANYMORE.

I GAVE UP MY PUREBLOOD FOR HIM! I GAVE HIM EVERYTHING!

And what? He THINKS he loves me but doesn’t give a fuck if I get murdered??

I let tears stream down my face as I held my forehead. Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why did it have to be Harry Fucking Potter?

Better yet, why did it have to be me?

I don’t know how long I was sitting there, but after a while the door opened and someone walked in. I didn’t look up. I didn’t care who it was. I didn’t care if they saw me vulnerable. Maybe it would finally hit them that I’m not just unfeeling and cold-hearted. Maybe then they would understand that I’m not a Death-Eater… or some stupid pawn in Voldemort’s game.

“Draco…” a soft whisper came from a voice that is all-too familiar and not entirely welcome. I didn’t look up, but Harry knelt down and laid his hand on my knee.

“What the fuck do you want?” I snapped with less bite than I would have liked. I don’t care. No spirit left to give, it’s all broken now.

“I… I want you…” he whispered. I could hear his confusion at my tone.

“WHY do you want me, Potter?” I shot, finally looking up at him. His eyes were red and his face was wet too but he was not crying. I wanted to hit him.

“I love you,” he answered simply, searching my eyes for some kind of recognition.

“You think,” I finished for him. I was bitter and angry and hurt and I didn’t want to play his game anymore.

“I know,” he corrected sadly. “I love you, Draco. You didn’t just bewitch me. You aren’t trying to kill me. You aren’t a Death-Eater. These are all things I know.”

“But you love her,” I mocked. “Why don’t you just go back to her? You can’t keep telling everyone you love them, Potter, it doesn’t look good unless you believe in polygamy. I’m not a fan.”

He shook his head.

“I do love Ginny,” he reiterated, what, for my benefit? “But not the way I should love her. Not the way she wants and needs me to love her.” I looked up at him again, confused this time. “I was jealous of Dean when he was kissing her. I thought I fancied her but… I realized that it wasn’t that. Ginny will always mean a lot to me, and while I was with her, I was happy. But I love her like a sister, like a friend. I liked her as a girlfriend… but not love. Not like that.”

He’s ever so eloquent.

“And you left her to protect her “as a friend”?” I sneered, narrowing my eyes. “I don’t get you, Potter. You claim you just care about her as a friend, but you want so badly to protect her. You claim you love me but never try to offer me the same option. So, what, you don’t care if I die?”

“Draco,” he whispered, sitting himself in front of me and pulling my arms away from my face. “This is what I realized about Ginny, during all that time thinking. She would have followed me into a battle no matter what I said, but I would have spent all that time standing in front of her. I felt the need to protect her. I’m the one who has to take care of her.” He paused and looked down before tilting my head up to stare him in the eyes. “But you… you are the one taking care of me. You help me, you save my life, offer me solutions to problems that shouldn’t have one… I would have stood in front of Ginny, but I NEED you by my side. I’ve never loved anyone enough to see that they can protect me just as much as I can protect them.”

I stared at him. More tears falling from my eyes despite how much I wanted them to stop. What was he telling me? That I’m his equal? That I’m the only one he wants?

Is this all just wishful thinking?

Am I going mad?

“Harry…” I whispered, my lip quivering. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to my lips. It was soft and reassuring. It was his way of telling me there was nothing for me to doubt now… nothing else for me to worry about. I was his and he was mine.

“Forever,” he whispered as though reading my thoughts. “There’s no way to get rid of me now.” He chuckled a bit and helped me to my feet. With a wave of his wand everything was off the bed and on the tables and chairs instead.

Harry carefully removed my clothes and let me remove his, then he led me over to the bed and pulled me under the covers with him.

He snuggled up against me and I removed his glasses for him, putting them aside. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close under the covers.

That was the first time I’ve ever slept with him…

*******
December 31

The few days after Christmas were filled with awkward silences and angry glares. The Twins didn’t seem to have lost much of their liking for me, surprisingly. Apparently Harry had a talk with them. Or rather they forced him to talk to them. He explained everything the best he could and, for some strange reason, they said they understood.

I don’t think I will ever understand the madness that is Fred and George Weasley, but as long as I don’t have them trying to hex me or curse me every other second, I don’t mind at all.

Weasel, on the other hand, kept throwing me angry glares and disgusted looks. He didn’t talk much to Harry either, mind you. Granger shot him a look every time he was too expressive of his feelings and he calmed down a bit. She was quite well-mannered and even rather joyous during those days.

I suppose, somewhere deep down, I am thankful to her. She seemed to accept me much faster than anyone else and yet she never had any reason to.

The more I spend time with Harry and Lupin and her, I realize that my father was wrong about a great many things… not everything, but many.

The She-Weasel avoided us like the plague from then on, but did give Harry an only slightly uncomfortable hug before she, her brothers and parents left two days ago.

Mr. Weasley said that they had a lot to prepare before she could return to Hogwarts and the Twins needed to get back to their shop.

So the house is now mainly empty. Only Harry, Granger, Weasel, Lupin and I remain. Tonks and Shacklebolt returned to work. Some of the other Order members popped in and out during the days after Christmas, but not for long visits.

The strangest was McGonagall’s visit. She didn’t stay long but came to see how we were all doing, partly upon the request of Dumbledore’s portrait and partly of her own volition. She talked to Lupin for a while before leaving and told us she would send an owl if she ever had any information that might be pertinent to us.

Harry has been staying in my room for the past few nights. He says he enjoys the feeling of waking up next to me in the morning.

This morning, he woke me up rather early by prodding me in the ribs. I snapped out of my sleep and groaned at him. Honestly, there are better ways to rouse someone.

“What?” I snapped, shutting my eyes again to shield them from the light filtering into the room.

“Wake up,” he ordered playfully. “Draco, you’ve never opened this.” I cracked an eye open to see what it was he was talking about.

Harry was holding out my Hogwarts letter and giving me a curious look.

“So?” I asked, shutting my eyes again. He huffed and brushed some hair out of my face before running his hand gently down my side.

I suppose if there IS one way to wake me up, it’s with the implied promise of sex. But that’s just not a very nice thing to do if it’s only an empty promise.

“You should open it!” he told me, thrusting the letter at me as I opened my eyes fully and tried to angle my body into his hand.

Damn.

“Alright, alright,” I conceded, sitting up to lean against the headboard. I took the letter from him and tore it open with a sigh.

I pulled out the pieces of parchment and carefully perused their instructions. The first letter was a list of the books I would need for the term. This was already a surprise as I thought I would have been expelled from school for everything that happened last year… but apparently not…

I flipped through the rest of the pages until I came to rest on the very last. I read quickly through it and my eyes widened, my pupils contracted and my mouth fell open.

“What is it?” Harry asked quickly, clearly more curious than he needed to be. “What does it say?”

I hesitated and reread it as if to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

“I’ve…” I started and then blinked several more times. “I was made… Head Boy.”

Harry blinked at me too.

“Really?” he asked in a much less surprised voice than I had anticipated. “Even after last year? I mean… you did let Death-Eaters in…”

I nodded. It wasn’t insulting. It was true.

So I read out the letter.

--Mr. Malfoy,

Congratulations. Upon the suggestion of previous Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, you have been selected to fill the post of Head Boy for the upcoming year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. If you are unable to fill the position, or should you decide to refuse it, the position will be awarded to the next most deserving candidate. If I do not receive any kind of refusal before September 1rst, I bid you a good year and applaud your achievement.

Sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall –

I gaped. Had she really made me Head Boy on Dumbledore’s request?

“Dumbledore requested you be made Head Boy?” Harry asked, repeating my own question. I couldn’t answer him.

“I let poisoned and almost killed two students,” I began in disbelief. “I endangered the lives of every pupil and every teacher. I let Death-Eaters into the bloody school. Bill Weasley was attacked because of me! Dumbledore is DEAD because of me and he wanted me to be Head Boy?? Was he mad??”

I turned to Harry but he was smiling at me.

“He knew you aren’t a killer,” he explained quietly. “He could see it… and he could see your potential. He knew you would be alright… and even if he knew you wouldn’t go back to school… I think this is his way of telling you he’s still proud of you.”

I dropped the parchment onto my lap and realized that there was a little shield-shaped pin in the envelope with a small gold ‘H’ on the front.

“He…was proud of me?” I whispered. How can I come to terms with something like that? After I tried and was ultimately the cause of his murder?

“He is…You don’t have to keep fighting this,” Harry added. “This is what it’s like being a ‘good guy’. We support one another.”

I guess he’s right…

Maybe I am a ‘good guy’…

-------IIIIIII-------

A/N: Oooh eLeMeNOhPee you had the right idea, just wrong timing! Hahaha I guess it wasn’t that unforeseeable, oh well! It served a purpose even if they didn’t get to finish *sigh* NEXT TIME.

Annnnd I feel it important to comment that I made a mistake with the design of the Black Family Crest. It doesn’t feature serpents but actually two black hounds and a sword… but AS this is not particularly important to the story in any way, I’m not going to go back and change it. I just thought it was a good idea to let you know!

I hope you enjoyed that, even if it kind of made me cry in parts. It’s kind of confusing, but that’s what it’s like to be 17 *sigh* everything is a hormonal rush and nothing really makes sense,but it does to me anyway hahaha so I hope you all like it anyway! Also, we must remember that this is an entirely subjective narration, meaning that everything is subject to Draco’s perceptions and things may not have happened EXACTLY the way he suggests they do. But he’s mostly accurate, we’ll say. He just doesn’t notice everything he thinks he does.

Yeah. I loff him. Teeeheeeee

And while Harry was yelling at Ginny, he was very angry with her and after Draco left he likely said some things to put her in her place, but being Harry and all, he wouldn’t have just torn into her like she does to him. I loff Harry too after all eheheh.

And Ryko: That dream was awesome!!! I wish I had dreams like that! I’ve had a lot of Harry Potter related ones that I’d love to tell you about, if you’d ever like to hear, though this isn’t really the right place for me to post that hahaha ^^ If anyone else has some interesting things like that to share (and don’t feel uncomfortable with it) feel free!

Berkie88: Ohh yes Tonks’ Patronus I think was supposed to be a werewolf, so I think it’s Lupin… I do think that magical creatures are possible, though humans perhaps not. Ah well, it’s all good. ^_^

Claire2007: I still can’t reveal if there is anything that will involve Sirius directly, but I definitely won’t make him come back from the dead. I don’t think anyone (in the actual) books will return from the grave, though other options for communication are always possible, *winkwink*

Ah I’m excited to write more lol I hope you are too!

Love and cookies for reviews!