Everything I Do, I Do It For You

Chapter 54: Tolmie’s Return

Nine days had passed in a stupor, nine of the longest days of Severus’ life. Those days were filled with the anticipation of the unknown and the fraction that he did know about, he’d sooner forget.

Hermione had been a constant visitor to him, not only in his slumber, but also his wakefulness. He could not only feel her emotions, but also her pain; it was unlike anything that he had every experienced in his life. However, he went on as usual, knowing that she was alive.

Severus had awoken many nights, flushed at what he had told Hermione in these visions. It seemed as though he were free to be himself in these dreams, to show the true Severus Snape. As he had never been one for words of encouragement or one to show his true emotions; this was all foreign to him and he would usually awake angry at himself for revealing just that little bit more of himself to the Gryffindor.

Severus had never been the sort of person who wore his emotions on his sleeve and was the first to ridicule those who did so. However, in these visions he felt that he could be himself, whilst he was in them at least, not the spy who had to hide his emotions at every given opportunity, never to show his true colours or feelings.

Severus was tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep and block his mind of all thoughts of Hermione; however, his mind kept on returning to where she was. He was terrified, he had admitted to himself at last. Completely bloody petrified and, for once, this fear was not for himself, but for Hermione. He had come to the realisation that he’d rather lose himself than lose Hermione, and that one thought scared him more than anything else.

Sitting there in his favourite armchair, Severus finally admitted to himself that he would not know what to do without Hermione. Somewhere in his daily and nightly visions, he had forged a connection with her, a kind of relationship, which grew with every day that passed. It was more than mere understanding which passed between them and he knew that they now understood each other better than anyone had known them in the past or would ever know them in the future.

’How long has it been since I allowed anyone to become this close to me?’ he reflected. ’Never,’ he thought as he frowned.

In those nine days, Severus had no visitors, nor did he want any, so he had a lot of time to himself to think and reflect on the last twenty years of his life.

If he were truly honest with himself, he would say that he was not an agreeable person to be around and that had suited him quite nicely in the past. Severus also knew, since he was being completely honest, that he walled himself off from everyone, never wanting anyone to get too close to him, to know the man he truly was. It had been too dangerous, he reflected to himself, to let anyone in. Now, however, he didn’t have two Masters to contend with and he felt at a loss for what it was that he actually wanted.

As Severus had played a role for the last twenty years of his life, he found it was a role that he no longer knew if he could relinquish that easily. He wasn’t sure where to begin, wasn’t certain where the character that he had so shrewdly fashioned ended and the performer which he had depicted began. He wasn’t even entirely convinced if it was a role he was playing anymore, as he had lost the ability to tell about thirteen year previously, when he had actually become the character so much that he had lost himself in it.

Although he was fairly certain that he wouldn’t have the personality that he had today had he not so carefully crafted his imagine into the one that others saw and believed him to be. He liked having the freedom to be able to speak his mind, to tell others what he thought of them and those people marking it down to his unpleasantness.

Severus had liked his solitude, this was true, but in those nine days he had come to the realisation that he craved for something, someone to fill that void in his life and for the first time in twenty odd years, he felt truly lonely.

Unbeknownst to Severus, Hermione was also experiencing her own dreams filled with the dark Potions Master. In these dreams, he would whisper words of encouragement which kept her going. He had promised that they were mounting a rescue mission and that they just needed more time. Severus, as she had come to know him, had told her to be strong for him and she usually awoke blushing by those dreams though she knew not why.

Hermione had tried, unsuccessfully, to break the wards and it had resulted in a nasty jolt. She was thrown across the room, usually to land painfully, so she gave up the idea within the first two days that she was held prisoner in the Minister’s house.

She was bored and spent most of her time staring out the window at the freedom she could see, but could not grasp hold of.

’Not yet,’ she thought acrimoniously to herself, as she looked longingly across the manicured gardens and into the surrounding hills and valleys.

Hermione hadn’t eaten in those first two days, rebelling against what the Minister had in store for her and suspecting that the food and drink was somehow tainted. She was famished and wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball on the bed and die. However, as soon as she had her first nightly visit from the Potions Master, she ate with gusto at his promises of things to come.

She had had almost hourly visits from the Minister, but that had stopped when she refused to respond to his taunts and threw a pillow, which somehow manage to make it through the wards, at the wizard. It had hit him in the face and she smiled at him sweetly and asked him how his shoulder was doing. He left in an enraged huff, but not before testing the wards and slamming the door behind himself.

Hermione’s spirits were raised by this one victory, no matter how small it was she still saw it as such, and was on cloud nine for the rest of the day, smiling and humming to herself.

Her food would magically appear at the exact same time everyday and the meals were delicious. She had to acknowledge that the Minister at least had good taste when it came to food.

Hermione was just biding her time until Severus came to get her. ’Tolmie and Peter too,’ a little voice inside her head whispered. It was the only thing she could really do, she realized with a happy sigh.

***

Dumbledore had been to see Andrew in the last couple of days and although the wizard had not made any improvements, he also showed no sign of getting any weaker. For this one thing, Albus was grateful.

He was almost certain that Andrew’s condition was somehow linked to his use of Legilimens on Andrew’s person and he thought that he was connected somehow to the Minister.

He prayed to Merlin that Severus, Miss Granger, Tolmie and Peter would be successful in ridding the world of Minister Fudge and he had a nagging feeling that Andrew would come back once this task was complete. At least he hoped that this was true.

All he could do now, in all honesty, was to sit tight and await Mr Crobobin’s return and hope that he was successful in his quest.

***

Tolmie Crobobin reached for the doorknob, the wards recognising him immediately and letting him pass through unhindered. He was bone weary, but he also felt elated that his task was complete, as it wasn’t easy by any means.

He was greeted to the sight of Severus Snape sitting in his usual chair by the fireplace, an open book in his lap that he was neither looking at or reading. He felt the waves of nervous energy hit him full force in the chest and he had to take a step backwards to brace himself on the door frame lest he fall over.

Severus looked up to see Tolmie enter the room. His friend looked like he had just been to hell and back. Tolmie wore a resigned look on his face and dark half circles under his eyes. He didn’t appear to have slept in days, or shaven for that matter if the stubble on his chin was any indication.

“You’re back,” Severus said in a slightly over-eager voice, rising from his chair.

“Always one to state the obvious,” Tolmie joked as he felt another wave hit him; this one was different. Relief perhaps.

“So did you accomplish what you set out to do?” Severus asked in a composed manner, though he was feeling anything but.

“I did,” Tolmie answered, stepping fully into the room and closing the door behind himself.

“And?” the dark-haired man asked; his voice had an irritated edge to it Tolmie observed.

“It will be done,” was Tolmie’s only reply as he threw himself into one of the armchairs facing the fireplace.

The Potions Master sighed loudly as he seated himself once more to Tolmie’s right.

Both men sat in silence until Tolmie spoke up once more.

“What’s the matter?” he asked as he turned to face Severus.

“Nothing,” Severus replied facing Tolmie.

“Oh, don’t give me that,” Tolmie started, “I could tell as soon as I entered the room that something wasn’t… oh, let’s just say, on par.”

Severus cocked his head to the side, a look of confusion showing clearly on his face. He was not familiar with the term ‘on par’ and it took him a couple of seconds to understand the older man.

“Am I that transparent?” he sighed as he dropped his head to his hands.

“Only to those that know you,” Tolmie answered before adding under his breath, “and Empaths,” he chuckled noiselessly to himself.

“What’s on your mind?” Tolmie asked when it seemed evident that he would have to push his usually reserved companion into speech.

“Hermione,” Severus grumbled under his breath. His head was bent and his eyes were focused on something on the floor.

The older Potions Master’s eyebrows rose in the air. ’Did he just use Miss Granger’s first name?’ he reflected, not really at all shocked at this revelation, more surprised that it had taken so long for the dark-haired man to voice it.

A small smile made its way onto the older man’s face. “Tell me about it,” he simply said as he folded his arms across his chest and sank deeper into the armchair.

Severus lifted his head from his hands to face Tolmie once more. He wore a frown on his face, which told Tolmie he had pushed his companion too far.

Tolmie was just about to tell Severus not to worry about it and that he would be there if he ever needed to talk about it, when the adverse Potions Master began to speak in barely a whisper.

“I see her wherever I go,” he started. “In my dreams, she comes to me and the imagines are so vivid, so real, that I can almost reach out and touch her. Please tell me I am going insane,” he said, staring into Tolmie’s bottomless brown eyes.

Tolmie felt his heart break. Severus reminded him of a desperate man, not the wizard he knew, however, if he truly had no clue as to why he was having these dreams, then perhaps now was not the time to tell him.

’Soon,' he thought to himself whilst aloud he said, “No, Severus, you are not going insane. Perhaps you have just been lonely and your mind has conjured up these imagines as a way of dealing with it,” he offered; although he knew that it sounded lame, he hoped that it would indeed pacify the usually dour man seated beside him as now was not the time or the place to tell him the true meaning behind those dreams.

“I have never needed anyone,” Severus said, affronted by the insinuation made by his friend.

“Everyone needs someone,” Tolmie replied as he smiled at Severus.

Severus, having never been any good with showing any emotion other than anger, snapped back at Tolmie. “Well, not I; not now, not ever.”

Rising from his chair, he transformed into the wizard that Tolmie had heard about, the scary dark-haired Potions Master that he had heard the children talk about and he had even sensed in his raging emotions at times. Tolmie had thought that he was beyond this persona, but he was obviously wrong.

Severus was now pacing before the fire, working himself up into a state, arms folded across his chest.

Tolmie followed him with his eyes, as the young wizard seemed to get more and more agitated, until he was so wound up Tolmie thought he would burst.

Then just as suddenly as this fit had commenced, it quickly evaporated and Severus flung himself dramatically into the armchair and sighed heavily.

“I don’t think I could live without her,” he said in a barely auditable whisper, a couple of seconds later.

Tolmie was once again taken back by his friend’s trust in him, but he was not at all surprised by this confession.

Taking a deep breath in, Tolmie said the only thing that would pacify the wizard sitting to his left.

“I know,” he replied wearily.

As Severus looked up into Tolmie’s eyes, he could see the depth of the older man’s sincerity reflected back into his own.

***

AN: I hope that this chapter wasn’t too confusing to anyone out there. I am sorry as my thought process tends to jump around a little bit from time to time.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and I love hearing your thoughts and even your guesses on things to come… They are quite enjoyable, not to mention amusing in a weird sort of way, LOL!

Please review and let me know if you think you have worked out, as Tolmie has, why Severus is having these vivid dreams. I promise all reviews will be answered in a timely fashion and no one will be mocked for their thoughts, unless of course you want to be!

I have no real idea what will happen in the next chapter, though I think I shall get them headed on their merry way to storm the Minister’s mansion… I have some pretty good ideas about that, so please stay tuned and we shall also find out, hopefully, about Tolmie’s quest.

A HUGE thank you goes out to my beta, LariLee, you are the best and if you didn’t know that already, I am now telling you so. Thanks.

Sorry, but my author’s notes sometimes read like my story, scattered doesn’t even begin to describe them, so once again I apologize.

Disclaimer: The characters I have borrowed from J.K. and do not in any fashion resemble what she would want for them. Hence I am not making any money from this endeavour, just the joy of having so many faithful reviewers. I love you all! Cheers.