Ashes of Armageddon

Perhaps a simple piece of paper with mutually agreed upon promises shouldn't have changed much in terms of how Severus felt about his connection to Harry, but, as the next week went by, he realized that it had changed a great deal. His horrifying insecurity and unease about their relationship had began to dissipate, and eventually was laid to rest for the time being.



During the week that followed, old dreams and memories resurfaced again, but this time they were not accompanied by shame, or self-loathing upon waking. He never thought himself to be capable of dreaming about kneeling before his Master, and soaking in his affection, without any self-loathing or resentment to accompany those dreams.



And really, Severus reasoned with himself, was he truly that broken, that damaged? Harry had his own share of insecurities and dreams, that from the sound of it, appeared to be quite similar in nature, if not in content. However the slave-bond and the experiences of the past had shaped them both, in their dreams and their waking, they were both only human, nothing more and nothing less.



He did not find himself dreading the following visit, or second-guessing whether or not he'd be welcome.



The following weekend, Severus came to the island Harry greeted him as enthusiastically as always. Still held in Harry's embrace, Severus looked around the cabin, and noticed a small backpack and a hiking pole set in by the door.



“What's that all about?” Severus asked instantly, and before Harry could open his mouth to protest, Severus added, “before you say anything, I should remind you that with the Covenant in place, you would do well not to attempt to lie. If you breach the terms of the covenant, Neville Longbottom will be instantly alerted to that fact.”



Harry winced muttered an obscenity under his breath.



“So, in favor of avoiding bloodshed, I'd like to urge you to be truthful,” Severus said with a self-satisfied smirk.



“Fine!” Harry snapped defiantly. “In a couple of days I'm going to hike out to the headland, and see how the Cockatrice are doing.”



“Hike? Why Hike? Why not Apparate?” Severus asked instantly.



“Remember how you've mentioned they are sensitive to magic?” Harry asked. Severus nodded, listening. “Well, each time I had Apparated this week, they made themselves very scarce. I even hiked out there two days ago, and they still scattered away. I think they sensed my wand.”



“So how is it going to be different in a couple of days?” Severus asked reasonably.



Harry just looked at him, without saying a word.



“You are out of your mind,” Severus said sharply. “You are going to walk into a habitat of venomous, ferocious, enraged creatures without a wand in your hand?”



Harry shrugged. “We'll need to make contact and establish a connection with them sooner or later. I thought it best not to wait until they become completely feral.



Severus nodded, deep in thought. They would need to establish a relationship with the creatures, if they had any hope of harvesting the venom in the future without resorting to physical force. Still, the idea of Harry going into the habitat of the Cockatrice without a wand, or any kind of protection was making him slightly nauseous.



“All right, let's do it together then,” Severus said. “How long a hike is it?”



“Six miles each way,” Harry said, looking at him dubiously. “But... I would rather that you didn't come with me.”



“Why?” Severus asked in a brittle and unfriendly tone of voice . “Because I'm a fragile trauma victim who needs to be kept in a stasis bubble?”



Harry glared at him.



“Actually, no,” Harry said grimly. “It's only because you are an obstinate bastard that I hesitate bringing you along.”



Severus chuckled quietly. Their relationship had definitely taken a turn for the better, to the point that they could insult each other openly, without having their feelings hurt.



“Look,” Harry said, a little more peacefully, “you've got good reasons to be stubborn, because in most cases, you really do know better. But .... this is different. When it comes to the magical creatures, I'm the expert now. If you decide to come along, you'll have to trust me, and let me do things my way, even if it goes against your better judgment.”



Severus winced slightly at Harry's grave tone of voice. “You aren't planning on hurting them, are you?” he asked quietly.



“What, with my bare hands?” Harry asked, amused. “No. I've looked up and memorized a few phrases in Parseltongue. I'll try to communicate and establish an understanding.”



“And if that doesn't work?” Severus asked bitterly.



Harry grinned, unconcerned. “Then we both run like hell, and try again next weekend.”



Severus shook his head tiredly. “You are insane. Utterly and completely insane.”



“You've got a better idea, I suppose?”



Severus shrugged. He had to admit that he didn't. For a few moments, he was going to suggest giving up on the entire plan, but the creatures were already here, and the goal was so near in sight, he was willing to take a chance.



“Let's get it over with then,” he muttered. “But may I make a suggestion?”



“Sure. What?”



“Let's Apparate to a distance of one mile away from the habitat, leave our wands there, and hike the rest of the distance. This way, if something goes wrong, we only have a mile to hike to our wands, instead of six.”



Harry nodded. “Brilliant. When do you want to do it?”



“No time like the present,” Severus said dryly.



They did exactly that – Apparated to a spot near a mile away from the peninsula, and buried the wands under a large conspicuous rock.



“Remember where we left the wands now,” Harry said with amusement, and they proceeded to hike the rest of the distance in comfortable silence. Harry walked first, leading the way. Severus followed closely, barely able to take in what was happening.



All of this, Severus thought absently, was for his benefit. The creatures being here, Harry giving his time, and taking risks to tame them, to help him harvest the ingredients for Remusin. And at this point, Severus had to admit to himself, that this was not about misguided guilt, or attempts to make amends. The memories were still there, of course, but much as humanly possible, the two of them had moved beyond the mutual recrimination and self-blame, and started with a clean slate.



They paused before the entering the meadow, and Severus reached to take Harry's hand.



Harry stopped instantly and turned around to meet his eyes.



“What is it, Severus?” Harry asked gently.



“Let's not do this,” Severus said softly. “It's too risky...”



“What about your brilliant cure for Lycanthropy?” Harry asked with a mischievous smile.



Severus shook his head. “Harry, I really don't care. The hell with it, to hell with the werewolves. I don't want you doing this. It's too dangerous.”



“It's fine,” Harry promised, and wrapped his arms around Severus' waist, drawing him near. “Trust me, I've done it before. I know what I'm doing.”



Severus gave him a dubious glance.



“The Hyppogriffs,” Harry explained. “Half a dozen of them were pretty scarred after the war. Disoriented. Confused. Angry. And look at them now. The one who ran out to greet you used to be one of the worst.”



Severus was still staring at Harry doubtfully, shaking his head.



“If you are this worried, let's go back,” Harry relented finally. “I don't want to unnerve you.”



“And you won't try this on your own, once I go back to London?” Severus challenged.



Harry sighed. “Yeah, I'll try on my own later,” he admitted.



“In that case, we are doing this together,” Severus stated with a note finality in his voice.



Harry's hands rested on his elbows. “Fine,” Harry said. “I need you to promise me that you'll just watch and wait. Don't interfere. Don't make a single move. Leave this to me. All right?”



Severus winced as the words appeared to sound more ominous than Harry likely had intended them.



“Promise me,” Harry insisted urgently.



“All right, I promise,” Severus snapped, and stood still, while Harry took his leave of him, and walked to the center of the meadow.



For the longest time, Harry simply sat in the grass and waited. Severus was not certain how long, perhaps half an hour, but time itself seemed to have slowed down to a crawl. Eventually, a hesitant rustling of branches drew Severus' attention, and a single Cockatrice creature emerged from the grove, and made its way towards Harry.



Crouching on the ground, Harry simply waited for it to make its way towards him. The creature slowed down its approach and circled around him, wings trembling slightly, and the tail twitched furiously. Severs swallowed hard, feeling just as anxious as the Cockatrice appeared to be. This could all go very wrong, very quickly, he thought. Harry could end gravely injured, perhaps killed, all for a chance to collect some obscure potion ingredient. Harry turned his head slightly and looked at him with a small reassuring smile.



The creature continued approaching, until finally Harry and the Cockatrice were face to face. The creature hissed something at Harry. Harry opened his mouth and responded in turn in Parseltongue. The creature took a moment to consider his words, and then spoke again, more angrily this time. For a moment, Harry appeared to be at a loss for words. Then, just as he was going to open his mouth, the creature lunged at him, its beak heading straight for his right eye.



Harry's reaction was absolutely instantaneous. All he did was jerk his head backwards. The creatures beak connected with Harry's cheekbone instead, inflicting a gruesome face wound. Severus was ready to run towards him, but Harry hadn't cried out, or changed his position. He simply lifted his right hand, urging Severus to keep his place. Severus halted, realizing that he was out of his depth in the matter. Not even him and Harry together could win against one of the creatures bare-handed, let alone more than a dozen of them, should the other creatures decide to join the fight. Severus simply stood, frozen in his steps, helpless and furious at his helplessness, while Harry, still bleeding, addressed the creature in Parseltongue again, one last time.



The creature took a step back, eyed him suspiciously, and scurried back into the grove. Harry rose to his feet, and walked unsteadily towards Severus. Harry's hand was pressed against his mangled, bleeding cheek.



“I'm all right,” Harry said quietly, without waiting for a question. “Let's go back to the cabin though.”



Severus opened his mouth and then shut it. He was too unnerved to even offer a single word of rebuke.



Harry reached out for Severus and leaned against him, using his elbow for support, looking a little unsteady on his feet.



“Concussion?” Severus asked.



“A minor one,” Harry said. “Nothing to write home about.”



In absolute silence they walked back to the stone with the wands, with Harry leaning against Severus using him for support. When they finally reached the wands, Severus Apparated them to a cabin, sat Harry on a chair, and proceeded to examine the wound. It was deep, and there was a small fracture to t he cheekbone, but nothing that a few potions could not heal. Severus rummaged through Harry's potions cabinet and pulled out some mixtures, quickly making Harry drink them, one by one, before casting healing spells on him. Eventually, the wound had closed, leaving only a deep red mark on his cheek. Finally, Severus applied the Dittany ointment to prevent scarring.



“Thanks,” Harry said finally. “I'm glad you were here.”



Severus nodded, and finally, allowed himself to issue a sigh of relief.



“What went wrong?” he demanded.



“Ey?” Harry looked at him in confusion. “Nothing went wrong. Something like that was inevitable.” Harry smiled sadly. “You didn't think the Cockatrice were going to crawl to me and ask to be petted, did you ?”



Severus shook his head in resignation. The brief hope for production of Remusin within his lifetime appeared to be completely extinguished at this point.



“The creature will have to be put down,” Severus said reluctantly, voicing the unpleasant for both of them.



Harry glared at him with unusual steel in his gaze. “Absolutely not,” Harry snapped.



“It attacked you,” Severus snapped back, unsure why they were even arguing about it.



“Nonetheless, I don't see how killing the leader of the pack will improve the human-Cockatrice relations,” Harry countered with cool logic Severus never deemed him capable of.



“Clutch,” Severus corrected automatically, and added, “it is dangerous to permit them to think they can attack humans without reprisal. They need to know that they can't do that.”



Harry's gaze softened slightly. “Don't you think they already know that?” Harry asked softly. “They are scared, and angry, but they aren't stupid. They know we've got enough power to knock them out, sedate them, incarcerate them, even murder them. This was their way of testing the new environment, seeing if they can have anything of their own. They needed to know if they'd be allowed to hold down any part of this land as their sanctuary, without being punished. When I didn't retaliate, I showed them that they could.”



Severus glanced at him painfully. “You really did expect this happen?”



“I allowed it to happen,” Harry said bluntly, “because it had to happen. This incident was a one-time standoff. It won't happen again.”



“How can you be sure of that?” Severus pressed.



“Because the Cockatrice saw that I was faster,” Harry said with a wry smile. “He saw that I was in control. I let him gore me, but I didn't let him poke my eye out, did I?”



Severus shook his head tiredly. “You are insane,” he muttered.



“The bottom line is that there has to be a balance,” Harry said softly. “We need to reach an equilibrium. I'll give them what they need... and eventually, maybe they'll give me what I want.”



Later that night, Harry was reading at his desk, while Severus was watching him from across the room. He was stunned how something simple as this, simply being in the same room with Harry, simply watching him do something, was comforting and soothing.



Harry's earlier words still echoing in his mind, Severus got up, and walked slowly towards him until he stood next to him, feeling oddly nervous and uncertain.



“Hi,” Harry said, and looked up at him, smiling.



Severus moved his lips, but he was not sure what to say. He looked at Harry speculatively. The red scar on Harry's cheek was beginning to fade.



Harry looked up at him with concern. “What is it?” Harry whispered. “Severus?”



“Harry, I'm not the most agreeable person in the world,” Severus said hesitantly. “I doubt I could give you what you wanted, even if I tried my best, which I likely won't.”



“Huh?” As if on cue, Harry's expression turned from concerned to confused.



“Your dreams,” Severus said awkwardly. “About me submitting... even if I tried, I don't think I'd be any good at it. I don't think it'd be enough.”



For a few moments, Harry looked like he'd been doused with cold water. When he finally appeared to gather his wits and speak, his voice was shaking,



“Don't you see?” Harry demanded with desperate urgency. “You are enough.”



“Oh,” Severus muttered even more awkwardly. He was not sure what he was expecting, but that wasn't it.



He was suddenly at a loss for words again, and not quite knowing what to say, or do, he simply knelt in front of Harry's chair, burying his face in Harry's lap.



A part of him screamed in protest. He was too old for this, too old to take risks like that, even if the risk was only in his imagination. He was wary of being used, tired of being controlled, terrified of being pitied, and embarrassed by the possibility that this simple gesture might be rejected. The last thing he wanted was to be told to get off his knees, or for all of this to deteriorate int o an argument.



But what was it that he wanted, or needed? He had no words for it, and he simply waited, with his eyes shut, as his face pressed against Harry's thigh.



He did not have to wait long. Harry's hand rested on his head, and stroked his hair, just once, finally resting on his shoulder in silent acknowledgment and acceptance. Only then Severus realized that he was still holding his breath. He exhaled slowly, feeling slightly dizzy from the quiet and matter-of fact reassurance he had just received.



“Well,” Harry said gently. “I'm ready for bed if you are.”



TBC...