Once in a Blue Moon (COMPLETE)

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Shattered Teenage Dreams
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When Sirius found himself summoned to his mother’s receiving room the morning after the party he wasn’t that surprised.

“I understand your father knows,” Walburga stated coldly.

“Yes,” Sirius replied, equally coldly.

“Your indiscretions will not be tolerated when you return here after you’ve taken your N.E.W.T.s,” Walburga continued.

Sirius shook his head and was sorely tempted to tell her that he had no intention of returning to Grimmauld Place after he left Hogwarts.

“You will expect to marry by the end of the autumn,” Walburga told him. “I will see that the arrangements are made whilst you are at school.”

Sirius ignored her, and once she had finished telling him just how he would be living his life, he turned to leave.

His father was in his study across the hall, and Sirius could see that he had been waiting for him to emerge. He strolled across to the study and stood in the doorway.

If he didn’t know any better, he would say that his father looked nervous.

“The gossip about what you and your werewolf were doing made the rounds before we’d finished our discussion,” Orion told him. “I couldn’t pretend not to hear it, not when the whole of society already knew.”

Sirius shrugged. He knew now what his father was worried about. His suspicions were confirmed a moment later.

“Did you tell your mother what you saw?” Orion asked.

Sirius smiled.

“Did you?” Orion asked again, this time sounding every so slightly panicked.

Sirius ignored him and turned to leave the room. Let his father worry about whether he had said anything or not; it was not even half of what he deserved for what he had done to Remus.

Besides, Sirius had the feeling that one day he might need something over his father, and this was as good a bit of blackmail material as anything.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius returned from the prefects’ compartment to find that this year, Remus was right where he had left him.

“There you are!” James exclaimed. “Did you get it?”

“Get what?” Sirius asked with a wide yawn.

“The Head Boy position,” James said, as though he thought this was obvious.

Sirius grinned and shook his head. “Sorry. Went to Thomas from Ravenclaw. Lily got Head Girl though.”

“Great,” James muttered. “So, she’ll be even more up herself than she already is.”

Sirius looked at Peter who mouthed ‘don’t ask’ back at him.

They passed the rest of the morning by chatting about the holidays and eating an obscene amount of sweets.

Remus was just finished telling the others about how Firenze was going to be bonded to another centaur when the trolley arrived with various treats for their lunch.

They ate their fill, and then Remus announced that he was going to try and get some sleep.

“You tired?” Peter asked.

Remus nodded and yawned.

Sirius caught James smirking at him and felt his face flushing. If there was one person who was likely to guess what was going on between him and Remus, it was the boy lounging in the opposite seat.

The Express continued on its journey, and James pulled out a buyer’s guide to broomsticks, in the hopes that his parents would agree that he could have another new one this year. He sat with his back to the outside window and his legs stretching out to take over the other two spaces next to him.

Peter, planning on getting a head start on the schoolwork for the year, settled down next to Sirius with one of his textbooks for Ancient Runes.

Sirius would have got a book of his own out, but he was more interested in watching the changing landscape outside the window, enjoying his final journey to Hogwarts.

Remus had the second window seat and was on the other side of Sirius. Unlike him, he was not looking out at the fields; instead, he had closed his eyes and had rested his head against Sirius’s right shoulder. Sirius smiled to himself. Remus wasn’t going to track down Charlene; he wasn’t keeping himself at a distance from him. Instead he was curled up beside him, just as he had been during the last week of the holidays.

They were still several hours away from their destination when they heard the sound of a ruckus in the corridor outside.

“In here!” Lily called out to someone who was out of sight.

A second later she opened the door and pointed her wand at James, fury written all over her face.

“What?” James asked, more confused than anything else.

“You did it, I know you did!” Lily yelled.

“Did what?”

“Dungbombs in our compartment, as if you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Lily shouted, her wand wavering in her fury.

“Not me,” James told her with a shrug. He couldn’t help but grin at the idea of someone daring enough to set off a dungbomb in the Head Girl’s compartment of the train.

“I know it was you!” Lily insisted. “I’m docking you ten points.”

Sirius could see several more girls passing by their carriage, some of them looking rather pale and sickly.

“It wasn’t me,” James repeated. “You can’t dock points if you don’t have any proof.”

“It was you,” Lily exclaimed. “No one else would be that stupid!”

“It really wasn’t him,” Sirius interrupted. “He hasn’t moved from his seat in hours.”

Peter nodded that this was the case although Remus didn’t even open his eyes.

The crowd outside dissipated until only Lily and Charlene were left in the doorway.

“I think everyone else has found somewhere else to sit,” Charlene said as she tugged her bag in though the door.

“I’m not sitting in here,” Lily snapped.

“There isn’t anywhere else,” Charlene pointed out.

Sirius could tell that she was hoping that Remus would ask her to sit beside him, but Remus was still not moving.

Eventually, Lily shoved James’s feet aside and the two girls sat down in the empty places. Lily looked rather annoyed about being next to James, but since James looked equally furious about the seating arrangements, she was suffering in silence.

Sirius could tell that it was going to be a long afternoon.

“Remus?” Charlene called.

“He’s asleep,” Peter pointed out, rather unnecessarily.

“If he woke up, he and Lily could switch places,” Charlene suggested.

Sirius glared at her. “I’m not waking him up just so Lily doesn’t have to sit beside James,” he told her. “If you’re that concerned about it, why don’t you and Lily switch places?”

“I don’t like sitting in the middle.”

“Peter, you want to swap seats?” James asked.

Peter shook his head and wisely buried himself deeper in his book.

With the exception of Remus, they all continued to squabble for the next half an hour, until finally Sirius glared at James and Lily and told them to just snog already.

“You think I want to…” Lily spluttered. Sirius guessed that this was the first time in her life that she had actually been at an almost total loss for words.

“I think you both want to,” Sirius told her. “You’ve been eyeing each other up for over a year. I don’t know why you don’t just get on with it and get it out of your systems.”

“He’s an arrogant bully and a jerk. You know what he’s like; he used to bully you, or have you forgotten?”

“I’ve not forgotten,” Sirius confirmed. “But that was back in first year. I’ve got over it, maybe you should consider doing the same?”

“I’d rather die!” Lily declared.

“That can be arranged,” James retorted.

“You’ll never get James to agree to it,” Peter suddenly said. “He’s afraid that his kissing skills aren’t up to the job.”

“What?” James gasped. “You little git. My kissing skills are legendary.”

Lily snorted.

“They are,” James insisted. “Every girl I’ve ever kissed has come back for more.”

“Both of them?” Lily asked with mock sweetness.

“You’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” James told her with a glare.

“Just like you’ve probably got no idea how to kiss a girl properly,” Lily replied.

“I’ve had no complaints so far.”

“They’re probably all speechless with disgust.”

“They were speechless all right, but not with disgust.”

Sirius didn’t know how speechless they were, but he certainly wished that the two squabbling idiots sitting opposite him were.

“Oh, yeah! Prove it!” Lily suddenly challenged him.

James, always one to rise to the challenge, immediately complied.

“Bloody hell,” Peter whispered. “Wish my camera wasn’t at the bottom of my trunk. No one will ever believe this happened.”

Sirius shook his head and snickered. “At least they’re quiet now.”

Charlene nodded her agreement and sneakily crept across to borrow James’s magazine to read. He was far too occupied to notice.

“Let me know when Remus wakes up,” she said to Sirius before flicking open the magazine.

Sirius nodded, knowing that he was probably the only person in the compartment besides Remus himself to know that the young werewolf had woken up several minutes before. After all, even Remus couldn’t sleep through a James and Lily screaming match.

He wondered how long it would be before Remus let the others know he was awake, and hoped it would be a while. He knew that as soon as Remus ‘woke’, Charlene would want to swap places with him, and while he wasn’t particularly enthused at the idea of watching James and Lily shoving their tongues down each other’s throats, Remus curled up at his side more than made up for it.

Sirius turned to look out the window again, until finally, the lights of Hogsmeade could be seen further down the track.

The others had all changed into their school robes by the time the train pulled into the station. Only Sirius and Remus were not.

“We’ll catch you up,” Sirius told the others as he made a big show of gently coaxing Remus awake.

Remus faked a yawn and stretched. “We’re here already?” he asked.

“Just pulled into Hogsmeade,” Sirius told him. “We need to hurry up and put our robes on.”

“We’ll save you seats in a carriage,” Peter told them, ushering the girls and James out of the door.

“Thanks,” Sirius called after him.

It didn’t take long to drag their robes over their clothes and there were still numerous students lingering on the train when they were ready to disembark.

“Sirius, wait a minute,” Remus asked.

“What is it? You going to tell me why you’ve been pretending to sleep for most of the journey?”

“You could tell?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Of course I could tell. So, what’s up?”

“I was trying to think of how we’re going to work the full moons,” Remus explained. “If Charlene’s there, we can’t… you know…”

Sirius had known that this was coming. “It’s up to you what you decide,” he told him. “You know what your options are.”

“She won’t understand the truth,” Remus replied. “And I’ve got no idea how to make her stay away.”

“Do you want her to?” Sirius whispered.

“How can you even ask me that? You know how much I need you at the full moons! You know how much Moony needs you.”

“You managed last month,” Sirius reminded him. He didn’t add that he had much preferred having Remus for the entire last week of the holidays than just the days around the full moon.

“Yeah, but look what happened!” Remus exclaimed. “I can’t be jumping on you all the time like that.”

“Why not?” Sirius asked with a grin. “I don’t mind. I just wish you’d break things off with Charlie, so I don’t have to feel guilty about having you.”

“You’re not helping,” Remus muttered as he picked up his bags. “Perhaps we could do something so that she gets detention on the night of the full moon…”

“No way,” Sirius replied, shaking his head vehemently. “You’re on your own with that one. I feel guilty enough already, without adding to it.”

Remus sighed. “You’re right. But I can’t have her there every month.”

Sirius tugged him out of the compartment and off of the train. “Let’s just enjoy our last start of term feast and worry about the full moon later, okay?”

Remus nodded and they hurried to the waiting carriages, ready to start their final year at Hogwarts.

-o-xXx-o-

As it happened, they didn’t have to worry about Charlene going to Remus’s house on the night of the first full moon of the year.

“I’m sorry,” Charlene told him as she broke the bad news. “I tried to talk her into rescheduling the meeting, but the new Slytherin captain is insisting it goes ahead as planned. They have five new team members to train and don’t want to put it off any longer.”

Remus nodded sympathetically. It seemed that someone was watching out for him, and that someone had offered him a reprieve in the form of Madam Hooch. The teacher had arranged the meeting for the four House Quidditch captains to take place on the evening of the full moon. The meeting wasn’t compulsory, but if a captain missed it they found themselves with the worst practice time slots for their team. Slots like six o’clock on a Monday morning, which were avoided whenever possible. Charlene had the additional responsibility of making sure that the Gryffindor team practices weren’t too close to the full moon, and therefore she could not risk missing the meeting.

“Maybe I could come by after the meeting is done?” she suggested.

Remus shook his head. “You saw what happened when you came to the basement late that time. It aggravates the wolf.”

“I thought that was just because you didn’t want me there?” Charlene asked.

“That was only partly,” Remus told her. “The wolf gets agitated when Rom shows up late, too.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus assured her. “Sirius will be there, and you know how much he takes care of me.”

Charlene nodded and set out for her meeting, leaving Remus to track down Sirius and floo home.

-o-xXx-o-

“We got lucky this month,” Sirius told Remus as they ate their breakfast the following morning. “You know that you’re only putting off the inevitable though, don’t you?”

Remus sighed and finished eating his eggs and bacon.

“She’s going to find out about us eventually,” Sirius said. “We’re lucky she didn’t catch us at the back of the Quidditch bleachers yesterday morning.”

“If you don’t want me any more, just say so,” Remus replied, banishing his plate to the sink.

“You know I do,” Sirius said, manually taking his own plate to the sink in order to avoid looking Remus in the eye.

Remus stood up and wrapped his arms around Sirius’s waist. “Then come with me,” he whispered, nodding towards the bedroom.

Sirius could no more resist him than Remus could resist the pull of the moon.

They stumbled into the bedroom, Remus tugging at Sirius’s clothes as they clumsily fell onto the bed.

Charlene and the rest of Hogwarts seemed to be a world away. Nothing could intrude on them as they rolled about on the bed covers, desperately seeking the closeness that they both craved.

They didn’t hear the sound of flames bursting into life in the living room. Nor did they hear click of a door opening or the footsteps on the bare stone floor of the kitchen.

It was the sound of a strangled gasp that alerted the boys to the presence of the intruder.

“Shit!” Sirius rasped, the shock quickly killing his erection.

Remus who was too far gone to realise that anything was wrong, took a little longer to realise that they had company.

Sirius moved to one side and pulled at the covers to hide his nakedness. From the corner of his eye he could see that Remus was doing likewise.

“Charlie,” Remus breathed. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Sirius wasn’t sure what Remus was going to say that it was, but it was clear that Charlene didn’t want to listen anyway. She turned on her heel and ran from the house.

Remus followed after her, tugging on his robes and swearing under his breath as he ran for the door.

Sirius just sat and watched them leave. The feelings of guilt were overwhelming and he knew what he had to do. Recalling the look on Charlene’s face right before she left, he decided to give her some time to cool down before he went to apologise to her. In the meantime he could clean up Remus’s bedroom, kitchen and basement, and think about what he was going to say.

-o-xXx-o-

When Sirius arrived back at Hogwarts that afternoon he found that it wasn’t hard for him to find Charlene. The Quidditch Pitch was often the place where students went to work out their frustrations and anger issues. There was nothing quite as satisfying as sending a bludger hurtling across the pitch, and, as one of the Gryffindor Beaters, it was only natural that Charlene had chosen to do just that.

Sirius sat down on one of the benches near to the entrance to the girls’ changing rooms in order to wait for the Beater to come back down to the ground.

Nearly an hour passed without any sign of the girl turning her broom back towards land. Sirius knew that she had seen him waiting for her and was sure that she was deliberately avoiding him. He couldn’t say that he blamed her.

Charlene sent one bludger after another soaring through the air, and as far as Sirius could see, she was showing no signs of tiring at all.

Sirius wondered how long he was going to have to wait when Charlene made it clear that she was wondering the same thing. Unlike himself, who was content to wait as long as it took, Charlene was determined to see him leave before she came down and she sent two bludgers directly at him in quick succession.

Sirius ducked the first one just in time and it crashed through the wooden seat behind him. The second one came even closer and he practically felt it brush his head as it passed him by.

“GRAHAMS!” Madam Hooch screamed from her position on the ground where she was helping a few first years with extra flying lessons. Sirius hadn’t spotted the teacher there before, but he was very grateful that she had noticed what had happened. He knew that if Charlene had continued to send bludgers at him, sooner or later one of them would have found its mark.

Sirius watched as Madam Hooch ordered Charlene to the ground and berated her for aiming her bludgers at him. He couldn’t hear what was being said exactly, but he easily got the gist of the conversation, and he watched as Charlene stalked towards the changing rooms. He scrambled up from where he was still crouched on the ground and followed after her. He waited only a moment for Madam Hooch to look the other way, then he slipped into the girls’ locker room.

“Charlie?” he called out, hoping that no other girls were in the room. He wasn’t looking forward to this conversation, and he certainly didn’t want an audience for it.

“Piss off, Black!” Charlene snapped as she stuffed her broom into her locker and pulled out a large fluffy towel in the Gryffindor colours.

“I just want to explain,” Sirius began, but Charlene pushed by him and headed towards the showers. Sirius followed after her, nearly tripping over a couple of third year girls who were hovering around the corner.

“Hey, pervert, get out of here,” one of them squealed as she grabbed her robes and quickly covered herself.

“Get out yourself,” Sirius snapped.

“This is the girls’ changing rooms,” the second third year pointed out.

“Just get out of here!”

“There’s no need to take your temper out on them,” Charlene hissed as the two third years struggled into their clothes and bolted for the door. “Now why don’t you follow your own advice and get out of here?”

“Charlie, please?”

“Don’t call me that,” Charlene snapped. “Only my friends get to call me that, and you’re no longer one of them.”

“Okay.” Sirius nodded. “I deserve that, I know I do. But, please listen to me. It isn’t how it looks.”

Charlene laughed shortly and bitterly. “Not how it looks?” she repeated and shook her head. “You know what I was doing there this morning? I’d gone to make Remus breakfast, to show I could take care of him after the full moons.”

“I told you before, you don’t need to do that. I can take care of him myself.”

“Yeah, I saw you taking care of him,” Charlene snapped. “At least now I know why you two were so desperate to stop me helping. I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

“You weren’t stupid, really you weren’t.”

“Oh, I was,” Charlene argued. “‘Let’s wait until we’re older’, he said. ‘I want our first time to be special’, he said. And all the time you two were shagging each other.”

“Not –” Sirius tried to interrupt, even as his stomach churned with the knowledge that Remus and Charlene had at least discussed having sex with each other. Remus hadn’t told him that, or even hinted that their relationship was heading in that direction.

“Not what? Not shagging? I saw you. I heard you. I heard him. ‘Harder Sirius, harder. Oh Merlin, Sirius. I want you. I need you. More, Sirius, more. I love you, Sirius’.”

“He never said that!” Sirius shouted. “He never said he loved me.”

Charlene backed up a pace at the volume of his yell. “He might as well have done,” she snapped as she quickly recovered herself.

“He never said it,” Sirius repeated as he sank down onto one of the benches and put his head in his hands. “He’s never said it, not once in all the time we’ve… not once.”

“How long has it been going on?” Charlene asked. “Tell me. I want to know just how stupid I’ve been.”

“Since last Spring,” Sirius replied.

“And it didn’t bother you that Remus and I had been dating for a year when you decided to steal him for yourself?”

“Of course it bothered me,” Sirius told her. “I’m so sorry you got mixed up in this. I never wanted to hurt you, and neither did Remus.”

“Didn’t look like it. I should have known. You said yourself you’d play dirty to get him if you thought you had a chance.”

“Remus doesn’t want me,” Sirius whispered. “He wants you. He chose you back in fifth year, even though he knew I liked him as more than a friend.”

“If he wants me, why was he in bed with you this morning?”

“Because of Moony.”

“The wolf? Oh wait, let me guess, you were helping tend his injuries. The healing power of sex?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Sirius snapped, his patience with the conversation he didn’t want to have running out rapidly.

“Why stop now?”

“Fine. If you don’t want to know the truth…” Sirius stood up and turned to walk away. He was halfway to the door when Charlene called him back.

“What about the wolf?” she asked, in a somewhat sulky tone.

“You’ll let me explain, without interrupting?”

Charlene nodded reluctantly.

“You’d better sit down,” Sirius suggested as he sat down again himself. Charlene sat down on the opposite bench and picked up a bat that someone had left there. Sirius wondered if she was contemplating using it on him, but swiftly decided he’d rather not know.

“Well?” Charlene asked impatiently. “Let’s here this brilliant explanation of how your cock accidentally got itself shoved up my boyfriend’s arse.”

Sirius gave her a look that was far from friendly. “I don’t want to be having this conversation,” he began. “I’m only telling you this as a favour to Remus, but keep this up and I’m out of here.”

“Remus asked you to speak with me?”

“No, he doesn’t know I’m here. He won’t explain it to you himself because he’s ashamed.”

“I’d have thought he’d be happy with me out of the picture. Hell, I would think you’d be happy with me out of the way. You get Remus all to yourself now.”

“Not exactly.”

“Go on.”

Sirius drew in a deep breath and sighed. “Remus doesn’t believe that he’s gay.”

“You expect me to believe that? After what I saw this morning? You’re nuts!”

“You promised not to interrupt.”

“Then get on with the explanation and stop lying.”

“I’m not lying. Remus says that he’s not gay, but that the werewolf is. He thinks that the wolf has a thing for me, but he, Remus, likes girls… likes you.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“But it’s what Remus believes.”

“I notice you’re not saying that you believe it.”

“That’s because I don’t. I’ve watched the wolf on more full moons than you can imagine and I know the difference between the two. The wolf may be inside him all the time, but I know its Remus with me when I make love to him.”

Charlene snorted quietly.

“What?” Sirius asked with a frown of annoyance.

“Make love,” Charlene commented with another snort. “You make it sound like it’s more than just shagging between the two of you.”

“It is,” Sirius replied. “For me anyway. Remus would probably say it’s animal passion or something. He believes that the wolf is the one that wants me, not him. Which means that even with you out of the picture, I don’t have him, except around the time of the full moon.”

“And you’re happy with that?”

“Of course not. I want him all the time, but that’s never going to happen while Remus insists that he’s straight.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Charlene asked.

“Because Remus likes you, and he doesn’t want you breaking up with him.”

“Seems to me you’re better off as things are at the moment.”

“Except Remus is miserable, and I hate seeing him like that.”

“Do you realise what it is you’re asking?” Charlene asked. “You’re asking me to give Remus another chance just hours after I saw you shagging – sorry, making love to him.” Charlene’s voice was heavy with sarcasm, and Sirius couldn’t stop his wince at her tone.

“Yeah, I know what I’m asking. Can’t believe I’m asking it, but there you go.”

“If I do give him another chance – and I’m not saying that I’m going to – where do you fit into all this?”

“Same place I’ve always been,” Sirius replied immediately.

“You’re saying that you’d be happy with me and Remus dating as long as you could have him on the full moons?”

“I wouldn’t say I’d be happy about it, but it’s better than the alternative of not having him at all.”

“You’re asking me to share him with you!” Charlene sounded incredulous.

“I know.”

“You’re asking me to share my boyfriend with another bloke!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You’re insane.”

“I’m a Black, it goes with the territory.”

Charlene almost smiled at that, and Sirius sighed loudly.

“What are you expecting me to say?” Charlene asked.

“Nothing,” Sirius replied. “I’m going to leave you to think it over. Just go easy on Remus, would you? He didn’t want to hurt you. Whether you or I believe him or not isn’t really important. The important thing is that he believes it.”

-o-xXx-o-

After leaving Charlene alone to think over what he had told her, Sirius searched the school for Remus. He eventually found him helping Hagrid weed the vegetable patch. Hagrid waved at him as he approached before turning to go inside his hut.

“Where’ve you been all afternoon?” Remus asked. “I looked for you after lunch.”

“At the Quidditch Pitch.”

“What for?” Remus asked in surprise.

“I wanted to see if Charlie was going to get you kicked off the team,” Sirius lied. “It doesn’t seem to have occurred to her to do that though.”

“She’s not the vindictive type,” Remus said. Sirius privately thought otherwise, but he held his tongue. “I already asked her about my place on the team anyway,” Remus continued.

“Oh?”

“This morning,” Remus continued. “She said she wouldn’t dream of ruining the team’s chances by kicking me off. Quidditch is more important than anything else.”

“You sound like you’re jealous.”

“I guess I am… a bit,” Remus admitted. “I’ll always be second place to the game.”

“And I’ll always be second place to her, won’t I?” Sirius whispered.

“It’s not a competition,” Remus muttered impatiently. “You can’t expect me to choose between the two of you. Not when me and the wolf are so different.”

“Damn it, Remus!” Sirius snapped. “Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to share you like this?”

“Of course I do,” Remus retorted. “You remind me often enough. If you can’t handle it then just say so.”

“And if I say I can’t? What then? Will you let me have you to myself?”

“I can’t,” Remus replied with a sigh. “How many times do we have to go through this? I’m not gay.”

“I don’t want to share you any more,” Sirius whispered. “Please, Remus?”

Remus set down the rake he was holding and tugged Sirius towards a nearby tree stump that was large enough for them both to sit down on.

“Please, Remus,” Sirius begged. He ran his hand through Remus’s hair and drew him closer for a kiss. Remus responded with as much enthusiasm as he always did, but Sirius knew that if he asked he would say it was only because of the full moon the previous night.

“I’m not gay,” Remus whispered.

“Okay,” Sirius whispered back. “I won’t pressure you any more.”

“We’re back to normal then?”

Sirius shook his head. “I’m not normal, am I? I’m gay.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t want to share you,” Sirius repeated. “Not with Charlene or any other girl. I want you with me every day and night, not just around the full moon, or when Moony has been deprived for a while.”

“Sirius, you know I can’t.”

“Won’t,” Sirius corrected. “I’m sorry, Remus.”

He stood up and made to walk away, but Remus pulled him back with a tug on his hand. “Sirius? Are you breaking up with me as well?”

Was he?

It certainly hadn’t been his intention when he’d spoken with Charlene, or when he’d finally tracked Remus down. But maybe things would be better if they did call things off. The thought had crossed his mind before, pretty much every time he had seen Remus and Charlene together, but he had always told himself it was better to have Remus for some of the time than never. Now, for the first time, he wasn’t so sure and the words were tumbling from his lips before he’d even had the chance to think things through properly.

“You’re still my best friend, and I’ll still look after you on the mornings after the full moon, but that’s all I’m going to do, and only until you get a girlfriend who can take over that part of things. Everything else, it stops now, before anyone else gets hurt.”

“You said you loved me,” Remus whispered.

“I do love you,” Sirius replied. “And that’s why I’m ending this now, whilst I still love you. Because if I have to share you any longer I’ll end up hating you instead, and I don’t want that.”

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius was scribbling furiously in his journal when James barged into the dorm.

“There you are!” James exclaimed. “Where’ve you been all day? Remus was looking for you earlier, he seemed upset about something.”

“Did he?” Sirius muttered, refusing to look up from his book.

“Aren’t you worried about him?” James asked. “Don’t you want to run and find him, give him a shoulder to cry on and all that?”

“I saw him this afternoon; he was fine then,” Sirius replied casually. “I’m going to the library to finish off the Transfiguration homework.”

“Okay,” replied James, confusion evident in his tone.

James was still standing there with a confused expression on his face when Remus arrived back at the dormitory a short while later.

“Remus?” James asked in surprise. “What the hell’s happened? You look even worse than you did this morning.”

Remus shook his head, climbed onto his bed and pulled the curtains closed.

Of course, a little thing like closed curtains wasn’t enough to deter James Potter, and he immediately stuck his head in the curtains, his body following right behind it.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Everything’s all gone wrong,” Remus replied with a loud sniff.

“Word has it that Charlie has been on the pitch most of the afternoon. She was looking pretty mad, too.”

Remus looked at James and gave a small shrug. “She dumped me this morning,” he admitted quietly.

“Really?” James asked in surprise. “I thought maybe it was the other way round. She seemed pretty angry, so I thought you’d been the one doing the dumping.”

Remus remained quiet and picked at the frayed hem of his robes.

“What happened?” James asked. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, you can always wait for Sirius to get back, or go find him in the library.”

“Sirius doesn’t want me to find him,” Remus muttered. “He…”

“He what?”

Remus continued to worry his hem as he avoided James’s eyes.

“Remus?” James urged. “What’s happened?”

“If I tell you, will you promise not to tell anyone?” Remus asked urgently.

“I promise,” James replied. He pulled out his wand and cast a spell on the door to lock it from intruders. “A sign of good faith,” he added with a reassuring smile.

“Charlie caught me cheating on her this morning,” Remus whispered, his face flushing with embarrassment.

James’s jaw dropped instantly. “What?”

“She caught me cheating,” Remus repeated. “With Sirius.”

James nodded and sighed.

“You don’t seem that surprised,” Remus commented.

“I knew Sirius had a thing for you,” James admitted. “Didn’t realise it was mutual though.”

“It isn’t, not really.”

“It’s not?”

“It’s Moony who likes Sirius that way,” Remus explained. “I’m not gay.”

“Oh.”

“But Sirius wants more from me. He wants me all the time or not at all.”

“You told him that he couldn’t have you all the time, didn’t you?” James asked.

“How did you know?”

“Because Sirius was here earlier and he looked kind of upset, too.”

“Everyone’s mad at me, and I’ve been dumped twice in one day. Or I’ve been dumped and so has Moony.”

“Maybe you should talk to Sirius,” James suggested. “I’m sure you can work it all out.”

“Why don’t you tell me to work things out with Charlie?” Remus asked. “I’ve been seeing her longer than this thing with Sirius has been going on.”

“Because you seem a lot more upset now than you did this morning, and I’m guessing that that means that between then and now Sirius ended ‘this thing’ you have. Seems to me you’re a lot more upset about that, than breaking up with Charlie.”

“I am upset about Charlie!”

“But you’re more upset about Sirius.”

“He’s my best friend, of course I’m upset about him!”

James raised his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying.”

“Well, don’t. I’m not gay, no matter how much Sirius wants me to be. I’ve lost my girlfriend and my best friend all in one day, of course I’m upset.”

“You and Sirius will sort things out,” James told him quietly.

“You sound pretty sure of that.”

“Sirius is in love with you, that’s obvious, even to me. He’ll forgive you for anything, and he’ll put up with anything to keep you near him.”

“Not this time.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

Remus didn’t argue any further, but he still didn’t believe James was right.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius was wide-awake when Remus crept into his bed that night.

“What do you want, Remus?” he asked tiredly.

“I want my best friend back,” Remus whispered.

“I’m still your best friend,” Sirius replied. “I told you that this afternoon. I just don’t think we should… you know.”

Remus inched closer and pressed their lips together in a soft kiss.

“Thought you didn’t want to do anything in the dorm in case the others hear us?” Sirius asked.

“Please, Sirius,” Remus begged and he kissed him again.

Sirius pushed Remus away, not unkindly, but firmly. “No, Remus. I meant what I said. I don’t want you only at the full moon. I can’t do this any more.”

“Just tonight then?” Remus asked in a broken whisper. “Please, Sirius.”

“Damn it, Remus,” Sirius muttered and he turned on his side and pulled Remus towards him. “Just tonight,” he agreed.

Then Remus was kissing him again, far more passionately than he had ever kissed him within the crowded dormitory. Sirius groaned and wrapped his arms around Remus.

Why could he never say ‘no’ to the other boy?

Remus’s tongue slipped into his mouth and he closed his eyes as he savoured the sensation.

It was just this one last time, and he wanted to remember it forever.

He heard the sounds of movement from one of the other beds, but Remus either didn’t hear it or didn’t care. He turned onto his back, pulling Remus on top of him.

It was just this once…just this one last time.

Sirius tossed his head back as Remus’s mouth moved from his lips to his neck. He hoped he would have the strength to keep his resolve in the morning.

Remus straddled him with ease, and he could feel the evidence that told him just how much the other boy wanted him.

Sirius whimpered as Remus rubbed up against him and he felt himself grow harder. “Please, Remus,” he begged as they moved in perfect synchronisation.

Remus replied with another kiss, wet and sloppy, and deliciously sweet.

Sirius shifted his position. He sat up and pulled his legs free from beneath Remus so that he could wrap them around the other boy’s waist.

He pushed the tangled covers off of them and toppled Remus down onto the mattress. It appeared however, that this time Remus was not prepared to let Sirius remain in control of the situation and he twisted him over onto his back, bringing them precariously close to the edge of the bed in the process.

Sirius kept his legs wrapped around Remus and tugged him a little nearer each time he felt the other boy grinding against him.

“Oh, Sirius,” Remus gasped as he approached the brink. Sirius could feel him shuddering in his arms and he pulled him as close as possible, using his own legs to keep up the rhythm Remus had begun. He could feel the dampness between them as Remus continued to thrust against him; two thin sets of pyjama bottoms were the only things between them, but it was still too much.

“Don’t stop,” Sirius cried as he felt Remus come, the sensation sending him over the edge, too. He bucked his hips wildly and belatedly wished they’d removed their clothes as he came in his pyjamas.

Remus collapsed on top of him and Sirius could feel his warm breath near his ear. He wanted to say something, anything, but was having trouble forming words. Remus seemed to be in an equal state of mute bliss and it was several minutes before the other boy even managed to summon up enough energy to roll off of him.

“I’m all sticky,” Remus muttered as he pulled the abused fabric away from his body.

“Me, too,” Sirius replied.

“Are you tired?”

“Why do you ask?”

“If this is really the last time, I want to make the most of it,” Remus whispered. “I want you in me.”

“What if that’s what I want, too?” Sirius asked. “I mean… you in me…”

“But I don’t… I’m not…”

Sirius didn’t think he could listen to Remus’s denials again and he leaned across to silence him with a kiss.

“Don’t say it,” he warned as he undid the string of his pyjamas and pulled them off.

“But…”

“Don’t!” Sirius snapped as he tugged Remus’s own pyjamas off and tossed them towards the end of the bed.

He took his cock in hand and rubbed himself, but he wasn’t becoming as hard as he wanted. In fact he was still annoyingly limp.

“Let me,” Remus said and he reached out to take over the task with his own eager hand.

Remus’s touch was enough to draw a groan from his lips and Sirius looked down as Remus patiently and expertly ran his hand up and down his cock, slowly rousing him once more.

Sirius used the time to carefully prepare Remus until finally they were both more than ready.

“One last time,” he said as he coaxed Remus over onto his knees. The other boy complied instantly and Sirius spread his legs wider so that he could position himself.

“Now?” Remus asked, the single word part question and part plea.

“Now,” Sirius replied as he gripped Remus’s hips and thrust into him.

Remus cried out and Sirius waited for him to move again, his signal that he was ready. Remus pulled forward before pushing backward again, and Sirius took it from there, thrusting frantically into him as he tried to memorise every sound he heard and every sensation he felt. If this night was all they had, he intended to make the most of it too.