Love, Lies & Loneliness
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
55
Views:
52,663
Reviews:
258
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
55
Views:
52,663
Reviews:
258
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Mutual Understanding
Chapter 53
(Mutual Understanding)
“Are you okay for a bit? We’re going to get a drink.” Harry nodded silently, his gaze still focused on the scenery outside the train window. Harry heard Draco sigh softly but the boy didn’t say anything more as he followed Ron from the carriage. They were heading home for the last time from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Many of the seventh years seemed sad, as they’d boarded the train, some lingering on the platform for their last look at the castle. Harry however didn’t linger, and while a little part of him ached at loosing the first and only true place he’d called home, a much larger part of him cried out at leaving behind the man he loved with the situation so strained as it was. After the ceremony Harry had spent the better part of the morning being ill, Draco softly soothing his back as Harry had shook uncontrollably. It hurt to know he’d done something so stupid to Severus, and it hurt even more when Severus had shut him out.
They were supposed to have been having dinner with Remus and Sirius that evening to celebrate Harry’s graduation and to try and have Severus and Sirius get along, but Harry supposed now dinner was cancelled. Curling up on the seat his head against the window, Harry felt the tears prickle his eyes again. Hermione was asleep on the seat opposite still recovering from the night before, which Harry was glad off. He needed silence and to be alone to wallow in his own self-loathing at having done something that could damage Severus and his relationship irreversibly. Their relationship was teetering dangerously as it was without Harry’s stupidity. Not for the first time since the incident Harry pondered what Severus could possibly see in him. He was useless, thoughtless, stupid and really crap in bed, or that’s what Harry had come to the conclusion about now he knew that he wasn’t giving Severus what he wanted. It didn’t help either that unlike all of his friends who had firm plans with what they were going to do with their lives, Harry had nothing. He hadn’t even bothered to open his Newt’s results envelope that he’d been given at the ceremony that morning.
Draco would be spending most of the summer and early autumn in Romania with Ron’s brother Charlie, studying dragons. Ron too would enter the Auror training program come the end of the summer, his acceptance letter one of the pieces of paper given to him along with his Newt’s results at the morning’s ceremony. Hermione was accepted into University last summer her place reserved in the Wizarding and Muggle Relations course. Even Neville was set with Professor Sprout offering him a position for apprentice in Herbology. Seamus was bound for his Mother’s accounting business, and Dean Thomas was heading to America to work with disadvantaged Squibs. Everyone seemed to have their place in the world accept Harry. It seemed as if now he’d done his job and killed Voldemort that his usefulness in the wizarding world had come to an end. It was a depressing thought and Harry felt the silent tears run down his cheeks as he quietly closed his eyes and fell into the misery of his completely ruined life.
***********************
Harry stepped off the train into the mayhem of platform 9 ¾. Grabbing his trunk and Hedwig’s cage along with his satchel full of items he’d collected over his years at Hogwarts, Harry walked through the crowd of parents gathered on the platform waiting for their children. In the chaos Harry had managed to loose both Draco and Ron, but finding them was easy again, with Draco’s flaming red hair and Ron’s large family. Harry found the weasley’s and smiled politely when Mr and Mrs Weasley congratulated him on graduating from school. Draco was already busily sharing stories with Charlie the previously blonde haired boy excited about his trip.
“Harry dear, Remus is here for you. I think he’s over there.” Mrs Weasley pointed Harry in the direction of the exit back onto the muggle platform and Harry nodded in understanding. Mrs Weasley was too busy trying to collect her own extended brood of children to worry about Harry. Leaving the weasley’s to themselves Harry made his way over towards the barrier back into the muggle world and smiled lightly when he saw Remus standing on a makeshift stood to try and see over the heads of everyone getting off the train.
“Hi Remus.” Remus jumped out of his skin when Harry addressed him, the man too busy looking around for him, to notice Harry had already found him first.
“Harry!” Excited Remus stepped down from his stool and Harry watched as the man transfigured it back into the trolley it was supposed to be. With the trolley back in it’s normal shape Remus embraced his young friend tightly. Harry automatically hugged him back, tightening his hold on the familiar figure as he felt the comfort of the touch. Remus was a little surprised by the force of Harry’s hug and obligingly held the boy a little longer, as his wolf senses picked up the boys distress. “Harry are you alright?” Remus inquired as he pulled back a little to look down at the boy. Harry nodded wincing a little as Remus ran his hand over the purpling bruise on the boys cheek. “What happened there?” Remus gently held Harry’s chin as he inspected the bruise, but Harry pulled away guiltily and picked up his trunk to put it on the trolley.
“I fell last night, it’s my own fault I shouldn’t have drunk so much.” Harry whispered as he put Hedwig securely on the trolley as well. Avoiding eye contact with his godfather’s best friend, Harry began pushing the trolley towards the barrier back into the muggle world, Remus following him although dubious about Harry’s strange mood.
Outside in the carpark to the train station Harry ran into the weasley’s and Draco again along with Hermione and her parents. Mr Granger was helping Mr Weasley load the trunk of the Ford Anglia with all of the children’s luggage, while Mrs Weasley was attempting to tell Mrs Granger about how well the twins were doing in their joke business.
“Harry!” Draco broke off from Charlie and ran over to his friend. Harry smiled mildly at seeing Draco with a weasley knitted jumper and matching beanie on. Draco had changed so much since Harry had known him, just as Ron and Hermione had yet Harry felt still the same, beaten, helpless boy he’d been back when he’d first entered Hogwarts seven years ago. “Hey, didn’t think you’d leave without giving me a hug did you?” Draco engulfed Harry in a large hug before pulling back and pressing a soft almost apologetic kiss to the side of his friends face. “I’ll write to you from Romania every week and send Oliver my owl with packages and everything.” Harry nodded understandingly as Charlie called for Draco to hurry up. The weasley’s were already in the car.
“Harry I’ll see you next week!” Ron called from the car window where he was crammed in the back seat with his siblings. Harry waved understandingly and with a final hug of Draco let the blonde now red haired boy join the family in the car. Harry stood by Remus as he watched the Ford splutter into life and disappear into the traffic of London.
“Will you come and visit me at Uni Harry?” Hermione joined Remus and Harry on the sidewalk, her parents making their way towards their own normal muggle car.
“Yeah sure Hermione.” Hermione hugged Harry deeply but just like Draco and Ron looked a little sympathetically at the boy. With a final wave Hermione dashed off towards where her parents were leaving Harry standing silently next to Remus on the sidewalk.
“Are you okay?” For the second time since they’d met, Remus put a caring hand on Harry’s shoulder again asking after the boys well being. After a hesitant moment Harry nodded and glanced up with a weak smile at his friend.
“Yeah, fine.” Harry whispered as Remus lead the way towards the taxi rank and their lift home.
The taxi ride was quiet for most of the way, Harry thinking silently about his friends and Severus of course. Remus seemed tense at the uncharacteristic silence from Harry and shifted awkwardly on the seat.
“Sirius is looking forward to having you home, he’s re-decorated your bedroom.” Remus finally unable to deal with the silence any longer spoke up, in polite conversation. Harry nodded and shared a brief smile with Remus before turning his attention back to the city sights passing by the taxi window. “How did you do on your Newt’s both Sirius and I are just dying to know.” Trying again to draw Harry into conversation Remus tried and different topic.
“I don’t know I didn’t bother looking.” Harry shrugged his shoulders carelessly gesturing to his satchel on the seat beside him that had the Newt’s envelope sticking out the side of it. Remus sighed heavily as he looked at the unopened envelope and the graduation certificate sitting by its side. He knew something was wrong but he wasn’t sure what.
“Erm, we’re looking forward to dinner tonight. Sirius has a lot to tell you and Severus.” Trying once more to draw Harry away from the window and into conversation Remus tried a topic he was sure Harry would want to discuss. Remus was shocked however when Harry sighed heavily and hung his head against his chest, expectedly watching as a few stray tears ran down the boys cheeks and fell like crystals from the boys chin onto his jeans. “Harry? Please tell me what’s wrong.” Pulling out of his seat belt Remus moved across to where Harry was slumped in the seat and wrapped a warm comforting hand about the boys shoulder. Harry instantly fell into the man’s chest breaking down into the painful sobs he’d withheld all morning. Remus didn’t know what to do and merely held Harry tightly until the shudders of the tears fell still and only the chocked breathing of the young boy echoed around the silence. The taxi finally pulled on the road that led to Grimmauld place and Harry pulled himself free from Remus’s hold to get out. Paying for the ride, Remus followed Harry out of the cab and helped the boy get his things out of the trunk. Stopping Harry on the steps of the house, Remus turned Harry around to face him. Harry hadn’t answered his question yet, nor had he made any attempt at explaining himself and Remus was worried. “Harry please…” Harry shook Remus’s hand from his arm and shook his head determinedly.
“No Remus, it doesn’t matter.” Harry whispered as he pushed open the door to Grimmauld place and disappeared down the hallway.
“Harry! It’s good to have you…” Sirius appeared from the kitchen doorway, his arms open wide for a hug from his godson, but Harry didn’t stop and simply ran upstairs and into his room, the door slamming closed with a finality that made Remus wince. “…Home?” Sirius finished as he looked back to Remus in the doorway from where Harry had disappeared upstairs. “What’s wrong?” Sirius inquired as he looked seriously at his best friend. Remus sighed and shook his head unknowingly.
“I don’t know but I have this terrible feeling it’s to do with Severus.” With that Remus led Sirius back into the kitchen the man eager to know what had happened between the station and home that had cause such upset in Harry.
TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A/N *takes all the cups of hot chocolate and dunks fingers into them* Thanks for everyone who\'s taken the time to review and put forward your opinions. There is officially only 2 more chapters to go, and one final twist you\'ll not have seen coming...just because I\'m evil and I hate fluffy bunny endings that you\'ve seen coming for the past 50 odd chapters.... I hope you enjoy the ending and that it meets with your lusty approval. Hopefully I\'ll get the ending up by Monday night if not before, I\'m in England I have jet lag and I\'m really, really damn cold. I need me a blanket called Alan Rickman.....
Alrighty stay tuned for the end, and thanks soooooo much to everyone who\'s been reading this story, it was a pleasure keeping you happy.
RIFFRAFF
(Mutual Understanding)
“Are you okay for a bit? We’re going to get a drink.” Harry nodded silently, his gaze still focused on the scenery outside the train window. Harry heard Draco sigh softly but the boy didn’t say anything more as he followed Ron from the carriage. They were heading home for the last time from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Many of the seventh years seemed sad, as they’d boarded the train, some lingering on the platform for their last look at the castle. Harry however didn’t linger, and while a little part of him ached at loosing the first and only true place he’d called home, a much larger part of him cried out at leaving behind the man he loved with the situation so strained as it was. After the ceremony Harry had spent the better part of the morning being ill, Draco softly soothing his back as Harry had shook uncontrollably. It hurt to know he’d done something so stupid to Severus, and it hurt even more when Severus had shut him out.
They were supposed to have been having dinner with Remus and Sirius that evening to celebrate Harry’s graduation and to try and have Severus and Sirius get along, but Harry supposed now dinner was cancelled. Curling up on the seat his head against the window, Harry felt the tears prickle his eyes again. Hermione was asleep on the seat opposite still recovering from the night before, which Harry was glad off. He needed silence and to be alone to wallow in his own self-loathing at having done something that could damage Severus and his relationship irreversibly. Their relationship was teetering dangerously as it was without Harry’s stupidity. Not for the first time since the incident Harry pondered what Severus could possibly see in him. He was useless, thoughtless, stupid and really crap in bed, or that’s what Harry had come to the conclusion about now he knew that he wasn’t giving Severus what he wanted. It didn’t help either that unlike all of his friends who had firm plans with what they were going to do with their lives, Harry had nothing. He hadn’t even bothered to open his Newt’s results envelope that he’d been given at the ceremony that morning.
Draco would be spending most of the summer and early autumn in Romania with Ron’s brother Charlie, studying dragons. Ron too would enter the Auror training program come the end of the summer, his acceptance letter one of the pieces of paper given to him along with his Newt’s results at the morning’s ceremony. Hermione was accepted into University last summer her place reserved in the Wizarding and Muggle Relations course. Even Neville was set with Professor Sprout offering him a position for apprentice in Herbology. Seamus was bound for his Mother’s accounting business, and Dean Thomas was heading to America to work with disadvantaged Squibs. Everyone seemed to have their place in the world accept Harry. It seemed as if now he’d done his job and killed Voldemort that his usefulness in the wizarding world had come to an end. It was a depressing thought and Harry felt the silent tears run down his cheeks as he quietly closed his eyes and fell into the misery of his completely ruined life.
***********************
Harry stepped off the train into the mayhem of platform 9 ¾. Grabbing his trunk and Hedwig’s cage along with his satchel full of items he’d collected over his years at Hogwarts, Harry walked through the crowd of parents gathered on the platform waiting for their children. In the chaos Harry had managed to loose both Draco and Ron, but finding them was easy again, with Draco’s flaming red hair and Ron’s large family. Harry found the weasley’s and smiled politely when Mr and Mrs Weasley congratulated him on graduating from school. Draco was already busily sharing stories with Charlie the previously blonde haired boy excited about his trip.
“Harry dear, Remus is here for you. I think he’s over there.” Mrs Weasley pointed Harry in the direction of the exit back onto the muggle platform and Harry nodded in understanding. Mrs Weasley was too busy trying to collect her own extended brood of children to worry about Harry. Leaving the weasley’s to themselves Harry made his way over towards the barrier back into the muggle world and smiled lightly when he saw Remus standing on a makeshift stood to try and see over the heads of everyone getting off the train.
“Hi Remus.” Remus jumped out of his skin when Harry addressed him, the man too busy looking around for him, to notice Harry had already found him first.
“Harry!” Excited Remus stepped down from his stool and Harry watched as the man transfigured it back into the trolley it was supposed to be. With the trolley back in it’s normal shape Remus embraced his young friend tightly. Harry automatically hugged him back, tightening his hold on the familiar figure as he felt the comfort of the touch. Remus was a little surprised by the force of Harry’s hug and obligingly held the boy a little longer, as his wolf senses picked up the boys distress. “Harry are you alright?” Remus inquired as he pulled back a little to look down at the boy. Harry nodded wincing a little as Remus ran his hand over the purpling bruise on the boys cheek. “What happened there?” Remus gently held Harry’s chin as he inspected the bruise, but Harry pulled away guiltily and picked up his trunk to put it on the trolley.
“I fell last night, it’s my own fault I shouldn’t have drunk so much.” Harry whispered as he put Hedwig securely on the trolley as well. Avoiding eye contact with his godfather’s best friend, Harry began pushing the trolley towards the barrier back into the muggle world, Remus following him although dubious about Harry’s strange mood.
Outside in the carpark to the train station Harry ran into the weasley’s and Draco again along with Hermione and her parents. Mr Granger was helping Mr Weasley load the trunk of the Ford Anglia with all of the children’s luggage, while Mrs Weasley was attempting to tell Mrs Granger about how well the twins were doing in their joke business.
“Harry!” Draco broke off from Charlie and ran over to his friend. Harry smiled mildly at seeing Draco with a weasley knitted jumper and matching beanie on. Draco had changed so much since Harry had known him, just as Ron and Hermione had yet Harry felt still the same, beaten, helpless boy he’d been back when he’d first entered Hogwarts seven years ago. “Hey, didn’t think you’d leave without giving me a hug did you?” Draco engulfed Harry in a large hug before pulling back and pressing a soft almost apologetic kiss to the side of his friends face. “I’ll write to you from Romania every week and send Oliver my owl with packages and everything.” Harry nodded understandingly as Charlie called for Draco to hurry up. The weasley’s were already in the car.
“Harry I’ll see you next week!” Ron called from the car window where he was crammed in the back seat with his siblings. Harry waved understandingly and with a final hug of Draco let the blonde now red haired boy join the family in the car. Harry stood by Remus as he watched the Ford splutter into life and disappear into the traffic of London.
“Will you come and visit me at Uni Harry?” Hermione joined Remus and Harry on the sidewalk, her parents making their way towards their own normal muggle car.
“Yeah sure Hermione.” Hermione hugged Harry deeply but just like Draco and Ron looked a little sympathetically at the boy. With a final wave Hermione dashed off towards where her parents were leaving Harry standing silently next to Remus on the sidewalk.
“Are you okay?” For the second time since they’d met, Remus put a caring hand on Harry’s shoulder again asking after the boys well being. After a hesitant moment Harry nodded and glanced up with a weak smile at his friend.
“Yeah, fine.” Harry whispered as Remus lead the way towards the taxi rank and their lift home.
The taxi ride was quiet for most of the way, Harry thinking silently about his friends and Severus of course. Remus seemed tense at the uncharacteristic silence from Harry and shifted awkwardly on the seat.
“Sirius is looking forward to having you home, he’s re-decorated your bedroom.” Remus finally unable to deal with the silence any longer spoke up, in polite conversation. Harry nodded and shared a brief smile with Remus before turning his attention back to the city sights passing by the taxi window. “How did you do on your Newt’s both Sirius and I are just dying to know.” Trying again to draw Harry into conversation Remus tried and different topic.
“I don’t know I didn’t bother looking.” Harry shrugged his shoulders carelessly gesturing to his satchel on the seat beside him that had the Newt’s envelope sticking out the side of it. Remus sighed heavily as he looked at the unopened envelope and the graduation certificate sitting by its side. He knew something was wrong but he wasn’t sure what.
“Erm, we’re looking forward to dinner tonight. Sirius has a lot to tell you and Severus.” Trying once more to draw Harry away from the window and into conversation Remus tried a topic he was sure Harry would want to discuss. Remus was shocked however when Harry sighed heavily and hung his head against his chest, expectedly watching as a few stray tears ran down the boys cheeks and fell like crystals from the boys chin onto his jeans. “Harry? Please tell me what’s wrong.” Pulling out of his seat belt Remus moved across to where Harry was slumped in the seat and wrapped a warm comforting hand about the boys shoulder. Harry instantly fell into the man’s chest breaking down into the painful sobs he’d withheld all morning. Remus didn’t know what to do and merely held Harry tightly until the shudders of the tears fell still and only the chocked breathing of the young boy echoed around the silence. The taxi finally pulled on the road that led to Grimmauld place and Harry pulled himself free from Remus’s hold to get out. Paying for the ride, Remus followed Harry out of the cab and helped the boy get his things out of the trunk. Stopping Harry on the steps of the house, Remus turned Harry around to face him. Harry hadn’t answered his question yet, nor had he made any attempt at explaining himself and Remus was worried. “Harry please…” Harry shook Remus’s hand from his arm and shook his head determinedly.
“No Remus, it doesn’t matter.” Harry whispered as he pushed open the door to Grimmauld place and disappeared down the hallway.
“Harry! It’s good to have you…” Sirius appeared from the kitchen doorway, his arms open wide for a hug from his godson, but Harry didn’t stop and simply ran upstairs and into his room, the door slamming closed with a finality that made Remus wince. “…Home?” Sirius finished as he looked back to Remus in the doorway from where Harry had disappeared upstairs. “What’s wrong?” Sirius inquired as he looked seriously at his best friend. Remus sighed and shook his head unknowingly.
“I don’t know but I have this terrible feeling it’s to do with Severus.” With that Remus led Sirius back into the kitchen the man eager to know what had happened between the station and home that had cause such upset in Harry.
TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A/N *takes all the cups of hot chocolate and dunks fingers into them* Thanks for everyone who\'s taken the time to review and put forward your opinions. There is officially only 2 more chapters to go, and one final twist you\'ll not have seen coming...just because I\'m evil and I hate fluffy bunny endings that you\'ve seen coming for the past 50 odd chapters.... I hope you enjoy the ending and that it meets with your lusty approval. Hopefully I\'ll get the ending up by Monday night if not before, I\'m in England I have jet lag and I\'m really, really damn cold. I need me a blanket called Alan Rickman.....
Alrighty stay tuned for the end, and thanks soooooo much to everyone who\'s been reading this story, it was a pleasure keeping you happy.
RIFFRAFF