A Looping of the Scales ~ COMPLETED

Chapter 50 ~ Seeking Severus, Finding Trouble

Hermione entered Snape’s quarters to find him standing in the middle of the room, looking at her soberly.

”How did it go with Weasley?” he asked her quietly as she set her knapsack on the floor.

”He’s fine. Lavender tried to sabotage him,” Hermione replied. “But he got to the bottom of it. He and Susan are going out now.”

”I see. So he’s found another girlfriend.”

”Yes.”

Hermione sat down in her chair and pulled out her books. She opened the Advanced Arithmancy book.

”I’m going to work on Arithmancy first,” she informed him.

Snape didn’t approach the desk and she looked over at him.

”I said I’m going to work on Arithmancy first. Come and sit down.”

Snape shook his head.

”I understand it now, Hermione. I can work the problems, pen the equations, apply them and do the conversions. You’ve taught me well. Thank you.”

Hermione felt a little twinge inside. He didn’t need to study with her any longer?

”But, you are welcome to continue to study here and access my books if you choose to do so,” he said softly. “That was what we agreed to after all.”

”Thank you,” she said softly, but feeling out of sorts. It was as if he didn’t need her any longer.

Snape walked over to the desk, reached into a cubbyhole and pulled out a folder and gently placed it next to her books.

”That is my description of what happened last night and how I took down the stag,” the wizard told her as Hermione slid the folder over and opened it. “You’ll find everything there.”

”Thank you,” she said again.

Snape nodded.

”I’ll leave you to your studies, then,” he said, turning and walking toward the door.

Hermione turned in her seat.

”Wait. Where are you going?” she asked him.

”Flying,” he said shortly, not looking back at her.

”Wait. Severus, are you avoiding me?”

He didn’t answer.

”Are you?” Hermione demanded.

Snape let out a sigh.

“Yes.”

”Why?”

He turned to look at her.

”Because I don’t want to pressure you, Hermione. When we became lovers it was with the intentions we would give each other space and not interfere with the other’s focus. I—I thought it would be a simple matter to just shag when it was amenable to you—I thought I could be satisfied with that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me—“

”It’s become complicated,” Hermione said softly.

”Yes. I don’t want to be another Ronald Weasley,” Snape replied. “I understand what it is you want and what you have to sacrifice to achieve it. But understanding it doesn’t make it any easier. Perhaps if I had gotten my fill of you instead of one encounter—I wouldn’t feel like this.”

”Feel like what?”

”Envious of Weasley,” Snape said softly. “He didn’t settle for what he could get. He went after exactly what he wanted when he couldn’t find it in you.”

That wasn’t exactly what happened with Ron, but to the uninformed it seemed he had just hopped right back in the saddle.

Hermione didn’t say anything and Snape tried to elaborate more.

”You see, Hermione, I was attracted to you and I didn’t want to make the same mistake I made with Lily, not that it would have made any difference if I told her how I felt, what I wanted. I thought that since we are both driven people, a bit of casual intimacy would suit us both. We could maintain our independence that way but still find pleasure in each other. Companionship. But it’s not working out that way, at least not for me. You seem fine with this, and I want you to be. That was my intention. But I didn’t expect—I didn’t know—“

Snape looked at her, the expression on his face miserable as he struggled to find the right words to express what he felt inside. As if—as if he really needed her. They had only shagged once but he felt as if—if she belonged to him. That was stupid. No one belonged to anyone, especially because they had a single shag. He’d sound like a smitten fool if he told her that. A weak, smitten fool.

“I’m just going to stick to our arrangement,” he said gruffly. “I’ll be here when you need me. All you have to do is say you need me. It’s all on you. Everything. Now, I’m going.”

He quickly exited his quarters, the wall sliding down behind him as Hermione stared after him. She sat there for a minute, then tried to work on her Arithmancy. This was his issue after all, not hers. At least, that was what she tried to tell herself as she made error after error in her calculations. Finally, she set her pencil down with a sigh.

She couldn’t work like this. Severus was suffering and she knew it. But, it was simply a matter of him wanting more sex. Other wizards went through the same thing, although she doubted they were as dramatic as Severus was. But he wasn’t the cold wizard of his later years now. He was young and had feelings. Apparently, strong ones. He wasn’t used to this at all.

He envied Ron? Why? It could only be because Ron had a girlfriend. But Severus made it clear he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, but a lover.

Hermione frowned a bit. No, he had said she needed a lover and he was willing to be that for her. He never once said what it was he really wanted. It was then Hermione realized that Severus was the one who had settled. He took what he could get rather than what he wanted. Some semblance of being cared for, of being wanted, even if for a few, brief passionate moments in another person’s arms.

Snape had lived without love for most of his young life, and despite this change in his situation, he still lived without love. Sadness washed over Hermione. She had always known love, from her family, from her friends, even from Ron for a few brief months. All Severus had ever known was longing and pain. Yes, she gave him a night of passion, well maybe an hour of passion, but then—she’d left him and gave him little acknowledgement as to how affecting he had been. That was the way it was supposed to be, logically, but more than logic was involved here. Possibly, his heart was involved too.

Could he be in love? No. That was silly. People didn’t just fall in love that way. The sex had been good, but it didn’t bind them to—

Hermione suddenly had a startling thought. Oh dear gods. Why hadn’t she thought about that before!

Severus was a gryffin in his Animagus form, and had the attributes of the animal.

Gryffins mated for life.

“Oh, no,” Hermione breathed, putting away her books and leaving his quarters quickly. No wonder he was so torn. He was in love—with her. She wasn’t sure that was the case, but she would have to find out.

She hurried up the dungeon corridor, across the entrance hall and out onto the grounds.

She had to find him.

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Snape was in the Forbidden Forest, in the clearing where he first practiced flying under Hermione’s watchful eye. He wasn’t in his Animagus form, but seated cross-legged on the ground before a small bonfire, sullenly poking a stick into the flames as he thought about Hermione and how whipped he was.

Another Gryffindor witch had him by the nads. Hermione was better than Lily however, she did return his affections on a physical level, and she did care about him as a person. She’d proven that. She was just so damn driven. He thought he could deal with her preoccupation, but right now—he felt miserable. Maybe if she’d just let him work her out of his system with more intimate contact, he could control how he felt, get used to it.

But that was unlikely to happen. She was just too busy to devote much time to him. It was the Ron situation all over again, although Snape was sure he was nothing like Weasley. He thought he could maintain a casual relationship as long as he got laid now and then. He hadn’t thought about the emotions and the connection he’d feel. He had no way of knowing. Hermione had been his first and despite how callous other wizards had appeared when they shagged and ran, it was clear that he just wasn’t cut from the same cloth. He wasn’t satisfied with one encounter with Hermione. He wanted more—and only with her.

He was aware he could probably shag other witches at Hogwarts. He was in a much better position this time to attract them. He was an Animagus, had money, prospects, a nice wardrobe and was famous. All the components necessary to catch an airhead or two. But he wasn’t interested in airheads or easy shags. The only witch he was interested in was Hermione.

It felt as if she’d always be the only one. His attraction to Lily had lessened dramatically over the past few weeks, although the pain was still there when he thought about her and James. Still, after having sex with Hermione it was as if Lily had faded completely to the background, the longing for her practically gone. He never thought any witch could replace her in his heart. But one did. One very focused, headstrong and brilliant witch.

Snape poked the fire again, his black eyes reflecting the flickering light. He felt so out of sorts. He couldn’t even articulate what he felt to Hermione. It would go against everything else he had said. She wasn’t going to change to suit him. He knew that. She wouldn’t change for Weasley, so what chance did he have? He was in the same position as Ron had been, on the backburner. He thought he’d be able to handle it; he was so used to being alone. But intimacy with Hermione only made him desire companionship more. It wasn’t something he could just push out of his mind.

He hadn’t yet made the connection between his gryffin tendencies and human ones. He didn’t know that Hermione Granger was the only witch for him now, and would be for the rest of his days, whether they ended up together or not. She might become his new, unattainable Lily. Would destiny send him down that same dark road? Some believe there is no thwarting Fate. Maybe it was meant for him to pine after a woman all his life.

Suddenly, he stiffened, twisting his head, his ears shifting slightly as he heard Hermione calling him as she entered the Forbidden Forest on foot. That was never a good idea. The Forbidden Forest was a dangerous place to navigate alone and contained quite a few deadly animals. If a wizard or witch saw them coming, usually they could hex them off.

But you had to see them coming. They shied away from fire, so Snape was safe, but Hermione could make a nice snack for some stealthy beastie.

The wizard quickly turned into his gryffin form and entered the forest to find Hermione.

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”Severus? Are you in here?” Hermione called, threading her way between the trees, her wand drawn and tip lit. Clicks, croaks, peeps and other sounds of the forest surrounded her. That was fine. As long as there were night noises, nothing dangerous was around. It was when everything went silent that one had to worry.

”Severus!” she called again.

Suddenly, everything went quiet.

”Uh, oh,” Hermione breathed, putting out her wand and backing up against a tree.

This wasn’t good. She listened carefully and heard a crunch come from her right.

Without hesitation, she fired a blast between the trees in that direction and heard more frenzied crunching, this time to her left. She fired another blast and still the crunching approached from yet another direction. Whatever was out there, there was more than one. She tried to think of creatures that hunted in groups. Thestrals, although the only Thestrals on the Hogwarts grounds were relatively domesticated and were fed by Hagrid.

Gods. It could be Chimeras. Chimeras were ugly blighters, monsters with a lion's head in front, a goat's head in the middle and a snake for a tail. They were as large as lions in size, and not that easy to kill since they were technically immortal. As long as one head survived, the others could regenerate quickly. There was always more than one when they hunted.

She hoped it wasn’t Chimeras. She looked up at the tree she was under. There was a low branch, but it was still out of reach. If she had time she could blast some holes in the trunk and use them to climb up, but she might be attacked before then. Shit. Well, she could always use the Killing curse. That could take out a Chimera, as long as the others didn’t attack while she focused on one.

Suddenly Hermione was hoisted up into the air by the back of her robes, her wand pinned against her side. She shrieked.

Snape heard her and charged through the forest in the direction of the anguished cry, ready to kill.

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A/N: Thanks for reading.