Nights of Gethsemane

[[This is not a pretty chapter. One of my betas was too disturbed by it to finish reading it. Because of that, I've posted 51 right after, so those who want to skip it, can. It contains graphic descriptions of abuse which some readers may find disturbing.

By the time Harry finished his meal, the potion had yet to take effect.

“I don’t feel anything,” he informed Snape.

“You will,” said Snape in a neutral tone. “Now go sit on your bed.”

With a mixture of anticipation and dread, Harry retreated from his seat to the bed. He sat on the edge, his legs over the side and his eyes fixed on Snape. Snape cleared the dishes and then stepped over to Harry’s sink to examine his toiletries. After replenishing Harry’s mouthwash, Snape returned to Harry who shifted his gaze to the tile floor, impatient for Snape to begin.

Finally, Snape broke the silence with, “Are you scared of Lucius Malfoy?”

“Yes, Master,” admitted Harry. His fears were easier to confess when he could pretend that they were only spoken to appease Snape in this macabre play.

“Do you wish to be protected from him?” asked Snape, his voice low and even.

“Please, Master,” Harry let his desperation show in his voice.

“Will you give yourself to me completely in exchange for my protection?”

Harry wasn’t sure if Snape was acting or not, but at that moment he didn’t care either way. After all, it didn't matter what he wanted; Snape would get what he wanted in the end. “Yes, Master.”

“I have a reward for you.” Snape’s voice was warm with affection.

“Yes, Master?” Many times Harry had envisioned what would happen between them when Snape finally indulged Voldemort’s wishes for sadism, but he had never pictured anything like this. He hated it. He wanted Snape to be evil and cruel so he could hate him.

Snape stepped close and a tingle of magic encircled Harry's neck, quickly followed by a strip of leather. The collar tightened to fit securely around his throat, nearly choking him, and it took all of his self-control not to try to reach up and yank it off.

“As long as you please me, I will protect and guide you.” Snape caressed Harry’s cheek. “But first, you need to be trained to please me. I have always been generous with pleasure, have I not?”

“Yes, Master.” This part was true.

“Now, your pleasure shall come through mine. Please me and I shall please you in return. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master,” Harry repeated. This was better. If he no longer had pleasure during sex, he would no longer want it. He would hate it as he had before he had become twisted.

“You must learn to rely on me completely. Obscuro!”

Harry’s vision went black and his heart pounded in his chest. The idea of being blind before a cruel Snape sent ice through his limbs. He swallowed hard, trying to bury his building fears.

“Come here, slave.”

Harry unfolded his limbs and slid off the bed, crawling across the floor towards Snape.

“Stop, turn around, and spread your cheeks for me.”

His face burning, Harry turned his back towards Snape and lowered his head and shoulders to the floor. He reached back and clutched his cheeks in his fingers, spreading them open and exposing his hole to Snape. He felt incredibly vulnerable, as if he had been flayed open, his skin peeled back for Snape to see inside of him.

“Spread your legs,” said Snape.

Harry shifted them apart.

“Farther,” growled Snape.

Harry bit his lip as he complied with Snape’s order. The position was awkward and his legs shook as though he might fall over any second. The cleaning spell raced through him and he shut his useless eyes, hating his fear and embarrassment. He tried to relax his body. It would hurt if he was tense.

Snape's finger brushed over his puckered entrance and a warm feeling tingled through him, sending pulses of electricity straight to his groin. He had drunk an aphrodisiac. He didn’t want this; his reaction was merely induced by the drug. It was a comforting thought as he slowly began to harden.

"This-" Snape tapped his finger against Harry's entrance "-belongs to me now. The Dark Lord has granted my request that only I be allowed access here."

Harry wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond to that, so he said, "Thank you, Master." He was grateful that he would no longer have to worry about being sodomised, but with inventive perverts like Lucius, there were other ways he could be raped. Besides, knowing Lucius, he had probably purchased the sex-change potion after hearing the rule just so he could indirectly violate Snape's privilege.

Harry's thoughts fled from him when something cold and hard pressed up against his anus. He involuntarily gasped as something that definitely wasn’t Snape’s cock was pushed into him. Whatever it was, it was smaller than Snape and his body spread easily for it. As Snape shoved it in, Harry realised it was a ball of some sort. His anus spread wide and then closed around it again, swallowing it up. A second ball was attached to the first and Snape gave the device a twist as he languidly skewered Harry.

The novel sensation sent thrilling shivers through his body which enjoyed the attention even though his mind couldn't stand it. A third joined the two already inside of him and then a fourth. Snape paused to twist the toy in half-circles, making him quiver and his dick fill. Finally, Snape pushed the toy in further, the smooth handle easier to take than the balls. Snape buried it in Harry to the hilt and released it. Without a command to move, Harry was forced to remain in the uncomfortable position, his face burning, as his body slowly pushed the toy back out until it caught on the ball nearest the handle.

“Come.” A tingle of magic near his voice box and a slight tug on his collar alerted him to the fact that Snape had conjured a leash. Harry released his arse and crawled after Snape, embarrassed by the object sticking out of his bum. It was strange to move with something partially buried in him. He hated it. Hated that Snape had used an object on him as if he were nothing more than an object himself. They had barely begun and already he wanted it to stop.

Snape led him to the library. Harry crawled across the floor, trying to ignore the toy. He had reached the rug when Snape stopped tugging on the leash.

“Lie on your back,” Snape commanded.

Harry carefully lay back on the rug, trying not to touch the thing inside of him.

“Spread your legs!” Snape barked in a tone that made Harry jump. “You must always spread your legs unless I give you a command to the contrary.”

“Yes, Master,” said Harry, because that seemed like a better thing to do than leap at Snape and punch him. He dutifully spread his legs, moving his feet towards his bum to get them wider apart. He left his hands at his sides, his fingers digging into the rug, because he had nowhere else to put them. He lay there, exposed and helpless for what seemed like ages before the familiar electrical tingling of a spell being cast rippled over him. The end of his leash rose up and brushed over his lips. He wasn’t sure what he should do with it; if he should lick it or open his mouth to suck it in, but then the leash moved on, slowly travelling down his chin to his sternum. It trailed down his torso, heading straight to his navel before it reversed its direction and veered off to the side to brush over a hard nipple.

Harry gasped, giving in to the drug which multiplied each sensation. The leash teased the delicate nub, sliding back and forth over it until he was fully erect. With a maddeningly slow pace, the leather drifted across his chest to the other one, teasing it until he was gripping the rug tightly and trying to do everything he could not to touch himself. He had never wanted sex and despised it so much at the same time. The drug-controlled part of his body, his traitorous anatomy, wanted to beg Snape to fuck him. He wanted release. He wanted to be touched. He wanted to be fucked until he was screaming Snape’s name and coming all over the two of them. However, despite his desperate desires, a part of his brain still couldn’t accept what he wanted. He still didn’t want to be touched. He didn’t want to want Snape or how he made him feel. He was torn between desire and disgust. Need and hate.

The leash trailed down his torso, tortuously avoiding his genitals to lightly stroke his thighs. He was making embarrassing whimpering noises, pleading equally in his head for Snape to stop and to continue. He was about to beg when the toy inside of him suddenly began to move and a jolt of pleasure surged through him so strongly that he almost came from that alone. The toy fucked him in the same slow, steady pace that Snape liked to use and he could do nothing but cry out in pleasure, his hips helplessly thrusting, trying to get more of the toy, more of the sensation so he could just come already and then Snape would come and this whole thing would be over.

“Do you like being fucked with that?” Snape asked in a low voice.

“Yes, sir,” Harry panted, desperately trying to keep his hands at his sides.

“That isn’t enough for you though, is it?”

“No, sir.” Frantically, Harry shook his head.

“You want my cock, don’t you?”

“Please, sir!” The quicker Snape got off, the sooner this would end.

A tug on Harry’s leash pulled him up and he hurriedly crawled forward to bump into Snape’s trouser-clad legs. A hand pushed his head down and pressed his lips against Snape’s erect cock. Raw anger surged through him. Snape knew how much he hated giving head. Harry welcomed his anger, glad that Snape's actions helped stoke his rage towards the Potions Master. At this rate, he would no longer want to do anything sexual with Snape at all. Keeping his face carefully blank, he brought up his hands to wrap them around the shaft when Snape lightly boxed him on the side of the head.

“I didn’t order you to use your hands. Put them behind your back, touching your elbows.”

What an arsehole. Snape sure wasn’t making this easy. Harry sat back on his haunches and folded his arms together behind his back. Ropes bound his arms together, and a firm grip on the back of his head pushed him back towards Snape’s crotch. He had just licked at Snape’s organ when the object inside of him began to move faster and he could hardly concentrate on the vile task he had before him when he was being fucked like that. He sucked Snape into his mouth and bobbed his head quickly, trying to focus on his work so that he could get Snape off, yet unable to do so when his body was so desperate for release. The toy brushed against his prostrate with each inward thrust and he couldn't hold back his muffled moans as he gagged on the thick prick in his mouth.

After far too long, Snape grabbed Harry’s hair and pulled him off.

“I will need to train you in that art,” he commented, as if discussing a potions lesson.

Harry couldn’t help the whimper that escaped him. He was desperate for release; he was ready to beg Snape to let him finish him off just so that he could orgasm. A tug on his leash pulled him to his feet and Snape dragged him back to his cell. He stumbled as he followed, off-balance with his arms tied behind his back and the toy pounding his arse. Snape roughly pushed him onto his bed and he would’ve fallen forward onto his mattress had not bonds materialised, snaking around his upper arms and his legs, holding him in place. The position left him bent over at an odd angle, his chest almost parallel to the bed but not quite. As soon as the bonds were released, he would pitch forward to land on his face.

Before he had a chance to adjust to the odd position, a rope wrapped around the top of his scrotum and squeezed, pulling his balls away from his body. Snape ran his hand down Harry’s back, caressing the spine until he reached the toy which was still sliding in and out of Harry’s hole. Suddenly, the toy began to vibrate and Harry nearly jumped out of his skin as his whole body shook from the intense ecstasy that sent off fireworks in his blind eyes. He would’ve come had the rope not been holding his nuts away from his body.

“Please!” Harry managed to gasp out, “Please fuck me!” He wanted this over with as soon as possible.

Snape grabbed the toy and twisted it around before he slid it out. Harry gasped as his body clung to it. When it popped out of him, he nearly sobbed with relief. Now Snape had to fuck him. He had to, because Harry couldn't take much more.

The firm, spongy head of Snape’s cock finally pressed up against his entrance. Harry wanted to beg him to hurry, but he forced himself to be submissive and pliant except for his arse which he pushed back against Snape’s cock. Snape slowly pushed his dick through the tight ring of muscles, moving so slowly, Harry thought he would die before he was filled. Then, Snape grabbed Harry’s hips and seated himself completely with one hard stroke. Harry yelped in surprise.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Snape growled as he fucked Harry with vicious but slow jerks of his hips.

“Yes, Master,” Harry half-sobbed, tightening around Snape to hurry him along.

Snape continued his achingly slow pace. “I bet you could come on my cock alone, couldn’t you?”

“I could, Master. Please fuck me hard, Master,” Harry gasped, trying to get Snape to finish.

“You stupid slave,” Snape snarled. “What did I tell you? This is about my pleasure, not yours.” The collar around Harry’s neck tightened and Harry wheezed for breath. Snape relaxed the collar and whispered in Harry’s ear, “You only exist as a hole to be used as I see fit.”

Harry knew Snape didn’t mean it, but the words carved through him, straight to his heart which hurt so much it seemed to shatter into a million little pieces. His lungs burned, each breath painful. Stop. He wanted to scream it, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. The word died on his tongue, forbidden by that part of him that reminded him that if he said it, they would be forced to begin this again. He couldn’t go through it again. He had had enough of this horrible day and he just wanted it to be over. He barely managed to whisper, “Yes, Master.”

“From now on, you need my permission to orgasm,” Snape continued in that same low, dangerous tone. He began to thrust harder, drawing louder moans from Harry’s throat. “You will only be permitted to touch yourself if I order you to.”

Stop! Stop! He screamed it in his mind, unable to say it aloud. He had thought he wanted Snape to be cruel so he could hate him, but, despite it all, he couldn't truly hate Snape. He couldn't stop a part of himself from wanting him. He still wanted this day to end in Snape's arms while Snape stroked his back and held him tightly. Even as Snape raped him, he wanted, needed, to be comforted by him.

That knowledge was a far worse torture than anything Snape could do to his body.

Snape grabbed his hair and leaned forward to whisper. “And I don’t give you permission to orgasm today.” He released Harry’s hair with a vicious jerk of his hand.

At those words, something deep inside of Harry broke and he could no longer hold in his emotions. A sob broke from deep within his chest. He was helpless to prevent tears from spilling out from behind his tightly closed eyelids and pouring down his cheeks in warm, salty rivers. He hung his head in shame, trying to hide his lack of composure from Snape. He was so weak, so helpless, unable to control himself. He wasn’t sure of who he even was or what he wanted any longer. He was dying, parts of him being stripped away and destroyed forever. Soon he'd be nothing but a shell of his former self, alive but not really living.
Snape’s breath grew quick and his hips jerked faster. He finally came, pounding Harry with harsh thrusts of his hips. Harry hung limply in his bonds as Snape took his pleasure. When Snape had finished orgasming, all the ropes binding and torturing Harry disappeared and Harry crumbled to the mattress. He curled up into a ball and buried his face in the sheets. He was still hard, his balls free of the ropes, but his arousal seemed a distant part of himself, as if it belonged to another person.

There was a rustle of cloth as Snape dressed. A chair slid across the floor and then, after a Finite Incantatem had restored Harry’s vision, Snape ordered, "Come to me."

Oh, yes, he was supposed to crawl back to Snape, wasn't he? That's what Voldemort wanted after all. Him crawling back to Snape after he had been abused. His body moved, pulled as if by some outside force, his limbs unfolding and dragging as he climbed off the bed and crawled across the floor to Snape. He paused before the chair Snape was sitting in and lowered his head to the floor.

"Lift your head." Snape's voice had less of a bite.

Unable to look at the man who had just hurt him, Harry pushed up his upper body, keeping his eyes on the floor.

Snape stroked his fingers through Harry's hair. "It pains me to hurt you."

His fingers were so soft; Harry wanted to lay his head in Snape's lap and be stroked all over. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, trying to stop the flood of tears that wanted to spill again.

"I do it, because I care about you." More soft strokes on his hair. "It is important that you learn to rely on me."

Unable to hold back his unending tears, Harry waited for the horrible session to be over as he sucked in air through his mouth, his nose too full of snot and tears to breathe through it anymore.

Snape bent down and kissed the top of Harry's head. He cast cleaning spells and then stood. "You are not permitted to touch yourself without my express permission ever again. Is that clear?”

Harry whispered, "Yes, Master," just wanting him to be gone.

Snape strode out of the cell, his footsteps loud against the tiles.

As soon as Harry heard the library door close, he began to sob openly. Tears blinding his eyes, he dragged himself back to the bed.

It was only a few seconds before the library door opened again, and Harry clamped down on his misery. He surreptitiously wiped the tears from his face, hiding it in the sheets. Snape walked over to stand by the edge of the bed, but Harry refused to uncurl from his ball or open his eyes to glance at the man who had just abused him so.

The bed moved as Snape climbed onto it, but Harry was too exhausted to chase him off. A brush of magic at the back of his neck removed the leash and collar. Snape’s hands, covered in some warm potion, returned to Harry’s neck. Harry allowed himself to be moved as Snape covered his neck in the healing salve. Once Snape had finished coating Harry’s neck, he shifted down and pressed Harry’s left hip down to the bed, gently forcing him onto his back. At first, Harry resisted, not wanting to give Snape the satisfaction of control, but he was too tired to fight. He gave in, allowing himself to be manoeuvred, although he kept his eyes tightly closed and his face buried in the blankets.

Snape’s hand closed around his penis right before his mouth sucked him in. Harry wanted to push him away, but it was harder to make him stop than let him continue, so he lay there, limp as a rag doll and just about as dead inside, while Snape’s mouth worked furiously over his cock. Snape did not try to tease him or coddle him; he simply sucked him with enough force to bruise. Harry welcomed it, thrusting up into that demanding mouth that seemed to be determined to pull out his very soul.

Harry finally opened his eyes, blinking as the bright lights made his vision swim. He reached down and grabbed Snape’s hair, knowing that it drove the Potions Master crazy. He pulled on it hard, half-wanting Snape to get angry and refuse to continue, but Snape steadfastly bobbed his head over Harry’s shaft. Harry threw back his head, closed his eyes, and let himself have pleasure, giving into the mindless desire produced by the aphrodisiac. The waves overwhelmed him and he drifted off, losing himself in the ecstasy. It didn’t last long. He quickly came, his body shaking as if he had been struck by lightening while his semen shot down Snape’s throat. Throughout it all, he remained distant from his orgasm as if he were watching it happen to another person rather than experiencing it himself. Snape bobbed his head until Harry finished spurting and then gave Harry's dick a long slow lick before he released the softening organ from his wet mouth.

Releasing Snape's hair, Harry lay back against the bed, panting. Instead of feeling satisfied and content, the orgasm left him hollow inside, as if he had accidentally poured out an important part of himself. He had thought that he would feel triumphant once he stopped enjoying sex with Snape, but instead he felt empty and more alone than ever.