Memoirs of a Serpent's Son

Memoirs of a Serpent’s Son

--Age 17—part 21

December 1 –continued

Over the past few months I think I’ve lost my ability to compartmentalize my emotions. At least some of it. I just can’t do it as well as I used to anymore…

To be honest, the only times I ever let my anger or frustration run away with me in the past were times that I was provoked by Harry… So it’s not entirely illogical to suppose that the reason I’ve lost whatever delicate control I might have had is his omnipresence in my life.

It’s just… what he does and says sometimes! It’s like he’s purposely acting on impulse to grate on my nerves and set me off!

……

He led me into my room while everyone else filtered off to their respective quarters in silence. No one paid any mind to where anyone else was going. We all needed our time to let all the events and information of the day set in properly so that we could learn to accept it and figure out what to do next.

I already knew what it was that I had to do.

As soon as I passed over the threshold and closed the door, Harry turned to me with a softened expression on his face. It took less than half a second. I grimaced and let my anger take over me.

I threw him hard into the wall, my face showing nothing more than hatred and hurt.

“Don’t you EVER fucking do that to me again!!!” I hollered, violently shoving him further into the wall, crushing his ribs as I pushed against him. His head knocked roughly back against the wall and I heard an unpleasant ‘thunk’ and a groan.

“What the fuck are you talking about??” he groaned breathlessly, trying to push me off of him. His face wasn’t soft anymore, but pulled into an angry glare.

But I didn’t care. I wasn’t backing down now.

“You know bloody well what I’m talking about!!” I shot back, throwing more of my force behind my thrust as I pinned him against the wall again. “Who the fuck do you think you are?? What right did you have to make a decision like that on your own!?! You fucking arse, don’t you DARE ever do that AGAIN!”

He looked as though he was about to say something but I brought my arm around and punched him in the jaw. His head snapped to the side from the impact and his glasses went askew.

“WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO JUST DIE??” I continued to scream. I could feel everything inside of me. I felt like a volcano erupting in a violent and murderous explosion… There was no stopping me. And he deserved it! “What was going through your fucking head?? “Oh I think I’m dead! Well alright let’s just DIE then!”” He started to fight back against me and threw me off of him. “Is that how you are going to go, Potter?? Just let yourself die when there is nothing to indicate that you might still be alive?? Just roll over and take it!? You won’t fight back?! You think you have the right to make that kind of decision, you arrogant prick?!”

“And what other option did I have??” he screamed back. He swung around to hit me and I let him. I let his fist crash into my cheek and took it. “What was I supposed to do? Tell me, Draco, HOW DOES ONE COME BACK FROM THE DEAD??”

“YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRY!” I screamed, only vaguely aware that my face was now wet with tears. I was forcing myself against him again, pressing my hand into the base of his neck. “You were so willing to just fade away and leave us all to rot!! Didn’t think that your death would mean anything?? Thought you’d be the coward for once and just take the easy way out and leave me like that?! You fucking prat!! Who gave you the right to make those decisions alone?!”

“YOU DID!” he screamed harshly, his face holding as much hatred as mine did. “YOU DID! When you sent me into that fucking death trap on my own and forced me to act before we had any idea of what would happen! You’re the one who told me to use my blood! To do it right then, no waiting or considering the possible repercussions!!”

He had his hands buried deep in my hair and was fisting it hard, as though he wanted nothing more than to rip chunks of it out by the roots. More tears flooded my eyes, but I didn’t notice. I didn’t notice that his face was streaked with tears as well. I didn’t see a thing. Nothing but my rage and my pain.

“How was I supposed to know that there would be traps set up like that?!” I snarled from somewhere deep inside of myself. I don’t know what I was doing but I know he has marks on his skin from whatever it was. “You’ve been through one of his traps before!! But you didn’t say a thing! You didn’t even register the possibility! Maybe you just WANTED to die!”

“MAYBE I DID!” he hollered, shoving my head away. Something painful caught in my chest as his words. I didn’t mean it and I didn’t expect him to say it… “Maybe I just wanted to give up and forget it all!!! Maybe I just can’t take it!”

I couldn’t stop myself at this point. I couldn’t stop all the words that were coming out of my mouth. I wanted to kill him.

“And then what?!” I yelled, feeling all the frustrations and hurt that has accumulated inside of me over the years shoot out in jets of acid terms. “You heard one of your precious little friends calling your name and thought ‘Hey, maybe I should go back, I might have something better to do than waste away into nothingness’!! Well good job, CHOSEN ONE! I’m glad the world is in YOUR hands!! Tell me, which of your little fledglings did you decide to come back for? The Weasel or the mudblood?!”

A strong fist threw my head back for that comment and I bit my tongue so hard it bled as a result. I screwed up my eyes from the pain.

“IT WAS YOU, YOU FUCKING ARSE!” he bellowed. “I HEARD YOUR VOICE CALLING ME!” He pushed me back off of him again and hit me in the stomach. “I heard you call and thought “I have to get back to him! I have to get back to Draco!” And a great choice that was!!”

I glared up at him, blood from my tongue running down the side of my mouth to mix with the tears on my face.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” I wanted to hit him… to touch him, to punish him somehow for ever thinking something so insulting. “DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARED I WAS? You are the only fucking thing I have left and I don’t even HAVE YOU!!”

“THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!” Harry roared and before he could say anything else I just did it.

I threw him back up against the wall and let myself hit him, pressing against him with every part of my body that could and I kissed him. I kissed him hard and it was painful. It was needy and hungry and demanding and urgent. There was something terribly urgent about it… like it was the only chance that there would ever be.

I felt him lift his arms quickly and suddenly his hands were on my shoulders, gripping me roughly. I thought he was going to push me off, but his hands just kept moving up and he finally grabbed my head and pulled me closer to him, sandwiching himself even more between me and the wall.

I couldn’t breathe but neither could he. I kissed him hard and fast and sucked on his tongue when I could between short, ragged breaths. He was tugging at me as I pushed into him. I threw his arms off me and tore off his shirt. I’m sure I ripped it.

He pushed me back when I did and stripped me of mine before throwing himself on me, pressing his bare chest to mine. It almost felt as though it was an attack, but his mouth crushed mine and he dug his fingernails into my back as I moved against him.

I grabbed his hips and yanked them into mine, arching and grinding so violently it was more painful than anything else. I bit his tongue as I sucked on it and one of his hands came up and latched onto my neck, almost as though he was trying to strangle me.

And then, suddenly, he was sobbing. We were both sobbing. I could feel my breath as it hitched and strange feelings welled up inside my throat. He moaned into the kiss and looked as though he was trying to say something.

“I’m so sorry, Draco,” was the hasty, almost breathless remark. He pulled me harder into him and with more urgency than even before. I sobbed harder and wrapped my arms around him tightly, trying to press away any leftover space that might be distancing us. Now I could feel his heart beating against mine and the rhythm was fast and scared and perfectly in sync. “So sorry…”

“You can’t leave me, never leave me,” I whispered. The words were almost inaudible but they were there and he heard me. “You can’t die… you can’t let go… I won’t let you go…”

“Never go…” he whispered with the same tone and I covered his mouth with mine again, wanting ever more of him, more even than there was.

I brought my hands down to his waist and shoved his trousers down as far as I could push them. I let him gasp and pulled him back with me towards the bed. Our faces were slick with tears and sweat and neither of us was breathing properly. My hair was a mess and hung down around my eyes, but I didn’t care. I was concentrating on his mouth.

I kept up the embrace, keeping up the tense and frightened rhythm as Harry dragged his nails down my back quickly to remove my trousers as well. I stepped out of them and kicked them off, finally standing against him, with him, completely naked.

I clutched him tightly as he bit my lip and pulled him as I felt back onto the mattress. He tumbled heavily down onto me and the feel of his skin against every part of me was almost more than I could stand.

I pushed my palms into the small of his back as he bucked his hips against me and forced almost uncomfortable friction between both of our erections. I let a soft sound escape me through the mounting need.

“Draco,” Harry whispered huskily, pulling away just enough so that he could speak without my tongue in his mouth. His hot breath ghosted over my cheeks and little pieces of his hair were tickling at my nose and forehead while he stroked my shaft with his own. “Draco, I want you…”

“Harry…” I answered back with no more voice than he had. I angled my head back to try and catch his lips and he gave me one soft kiss before pulling out of my reach again. His eyes were heavy-lidded and brimming with desire.

“Draco, I want you to…” he whispered more readily. He bit the side of his lip and pressed into me harder, forcing an explosion of pleasant feelings around my groin. He looked as though he was searching for the right word, then he settled on the more concise. “Fuck me, Draco…”

I gasped and looked up at him clearly, my lip trembling both from the concern and from the desperate need to kiss him again.

“A-are you sure?” I asked, rather foolishly. He nodded, a few tears still dripping down his cheeks and falling onto my neck.

“Yes, Draco,” he urged. “I want you to fuck me… I want it… I want you… Please…” His voice was close and got right under my skin to light up sensations all over my body. I nodded and brought his head forwards to mine again, tasting him more, taking every flavour that I could from him as I let my hands roam down his back and pull his legs apart.

I heard him moan while I traced a line down until my fingertips reached his entrance. I traced it, putting pressure around the ring before pulling my hand away and rolling over so that he was underneath me.

I pulled away from the kiss and let my tongue draw lines down the side of his jaw, along his neck and to his chest. I searched for and planted kisses on the bruises and shallow cuts that marked him from everything that had happened today. I sucked (gently this time) on some of the cuts and let his every wonderful sound wash over me.

“Mm, Draco,” Harry moaned from somewhere deep in his stomach. I let my tongue run down his chest and over his stomach until I reached his length. I licked the tip and pressed the tip of my tongue into the slit and heard him cry out. “Draco!!”

I smiled briefly, but I was breathless and still moving quickly. My tongue covered every part of his erection, coating it completely before I drew my attention away and back to his lips. I kissed him softly and offered him my fingers.

Without being prompted, somehow, he took my fingers into his mouth and sucked on them, running his tongue lavishly over every inch of skin he was given. I know that shouldn’t have felt as good as it did, but I couldn’t help moaning into it.

I pulled my fingers from his mouth and pulled his legs open further, pressing the tip of one finger to his entrance. Before I could do anything else, his hand came up and caught my arm.

“Will it hurt?” he asked, a worried look on his face. The only image or thought that flashed through my mind was the only experience I had… with Nott… I whimpered softly.

“I… I don’t know…” I admitted, worried he wouldn’t want me to go on. “It might…”

He nodded and let out another faint gasp.

“Ok, I’m ready,” he whispered. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips as I slid my finger into his tight hole.

He immediately opened his mouth and cried out, but I couldn’t tell if he was in pain or not. Until…

“Ahh yess…” I took that as a good sign and pushed in another finger… then another…

I kissed him roughly as I stretched him. He moaned louder and louder, forcing me to go faster just so that I could feel him around me before it was too late.

I finally pulled my fingers out and spat into my hand. I slicked my shaft as much as I could before placing myself before him, pressing the head of my pride against his hole.

“Yes, Draco… now,” he ordered.

I bit my lip and slid in as far as I could go. Harry screamed out, his face pulled in an expression of agony but he continued to egg me on. Demanding more and more.

I couldn’t move for a minute though. It felt so good… he was so tight and so hot around me. I… I almost couldn’t go on.

I tried to calm down and take a deep breath, forcing away the intense blissful feeling that followed penetration.

“Ahh, Harry,” I moaned as I started to move. Slowly at first, moving in and out.

His hands snaked around me and pulled me roughly to him so that he could give me a crushing kiss, forcing his tongue into my mouth the same way that I was forcing my shaft into him.

He was scratching me deep now. His fingers were digging into my back as he clutched me tighter, trying to pull me into him further than I would go. I wanted him to succeed though.

I started thrusting faster and faster, pushing harder every time, wondering how it was even possible for me to keep going this long.

One of my hands found its way back to Harry’s leaking erection and I pumped it in time with my thrusts, in time with the kiss.

“Ahh, Draco… Draco!” Harry cried as he inched closer and closer to his climax. I couldn’t breathe anymore and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to give up the feeling of his tongue in my mouth or his lips on mine.

“Yes, Harry… yes…” I groaned, gyrating with more force and speed, following the urgency that drove me from the very beginning.

I felt him clench around me as he screamed out my name.

“DRACO!” he yelled out, his entire body tensing around me as he came and covered both of us with that sticky liquid. I moaned in response and finally let myself go too.

“Yes… HARRY!” I screamed back as I exploded inside of him… filling him and spilling out.

I shuddered and tensed, trying to get back to a normal pattern of breathing as my heart raced and threatened to break out of my chest.

I finally let myself collapse onto Harry, feeling drained of every bit of energy that I might ever have had.

“Draco…” he whispered to me, through the stupor of the aftermath. “God… Draco…”

“Harry…” was the only thing that I could manage to say. I had never felt anything so strong and so overwhelming in my entire life. Nothing was that real and that raw… nothing was that beautiful…

Not even that daydream charm could have matched that…

“You… can’t leave me,” I whispered through the fogginess of exhaustion. “Can’t go…”

“Never go…” he answered.

I rolled off him and pulled him to his side, taking him in my arms and holding him pressed against me. He smiled and nuzzled into my neck, wrapping his arms around me as well.

Harry’s eyes fluttered shut and he whispered something incomprehensible before he fell asleep. I watched him for a bit, running a tired hand over his cheek to brush his hair out of his eyes and remove his glasses. When I was sure he was asleep I let myself say it… when I knew he couldn’t hear me anymore…

“I love you, Harry…”

-------IIIIIII-------

A/N: OK so it’s a short chapter, I know, but you get DRACO ON HARRY ACTION! YEAH! And it’s ANGRY sex too hahaha well, that’s one of my favourite kinds, so that’s part of why it’s here. Also, the idea to this is that they came to a point where they both thought they were going to lose the other one forever (Harry thought he was dead, Draco thought Harry was going to die, etc) and so it kind of got them to realize that they both need each other more than either was (and probably still is) willing to admit.

The need for sexual contact here, for trust and the anger and everything all jumbled in there together is just dealing with the intense stress in a boy way. Boys (well all the ones that I know anyway, pardon if you disagree, just personal experience) fight or get physical when they are angry, or sad, or scared, or any strong emotion really lol X_X Anyway, we know that Harry is physical when he’s one of those things, I thought that Draco would be too, in this case anyway. Normally he would have used magic or something to deal with his issue with Harry but this was a more personal thing. Nothing standing in between them

Ah I hope that makes sense… at least a little bit! Sorry I made you all wait, my cousin’s grad was yesterday X_X Hope it was worth it anyway!

In responses: Draco was mad at Harry because he just seemed so willing to accept death, which is what he’s yelling about here.

ehcie-utada: Your reviews are awesome! I love how your wrote a mini-essay kind of thing for arguments for and against Snape hahahhaa and you mayyyyy be onto something there *winkwink* hahaha Can’t say though!

Smokey: I’m actually from Canada and while our summers are usually really nice, the winter is not at all… it’s…. not pleasant hahaha I’m from Toronto so it’s not as bad here as many other places, but I lived in Ottawa and nearly died from the wind-burn alone X_X I don’t know exactly what it is about London that I love, I just feel at home there ^_^

Berkie88: The Inferi didn’t just scatter because (well from what I could tell) they scamper away when there is a constant flame. Here, Harry just cast the spell on one or a few of them and they went all explody (lmao I love that word, even if it’s fake) and then the fire was gone. They follow their ‘orders’ or ‘spell’ (or however it’s explained) ruthlessly (again, as far as I know) so if the fire were to disappear, they would resume attacking Harry as they did. Hope that wasn’t too confusing or anything X_X

I was under the impression I’d hanged myself because I put a lot of things in that chapter that weren’t in the original plan and happened to make my life quite a bit more difficult in the sense that I have more factors to deal with now for finding the Cup and all that, lol. Yes I did it to myself hahahaha But hopefully I won’t get stuck or anything ^^

And I asked about the avoidance techniques both to see if there are others who react the way I do and to see if maybe I’ve been overlooking some wonderful tactic for ignoring unpleasant things hehehe ^_^ so far it’s been quite helpful!

Thank you for alllllll the reviews and responses and everything! This chapter, again, didn’t turn out exactly as I had planned it, but hopefully it works anyway. I think I might have a self-confidence problem there T_T *hangs head* Just ignore meee eheheh

Cookies and love for reviews and… love? Hahahah