Down On Your Knees

Tile: Down on Your Knees

Author: Exis* Exis_@hotmail.com

Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape

Warnings: This fic will contain M/M sex....Gay sex. For thoes who don't like that, you should go away now. It will also highlight a love afair with a teacher so if that makes you unhappy, scram. I haven't finished writing it, but you should assume that it will have spoilers from ALL FOUR BOOKS.....if that displeases you, you can go away as well. My last warning is that this is my first slash fic, and my first Harry Potter fic. I haven't the slightest clue whether it's horrible, and I'd like to pretend it's not....

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, nor am I making any money off this. You know the drill, I won't elaborate.

Dedicated: To my Lovely Beta Tealish. Thanks for your patience, and your trust.

Archive: Anywhere you want to....just mail me to let me know


"You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive,
but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway,
with nothing to say besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees "

Chapter 5 "Dark Eyes"

Severus Snape pulled himserom rom the ground just as the sun was setting. His once pale hands were covered in blood. He didn’t know whether the blood was his or that of someone else but at this point it didn’t matter anymore. Civil blood makes civil hands unclean, whether the blood is yours or not.

They had won. He should have been ecstatic, but he was more or less apathetic. Truth be told, he was on the losing side no matter what happened. He’d always be the one who got away, as far as the Ministry was concerned, and he’d always be a turn-coat to Voldemort. He wasn’t sure either one was wrong. But whether it was an Auror or a Death Eater, he didn’t really know, someone had hit him with a dead-weight spell and he had plummeted to the Earth. From his little hole in the world he watched the most influential battle ever. He saw his friends fall, but most importantly he watched his enemies fall more often. And after almost eight hours of fighting, the Aurors were able to overtake the opposing forces. It was almost breathtaking, though he did weave in and out of consciousness more often than he'd like to admit. But the one thing that he really kept his mind on was Harry. He didn’t see him, or Voldemort, and that worried him more than anything else. It was visions of Harry that finally carried him off to sleep, and thoughts of the boy that woke him up.

The Aurors were doing the cleanup work of sending off the bodies, binding the prisoners, and taking the injured ones off to the hospital wing. Snape luckily woke up before they got to him, and got away before he had to go through the all too familiar prodding of a Medi-Witch. He scanned the battle ground for any sign of Harry or Voldemort and found nothing. He wanted to ask someone about it, but he didn’t want to signify any involvement. He’d look for them himself instead.

But three trips around the field brought no calm to his heart. There was no sign of either of them, and there was a nervousness hanging in the air that made him feel like no one knew where they were. In certain circumstances, Snape occasionally discarded his usual realistic approach to life, and this was one of those circumstances. Snape just told himself, as he stepped over the dead and broken, that Harry was probably safe within the castle right now, or on his way to the Ministry. Voldemort was probably dead, and everything would be all right. At least, that’s was he tried to tell himself.

And he probably would have succeeded, had he not come across Harry's cloak at that very moment. Burnt and barely recognizable, the Aurors had obviously over-looked it. But it had caused Snape way too much pain and trouble in the past for him not to see through it’s unattractive state. It also didn’t take him long to realize what it meant either. Harry would never leave this behind unless he had to. No matter how optimistic Snape was trying to be, he couldn’t wiggle his way around that fact.

He walked the edge of the forest, just a little faster than normal. He had seen nothing, and no news was good news. While he walked he thought about Harry. He tried to remember the obnoxious brat, the ignorant boy, or the insolent child, but all that came to his mind were visions of the troubled man he had become. The troubled, beautiful man. Things always got complicated when he remembered that he was beautiful.

He didn’t get far with his thoughts. Before he had time to think about it any further, he spotted something in the distance. He sped up a little to see what it was. And there, thirty feet in front of him, laying in the grass, was Harry Potter, the last hope for the wizarding world. Next to him lay the Dark Lord who had caused the world more pain than was imaginable. They lay head to foot, both had their wands in hand. They were both so still.

It was then that for the first time in over twenty years, Severus Snape cried. The wind blew and moved a few strands of hair across Harry’s face. The tears that streamed down his cheeks, they were cold and sticky. He knew he should have done the reasonable thing and taken both of them back to the castle, but he couldn’t do it. So, he walked away, trying to keep himself composed enough to tell Albus.

The walk back to the castle was shorter than the walk away from it. He dodged the Aurors and made his way into the castle. He searched around, looking for anyone who might know where the Headmaster was. Everyone was running around helter-skelter in the Great Hall which had been made into a make-shift infirmary. Finally he spotted Minerva, who, too, was crying. They both knew better than to ask one another why.

“Severus, thank Merlin. Albus is frantic. He’s been looking for you for over forty minutes,” Minerva said with exhaustion evident in her voice.

“I need to speak with him as well. Do you have any idea as to where I might find him?” Severus asked, trying to stay as calm as possible.

“He was in his office last time I checked, but things are a bit hectic. Try there first,” she replied with a strange look in her eyes. Severus hurried toward the steps that would take him to the Headmaster’s office.

“Oh, and Severus!” Minerva shouted at him, just before he was out of sight. “It’s nice to see you again." A sad smile crept across Severus’s face; he nodded in her direction before turning up the steps.

~*~

The door to Dumbledore’s office was open as Severus approached. He knocked anyway, not sure what kind of a state Albus was in for company. He found him sitting behind his desk.

“Oh gods, Severus, you’re alive! I was so worried when we couldn’t find you. Where were you? Things are a mess. Sirius is hysterical because Remus is unconscious and the Ministry is just about to cart Sirius away to Azkaban with the Death Eaters. I have to go and talk to Fudge, but I don’t believe he’ll be willing to cooperate. And on top of this, no one can find Harry Potter or Voldemort, but..." Dumbledore never got to finish his sentence because it was then that Severus jumped in.

“Albus, Harry is dead,” Severus almost whispered. Dumbledore, who had stood up in the middle of his speech, fell backward into his chair. He put a hand to his mouth and looked at Severus with questioning eyes.

“So is Voldemort. Albus, I never told you but...” his voice trailed off. He sat down in the old leather chair that had sat in front of the Headmaster’s desk for as long as he could remember. He ran his fingers idly through his hair, searching for the best way to say this. “Albus, Harry told me something he never told you. He had a vision... about today... I promised not to say anything. He saw himself and Voldemort just like I found them. I tried to help... but I was too late.” Severus’s eyes were downcast to the ground, not willing to make eye contact with Dumbledore. Dumbledore just tipped his head backward and rubbed his eyes. “Right before he told me about the vision,” Severus continued. “He told me that he loved me. I know I told you that potion was a fluke, but it wasn’t... I saw it myself.” Severus was shaking now. He was so tired of letting people down... of letting himself down. “And I never told him... I never told him anything. I just dismissed him, and he never said anything to me after that... I should have told him... ” Severus said as he ran his fingers through his hair again, and then supported his forehead in his hands. “I never told him he was beautiful...”

With that, Severus looked up at Dumbledore, who at that moment looked older than he ever had. Snape felt like he was nineteen again, confessing another horrible sin. He sat there, waiting for Dumbledore to say something, though he wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear. He knew whatever Dumbledore had to say, it wasn’t going to make him feel any more whole. But the silence hurt him like knives and he wanted someone to say something.

Fortunately for Severus, the silence was qui bro broken. Behind him, Severus heard footsteps. He glanced at Albus who looked dumfounded. Severus quickly turned around and saw none other than Harry Potter standing in the doorway with the body of Voldemort across his arms. Harry walked up to Dumbledore and lay the body at his feet. He then moved to the front of Dumbledore’s desk, and wiped blood from his face. He crossed his arms, and looked lazily at Dumbledore.

“Harry, we thought you were... I mean... How did this happen?” Dumbledore asked, with both confusion and joy in his voice. Harry just blinked a few times, and rubbed his eyes.

“I did what I had to, Albus,” Harry said, addressing the Head Master by his first name. “I would rather not talk about it right now. I am very tired and I would like some sleep, but first I have to go and have a talk with the strystry and sort out the fact that they have my godfather in bonds. In the mean time, I would appreciate if you took care of that,” he said, pointing to Voldemort’s corpse. “I don’t care what you do with him. Burn him, bury him, blow him up, light him on fire, string him up from the flagpole or staple him to the wall of the Leaky Cauldron for all I care. Just get rid of him. All I ask is that no autopsy is done... for personal reasons. Just get him out of here. I have to go. you you do what I ask?” Harry questioned, meeting his eyes with Dumbledore’s. Dumbledore nodded, and motioned to the door to let Harry know that he was free to leave.

Harry didn’t get very far, however, before Severus grabbed his hand and called to him. Harry turned, and made direct eye contact with the Potion’s Master.

“I...” Severus started, as his voice caught in his throat. “I thought you were dead,” he said, pinning Harry with a look Harry had never seen before. Harry looked right back at him, and gave him a enigmatic smile.

“So did I,” Harry whispered, and wiped a tear that had just fallen down Severus’s cheek away. He gave Severus’s hand a little squeeze and walked down the hall. He had Ministry business to attend to.


***Authors note***
Okay, so I didn't kill Harry. I will get around to letting you all know what happened, but one miracle is enough for today. I know, we've got the whole emotional Severus thing happg, bg, but it's not going to last long. I am really into this whole review thing, because you all hung in there with me and didn't flame me for my last chapter.....I was more relieved than I can express. Anyhow, I hope you're all into this installment....I'll try to get the next peice off and running pronto......thanks, I love you all......

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